UGH!! What is wrong with children today??

[kristen821]

There's the answer to your question.

You don't say that this kid has been diagnosed with any problems and if the parents are not backing you up on behaviour problems then why should the kid make any effort to change? If the parents were trying then that's a whole different ball game. But you say there is no support at home.

Also, as a parent if this wasn't done on purpose by the child. I really don't think I would be backing up the teacher on this either. I would feel my child is being picked on. He apologized what else can he do? If he is getting calls home about a lot of petty things eventually the mother isn't going to take anything serious and when something really bad happens she is still going to feel that her son has been picked on all year and whatever he did is being blown out of poportion.
As a child I was grounded semesters for not doing my homework. My parents did everything they could have done. From 4th grade until 12th grade I did the minimal amount of homework. So just because the child doesn't do homework it does not necessarily mean the mother isn't involved. I really hope my kids don't take after dh or me in regards to school!

 

[Mskanga]

That is why I LOVE the online system my daughter's school uses to see her progress , everyday I can log on and see what went on that day , her grades, absences , projects due , etc etc in every single subject.
No excuses for her and not turning anything in. She has also learned the lesson this year that there's two sides to every story and mom talks to the teachers to find out their side , which conveniently is something she " did not hear " or " did not know ".
If my daughter was failing or skipping classes in school , you would see me going to school with her and sitting next to her .....yes I can be a PITA. If she is going to do this , at least I won't make it easy for her.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

That is why I LOVE the online system my daughter's school uses to see her progress , everyday I can log on and see what went on that day , her grades, absences , projects due , etc etc in every single subject.
No excuses for her and not turning anything in. She has also learned the lesson this year that there's two sides to every story and mom talks to the teachers to find out their side , which conveniently is something she " did not hear " or " did not know ".
If my daughter was failing or skipping classes in school , you would see me going to school with her and sitting next to her .....yes I can be a PITA. If she is going to do this , at least I won't make it easy for her.

This is an awesome idea! Oh how I wish my kids' school had something like this!!!

 

[Bbgrizzle]

And I hate, HATE seeing teachers blame the parents for kids' bad behavior. First of all, what do you expect the mother to do while her child is under YOUR care? Secondly, sometimes we parents can do all the "right" things, and do them consistently, but still have a child who turns out this way.

Attitudes like this make me CRINGE. The teacher is not ultimately responsible for the child's behavior--the parents are. And the OP is right, there are a LOT of parents who will not get involved because it's easier not to worry about it, or because they just don't care. Sure, the mother cannot be at school with the child at all times, but good behavior must be reinforced at home. She needs to be responsible for his actions, particularly when he is causing damage.

And from a parent standpoint, what would you do if your child repeatedly kicked the kickball over to the cars, which in turn caused damage? I would do just what this teacher did, I would tell my child no more kickballing!! (Not forever, just for a specific amount of time, maybe a week, until he was ready to use the kickball in the appropriate way). This is not an outrageous punishment! She's not telling him he can't do any physical activity outside, there plenty more activities to choose from.

I teach Kindergarten, and I have some boys who think it is funny to kick the balls over the wall (on purpose), or try to get them stuck in the trees. When they do, I tell them, "How sad that you chose to kick the ball over the wall. Now the other children can't play with it. I guess you'll have to choose a different activity for the next two days. On Friday maybe we can try playing with the balls again."

And, as a parent, if my child was not doing what he should in school, I would take a couple days off work and attend school with my child. (This would not happen until I had warned him that this is what I would do if he kept up the inappropriate behavior). I would sit next to him at his desk and make sure he did what he was supposed to do, and and that he behaved when on the playground. When I was student teaching in 4th grade class, the teacher had some parents do this. After seeing how effective it is, I, as a parent, would definitely do it if nothing else was working with my child. I want the best for my child, and I would do whatever it took.

 

[teacherforhi]

I've read the original post twice now and have one question...who was supervising the half of the class that was outside? Shouldn't there have been another adult that would have kept him from playing kickball?

I'm not saying this excuses him from disobeying the teacher, but if you know that the child has behavior issues, you're just setting him up for trouble.

 

[Marseeya]

Attitudes like this make me CRINGE. The teacher is not ultimately responsible for the child's behavior--the parents are. And the OP is right, there are a LOT of parents who will not get involved because it's easier not to worry about it, or because they just don't care. Sure, the mother cannot be at school with the child at all times, but good behavior must be reinforced at home. She needs to be responsible for his actions, particularly when he is causing damage.

Classroom management is NOT the parent's ultimate responsibility.

I don't see anything in the OP's post that suggest the child did any of these actions on purpose. She wasn't even outside with him to see the damage he caused, so how could she possibly know it was done on purpose?

I back up the school when it's warranted (and believe me, it's been warranted far more often than not), but from the sounds of this situation, I have to agree with the other poster who said that it sounds as if this particular child is being picked on for not being perfectly behaved.

Those are the kids I enjoy and hope to reach out to when I'm teaching.

