Transgender child

[kuhltiffany]

Waving to you from BC! I have an 11 year old daughter who is in a similar sort of questioning period. She's been like this since age 3 though, we've always let her be who she is, but at this age it's become more obvious, though I'm not sure where it's going. She dresses like a boy (swim trunks, sports bra under a rash guard, so like your child) and people often can't tell if she's male or female. So far it doesn't bother her, but it does make it difficult in new situations, as kids or adults aren't sure.

I found some good info to discuss with her when I googled "gender fluid" or "gender non-conforming". So far she's not comfortable labelling who she is, we're leaving options open for now...

 

[Grmnshplvr]

Rochester has a great LGBT community! And I love those film suggestions.

I have read some really good YA fiction books about transgender youth. One is "Beautiful Music for Ugly Children" (it's about a transgender male high schooler. It's supposed to be grades 9-12, but a mature middle schooler could handle it). Another great one is "Parrotfish" (again, about a high schooler, so borderline inappropriate for your child). The third one on this same topic is "I am J". I LOVED this book, but it has some really mature themes like cutting, so possibly you would want to hold off.

I haven't read "Gracefully Grayson" yet, but I've heard it recommended. It's actually middle-grade fiction, so perhaps more suitable. But it's about a transgender woman, so possibly less relevant.

There's also a bunch of good nonfiction/memoir books. I've read "Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out", "Rethinking Normal". and "Some Assembly Required". All are a bit mature for your child, and they are fairly explicit with going through parts of gender confirmation/ reassignment surgery, so that might not be what you want to expose your child too.

In general, I find that books help! Those memoirs are cool because your child might really identify with the author's journey, but they might not. There's SO MANY identities out there. You might want to read the books yourself; there's also a new wealth of books about raising a transgender child; (Gender Born, Gender Made is one I really liked).

It's so awesome that you are supportive, I wish all parents were like you!

the LGBT executive sent her "Parrotfish" and she loved it. My mom found the book at her house the other day and yesterday asked me about the changes in my daughter over the past 2 months and "why is she reading transgender books" I explained to her that she is going through some issues right now and trying to figure out who she is and that we're really not exactly sure what is going on at this point...my moms response was "well she has the right mom for it". It felt good to hear that especially coming from someone that can be extremely narrow minded when it comes to stuff like this.

Monday we went to the mall, with the intention of buying some boy clothes. After trying some things on she changed her mind and went with girl jeans, and then some graphic tees from hot topic (gender neutral ones).... she did ask if she could get her ears pierced which I said of course, this will be the fourth time we try (she's asked before and chickened out every time we've gone to do it lol) so we'll see how that goes.

she also asked if she could shave half her head...my husband said absolutely not but I reminded him when it comes to stuff like this we have to pick our battles. I dont care if she wants to shave her head.

The counselor at the school called me Friday and said my daughter comes to talk to her almost every study hall. We did discuss the kids in homeroom and according to my daughter it has stopped but the counselor said she wants to know right away if it begins again so I know she is on our side with that and they dont tolerate bullying at all in this school.... I did not mention the gender issues to the school counselor yet but she does know we're going to see a counselor in a couple weeks and I told her I'd keep her updated. I just am not really ready to let the school know about any of this because I just really want a professionals opinion and advice before we go there.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

Monday we went to the mall, with the intention of buying some boy clothes. After trying some things on she changed her mind and went with girl jeans, and then some graphic tees from hot topic (gender neutral ones).... she did ask if she could get her ears pierced which I said of course, this will be the fourth time we try (she's asked before and chickened out every time we've gone to do it lol) so we'll see how that goes.

she also asked if she could shave half her head...my husband said absolutely not but I reminded him when it comes to stuff like this we have to pick our battles. I dont care if she wants to shave her head.

The clothes thing is so weird for me; we're going through that, too. When my daughter (still using daughter/she/her until she decides otherwise) first start doing some questioning, I kept telling her we can shop in the boys' section, I can get rash guards/board shorts instead of girly bathing suits, etc...and she's still more comfortable shopping unisex or in the girls' section. It's a process, I guess!

 

[Spacedog1975]

So I clicked here randomly because I saw the topic at the bottom of the news page. Had no guess as to what the topic would be.

