Too much too soon

[okeydokey]

Had this conversation with a friend yesterday. Her MIL is looking for something to buy for my friend's 10 year old daughter and the girl wants an ipad. We were talking about the problem with buying young children these expensive gifts as such an age. What do you do next year and the year after? It seems they get so much at such a young age it just sets you up fro frustration later when they have it all already.

My DD is almost 15 and getting her first ipod touch this year, the last of all her friends to get one. I know she will appreciate it, as she is very cautious with my money and I appreciate that.

I see how my cousin started her dd with the limo pick up from school for her 12th birthday and it snowballed from there to eventually a wedding that my cousin took out a second mortgage on her house to pay for. The kicker, the marriage lasted about 3 years.

It is hard to avoid the overbuying, where do you draw the line?

 

[CarlisleMom]

Depends on how the girl wants to use the IPAD. So much in school is on computers and the IPAD is used at every level - even Kindergarten. The educational apps are very good. DD11 is using my ipod this year to help her learn the 50 states.

This year we are getting the family our first tablet. Mainly for DD11 but I'll use it to read magazines, email, surf. DH will love it when we go out to eat as my IPOD touch screen is to small for our older eyes - we play games with DD while waiting for food.

Where do you draw the line ---- every family will have a different answer. Ours is very technology centered as this is what DH does for a living.

 

[akcire]

Had this conversation with a friend yesterday. Her MIL is looking for something to buy for my friend's 10 year old daughter and the girl wants an ipad. We were talking about the problem with buying young children these expensive gifts as such an age. What do you do next year and the year after? It seems they get so much at such a young age it just sets you up fro frustration later when they have it all already.

My DD is almost 15 and getting her first ipod touch this year, the last of all her friends to get one. I know she will appreciate it, as she is very cautious with my money and I appreciate that.

I see how my cousin started her dd with the limo pick up from school for her 12th birthday and it snowballed from there to eventually a wedding that my cousin took out a second mortgage on her house to pay for. The kicker, the marriage lasted about 3 years.

It is hard to avoid the overbuying, where do you draw the line?

I know what you mean. This is the first Christmas my daughter will understand Christmas at 20 months. My mom picked up a Minnie Mouse playset at Costco and has been itching to get her more toys. I have finally convinced her that she has too much already.

I am constantly, talking myself out of buying "extra" things. Part of the problem is that I really like toys too.

On a side note, my neighbor got a new washer/dryer delivered this weekend. I happened to be home and notice the delivery and asked the delivery guy for one of the boxes. Which he was happy to hand over, once less thing to recycle at the end of his day--infact he offered me like 6. I brought the one box inside and cut a hole in the side to function as a door--my kid thinks it is the greatest thing. I wonder how much play time any of her Christmas gifts will get, probably not as much as the free box.

 

[furb & dez]

It's not hard to prevent if you don't setup and reinforce the expectation that things must get more elaborate each time. It's not a competition nor an arms race.

I would be deeply disappointed in myself if I ever taught my children that they have to get something bigger and better every year to enjoy the holiday.

"A iTouch?? Last year you got me an iPad!"
"I'll be happy to take back to store if you're unhappy with it. (and it looks like next year you get socks and underwear...)"

 

[Ginny Favers]

It's funny you say this because my sister was having the hardest time picking out gifts for her kids, who are 9 and 12, because they already have EVERYTHING. They have iPhones and Xboxes and tablets and computers and iPods and etc. mostly because their parents are divorced and try to outdo each other.

This year, I am afraid I am making a mistake because my DD6 asked for a 3DS for Christmas, and ALSO Dance Central (which means we need an XBOX). She is getting both. She is not getting much else, but because these items were two of the five that were on her list, I did it. I keep wondering if I will regret it.

I don't feel like I need to outdo the previous year, though-- as far as "keeping score", as long as they get what's on their list, whether it be a $3 or $300 item, they're happy.

 

[LuLuO]

I don't think you have to top each previous year/gift. If a child is always expecting bigger and better instead of being appreciative for what is given to them, no matter the cost, then likely the problem is never being told "no" rather than receiving an expensive gift every now and then.

 

[pigletto]

While I understand your sentiment and agree on some level, I don't necessarily think it works in a cumulative fashion that way. DD got an iPhone for Christmas almost 2 years ago. She also got an inexpensive lap top that year on her birthday. She was told at the time how long each were expected to last and that they wouldn't be replaced "just because" unless SHE wanted to replace them. She loved the gifts and has taken very good care of them. Her big gift this year is a concert ticket for Taylor Swift. I know she'll love it and is going to be very surprised, but it cost nowhere near what the laptop or phone did.

The phone has been handled with care and she is eligible for an upgrade in May. She doesn't think she wants it. To quote her "my phone works just fine. I like my phone."

