UGH!! What is wrong with children today??

[shortbun]

Inside kickball, a window get's broken and it's someone's fault? Sounds like an accident to me. My son is 10 and he's powerful; if you want a window broken, take him and his friends inside to play kickball. Also, what does this have to do with his homework? Sounds like you don't like this child. Good thing summer is coming. Also, and just an aside, I think your sentence should read " he admitted he had GONE out yesterday and played as well" instead of WENT. If you take the word HAD out of the sentence, WENT works. Sounds like this child needs some physical activity every day. He obviously loves kickball; why don't you and the school work on making a more friendly kickball environment instead of blaming the child? Maybe he could help work on the solution, it would empower him and teach him problem solving skills. That way, everyone wins!!!!

 

[Bbgrizzle]

I'm sorry you are having problems with this little boy, he sounds troubled. Don't let it get you down!

I am a teacher too, and one thing that helps me is to go back to my "Teaching With Love and Logic" book, which we've all read in college. It sounds like some of those techniques might help with this child. Your situation reminds me of a lot of the examples given in the book. Good luck with everything! And just remember what an important role you play in your students' lives. You might be the only one he is able to count on in his life.

 

[Divamomto3]

Ah yes, another 11 year boy that can't sit with his hands folded for 6 hours. I don't have much advice. You could have been describing my son at gym time. Fortunately, he religiously does his homework and gets excellent grades. He's unfortunately seen as disorganized and the "class clown" by his 5th grade teacher. You don't like him and I guarantee you he senses it and therefore feels like he will never do anything right and get on your good side.

 

[flaps]

UGH!! What is wrong with children today??

same as yesterday and tomorrow

 

[Caradana]

There are great quotes pertaining to "what's wrong with this generation of children." They're from philosophers in ancient Greece. I think that this generation will turn out juuuuuuust fine. I mean, heck, those pot-smoking flower children from the 1970s have brought us the Internet, financial derivatives, and supersonic flight. Who knows what the future can bring?

Anyway, the kid in your class sounds sad. There will be no band-aiding this problem. He is acting out to subconsciously get some attention and love. Have you tried giving him a little?

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

It really bothers me when my son gets 'punished' by taking away phyical activity. ADHD kids really need to get their energy out. He doesn't need to be sitting during recess.

Sounds like he has some impulsivity problems -- very common with ADHD children, not all of them are 'hyperactive'. With impulsivity you can't just tell a child what not to do. You need to give them an alternative. Why not make him jump rope, run laps or shoot baskets or do something that can help him obey and get out his frustration.

I agree with so much of what Rella Bella has said.

I was a teacher before I had my children, and during college more than one professor emphasized to us that when disciplining do not take away active time from the children. It is essential that they get this energy out on the playground.

It doesn't sound like the child purposefully hit the cars or the window, it sounds like he was in the designated playing areas. Also, to be banned from kicking a ball would be difficult for almost any child.

A different approach, a step back, and an objective overview of all his behaviours may be key to how to best help this child. I agree with those that said to go to the counselor if need be.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

Frankly, this boy doesn't sound a lot different to me than a lot of the boys in my DD's 5th grade class. And in all honesty, not too far from sounding like my own 9 y/o DS. My DS is very impulsive and I know it can be very challenging and frustrating for his teacher, not to mention my DH and myself!

I have to state that I pretty much agree with the other poster above regarding this being a public forum. The thought of my DS's teacher coming to the DIS, or any other public forum for that matter, to vent about my son, would not make me too happy. I know you are not using any identifying information, but it's still just the principle.

Finally, about the statements that parents just do not want to parent, well, yes, I'm sure this is true in a lot of cases, but not all. I would hate to think that b/c our DS is impulsive and gets disciplined in the classroom more often than we'd like, that people look at him and blame my DH & me for choosing not to parent. Believe me, we work extremely hard with Matthew regarding his behavior.