I'm gratified that there is an LGBT subforum here, and thrilled that you've been able to receive this kind of support and feedback.
The very best thing you can do for your child is to provide them love and support, and you're doing so quite admirably. As they navigate their own path, their way will become more familiar and comfortable to them. Anything is possible from here as they get to know themselves.

Years from now when they have a better understanding, there is one thing certain - they are going to look back absolutely delighted that they had great parents who provided them a loving environment in which to grow.

Thank you for being great.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

So I clicked here randomly because I saw the topic at the bottom of the news page. Had no guess as to what the topic would be.

I'm gratified that there is an LGBT subforum here, and thrilled that you've been able to receive this kind of support and feedback.
The very best thing you can do for your child is to provide them love and support, and you're doing so quite admirably. As they navigate their own path, their way will become more familiar and comfortable to them. Anything is possible from here as they get to know themselves.

Years from now when they have a better understanding, there is one thing certain - they are going to look back absolutely delighted that they had great parents who provided them a loving environment in which to grow.

Thank you for being great.

that really means a lot, thank you

 

[cobright]

I guess I'm coming at this late, but ... never stopped me before. I'll give you some advice that a lot of people might shy away from.

To begin with, I'm a father of a 12 yr old girl. My family is fairly progressive and ardent supporters of LGBT rights. And while I'm straight, I'm not exactly in a traditionally defined marriage either. So please don't jump to assuming that I'm some sort of bigot (not that you would... but some do).

There is a lot of talk lately about gender identity and it gets written easily into a young person's struggle of personal identity that happens at your daughter's age. In your shoes, I would affirm to your daughter that most of us go through a period where we question ourselves and our identities very deeply and just because she doesn't feel 'right' thinking about herself as a woman or girl doesn't mean that any other label is the answer either. It doesn't mean they are not, but that's a realization that will come fully with the calmer days of a few years maturation on her part.

She's twelve. If kids ask if she's a lesbian, she can tell them she's twelve. For now, the accident of her biology is enough basis for gendered pronouns. None of this is to imply that she has a choice in her gender identity, only that she has the choice to decide how and when that identity will have the most impact on her life. Twelve years old is a horrible time to deal with this sort of drama. As you have, let her know that she's not a boy or girl to you but a daughter (or possibly a son) and you'll love either just the same.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

I guess I'm coming at this late, but ... never stopped me before. I'll give you some advice that a lot of people might shy away from.

To begin with, I'm a father of a 12 yr old girl. My family is fairly progressive and ardent supporters of LGBT rights. And while I'm straight, I'm not exactly in a traditionally defined marriage either. So please don't jump to assuming that I'm some sort of bigot (not that you would... but some do).

There is a lot of talk lately about gender identity and it gets written easily into a young person's struggle of personal identity that happens at your daughter's age. In your shoes, I would affirm to your daughter that most of us go through a period where we question ourselves and our identities very deeply and just because she doesn't feel 'right' thinking about herself as a woman or girl doesn't mean that any other label is the answer either. It doesn't mean they are not, but that's a realization that will come fully with the calmer days of a few years maturation on her part.

She's twelve. If kids ask if she's a lesbian, she can tell them she's twelve. For now, the accident of her biology is enough basis for gendered pronouns. None of this is to imply that she has a choice in her gender identity, only that she has the choice to decide how and when that identity will have the most impact on her life. Twelve years old is a horrible time to deal with this sort of drama. As you have, let her know that she's not a boy or girl to you but a daughter (or possibly a son) and you'll love either just the same.

My husband strongly feels that her aversion to becoming a woman is what is bringing this all on. I did tell her we could talk to the pediatrician and see about possibly blocking her period for a bit, until she matures a little bit more and then decide what to do from there. I just feel like at 11 she is going through so many changes its so hard to know what is being driven by a true desire to be another gender, or the crazy hormones of puberty. I'm hoping we get some answers next week at her doctor appointment.

I did find a journal entry she made probably a couple weeks ago that kind of makes me think maybe this is not a phase, but I'm trying to not read too much into it until we talk to a professional. More of less she was talking about how she asked us all to use male pronouns and a male name and we refuse to. It isn't that we can't accept it, I just don't know if using male pronouns and a different name is helpful when you don't know if this is a phase or not. I'm so confused and there is limited information out there for parents on this topic so its hard to know what the right answer is. Everything I've read said take your kids lead, but what if that lead is wrong??