I think it isn't the item itself that is the issue, but the way it is presented and the overall parenting. My dd will no sooner ask me to put a second mortgage on my house for a wedding when the day comes than she would try to teach a pig to fly.. both would get the same result. She's been taught the limits we are comfortable with and what to value. Surprising either of my kids with a big item one year doesn't mean we're going to match it or top it the next year and they know that. There's been much more that has gone into their sense of value and my money and general appreciativeness that is overlooked by assuming that because they got A that they will want B.

 

[Colleen27]

It's not hard to prevent if you don't setup and reinforce the expectation that things must get more elaborate each time. It's not a competition nor an arms race.

I would be deeply disappointed in myself if I ever taught my children that they have to get something bigger and better every year to enjoy the holiday.

"A iTouch?? Last you got me an iPad!"
"I'll be happy to take back to store if you're unhappy with it. (and it looks like next year you get socks and underwear...)"

Some years my kids get big gifts - last year, an iPod Touch for DD-then-10 and an Xbox 360 for DS-then-13. Some years are smaller - this year will be one of those because there's nothing big on either of their wish lists. We've never felt the need to "one up" previous holidays and the kids have never had that expectation. And they don't ask for/want bigger and better things every year based on what they got last year. Right now they both still play with last year's gifts on a daily basis and are mostly interested in add-ons (Halo 4 and a wireless headset/mic for DS14, iTunes cards and Just Dance 4 for the 3-year-old Wii for DD11).

If they were ever so ungrateful as to expect bigger-better-more each and every year (or occasion) we'd be scaling WAY back on our gift-giving and focusing instead on teaching them to appreciate the many blessings they already have.

ETA: I think the same goes for special events. Both of my older kids have celebrated a birthday in Disney- 6 for DD and 10 for DS - but neither was disappointed to go back to the usual sleepovers and backyard BBQs we have at home the following year. This coming summer I'm taking DD11 and her BFF to WDW for a combined b-day celebration and they know without being told that this is a once-in-a-lifetime sort of trip. And I'm sure DD4 will realize that about her eventual Disney birthday (Land because I won't do WDW in July) as well. I certainly won't be mortgaging the house to pay for a wedding down the road, and I don't think a couple of over-the-top birthdays in childhood create that expectation. An entire lifestyle built on outdoing oneself does, but not an occasional splurge on something special.

 

[disykat]

We've taken a fairly conservative route on the electronics becasue we don't want our kids to get used to having everything. We think that will serve them well into adulthood. They don't get everything, but they aren't deprived either. (Well, some people would say they are deprived since they don't have most of the stuff mentioned above!)

I think total deprivation can backfire, but teaching them to walk the line of tension between what you want and what you can afford is very important. Obviously that line will be different for everyone, but the important thing is that they know it's there.

If your kids are on an "I want it, I get it track." that's bad. Regardless of your circumstances, you want them to understand that there is a balance between needs, wants, what you can afford, and what is a responsible way to spend your money.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I am of the thinking, that things themselves do not spoil children. It is the attitude in which the things are given and received. We have a 6 and 20 year old. Both are good, well behaved children that are polite and appreciative of what they have. We, like most families set our priorities and decide what we will choose to buy or do. Both of our boys have more electronic items than many feel is good, especially for the 6 year old. He does have an ipod touch and we have considered an ipad for him because we know he would love it and it would be a fantastic learning tool for him. He has not asked for it.

We also travel a lot, BUT we drive much older cars than we will drive as long as we can, we spend VERY little on new clothes (though we are always well dressed), we do not have cable, and we live debt free.
Our boys know what our money value system is and we don't feel we are doing them a dis-service by giving them some of these more extravagant gifts. Just my 2 cents

 

[la79al]

On a side note, my neighbor got a new washer/dryer delivered this weekend. I happened to be home and notice the delivery and asked the delivery guy for one of the boxes. Which he was happy to hand over, once less thing to recycle at the end of his day--infact he offered me like 6. I brought the one box inside and cut a hole in the side to function as a door--my kid thinks it is the greatest thing. I wonder how much play time any of her Christmas gifts will get, probably not as much as the free box.

Trust me, the box will get MUCH more play! We currently have 2 large ones in the play room. One of them came over the summer and is still in there because they play with it every day. In the garage, we have a large box that a new loveseat came in. We turned it into a castle and are waiting for a warm/dry day when we can take it out and paint it. I could take every single toy out of the playroom, put them in storage and neither would notice. I move the boxes to the other side of the room and there's a panic.

 

[luvthemouse71]

Depends on how the girl wants to use the IPAD. So much in school is on computers and the IPAD is used at every level - even Kindergarten. The educational apps are very good. DD11 is using my ipod this year to help her learn the 50 states.

This year we are getting the family our first tablet. Mainly for DD11 but I'll use it to read magazines, email, surf. DH will love it when we go out to eat as my IPOD touch screen is to small for our older eyes - we play games with DD while waiting for food.

Where do you draw the line ---- every family will have a different answer. Ours is very technology centered as this is what DH does for a living.

