Sorry, minkydog, it doesn't qualify. You're still a good (really, really good) parent.
In case some of you don't realize, Minkydog's DS Christian is severely mentally handicapped. He is 15 years old with the mentality of an 18 month old. I think that Minkydog may be labeling Christian as her "favorite" only because he needs her and will always need her like neither of her other children do or ever will. Christian just simply does not have the capacity for dislike and hate. Like she said, Christian will never, ever tell her he hates her and wants her to die (like I believe her DS23 did at one point). It's pretty easy to understand how Christian might rank a bit higher in her mind.
I believe, like a PP said, that she loves all her kids the same and equally. But she may not like them all the same. Honestly, how high would someone rank in your book if they told you they hated you and wanted you to die?
Thank you for the vote of confidence, and thank you all for understanding. You are right, DS23 spent about 5 years of his adolescence telling me on a daily basis that he hated me and hoped I would wake up dead. There were long periods when I was actually afraid of him. THankfully, he never crossed that line, but it made it's mark on me.
I will sit on the same side as you.
OP, your DH is very ill and has few father's days left. Why would you exclude this son? What is this is the last father's day?
You and your DH kicked him out of your home less than a year ago. You complain all the time that he does not talk to you etc. This was a great olive branch and you did not offer it. Not to forget but you let a non-related man of the same age stay in your basement, did kick him out later, when you kicked out your son. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL!!!!????
But we didn't kick him out. HE decided that he didn't want to clean his room, get a job, go to college, buy groceries or in any way contribute to the upkeep of the household. HE believed that we owed him that because, as he said, "I AM YOUR CHILD."
I have admitted to you and to him that I messed up. It was unintentional. THis was not a Father's Day dinner--that was planned for later in the day, which he was invited to. But you are right, I should have invited him. I should have.
As for Eric, the young man you allude to, he left a long time ago. He lived with us because he needed a place to stay ANNNNNNDDD was contributing rent, groceries, yard work, cooking, and errand-running to the household. Oh, and he was in college. Yes, I'm sure it did hurt John's feelings but JOhn could have had the same privelege IF he had been willing to live with the rules. He couldn't do that and CHOSE to separate from the family.
The OP admits she made a mistake, and even apologized to her son. I think the issue is that he won't let it drop. How many apologies should she make. It was an honest mistake. They weren't going out to celebrate Father's day, that was later (and the son was invited to that). So she didn't think to include him. Of course you are right, she should really push to keep the son involved, especially considering her husband's condidition.
I am very sorry that I didn't call John. Very sorry.
Way too harsh. It was NOT the father's day celebration he was excluded from! He's still p.o.'d about his place in the family, much of it he created himself. This is not about the missed meal people. Another poster is correct about a chip on his shoulder that's been there a long time. He will use his toddler tactics to punish his mother as long as she allows him to. Stand firm mom and stop allowing him to dictate how you feel. Why is the mother being targeted here? Why not the father??? Why isn't anyone criticizing HIM for not calling the son?
John has been an attention sponge since he was born. There has never been enough time, possessions, accolades, whatever--he always needs more. I have given whole years of my life to give him the tools to make a better life, he has rejected them all. He struggled in school--I homeschooled him for 9 years just so he would have a chance at graduating. I hired tutors. He had music lessons, which he thrived in. He had religious education and cultural education. I read to him(and the family) aloud for years. He was not coddled, but we were always even-handed with him. We never screamed, cursed, or used ridicule or sarcasm with any of the children(nor the adults.) And it was never enough. He has always needed to see tangibly that we love him the best. And that means spending money on him--that's his love language. Stuff. The more stuff the better. You are right. THe thing he was most upset about was that we didn't buy him a meal. Instead I popped a pizza in the oven and he ate that, not sharing even with his sister. It was alllll his. I don't think he will ever be different. John does not ever call me to talk. He calls his sister. He calls his dad when he wants to eat out or to ask for money(I do NOT give him money!) John has not recognized our birthdays, Christmas or Mother's/Father's Days in the last 7 years.
This is the important part here. If the father was not ill, like in just a few years at most (she did post that he got worse a few weeks back) then it would have not been as bad a mistake.
You are right. And I usually go out of my way to make sure he's included. I call him at least once or twice a week to join us for dinner. Sometimes I get my daughter to call, because he won't usually answer when i call him. Do I sound like I feel guilty enough? I am. I do feel guilty, for not being the mother that my kids deserve. I have never been good enough. I will never be good enough. Right now I feel like the most hated woman in the world, not because people who don't know me disapprove of me. BUt because my own children are disappointed in me. All ever wanted was to be a mother. I truly do not regret the sacrifices I have made for them. It goes with parenthood. I have never resented my kids, even though this particular one has made my life a living hell at times. I love him. I'm proud of him. I messed up and I can't take it back. I'm not going to keep apologizing to him because I have already apologized. Another apology will not undo what was unintentionally done.
And I'm sure I will continue to hear about this incident (from him)for years to come
serves him right! 
Ya'll made me laugh. Truth is, I think I'm getting depressed again. I've done real well for about 9 months (I was hospitalized twice last year for depression.) I'm sure it has to do with all the recent trauma in my life (car wreck, DH sick, Christian, etc.) I'm going to give it another day or so. If I'm not feeling better by Thursday I'm going to call for an emergency appt. I can't afford to let this get ahold of me again.