I realize that you need to vent. We all do. Hang in there. School's almost out!

 

[Aidensmom]

I know you probably do not want to hear this but I think he just need some good old TLC.

Is there a school counselor??

My school had a kid like this...also a 5th grader.... that had a horrible attitude and seemed to always be in trouble about something. The Principal and the counselor started showing him more attention and finding things to talk to him about that interest him. He has a sad home life and would act out for the attention. Now this kid has made a complete turn around and he smiles and jokes and you can tell he has made so much improvement.


Now I am not a teacher..I am the lunchroom manager...but I have seen this kid every school day for the last three years and he used to give me so much grief in the lunchroom we hated even looking at each other and now he gives me high fives!!!

I completely agree. The child is just looking for attention. And he needs some that is positive.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Hang in there. The school year is almost over! I would bet you have spent many hours trying to be patient and kind to this young man. Your tired, he's tired and thankfully it is the weekend. Have a little glass of wine or some chocolate and try to relax for the rest of the weekend. Just the fact that this is still upsetting to you on Friday night tells me you are a caring teacher.
I am sure you will go in Monday with a new sense of hope. It is hard to always have to be the one to give of yourself and not be appreciated for what you have tried to do. Everyone always thinks you should do just one more thing and my guess is your feeling taken advantage of and frustrated. We've all been there at one time or another. Give yourself the weekend and try to start fresh on Monday.

 

[paigevz]

Well, I agree that kids are pretty much the same as they've always been........it's the world that's changing around them.

As for this little boy, I totally empathize with your frustration. I've been feeling some myself...........today, I had a couple of children who just would NOT do their last assignments. Very last ones, I had to put the grades in today. I assigned them some math on Wednesday, reading we've been doing all week and a book report yesterday. That is ALL we've done this week! My most capable were done yesterday. My average ones were done within two hours of school start today. These others, all day and couldn't get anywhere. I griped and carried on and cajoled and threatened..............couldn't get anywhere.

I pulled out some little plastic medals on ribbon necklaces and said that I had 7 medals (7 children were working) and they would ONLY be given to those who finished their work the best they could do. All but one kid got right to it. That saying "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" really does ring true!

That one didn't work for the medal. Here's what we finally had to do. He knew what to do and how to do it, he was just getting lost between figuring the problem out and writing it down. By the time he regained focus, he didn't know what to write anymore and just wrote down anything. He was also REALLY wanting my attention. So, we did this. He'd tell me how to work a problem, and I'd show him how to write it down. He'd start to write it, stop and mess with his pencil point or straighten his shirt, or move the eraser over, or see what some other kid was doing, and I'd remind him of what to write. He'd write it down. Now he'd be pleased with himself, and would tell me the next problem. We really had to do that for the rest of his papers. We were constantly being interrupted by others, of course, and I'd put us back on track.

Totally frustrating, but at the end of the day, I had all my assignments and he was a happy kid. His mother always checks with me to see how he's done (this one has lots of days like this), and I was able to give her two thumbs up, so she was happy too.

All my days with him have not ended this way, but I wish they would. I feel bad those other days, and days like this I feel good. I am trying to make more "feel good" days.

So, anyway, through all of that, my advice is to try to turn days like those into "feel good" days if you can. Give the kid some responsibility near you. Have him see how many baskets he can shoot, or how many laps in 3 minutes or how many jumpropes in a minute. Let him tell you, praise him, and then challenge him to do more. Time will probably pass more quickly for both of you and you can have a "feel good" day.

Just edited to say, I have a feeling you like this kid a lot. Don't be afraid to tell him that. I often tell my kids when I'm frustrated, "you know you're one of my favorite kids, you just need to................" or "You know I love you but I can't let you get away with this stuff" or "If I didn't care about you I wouldn't care what you do, but I do and I do" (they love that one, "I do and I do" just strikes their funny bones).

