Too bad Gotcha day isn't recognized as a birthday

[Tass]

What a great idea!

We just celebrated Gotcha Day with our youngest DD 2 weeks ago. She told me that day that she felt sorry for me because I don't have a "Gotcha Day" - just a birthday. I thought that was cute. We all celebrate Gotcha Days though since it was the day we "got" each of our children, and they "got" us.

 

[MarieFan]

I would hesitate to use the term "Gotcha Day" with an infant domestic adoption, mostly out of respect for the first mom. With international adoptions, or foster care adoptions, the child has been waiting for their family. If you are adopting a child who is just leaving her birthfamily it is hard not to think of it in a different light. I am not sure how to word it, but as much happiness as there is in adoption, there is also grief. As I mentioned in an earlier reply to this thread, my daughters are from Korea, and we do say Gotcha Day, but I am even leaning toward saying that it is the day that we got them and they got us, as opposed to "we got you now!" sort of sentiment. Am I making sense? This is not a matter of political correctness, but an acknowledgement of of the feelings of the first parents, and that it is not a light hearted time. You could acknowledge that day as a sentimental, "so many people love you" kind of thing...

 

[MrsJD]

MarieFan, I tend to agree with you. Gotcha day really wouldn't fit for us since we got her (and she got us) on her birthday. We barely even recognize her "Adoption day", it seems like it was more just a day that the legal aspects were finalized. I always thought we would make a big deal of her Adoption day because I thought it would signify the day our family became official, but it became very very official the day we brought her home!

But I do love this thread because it celebrates adoption. We are the only people close to us that have adopted and I often feel like I am misunderstood. To this day I'm not sure anyone can figure out why I have so much love for my baby's other mommy. I feel like we have a special kinship in being this special little girls mommies. And I do tend to get upset when people slight birth parents or have an attitude that suggests they are anything but caring, selfless people that give others the chance to be parents when they couldn't accomplish it themselves.

Okay i"m going on and on here, but I really appreciated your comment and felt that you "get it".

 

[mom2kayzb & jakers]

We have three gotcha days here! Can you believe it will be my daughter's 12th Gotcha Day!! All three are from Korea, and the two boys are biological!! Yep the third was a big surprise!!!

 

[MarieFan]

MarieFan, I tend to agree with you. Gotcha day really wouldn't fit for us since we got her (and she got us) on her birthday. We barely even recognize her "Adoption day", it seems like it was more just a day that the legal aspects were finalized. I always thought we would make a big deal of her Adoption day because I thought it would signify the day our family became official, but it became very very official the day we brought her home!

But I do love this thread because it celebrates adoption. We are the only people close to us that have adopted and I often feel like I am misunderstood. To this day I'm not sure anyone can figure out why I have so much love for my baby's other mommy. I feel like we have a special kinship in being this special little girls mommies. And I do tend to get upset when people slight birth parents or have an attitude that suggests they are anything but caring, selfless people that give others the chance to be parents when they couldn't accomplish it themselves.

Okay i"m going on and on here, but I really appreciated your comment and felt that you "get it".

Oh thank you! I was cringing when I checked, thinking I might end up getting flamed, lol.

A note of irony - after posting that, the telephone rang, and I saw that it was the agency through whom we adopted our youngest daughter. My dh and I have always argued over the hypothetical possibility of getting a "sibling call", in which the birthmom needs to place a second child and wants to keep them together. While we both feel that our family is complete, I would not be able to say no. My dh says he would not say yes. It would be not a good thing, to say the least. More importantly even than that, I would never, ever want my daughters' moms to have to repeat that experience of relinquishing. Or missing the daily joys of seeing their babies grow up. So when I saw that on the caller ID, my heart stopped. I have no reason to believe that she is in danger of such an occurrance, but I could not think of anything else.

The voice on the phone, I couldn't tell you who it was, said that SeiJin's birthmom had contacted the agency in Korea. I started saying, "no no no" and she couldn't get me to listen. Finally I made myself stop and hear her, and it turns out that her birthmom got our letters and pictures and wants to send her something! How awesome is that? We may end up with an open adoption after all, and I could not be happier about it. Except that I worry about my older daughter's reaction, and whether she will take it personally that she does not have the same opportunity thus far.

