I hope I don't regret putting this out there but am desperate for some advice, thoughts, anything. I figured this would be a good place to start. Last night my 11 year old daughter told me she's been feeling very confused about her gender. She said things like she might want to change her name and didn't want to be referred to as she or her anymore. I asked her when this all came about, she said she's felt this way since she was about 9. She said when she gets her period she feels like its wrong and that she shouldn't be wearing bras. A few weeks ago she asked if she could cut her hair into like a pixie cut, which I was totally fine with. The next day at school someone asked her if she was trans. I'm kind of wondering if this is where it all stems from but I honestly dont know. She did get her period very young, shortly after her 10th birthday and while she knew what to expect and we had always been very open about it I do think getting it that young was a bit traumatizing but I dont know that it has anything to do with this. I asked her if maybe she just felt confused about her sexuality? and if so that was okay too. She said she didn't know but she can't picture her future as a man or a woman, or if she will be married to a man or a woman. When I say this all came out of no where it truly did. aside from the request for short hair, this girl has been extremely feminine since she was old enough to fall into any kind of gender role. I never doubted or questioned it, or pushed it either way...she's just always gravitated towards typical female toys, clothes, music, hobbies etc. I really didn't know what to say. I didn't want to invalidate her feelings at all but I did tell her 11 is a very confusing time for everyone and that she certainly doesn't need to label herself at this point. She asked if she could talk to someone and I did reach out to the executive at our local LGBT organization today. I just dont know where to go with this. I dont want to do more harm than good. and I do want her to talk to someone but who??? My 14 year old, who has a degree from google apparently also talked to her about this and was saying things like transgender and panosexual. I dont even know what that is. I told her I was glad she is supportive of her sister but she needs to be very careful with labeling her or trying to "diagnose" her. I reassured her that no matter what we love her, and support her in everything she does and will do our best to understand. She is so nuturing, so compassionate, the best friend someone could ask for. She is all around an awesome kid, and it broke my heart to see her crying yesterday absolutely confused about all this. She kept getting choked up and burying her face. I asked what was wrong? she said she just didn't want people at school to know, or her grandparents. they are extremely conservative and we both know how that will go over I'm not even allowing my mind to go there right now. But she said she told two of her friends that she would prefer them to not call her a she or her. I explained that would be very difficult for people to just stop doing, and I asked her to hold off on talking to her friends for now until we get in to see someone. Was that the right thing to do? I dont want her to feel ashamed but at the same time I dont want her to put this out there and then next week change her mind and then still have to deal with any backlash or judgement she might get from kids at school. I'm so confused. I dont want to make this about me, I just want to know how to help her. Things were so much easier when a hug and ice cream fixed their problems. I probably said all the wrong things yesterday but was completely caught off guard and am now afraid maybe I made her feel worse. I did tell her I was very proud that she came to me and felt comfortable enough to talk to me about this, I was a little bit relieved to know she does feel like she can come to me. We've always been very open in our house about how we supported equal rights for members of our military and of course same sex marriage, so I dont think she has or had any fear about coming to us about this as she has always known and was raised understanding how we felt about it.