Type A's or B's - would this bother you?

[gris gris]

Poll coming.....this happened in my family this weekend between 2 family members.

Lisa & Jessica were out at a bar with some friends. Lisa really wanted to leave and Jessica was trying to get everyone together but she wasn't moving fast enough. Lisa started to get verbally upset and Jessica told her to relax.

This really bothered Lisa - she felt like Jessica was treating her like a 6 year old. Jessica was totally taken aback by this, never in a million years would she have thought "relax" would have upset Lisa.

Afterwards Lisa told her it would have been better if she had said "take a deep breath".

So Jessica asked me if it would bother me to be told to relax when I was really upset. Yes it would!!! We finally polled our family and figured out that the classic Type A's (me, dad, Lisa) would be bothered by being told to relax. The Type B's (Jessica, mom) could have cared less, wouldn't bother them at all.

Would this bother you? Are you a Type A or B? We're laughing now trying to come up with the "perfect" word to tell a Type A when you want them to relax. Any ideas?

 

[FreshTressa]

Nope...wouldn't bother me. I'm a type B and not much bothers me except type A's that get bothered by every little thing. I feel like telling them to go to sleep and come back when the world is perfect and when everyone knows exactly the right thing to say all the time to make them happy. I spend too much time trying to please the type A's in my life and make everything right for them and to always watch what I say.

 

[BillSears]

I voted before I read the thread. I'm a type B and being told to relax wouldn't bother me at all. I guess for me your survey fitted perfectly.

 

[pearlieq]

"Relax" is a huge pet peeve of mine! It always comes across as so condecending too.

 

[Beth76]

What is the difference between "relax" and "take a deep breath"? Seriously, anyone who has that problem does indeed need to relax or take a deep breath or whatever it takes to get over it.

 

[gris gris]

Nope...wouldn't bother me. I'm a type B and not much bothers me except type A's that get bothered by every little thing. I feel like telling them to go to sleep and come back when the world is perfect and when everyone knows exactly the right thing to say all the time to make them happy. I spend too much time trying to please the type A's in my life and make everything right for them and to always watch what I say.

This is perfect - I'll fess up - Jessica is my sister (name changed to protect the innocent LOL!). You sound exactly like her!!!!

I think it's why my sister and I get along so well - she's a classic B and I'm a classic A. Same with DH, he's a B. If I had another A around me I wouldn't survive I know we're hard to please!

 

[gris gris]

What is the difference between "relax" and "take a deep breath"? Seriously, anyone who has that problem does indeed need to relax or take a deep breath or whatever it takes to get over it.

To me, "take a deep breath" seems a little more like you're understanding of the situation and maybe trying to comfort. Relax just sounds like you're telling me what to do.

Who knows really what the difference is, but to a Type A like me, it makes sense.

 

[Sparx]

relax?
no way. I'm guilty of telling people to calm down and breathe.

But my mom had this nasty habit for awhile of saying "get a grip" now she didn't mean it rudely, but that was the only way I could take it. I swear, hearing that would make me almost scream. I absolutly hate the phrase "get a grip". If someone says that to me, I'll get a grip on something, but not what they want me to.

 

[Free4Life11]

I am a type A and HATE being told to relax. In fact the other day at work I actually requested that I no longer be told to relax because I don't go to work to relax.

 

[Honu]

I would tell someone that is hurt or sick to relax, but never someone that is upset. That's rude.

 

[gris gris]

Here's another type A example - we were in Florida a couple years ago with DD who was 2 and she had an ear infection. I needed to get to the pharmacy and knew I'd be in a ton of traffic and I was getting all worked up about it and snapping at everyone around me who was trying to figure out how we were going to get the meds. I just wanted to get in the car and go! My sister told me to calm down. CALM DOWN? Now, she just doesn't say anything to me.

But, we're still searching for that perfect word that wouldn't bother a Type A.

 

[gris gris]

I am a type A and HATE being told to relax. In fact the other day at work I actually requested that I no longer be told to relax because I don't go to work to relax.

 

[horseshowmom]

Hmmm, the truth hurts a little bit!

When I first read the scenario, I thought that Lisa needed to "get a grip" (sorry, Sparx) and "calm down" as suggested. Furthermore, if that was all it took to set her off, she had a problem.

Then I started thinking about if it were really me in that situation, and the truth is that I had to vote Type A/Yes. Oh well...

 

[poohandwendy]

Here's another type A example - we were in Florida a couple years ago with DD who was 2 and she had an ear infection. I needed to get to the pharmacy and knew I'd be in a ton of traffic and I was getting all worked up about it and snapping at everyone around me who was trying to figure out how we were going to get the meds. I just wanted to get in the car and go! My sister told me to calm down. CALM DOWN? Now, she just doesn't say anything to me.

But, we're still searching for that perfect word that wouldn't bother a Type A.

Let me get this straight...you are snapping at everyone around you (or 'verbally upset') and you think they need to come up with a perfect way to talk to you?

 

[FreshTressa]

from my experiance it is the type A's that have to take care of the type B's! type B's are to busy relaxing to get the job done~!

Why does the job need to be done anyway! Who decided there was work to even do?

 

[mking624]

For me it's not an issue about being Type A or Type B, but rather the situation at hand where I'm being told to relax. It doesn't always bother me, but if I feel it's a situation where I genuinely feel the right to be upset, "relax" or any other form of the word WILL bother me. Case in point: I had a miscarriage last year and I was a mess at Christmas when because it was not only the first Christmas I wouldn't be spending with my family, but it was also difficult seeing all these babies and I lost mine. So a "friend" told me to relax. I don't care if he worded it in any other way...it made me feel as though he were telling me that I shouldn't be sad about what happened. I was grieving and the last thing I needed was for someone to tell me to stop grieving.

 

[MushyMushy]

I am so glad I'm in a family full of Bs!

Holy cow, I can't even begin to see what's so offensive about "relax," especially if "take a deep breath" is fine. Care to explain the difference?

 

[gris gris]

I am so glad I'm in a family full of Bs!

Holy cow, I can't even begin to see what's so offensive about "relax," especially if "take a deep breath" is fine. Care to explain the difference?

I posted before - as a Type A I think relax is telling me what to do, and take a deep breath is comforting. And I said before who really knows what the difference is but to me, it makes sense

 

[gris gris]

Let me get this straight...you are snapping at everyone around you (or 'verbally upset') and you think they need to come up with a perfect way to talk to you?

My sister is reading this thread and she's really happy to see post #15

My sister & I know each other enough that we know when to say something and when not to say something. "Lisa" in my first example was our cousin, and we recently figured out she is a type A, so it all makes sense to us now.

Anyhow the poll seems to agree with our sociology experiment - this would bother most of the Type A's but not the Type B's.

This is fun! Thanks for all of your honest answers. Maybe I can get my sister hooked on the DIS too! She actually teaches 1st grade (and tells her 6 year olds to relax quite a bit) and she'd have a lot to offer to all these teacher/parent threads. She's a smart girl and an excellent teacher!

 

[2sweetangels]

I am a type "A" oh my god do I get mad when my husband telss me to relaxe, I get all upset and start yelling "I can't just go and relax, my house is a disaster, my kids are running wild, the cats wants food" I just go completely into a meltdown, I am so bad that my husband wants me to go see a Phyciatrist.