Thanks for your comments. The first families are still stereotyped pretty badly, and it is amazing how much my views have changed since being my girls' mom.

(Edited to say that I don't mean stereotyped here, or anywhere in this thread. Just in general. Can you tell I am sure I will be flamed for something today?? lol)

 

[rjthkids]

Finally I made myself stop and hear her, and it turns out that her birthmom got our letters and pictures and wants to send her something! How awesome is that? We may end up with an open adoption after all, and I could not be happier about it. Except that I worry about my older daughter's reaction, and whether she will take it personally that she does not have the same opportunity thus far.

I think the kids ultimately deal well with a difference in openness.

My oldest was an international adoption from Thailand. She was in Thai foster care, in the same home with the same foster mother from 10 months old (when she was released from the NICU) until she came home to us at 4 years old. We still keep in touch with her foster mother, but it is very much limited to letters and some pictures at this point, and we have no way of contacting her biological family.

My youngest son was adopted through domestic foster care. He had lived with his foster family from the time he was released from the NICU (three months of age) to the time he came home to us in December when he was a little over two. But his foster mother only lives 45 minutes from our house. He also has three biological siblings, two who live with their adoptive family 20 minutes down the road and one who still lives with their biological mother. While contact with biological mom is still pretty limited at this point (her choice), we see his foster family all the time....at least once a month and sometimes up to once a week. We also see his biological siblings and their adoptive family about once a month/once every other month. I talk to his foster mother all the time on the phone and we've become good friends.

My other three are biologically mine.

So, even though we have three very different scenarios going on in our home, none of children (thus far anyway) seems to have any issues with how they came into our family, whose biologically related and who is not, nor does there seem to be any issues over contact with relatives and important relationships that our adopted children had and still have with their biological and foster families. We're simply open and honest on their developmental level and they seem o.k. with it.

 

[h518may]

Oh thank you! I was cringing when I checked, thinking I might end up getting flamed, lol.

A note of irony - after posting that, the telephone rang, and I saw that it was the agency through whom we adopted our youngest daughter. My dh and I have always argued over the hypothetical possibility of getting a "sibling call", in which the birthmom needs to place a second child and wants to keep them together. While we both feel that our family is complete, I would not be able to say no. My dh says he would not say yes. It would be not a good thing, to say the least. More importantly even than that, I would never, ever want my daughters' moms to have to repeat that experience of relinquishing. Or missing the daily joys of seeing their babies grow up. So when I saw that on the caller ID, my heart stopped. I have no reason to believe that she is in danger of such an occurrance, but I could not think of anything else.

The voice on the phone, I couldn't tell you who it was, said that SeiJin's birthmom had contacted the agency in Korea. I started saying, "no no no" and she couldn't get me to listen. Finally I made myself stop and hear her, and it turns out that her birthmom got our letters and pictures and wants to send her something! How awesome is that? We may end up with an open adoption after all, and I could not be happier about it. Except that I worry about my older daughter's reaction, and whether she will take it personally that she does not have the same opportunity thus far.

Thanks for your comments. The first families are still stereotyped pretty badly, and it is amazing how much my views have changed since being my girls' mom.

(Edited to say that I don't mean stereotyped here, or anywhere in this thread. Just in general. Can you tell I am sure I will be flamed for something today?? lol)

We adopted from foster care twice. Not an area that is known for open adoptions. We have an open adoption with DS's BioMom and his maternal Grandmother. This has been very interesting for my whole family, but I wouldn't change a thing. But our DD will not be given this option, her BioParents are not safe for her to be around. I also worry about how this will affect her as she gets older.

As for Gotcha Day we just never really celebrated. We got DS 9 days after his birthday and adopted him two weeks before he turned two. So all are within 4 weeks. Our DD's adoption happened on a date within a week of DS's birthday and 18 months after her birth and the day we picked her up. So for us we have one party in May over Memorial day weekend and celebrate being together. Dh even tries to take vacation time around this time.

 

[livndisney]

Oh thank you! I was cringing when I checked, thinking I might end up getting flamed, lol.

