Ugh!! I hate being a parent! Need opinions!

[cheeringmom]

I agree with most posters. I want to trust my dd too but don't want to put any temptations in either of their ways. A big NO from me. Do not let the bf come over during the day when you are not at home.

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by Toby'sFriend
I think I'd concentrate my efforts on decreasing the amount of time she spends in the house alone during the day.

Does she drive yet? Have her get a small part-time job or sign her up for a couple of classes. Bored teenagers = asking for trouble.

I completely agree with this. 16 is old enough to get a PT job.

It sounds like you trust your Daughter, however too much free time is not good for any teenager.

I remember being 16 and now that i'm a parent, it would be very tough to have the BC talk...but I guess that's part of being a parent. Very scary!

 

[vettechick99]

Well you've let her have him over a few times, so its not fair to your BF who's trying his best to do whats right. I mean, he WAS a teenager at one point, and we all know what they were up to at that age. plus its confusing her by saying no one day and yes the next. this you know....

so anyway, my point is, if they are having sex or want to, they will find a way. cars, friend's houses, wherever. but at least you won't make it easy for them.

and in case she's not already on BC, you may need to start a discussion....

 

[luvdzny]

My DD is 15 and has a steady boyfriend. DH & I would allow them to be alone at our house but her boyfriends parents will not. We respect their rules so they always have to be supervised when they are here. I trust DD and her BF, I do not think they would do anything they should not. I agree with the others that posted "where there's a will there's a way." Some of DD's friends are not allowed to have BF's but they do, they just lie and sneak around to see them. I also have a 20 year old DS and and "adopted" 18 year old DS. They both agree on the "no sex" rule and have had steady girlfriends. I think that it is possible to have a teenage relationship without having sex. If you trust your DD & her BF it should not be a problem. I would make sure that his parents are aware that no one is home though.

 

[disykat]

I just don't get the "they're going to do it anyway" argument. As a parent there are lots of things my kids do when I'm not there that I don't allow when they're on my turf. Right now with my nine year old it's saying bad words. I can't even imagine thinking that since he might say them when I'm not around that I'll stop trying to monitor altogether - might as well abdicate the role of parent!

 

[HappyMommy2]

Originally posted by tjmw2727
ok - my first instinct was no - and I posted as such and then I continued to read. After thinking about the "yes" responses I still think if it were me the answer would still be no.

I do agree that if these two kids want to have sex they will figure out a way but it will take some thought and planning. This gives either party a chance to think and act or re-consider rather than just acting on an impulse. Thinking back to my teen and 20's the worst decisions I made were based on impulse or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The stakes are higher today and personally I would not take any chances.

TJ

My thoughts exactly!

 

[noel]

It's gonna be hard, because I know how your daughter feels, but stick to your rules.

When I was 14 I had a "steady" boyfriend.
However, he was not allowed in the house if no one else was home and once he got his license, was not allowed to go in the car alone with him and only wavered once on the car rule - when we went to homecoming, but even then I had to be home by 1am.
When they found out that his Mother didn't have rules about being alone in the house, they tighted up the rules even MORE!
I hated my parents then for it and never could see why they didn't trust me or him. But even though I'm not a parent, now that I'm older, I'm glad they had those rules.

(The guy was and probably still is LOL, an ****** and ended up dumping me because I wouldn't "do it" with him and proceeded to go out find someone would.
Did my parents' strict rules help prevent me from making some bad choices? Possibly....

Now that I'm sitting here thinking about it, I feel old....it was 18 years ago that I dated him. HOLY COW!!!

 

[Beth76]

I don't think it's for any of us to say if it's right for your daughter to have her boyfriend over alone. YOU already set the rule that it's not allowed and it should therefore be followed. There's no point of having a rule like that, if you're going to let her break it sometimes.

 

[Bethshaya]

BF is right. You are not limiting her trust, you are keeping her safe.

Who knows if her bf might date rape her? Who knows if he brings a friend with him, and he brings a friend, etc. Can she handle that?


Discuss these things with your BF before you give her permission. If he disagrees, then respect HIS wishes and dont undermine him. She needs to build trust in his authority as a caregiver. By over-ridding him, you are telling her not to listen to him no matter what he says or feels, its what I say that only matters. Then she will throw it in his face when he tells her to do something she doesnt like.