This is a good post. Ipads are seeing a lot of uses in education, at all levels. I think kids should be introduced to technology young so they aren't overwhelmed by it at school or later in the workplace.

If it's a younger child, I might not get a new model. I'd probably go with an Apple Refurbished model and get a good case for it.

 

[Katy Belle]

It certainly is each families decision. Our kids have more than some of our friends/relatives and less than others.

One family that we are close to has always bought the newest, greatest, things for their kids. One year the oldest daughter, probably 16ish yrs old a the time, couldn't figure out what she wanted for Christmas. She already had all of the i-pod/pads of the day, a digital camera, a lap top, a car, really everything she wanted. Her mom wanted to spend on her what she spend on the siblings, so she bought her a video camera that recorded straight onto cds. It was so expensive, and the girl had zero interest in it. To me, this is when it becomes a problem, when they are spending, just to spend.

We spend around $200 per kid each Christmas. Our kids do not have all the latest gadgets. One is saving for an electric guitar and one is saving for a used drum set.

 

[libinatorsmom]

my thoughts is everyone should do what they feel comfortable with. Just because they get a BIG SUPER GIFT one year doesnt mean the next year you have to out do the previous year. We are overly generous with our daughter and thats because we choose to do so and we can do so... but we dont even think about last year we just think about what she wants what our budget is and what we want to do for her....

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

This year we are buying DD (9) an Ipad and DS (14) a laptop. Why? Mainly because they both have something to do for school everyday that requires the computer and all we have now is our desktop.

They don't expect big gifts every year. Sometimes they get them sometimes not. They have been asking for an Ipad every year for about 3 years now . Neither asked for one this year because I think they finally gave up.

DH asked both of them how about NO GIFTS at all next year and we go to WDW instead. There was not even a hesitation, they both said YES!

 

[Mommy2LittleVols]

We are sort of struggling with a similar situation right now. Last spring I dropped my iPhone 4 and shattered the screen; I upgraded to the 4s and kept the 4 in a drawer with the intention of getting the screen fixed and then selling. Last month, the speaker went out in DH's 4, so he upgraded to the 5 (and kept his 4 - with the brand new OtterBox that we bought for it right before the speaker went out).

DD3 and DS5 ask to play with our phones ALL. THE. TIME. and we have many educational apps, as well as fun apps for them. We are considering giving them the iPhone 4's for Christmas since we have them. They will be using them as iPods, not phones, and they will have a certain amount of time allowed to use them each day. We aren't worried that they will expect something bigger next year; we are more just struggling with the idea of children that young having their own iPhone 4, KWIM?

 

[mm1971]

Had this conversation with a friend yesterday. Her MIL is looking for something to buy for my friend's 10 year old daughter and the girl wants an ipad. We were talking about the problem with buying young children these expensive gifts as such an age. What do you do next year and the year after? It seems they get so much at such a young age it just sets you up fro frustration later when they have it all already.

My DD is almost 15 and getting her first ipod touch this year, the last of all her friends to get one. I know she will appreciate it, as she is very cautious with my money and I appreciate that.

I see how my cousin started her dd with the limo pick up from school for her 12th birthday and it snowballed from there to eventually a wedding that my cousin took out a second mortgage on her house to pay for. The kicker, the marriage lasted about 3 years.

It is hard to avoid the overbuying, where do you draw the line?

I understand the frustration. My 12 year old son has an Ipad and uses it for school and assignments(everything is done online for middle school in our area). He will occasionally play a game on it. He has a basic cell phone calls/text only (unlike most friends with iPhones), an Ipod Nano for music and no other really expensive things. I guess it depends on the family/individual. My children really are not looking at cost when they put their lists together and have always been just as happy about getting the $10 gift as the $200 gift so we really don't have to "one up" the past birthday/Christmas, etc... This year he is getting Lego's, slides and experiments for his microscope and a couple of video games for his PS3 (he currently has only 3 games for it). We generally value time and experiences together more than material things so I guess I have done something right.

My suggestion is to buy what you feel is right for each specific event. Don't get caught up trying to keep up with your neighbors or friends and teach the kids to be grounded. As an FYI, you can get an Ipad2 at a pretty good price. My son actually has the original one. I think I paid $99 for it when the 3 came out. He has never commented on it not being good enough or needing the "new" one.

Good luck. You will always be making the tough calls on "well so and so has one". And don;t forget to use the excuse that Disney is expensive and if we want to go there cannot buy the newest and most expensive things we see. Works for us when we really need it.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

I don't see anything wrong with buying a 10 year old an iPad.

 

[jrw118]

I also do not see an issue. My boys 4 & 7 are each getting new iPad minis for Xmas.

 

[scootch]

I see your point, but don't know if they will always be disappointed in future years. DD 13 got an iphone 4s last christmas... but this year is fine with just some clothes, a few dance items, and some cheap forever 21 jewelry. One thing all these electronics have taught my kids is responsibility. They know if they break or lose them, then replacement isn't goign to happen.