A note of irony - after posting that, the telephone rang, and I saw that it was the agency through whom we adopted our youngest daughter. My dh and I have always argued over the hypothetical possibility of getting a "sibling call", in which the birthmom needs to place a second child and wants to keep them together. While we both feel that our family is complete, I would not be able to say no. My dh says he would not say yes. It would be not a good thing, to say the least. More importantly even than that, I would never, ever want my daughters' moms to have to repeat that experience of relinquishing. Or missing the daily joys of seeing their babies grow up. So when I saw that on the caller ID, my heart stopped. I have no reason to believe that she is in danger of such an occurrance, but I could not think of anything else.

The voice on the phone, I couldn't tell you who it was, said that SeiJin's birthmom had contacted the agency in Korea. I started saying, "no no no" and she couldn't get me to listen. Finally I made myself stop and hear her, and it turns out that her birthmom got our letters and pictures and wants to send her something! How awesome is that? We may end up with an open adoption after all, and I could not be happier about it. Except that I worry about my older daughter's reaction, and whether she will take it personally that she does not have the same opportunity thus far.

Thanks for your comments. The first families are still stereotyped pretty badly, and it is amazing how much my views have changed since being my girls' mom.

(Edited to say that I don't mean stereotyped here, or anywhere in this thread. Just in general. Can you tell I am sure I will be flamed for something today?? lol)

I guess the other side of this is feeling "flamed" for celebrating Gotcha Day. I thought this thread could be used for planning ideas for celebrating being a family at Disney. We do celebrate "Gotcha Day". It is the day I became a mom. It is very special to me and important. Each adoption is different and no one should be made to feel ashamed for celebrating becoming a family.

 

[MarieFan]

I guess the other side of this is feeling "flamed" for celebrating Gotcha Day. I thought this thread could be used for planning ideas for celebrating being a family at Disney. We do celebrate "Gotcha Day". It is the day I became a mom. It is very special to me and important. Each adoption is different and no one should be made to feel ashamed for celebrating becoming a family.

As I said in two previous posts, we celebrate it, too.

 

[ariel53098]

All 3 of mine are adopted.
We got DS when he was 10 days old domestically through a private agency. His birthmother wanted a closed adoption and I understood. She actually used the term gotcha day as it made her feel like we REALLY wanted him. His adoption day was when he was 8 months old so we acknowledge his gotcha day by mentioning it to him and I usually write something special in our blog, etc and for his adoption day we usually give him a small gift and take him somewhere fun.
We adopted our girls from Morocco when we lived there. They were in an orphanage so we have a closed adoption as well. We brought them home (to our home in Morocco) when they were 6 months old. It took almost a full year to the day to finalize in the US (Just finalized last month). So for them we'll probably acknowledge their gotcha day and celebrate the adoption day (like with their brother) since their two special days are in the same month.
Rachel

 

[livndisney]

All 3 of mine are adopted.
We got DS when he was 10 days old domestically through a private agency. His birthmother wanted a closed adoption and I understood. She actually used the term gotcha day as it made her feel like we REALLY wanted him. His adoption day was when he was 8 months old so we acknowledge his gotcha day by mentioning it to him and I usually write something special in our blog, etc and for his adoption day we usually give him a small gift and take him somewhere fun.
We adopted our girls from Morocco when we lived there. They were in an orphanage so we have a closed adoption as well. We brought them home (to our home in Morocco) when they were 6 months old. It took almost a full year to the day to finalize in the US (Just finalized last month). So for them we'll probably acknowledge their gotcha day and celebrate the adoption day (like with their brother) since their two special days are in the same month.
Rachel

Wow-I don't think I have heard of adoption from Morocco, it is very unusual?. I think it is wonderful that everyone is sharing their "how we became a family" story and celebrating.

 

[ariel53098]

Wow-I don't think I have heard of adoption from Morocco, it is very unusual?. I think it is wonderful that everyone is sharing their "how we became a family" story and celebrating.