I know some may think I was invading her privacy by reading this, in my defense I was looking through her pad of drawings (she likes to draw anime characters) and I came across this "journal/vent" she had written out. I never in a million years thought I'd be the parent reading her personal things but in the situation that we're in, there was no way I couldn't read it. Although honestly reading it didn't give me any answers I was looking for but it did give me some insight to how deeply she feels about this.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

My husband strongly feels that her aversion to becoming a woman is what is bringing this all on. I did tell her we could talk to the pediatrician and see about possibly blocking her period for a bit, until she matures a little bit more and then decide what to do from there. I just feel like at 11 she is going through so many changes its so hard to know what is being driven by a true desire to be another gender, or the crazy hormones of puberty. I'm hoping we get some answers next week at her doctor appointment.

I did find a journal entry she made probably a couple weeks ago that kind of makes me think maybe this is not a phase, but I'm trying to not read too much into it until we talk to a professional. More of less she was talking about how she asked us all to use male pronouns and a male name and we refuse to. It isn't that we can't accept it, I just don't know if using male pronouns and a different name is helpful when you don't know if this is a phase or not. I'm so confused and there is limited information out there for parents on this topic so its hard to know what the right answer is. Everything I've read said take your kids lead, but what if that lead is wrong??

I really don't see the problem in taking your kid's lead. I'm still feeling really blindsided myself by all of this, and expressed concern to my kid's therapist that maybe it's just a stage, maybe it was brought on by the onset of puberty (mine flipped out about menarche, as well), many of the same things you're saying. This is a familiar road! And the therapist said that yes, all of this might be a stage, or maybe it isn't; these years are when kids are just starting to figure themselves out. But what was really important was that we were willing to listen and support them no matter how things turn out, and that we're willing to let them take that time and give them that space to figure out who they are. And good christ, I hope she's right, because it's a tough road no matter how things eventually shake out.

I know some may think I was invading her privacy by reading this, in my defense I was looking through her pad of drawings (she likes to draw anime characters) and I came across this "journal/vent" she had written out. I never in a million years thought I'd be the parent reading her personal things but in the situation that we're in, there was no way I couldn't read it. Although honestly reading it didn't give me any answers I was looking for but it did give me some insight to how deeply she feels about this.

I won't throw stones. I've done the same thing. It was actually kind of helpful, honestly, to know how deeply they felt about this.

It's hard to be the parent in this situation. All of the support groups are geared toward acceptance, and there's not a lot of attention paid to the fact that even the most accepting parents are going to go through a period of mourning for the kid they thought they had. I use the pronouns they request; I use the name they request. Because it's something I can do. And yet I still cry an awful lot. It's been a pretty lonely experience.

ANYWAY. Sorry for being so longwinded. I just mainly wanted you to know: you're not alone. You're doing great letting her take some agency. (No one ever tells a little girl who says that she wants to marry a little boy, or vice versa, that it's too early to decide who she is, you know?) And I think talking to her doc is a great idea. Hang in there!

 

[Grmnshplvr]

I really don't see the problem in taking your kid's lead. I'm still feeling really blindsided myself by all of this, and expressed concern to my kid's therapist that maybe it's just a stage, maybe it was brought on by the onset of puberty (mine flipped out about menarche, as well), many of the same things you're saying. This is a familiar road! And the therapist said that yes, all of this might be a stage, or maybe it isn't; these years are when kids are just starting to figure themselves out. But what was really important was that we were willing to listen and support them no matter how things turn out, and that we're willing to let them take that time and give them that space to figure out who they are. And good christ, I hope she's right, because it's a tough road no matter how things eventually shake out.



I won't throw stones. I've done the same thing. It was actually kind of helpful, honestly, to know how deeply they felt about this.

It's hard to be the parent in this situation. All of the support groups are geared toward acceptance, and there's not a lot of attention paid to the fact that even the most accepting parents are going to go through a period of mourning for the kid they thought they had. I use the pronouns they request; I use the name they request. Because it's something I can do. And yet I still cry an awful lot. It's been a pretty lonely experience.