 

[Stitchfans]

What I have noticed in DDs school is quite often the parents are "too busy" to care or do anything, or they are "too cool" they are the kids best friend, and never discipline them. It is great to have fun and tease with your child but there is a time when you have to be a parent and lay down the law.

Too often lately people leave the parenting to others. Not right and not good, I agree. No doubt this boy will have a real rough time in middle school and no doubt will become a high school drop out. What a shame.

 

[Mskanga]

Classroom management is NOT the parent's ultimate responsibility.

But child's behavior in the class is.
Parents have the authority to stop this kind of behavior , not only in the classroom but everywhere else , where the teachers and administration authority is limited.
But parents must be willing to do that , if they do not cooperate then there's not much the school can do.

 

[Marseeya]

But child's behavior in the class is.
Parents have the authority to stop this kind of behavior , not only in the classroom but everywhere else , where the teachers and administration authority is limited.
But parents must be willing to do that , if they do not cooperate then there's not much the school can do.

Exactly what do you recommend a parent do?

Although be aware, if teachers want to give parenting advice, perhaps they should be open to receiving classroom advice as well.

 

[rie'smom]

LONG vent ahead...

Some of you may know that I'm a teacher. There is a child in the 5th grade who never does what he's supposed to do...homework, following the directions, etc. Anyway, Tuesday he cracked my window in the gym with a kickball. He'd gotten in trouble before while playing kickball (different offenses) so I'd had it. I told him no more kickball for him the rest of the year. Not at recess, not at gym. I told him he could play in the outfield but he was NOT allowed to kick. So today I have half of the kids in the gym for recess and the other half are outside. One of the 5th grade girls comes in to tell me that he kicked the ball and hit my mom's car (she teaches there too). So I go out to get him and ask him WHY he's playing kickball when he was told not to. He just looks at me!! So I made him go in and sit down. I told him he continally defied my authority. He admitted that he had went out yesterday and played as well. He says he knows what he's done wrong. But does he correct it? No! I've called his mother and called his mother, but there's no help there. Usually when I call her it's around 11:30 and I get her out of bed. I know if there's no support at home that there's not always a lot of hope.

What does a person do? He acts all remorseful for what he's done and then he goes and does it again. He's gonna be one of those kids who's gonna have a hard time in middle school next year. Parents, teachers?? Any help??

Boy that feels better, getting that off my chest!

Why are the kids divided into groups @ recess?
"He admitted that he had went out yesterday and played as well." Excuse me,but please tell me that you do not teach English. You ask what's wrong with kids today. There's nothing new-kids are kids.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I totally agree with Rella Bella in her original post!!!!
I wish there was a big 'applause' smiley!!!!

I also agree with those who added to that post. And I agree with Marseeya as well.

I have to ask: If windows and cars are being damaged, then this is NOT an appropriate location for kids at this age to be playing kickball to begin with!

If this child purposefully threw a brick though window, or out onto the parking lot, then the teacher might actually have a complaint.

I have to say that, IMHO, given the teachers comments, and the reaction of the Principal, that this sounds like a teacher with burned out negative attitude, and a lack of positive leadership and organizational skills (why are these kids allowed to play kickball, unsupervised, in this inappropriate setting where things could be damaged???? This is not the childrens fault!!!!!)

I am not sitting here wondering "What is wrong with kid's today". I am sitting here thinking of EVERYTHING that seems to be wrong with this whole given situation as a whole, and everything that is wrong with the teachers negative and unproductive attitude.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think it is sad to hear a teacher talk about a child who may have no home support in such a negative way, without any compassion. At least that is how it is coming off to me. I mean, if I were his teacher and knew his home life may be lacking, I think I would try to reach out or at least cut him a little bit of slack.

(btw, there is no evidence that he has a poor home life, I am going with the fact that the teacher thinks so...so why her attitude?)

 

[Wishing on a star]

On a related topic.

I SOOOOO agree with how teachers should NEVER take the physical activity, or breaktime, away from students as a disciplinary measure. This is SO counterproductive, and just plain wrong. Kids NEED the physical outlet. Kids NEED that break to get through the day.

At my DS school, they are so damned proud of their policy of having kids not only miss recess, but to actually complete schoolwork during recess. Sitting out recess is one thing, but WORKING through recess.

So, hhhmmmm, you take a student who is already struggling to get thru the day, and then you do this to them????

As some of you may know, my son is somewhat special needs. You had better bet that I have very proudly "played my IEP card". I told the Principal that under NO circumstances with this ever happen to my child.

 

[winniedapooh]

Okay I have one minor gripe. You say that you call his mom at 11:30 and get her out of bed. If you called me at that time you would get me out of bed as well because I work nights. Please make sure you have all the facts before you judge her for poor parenting based on the time she sleeps. Gripe over, carry on with the regularly scheduled vent.

Thank-you for saying that, I agree!!!!!

 

[winniedapooh]

I think it is sad to hear a teacher talk about a child who may have no home support in such a negative way, without any compassion. At least that is how it is coming off to me. I mean, if I were his teacher and knew his home life may be lacking, I think I would try to reach out or at least cut him a little bit of slack.