It is VERY unusual. Only 6 children were adopted into the US last year including my twins, another set of twins (twin aren't wanted there b/c they think they are too expensive - some of the state run orphanages separate twins), and a family adopted two boys: 1 who was 6 months and 1 who was 2 years.
You have to live there to adopt or be able to have someone who lives there kind of vouch for you and the government uses the friend's address, but it can't be the same family for every adoption (like an agency hires someone or something) and they can't be paid. Madonna ran into this issue in Malawi when she tried to adopt that girl. Malawi's law says you have to be a resident for 18-24 months. Somehow she got an exception for the little boy but not the girl.
It was an overall very difficult adoption (basically navigating unchartered waters - I was the first of the 6 to adopt last year). It was a good lesson in patience, though!
Rachel

 

[MarieFan]

It was a good lesson in patience, though!
Rachel

I bet! Congratulations on having the perseverence to bring your children home!

 

[mommy4]

My daughter is adopted from Ethiopia and her "Gotcha" day is in September. However, we don't make too big of a deal out of it because her 3 brothers are all bio. and they don't understand why she gets a birthday and a "gotcha" day. Last year, I did take her to an Ethiopian restaurant for lunch though.
I like the idea of a "family day" though. We could celebrate the day our family was complete.

Congratulations to all of the famililes! Whatever way you "get" your family is a miracle!

 

[lisatradingspaces]

We definitely are celebrating Gotcha day every year!! It's the day we met and then 20 minutes later officially adopted our son!

He had been in an orphanage nearing 3 years. He understood he was getting a mommy and daddy and brothers and he seemed happy about it even on day 1.

We've had him almost 11 months and he always points at my other sons and says, "brother" and smiles. He also will point at me and say, "Andrew's mommy" and smile really big. Does the same for daddy. When we drive up our street he says, "Andrew's home" and I always say, "Yes, baby it is your home and you are home!"

Oh yes, his gotcha day will always be a celebration!! I see his birthday as more of a time when we might be thinking of his birth mother. Not the day he got to walk out of the orphanage for last time and finally have a family to call his own, forever.

I CAN NOT WAIT TO CELEBRATE 1 YEAR GOTCHA AT DISNEY WORLD!! YEAH!!

 

[livndisney]

We definitely are celebrating Gotcha day every year!! It's the day we met and then 20 minutes later officially adopted our son!

He had been in an orphanage nearing 3 years. He understood he was getting a mommy and daddy and brothers and he seemed happy about it even on day 1.

We've had him almost 11 months and he always points at my other sons and says, "brother" and smiles. He also will point at me and say, "Andrew's mommy" and smile really big. Does the same for daddy. When we drive up our street he says, "Andrew's home" and I always say, "Yes, baby it is your home and you are home!"

Oh yes, his gotcha day will always be a celebration!! I see his birthday as more of a time when we might be thinking of his birth mother. Not the day he got to walk out of the orphanage for last time and have a finally have a family to call his own, forever.

I CAN NOT WAIT TO CELEBRATE 1 YEAR GOTCHA AT DISNEY WORLD!! YEAH!!

Oh how sweet!!!!!!!! You said it much better that I did.

 

[asgt]

Wow! What great stories! As an adoptive mommy myself I too had hoped that Disney would recognize "Gotcha day" and they do! Not with a free pass but still special. We took DS two years ago for his GD celebration and told the CM when we made our ressies. When we arrived they had balloons and a card from Mickey with an autographed 5x7. Plus at Chef Mickey's they gave him a special day placemat and a cupcake. He got an Honorary Citizen button to wear throughout the parks and all and all had a great trip.

We identify with his GD more than his birthday because we werent there for his BD. He is Korean and became forever ours when he was 8.5 months old. we celebrate the day he arrived as his GD not the day we went to court. We celebrate GD every year and had a big Gotcha Day celebration when he arrived. Our pastor even did a sermon based on DS's GD!

We now have a Biological Daughter who obviously doesn't have a GD and so far we haven't had a problem with jealousy and I don't anticipate having one. We love both of our children without limits and appreciate the very different ways God choose for them to join our family.

 

[thegreggersmom]

I would hesitate to use the term "Gotcha Day" with an infant domestic adoption, mostly out of respect for the first mom. With international adoptions, or foster care adoptions, the child has been waiting for their family.