ANYWAY. Sorry for being so longwinded. I just mainly wanted you to know: you're not alone. You're doing great letting her take some agency. (No one ever tells a little girl who says that she wants to marry a little boy, or vice versa, that it's too early to decide who she is, you know?) And I think talking to her doc is a great idea. Hang in there!

Did you immediately start using the chosen name and pronouns or did that take some time? As much as I feel like I am a supportive parent I truly do feel like I'm mourning, and definitely in denial, or at the very least reluctant to just accept that this child is transgender without at least talking to some kind of professional about this. I can't imagine any parent in their right mind wouldn't say whoa what the heck is going on here? Literally over night everything changed. On one hand I wish I could put the brakes on it, on the other I kind of want her to "decide already" so I know what I'm suppose to do to really help her through this.

I too have realized that the different organizations I've spoken to immediately talk about acceptance and embracing the transition but I'm just not 100% ready for that I guess although I do realize it is not about me. It's only been a couple of months. I guess it would be easier if I had a kid that was identifying as the opposite gender from birth, maybe easier to accept, or maybe we would have already known...but to wake up one day and your pink glittery little princess is telling you she is a boy, I mean how do you digest that.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

Did you immediately start using the chosen name and pronouns or did that take some time? As much as I feel like I am a supportive parent I truly do feel like I'm mourning, and definitely in denial, or at the very least reluctant to just accept that this child is transgender without at least talking to some kind of professional about this. I can't imagine any parent in their right mind wouldn't say whoa what the heck is going on here? Literally over night everything changed. On one hand I wish I could put the brakes on it, on the other I kind of want her to "decide already" so I know what I'm suppose to do to really help her through this.

I too have realized that the different organizations I've spoken to immediately talk about acceptance and embracing the transition but I'm just not 100% ready for that I guess although I do realize it is not about me. It's only been a couple of months. I guess it would be easier if I had a kid that was identifying as the opposite gender from birth, maybe easier to accept, or maybe we would have already known...but to wake up one day and your pink glittery little princess is telling you she is a boy, I mean how do you digest that.

YES, EXACTLY. I have a friend who has known from very early on that her child was trans, but to have it hit in adolescence is tough! So many years of princess costumes! Candy pink walls! WHAT?!?!

Right now I use "they" as a compromise, as they're not really "out" to anyone but me and their therapist. I mostly do minor things, like putting their chosen name on their magic band, or writing it on the ziploc bag of treats I chucked into their carry-on. Letting them get a stupid souvenir bracelet with their chosen name. That kind of thing. It is definitely a process, and I suspect at some point I will end up mixing everyone's pronouns. But I use she/her and their birth name to everyone else right now, because I've told them (and Doc agrees) that it's not my job to do the heavy lifting for them. And part of that is exactly what you said: "decide already", so we can start dealing with extended family and the like! Which I know isn't fair, and like you said, it's not about us, but at the same time, it's a big change for everybody.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

YES, EXACTLY. I have a friend who has known from very early on that her child was trans, but to have it hit in adolescence is tough! So many years of princess costumes! Candy pink walls! WHAT?!?!

Right now I use "they" as a compromise, as they're not really "out" to anyone but me and their therapist. I mostly do minor things, like putting their chosen name on their magic band, or writing it on the ziploc bag of treats I chucked into their carry-on. Letting them get a stupid souvenir bracelet with their chosen name. That kind of thing. It is definitely a process, and I suspect at some point I will end up mixing everyone's pronouns. But I use she/her and their birth name to everyone else right now, because I've told them (and Doc agrees) that it's not my job to do the heavy lifting for them. And part of that is exactly what you said: "decide already", so we can start dealing with extended family and the like! Which I know isn't fair, and like you said, it's not about us, but at the same time, it's a big change for everybody.

She specifically requested that I change her magic band to her chosen name, which I said absolutely because who really cares whats on the magic band anyways but it was important to her so I complied.

I did end up discussing this with the school counselor because her biggest challenge was changing in the girls locker room. The school has given her permission to change in the nurses office. She isn't safe in either bathroom really, she has changed her hair and attire so much she does look like a boy now so the girls room isn't really an option any more either and I definitely don't want her in the boys locker room. So the nurse knows, the gym teacher knows, and the counselor. My child even asked me if she could come out to her teachers, I said absolutely not. She is very naive about all of this and doesn't realize that "coming out" comes with some safety risks, ones I'm not willing to take. Not to mention considering how strongly some people feel about this particular topic, even if she isn't physically threatened I'm not 100% sure some teachers wouldn't take it out on her some way....so I'm just not ok with it. Something I need to discuss with the doctor for sure.

