Ugh!! I hate being a parent! Need opinions!

[got2lovedisney]

My DD is 16 and so is her boyfriend. Since both myself and my BF work, she's home alone for the summer. She occassionally asks if he can come over during the day. Our rule had been, he can't can't over when we aren't home. During the Summer I've been a little lenient and I've said Yes a few times. BF (who has raised DD since she was 2) now feels like I'm dismissing him as a parent because he's been clear about the No-One-Comes-Over-When-We're-Not-Here rule and I sometimes give in. I see his side of the argument completely...raging hormones, etc. On the other hand...I want to trust my daughter and not make her miserable all the time. (You should've heard her crying today!) This is a completely new situation for me cuz when I was her age, my mom was home with us. Also, previously, I've taken DD to my mom's during the summer but that's not an option this year. And, this is her first real boyfriend.

How have you handled this? Is it OK for them to be home alone?

 

[amid chaos]

Is it OK for them to be home alone?

No...Your BF is right.

 

[Pam]

No - it's really not. The hormones are really raging at this point. And they are so young - and it only takes a couple of minutes to change their lives forever......

They should be content with seeing each other when an adult is home.

 

[OhMari]

You need to completely communicate with your daughter. It might be very embarassing for you to talk about birth control, but you mentioned your daughter crying today, is that one step up from whining.

Please talk to her, before it is to late. Talk to her as you if you are talking to your best friend. Be open. Otherwise you might be a grand parent by 2005. Don't be in denial.

 

[mom2boys]

Are you ready to become a grandmother?

Don't mean to be harsh - it's just a fact of life. (No pun intended.)

 

[wendyl]

Don't think of it as not trusting your daughter--think of it as not putting unfair temptations in her path ( like a boyfriend over with no sign of parents). Not letting her boyfriend over when you aren't there is preventing all kinds of potential problems!!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Your BF is right.

And if she tries to come back at you with well you and your BF live together (I presume BF means boyfriend) point out to her that you are adults and adults can do what they want; teens have to do what their mother says.

 

[goofy4tink]

Nope, no male visitors while alone in the house. Good rule. Stick to your guns.

 

[mickeyboat]

My parents had the same rule. It was a good thing, too. We broke the rule at times. Shh, don't tell. We also had the no sitting next to one another in a reclining position rule - yeah, right.

Your problem is a sticky one. Maybe you could sit down with your DD and BF to discuss it. Examine her maturity level. Is she prepared for physical relations? Do they have concrete plans as to what they will be doing while they are there? Will there be anyone else there like a brother or sister.

Unless she can give you some reassuring answers, I would say you should hold steadfast with your rule. On the other hand if they want to do what you are trying to prevent them from doing, they are going to find a place to do it. If you choose to extend that trust to her, do it on a trial basis. And make sure she calls you when he is over there.

Good luck to you. I have two small DD's and I am no looking forward to having to deal with these issues in the future.

Denae

 

[SC Minnie]

I agree with everyone else. Your BF is right. You want to trust your daughter but sometimes the hormones get in the way of logic. A few minutes could change all of you lives forever.

If you decide to let him come over while you are away have a serious talk about birth control. Abstinence is always best but we were all teens once, right.

 

[Cruisin]

I know that my opinion will not be the popular one but here goes anyway.

I firmly believe that where there is a will, there will always be a way! Whether they are left home alone during the day or supervised while they are in the house at all times, it probably will not make much difference. You can not watch them 100 % of the day. They will not always be where you can see them.

Please do make sure that your daughter knows the facts of birth control and how one moment of pleasure can change your life for ever.

 

[battricia]

I think it should be OK for them to be home together. Both my parents worked out of the state when I was 16, and honestly it would have been a very boring life if i wasn't alowed to have anyone over. My parents didn't mind me having people over, because they trusted me, and as you have stated you trust your daughter. Maybe you, your daughter, and your boyfriend could all sit down and talk to eachother about this. I think 16 is a little old to not be able to have ANYONE come over, and as for her boyfriend, if there's *something* they're wanting to do while there's no adults home, they'll find a way to do it anyway.

They're most likely sitting around watching TV/playing video games/listening to music through out the day anyway.

tricia.

 

[tink29]

Is it ok for them to be home alone??

No way!!


edited to add

Remember, we are here to be our children's PARENTS......being friends comes along when they are all grown up.

 

[tjmw2727]

I am sorry to say but I also agree with your BF. Think of it as that extra step, in addition to talking and spending time with her to help her make good choices.

Kind of like putting plug protectors on outlets to protect a toddler, yes I still taught them not to touch them but just in case impuse got the better of them they would not be hurt.

I know weird analogy!

Perhaps you can come up with alternatives where they can meet or get together, places with an adult present. Maybe even have her try and come up with some compromises so it won't be all on you?

Good luck -
TJ

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I think your BF is right here. I wasn't even allowed to date at that age!

 

[Fishbone†]

point out to her that you are adults and adults can do what they want; teens have to do what their mother says.

If you want them to do the right thing, mentor the right thing.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by Cruisin'Kroezes
I firmly believe that where there is a will, there will always be a way! Whether they are left home alone during the day or supervised while they are in the house at all times, it probably will not make much difference. You can not watch them 100 % of the day. They will not always be where you can see them.

Please do make sure that your daughter knows the facts of birth control and how one moment of pleasure can change your life for ever.

sorry - I do have to agree with this!

trust me...my BF and I found ways when I was 17...please just educate your daughter and prepare her...preparing her with the proper tools (ie - BC pills/condoms) doesn't give her a green light - just a look at what responsibility is and how powerful it is.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If she is 16 and has a "steady" BF not only would I enforce the not when an adult is home rule (sorry, agree with your BF) but I put her on birth control as well.

 

[CindysGusGus]

I agree where there is a will there is a way, however throwing obstacles in the path makes it harder for there to be a way. Giving them free reign of the house while no adult is home makes it too easy. JMHO

 

[Pin Wizard]

I'm one to say "no" regarding myself and ds...down the road. BUT...if they're going to do something, they can just as easily do it somewhere else during the day. I seem to remember my sister telling me a story about her and her high school boyfriend...when they told my mom they were going for a bike ride to the mountain. They did! And the bike ride wasn't all of it. Tough call.