I see what you mean but still feel that the first meeting of adopted children and their parents is something to be celebrated -- no matter what the situation. As adoptive mothers we (unless you actually were present at the birth) won't be able to tell our children all about the day they were born. The story of how I got the call about my son, drove to the hospital to meet him, and all the other details will be the one he hears over and over until he's sick of it and rolls his eyes.

And although I never met her, his birth mom is most certainly part of this story. She made an unbelievably difficult and loving decision.

Now I hope I don't get flamed but even though I like the idea of celebrating "Gotcha Day," I wish it was called something else. "Gotcha" just sounds so startling -- sort of like you just fooled someone or, worse, kind of like they were snatched. PLEASE, no flames!

Maybe we'll go with "Family Day."

 

[MarieFan]

I see what you mean but still feel that the first meeting of adopted children and their parents is something to be celebrated -- no matter what the situation. As adoptive mothers we (unless you actually were present at the birth) won't be able to tell our children all about the day they were born. The story of how I got the call about my son, drove to the hospital to meet him, and all the other details will be the one he hears over and over until he's sick of it and rolls his eyes.

And although I never met her, his birth mom is most certainly part of this story. She made an unbelievably difficult and loving decision.

Now I hope I don't get flamed but even though I like the idea of celebrating "Gotcha Day," I wish it was called something else. "Gotcha" just sounds so startling -- sort of like you just fooled someone or, worse, kind of like they were snatched. PLEASE, no flames!

Maybe we'll go with "Family Day."

(I quoted greggersmom because she quoted me but this is not meant to be directed at her, just further clarification of my thoughts.)

There are lots of people who question the phrase "Gotcha Day". Again, for those who might not have read this whole thread, (not you, greggersmom) my daughters were born in Korea. My oldest is 9, and until very recently, I had no qualms about the phrase. It is a little hard to change at this point, and I really don't have an issue with it when the child has been waiting for their family in a foster home or orphanage. But because of the reading I have been doing about the first mom's point of view, my views are changing about the wording especially in domestic adoption situations. This doesn't mean anyone has to agree with me. But I think about this mom sobbing uncontrollably as she hands her child to his new parents, and then the parents thinking "Ooh - Gotcha!" So maybe "Forever Family Day" or whatever you feel describes your emotions about the day, is the right phrase for you.

Yes, you should celebrate that you are a family. You are! And your sweet baby deserves to be celebrated. And I don't mean to criticize anyone who does use the term and has adopted domestically, saying, "It's ok for me, since my child was in a foster home." Now that I have that image in my head, I am getting uncomfortable with it for me, too. But I discuss it with my children, and maybe we will change it in the future. The grandparents likely won't "get it", so that is probably what they will always say.

And I didn't mean to take away from the thread's intent. I am sorry to the OP if I did. I was responding to someone who said that they adopted domestically (or were adopted domestically?) and hadn't heard of that before. So I explained why it is not used as much when the adoptions are not international or foster. And off it went...

You can buy buttons at craft stores (I actually found mine near the photo department at Walgreens!). They open in the back and you can make a circle that has a picture or whatever words you want. I used sticker letters to say, "Today is my Gotcha Day" and had enough room for Jiminy Cricket and a little more embellishment. She loved it.

 

[giggleme]

Hi we are going DW on May 16 till May 23 . We have 2 adopted children one from Azerbijian ( 6 1/2) and the other from Russia (2 1/2) both boys. We will be celebrating thier gotcha days since they are only one day apart , the 15 n 16 of May. My wife n I are new to this web site and enjoying it sooo much. I have really enjoying reading all about people celabrating their gocha days in disney like us. This will be our oldest DS 3rd trip n youngest DS first . We have 35 days and counting till our 8 day/7 night trip and can't wait. My wife n I have been to DW many of times in our life but still get excited to go back, same with our oldest DS. If anyone can give us a few tips that would be great any new to us is a blessing and we are going to go to GS for the button too. Thanks for all the great post.




________________________________________________________________________

Ron ,Jen parents to Ryan (6 1/2) and Luke (2 1/2)