I will say the counselor has been awesome, she said they'll do whatever they can to make her comfortable and safe, the counselor told me she has not had a transgender student yet (that she knows of) but is going to learn along with us.

 

[ravenclawforever]

Just wanted to lend my support. My 19 yr old dd identifies as genderfluid panromantic asexual. This generation seems to really like labels. Interestingly she has a boyfriend who also identifies as genderfluid panromantic asexual (biologically a boy). This is a confusing time we live in. I just try to go with the flow. (No pun intended - genderfluid). Have to maintain a sense of humor.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

We went to our first transyouth group meeting last night. She went with the kids, and I went in with the parents. It was very emotional. Not in a good way. I feel like I lost a little bit of hope I had that maybe this was a phase after hearing the other stories and how closely I related to them. It was good to know we're not alone in this but was very hard to start accepting what may very well be our reality.

although I will admit, I really need to cry, I didn't realize how much I was holding in trying to just be this accepting supporting mom I've been ignoring my own feelings about it all and it felt good to let that out a bit.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

Cry all you need. You got this, mama.

 

[Chuck S]

Just wanted to lend my support. My 19 yr old dd identifies as genderfluid panromantic asexual. This generation seems to really like labels. Interestingly she has a boyfriend who also identifies as genderfluid panromantic asexual (biologically a boy). This is a confusing time we live in. I just try to go with the flow. (No pun intended - genderfluid). Have to maintain a sense of humor.

I just hope that everyone, of every generation, soon realizes that the only "label" that really matters is "Human." Followed closely by "Family."

 

[Shanti]

I hope I don't regret putting this out there but am desperate for some advice, thoughts, anything. I figured this would be a good place to start.

Last night my 11 year old daughter told me she's been feeling very confused about her gender. She said things like she might want to change her name and didn't want to be referred to as she or her anymore. I asked her when this all came about, she said she's felt this way since she was about 9.

She said when she gets her period she feels like its wrong and that she shouldn't be wearing bras. A few weeks ago she asked if she could cut her hair into like a pixie cut, which I was totally fine with. The next day at school someone asked her if she was trans. I'm kind of wondering if this is where it all stems from but I honestly dont know. She did get her period very young, shortly after her 10th birthday and while she knew what to expect and we had always been very open about it I do think getting it that young was a bit traumatizing but I dont know that it has anything to do with this.

I asked her if maybe she just felt confused about her sexuality? and if so that was okay too. She said she didn't know but she can't picture her future as a man or a woman, or if she will be married to a man or a woman.

When I say this all came out of no where it truly did. aside from the request for short hair, this girl has been extremely feminine since she was old enough to fall into any kind of gender role. I never doubted or questioned it, or pushed it either way...she's just always gravitated towards typical female toys, clothes, music, hobbies etc.

I really didn't know what to say. I didn't want to invalidate her feelings at all but I did tell her 11 is a very confusing time for everyone and that she certainly doesn't need to label herself at this point. She asked if she could talk to someone and I did reach out to the executive at our local LGBT organization today. I just dont know where to go with this. I dont want to do more harm than good. and I do want her to talk to someone but who???

My 14 year old, who has a degree from google apparently also talked to her about this and was saying things like transgender and panosexual. I dont even know what that is. I told her I was glad she is supportive of her sister but she needs to be very careful with labeling her or trying to "diagnose" her.

I reassured her that no matter what we love her, and support her in everything she does and will do our best to understand. She is so nuturing, so compassionate, the best friend someone could ask for. She is all around an awesome kid, and it broke my heart to see her crying yesterday absolutely confused about all this. She kept getting choked up and burying her face. I asked what was wrong? she said she just didn't want people at school to know, or her grandparents. they are extremely conservative and we both know how that will go over I'm not even allowing my mind to go there right now. But she said she told two of her friends that she would prefer them to not call her a she or her. I explained that would be very difficult for people to just stop doing, and I asked her to hold off on talking to her friends for now until we get in to see someone. Was that the right thing to do? I dont want her to feel ashamed but at the same time I dont want her to put this out there and then next week change her mind and then still have to deal with any backlash or judgement she might get from kids at school.