(btw, there is no evidence that he has a poor home life, I am going with the fact that the teacher thinks so...so why her attitude?)

Again thank-you for saying this, I agree with you. I must be in a really bad mood today because some of the replies frustrated me!

 

[punkin]

Why are the kids divided into groups @ recess?
"He admitted that he had went out yesterday and played as well." Excuse me,but please tell me that you do not teach English. You ask what's wrong with kids today. There's nothing new-kids are kids.

I agree 100%.
Let me repeat that loudly:

THERE'S NOTHING NEW - KIDS ARE KIDS

 

[auntpolly]

THERE'S NOTHING NEW - KIDS ARE KIDS

I think that 99% of teachers would disagree with you. Kids are meaner, they swear more, and they are more disrespectful than ever before. Ask any teacher who's been in the game for at least 20 years and they'll say the same thing.

It's sad that any parent would defend this behaviour.

I agree that if the kid has a bad homelife, the teacher should show some kindness, but not really slack. What he needs is some structure and someone to try to teach him some discipline. The only thing that bothers me in the OP is the anger in the teacher's voice, but she has every reason to be frustrated..

I'm going out on a long limb here, but any parent that isn't willing to take responsibility for his child's behaviour at school isn't much of a parent.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry, I know I will get flamed. But, just had to sit and dissect this post, point by point.

There is a child in the 5th grade who never does what he's supposed to do...homework, following the directions, etc.

I read 'control issues' here....'

Anyway, Tuesday he cracked my window in the gym with a kickball.

Ummmm, 'MY' window!!! yeah, you own the school huh.

He'd gotten in trouble before while playing kickball (different offenses) so I'd had it.

Multiple offenses, so, why is he still playing kickball??

I told him no more kickball for him the rest of the year. Not at recess, not at gym.

So, the other kids often play kickball (in these inappropriate settings) and this child is now banned or ostracised.

So today I have half of the kids in the gym for recess and the other half are outside.

So, you are not the one outside supervising. Who is? Have they also instructed the child not to 'kick' the ball'. Hhhhhmmmm.

One of the 5th grade girls comes in to tell me that he kicked the ball and hit my mom's car (she teaches there too). So I go out to get him and ask him WHY he's playing kickball when he was told not to. He just looks at me!!

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer....

So I made him go in and sit down. I told him he continally defied my authority.

Gotta just love those words 'my authority'.

I told him no more kickball for him the rest of the year. Not at recess, not at gym. I told him he could play in the outfield but he was NOT allowed to kick.

Hmmmm, so let all the kids play kickball, he can be in the outfield, but he can not kick the ball. Yeah, that is realistic!

He admitted that he had went out yesterday and played as well. He says he knows what he's done wrong. But does he correct it? No! I know if there's no support at home that there's not always a lot of hope.

Yep, write him off at 10 years old.
What have you done positively and proactively to help?

So, the teacher can set up this whole situation with negative and unproductive actions/reactions, and the parent is now responsibe???

 

[disneyjunkie]

I think that 99% of teachers would disagree with you. Kids are meaner, they swear more, and they are more disrespectful than ever before. Ask any teacher who's been in the game for at least 20 years and they'll say the same thing.

It's sad that any parent would defend this behaviour.

I agree that if the kid has a bad homelife, the teacher should show some kindness, but not really slack. What he needs is some structure and someone to try to teach him some discipline. The only thing that bothers me in the OP is the anger in the teacher's voice, but she has every reason to be frustrated..

I'm going out on a long limb here, but any parent that isn't willing to take responsibility for his child's behaviour at school isn't much of a parent.

ITA

It's easy to point the finger at the teachers and point out all the things they may be doing wrong. What about the things the parents and child may be doing wrong?

 

[auntpolly]

Sorry, I know I will get flamed. But, just had to sit and dissect this post, point by point.

I read 'control issues' here....'


Ummmm, 'MY' window!!! yeah, you own the school huh.

Multiple offenses, so, why is he still playing kickball??

So, the other kids often play kickball (in these inappropriate settings) and this child is now banned or ostracised.

So, you are not the one outside supervising. Who is? Have they also instructed the child not to 'kick' the ball'. Hhhhhmmmm.

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer....

Gotta just love those words 'my authority'.

Hmmmm, so let all the kids play kickball, he can be in the outfield, but he can not kick the ball. Yeah, that is realistic!

Yep, write him off at 10 years old.
What have you done positively and proactively to help?

So, the teacher can set up this whole situation with negative and unproductive actions/reactions, and the parent is now responsibe???

Seriously, you represent the bulk of parents today -- one big loud "My kid did something wrong but it certainly isn't my fault and it isn't his fault so it must be the teachers fault. "

He's misbehaving. Period. But to you, and alot of parents, that's the least of the problem. Kids who have parents with attitudes like this only get much worse. "Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer??" When the parents are saying stuff like this, whqat hope do teachers (or any of us in society) have?