 

[nwdisgal]

Um, even though you probably didn't mean anything, I kinda take offense to the "not being afraid of me" comment. Number one, as a teacher, I don't want kids to be afraid of me. We have a teacher at my school that the little ones are afraid of, and the older ones absolutely hate. Does that mean they listen to her? Hell no, they do the exact opposite. In a case like this, there's not a lot that can be done, punishment wise. Detention is about as far as you can go, and he's been that route many, many times. With all the new PE guidelines, we're not supposed to take PE time away from them, even though some teachers do.

Sound like this kid needs some constructive things to do and positive role models outside his home life. I would try to work with the counselor and develop some tasks for him (that give him a sense of reward) and a school based mentor to work with him. Sorry, but this is a case were the school is going to have to step in and be the social worker, as well.

 

[Nancy]

Okay I have one minor gripe. You say that you call his mom at 11:30 and get her out of bed. If you called me at that time you would get me out of bed as well because I work nights. Please make sure you have all the facts before you judge her for poor parenting based on the time she sleeps. Gripe over, carry on with the regularly scheduled vent.

That would have been me to when my kids were younger. I worked from 10pm until 6:30 am. Once the kids were all off to school (9am) I went to bed. If you called my house at 11:30 I'd be in bed.

 

[DizGeek]

Imagine for a second that the parent of this child reads this thread....she is finding out she is a bad mother and her kid has ADD.

 

[Rella Bella]

Imagine for a second that the parent of this child reads this thread....she is finding out she is a bad mother and her kid has ADD.

Well, finding out your child has ADD isn't a bad thing, it's either true or not, not bad or good. Sometimes it's the best thing that can happen to your child.

 

[Planogirl]

How will the Mom have a clue that her child is even being discussed here? I believe in privacy but without names or locations I don't see how anyone's privacy is being invaded.

As for the situation, I would talk to the Mom and quit worrying about why she was sleeping at 11:30. Maybe she works at night or maybe she's a night owl but this doesn't have any effect on this child since he's at school.

 

[DizGeek]

Well, finding out your child has ADD isn't a bad thing, it's either true or not, not bad or good. Sometimes it's the best thing that can happen to your child.

Yes...it would be a good thing. Maybe we should all post 1 second of our childrens lives to find out from total strangers exactley what his problem is?

 

[DizGeek]

How will the Mom have a clue that her child is even being discussed here? I believe in privacy but without names or locations I don't see how anyone's privacy is being invaded.
.

First of all....I said "imagine"...secondly, how many 5th grade children are in trouble for cracking a window in the gym with a kickball? Many? Okay, well how many of these children kicked the ball into their teachers-mothers car afterwards?

 

[Planogirl]

First of all....I said "imagine"...secondly, how many 5th grade children are in trouble for cracking a window in the gym with a kickball? Many? Okay, well how many of these children kicked the ball into their teachers-mothers car afterwards?

Hmmmm... Good points.

 

[Marseeya]

That would have been me to when my kids were younger. I worked from 10pm until 6:30 am. Once the kids were all off to school (9am) I went to bed. If you called my house at 11:30 I'd be in bed.

I don't work, but I'm not ashamed to take the kids to school and then go back to bed for a few hours in the morning.

I deserve it!

And I hate, HATE seeing teachers blame the parents for kids' bad behavior. First of all, what do you expect the mother to do while her child is under YOUR care? Secondly, sometimes we parents can do all the "right" things, and do them consistently, but still have a child who turns out this way.

I wish my son's problems were as simple as accidentally kicking a ball and breaking a window.

 

[Quinn222]

But does he correct it? No! I've called his mother and called his mother, but there's no help there. Usually when I call her it's around 11:30 and I get her out of bed. I know if there's no support at home that there's not always a lot of hope.

There's the answer to your question.

You don't say that this kid has been diagnosed with any problems and if the parents are not backing you up on behaviour problems then why should the kid make any effort to change? If the parents were trying then that's a whole different ball game. But you say there is no support at home.