I'm so confused. I dont want to make this about me, I just want to know how to help her. Things were so much easier when a hug and ice cream fixed their problems. I probably said all the wrong things yesterday but was completely caught off guard and am now afraid maybe I made her feel worse.


I did tell her I was very proud that she came to me and felt comfortable enough to talk to me about this, I was a little bit relieved to know she does feel like she can come to me. We've always been very open in our house about how we supported equal rights for members of our military and of course same sex marriage, so I dont think she has or had any fear about coming to us about this as she has always known and was raised understanding how we felt about it.

You're doing well with this. I definitely would keep tabs on the 14 year-old, as the labels she is sharing with her younger sister might be influencing the younger sister's perception of herself as she goes through the bewildering maze of puberty. The 11 year-old may have just mentioned some odd feelings to her older sister, who then told the younger sister everything she's heard about transgender people, including the labels. The power of suggestion is strong in kids, so I would be extremely wary of that being an influence, before taking at face value that she is transsexual. Some young people are more comfortable with the concept of being transsexual than of being homosexual or bisexual, so there is that to take into account, too. She might be feeling a non-heterosexual orientation blooming, and the transgender talk could be a fearful response.

Since she's been emotionally upset about this, I would take her to a therapist to provide a neutral person for her to talk to, and for you to get a neutral perspective on the issue, including letting the therapist know that the older sister did some diagnosing of the younger sister, which might be influencing her. The therapy might gradually help both of you find out if your younger daughter is just confused by normal changes and unduly influenced by her big sister's words, if she only might be developing a lesbian or bisexual orientation, or if she genuinely seems to be a budding transsexual who might need support on a sex-change journey at some point.

The biggest thing she needs right now, and in the future, no matter what path she takes, is emotional support, which you've been providing. Keep it up.

 

[kuhltiffany]

I agree, this isn't easy! We have a grade 6 "graduation" coming up, I think we've settled on khaki's, a white shirt and tie. Well, it will be a lot cheaper than a dress, shoes, hair, nails and jewellery

I'm trying to take it all in, but my situation is a bit different as my child has been approaching this for years. At this point I'm taking things day by day, we don't know what the "permanent" outcome/label will be and I feel at this age we really don't need to yet...

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Hugs to you, OP. It's ok to cry and process your own feelings. You can be loving and supportive of your child's coices, but you're also allowed to grieve the daughter you thought you knew, and the hopes and dreams for the future. You can cry for your fear of the unknown, for the unfortunate bigotry you know your child might face, for the challenges that lay ahead. You can cry over your daughter 's pain and confusion, as none of us likes to see our kids hurt.

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job of supporting your child and I know it will make her a stronger, more confinest person to know she is loved and accepted no matter which gender she identifies with.

 

[ravenclawforever]

As a parent, I found it comforting to look up celebrities that fall into these categories since I do not know anyone personally (I know plenty of homosexuals but this is so different). It is nice to see successful adults who are living this life successfully even if they had struggles which most did. My husband really got a lot out of watching the reality show "I am Jazz" about a transgender girl just trying to live a normal life. She is such a relatable individual. I am glad that we did not begin this journey until dd was 17. I do not know how I would have dealt with it if she had been 11. Best of luck on your journey, wherever it leads.

 

[cruisehopeful]

although I will admit, I really need to cry, I didn't realize how much I was holding in trying to just be this accepting supporting mom I've been ignoring my own feelings about it all and it felt good to let that out a bit.

It does feel like a loss and there is some grief that comes with it. For me, it helps to remember that what I want most in the world is a happy, healthy child. In my case, my daughter was already turning 18 and out of high school when she told me. I think our timing was easier because we didn't have to deal with school. While I am 100% at her being my daughter now, I still don't always know how to tell people. I always end up seeing someone I haven't seen in 10 years or so and they always ask what my son is up to these days. Usually, I explain that I don't have a son, but sometimes I just give a blanket answer about what she's doing in life without mentioning that she is no longer my son.

Soon, my daughter will be getting a birth certificate with her real gender and I can't wait. For me, the transitioning sucks. I can't wait for everything to be completely official. We've been very blessed throughout this whole thing, but it is still hard sometimes.