Toddler Vomiting

[mdhkitten]

My daughter has recently turned 3, and has an issue with vomiting whenever she is left with someone other than those people that she sees on a daily basis and are comfortable with (she's always done this). I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this before. She has been like this from the time that she was born. I know that most kids go through "stranger anxiety", but this is over and above that. She's ALWAYS been petrified of strangers and does poorly in group situations (ie, story time at the library where she's screaming and terrified). I'm a stay at home mom for the most part, but we do belong to a moms group and get our kids together several times a week. I've tried placing her in a MDO situation, but they won't let her stay because of the vomiting. She gets herself so upset that she vomits and that makes her even more upset. I've tried letting friends keep her with kids her own age (keep in mind that we hang out with these people on a regular basis, so she knows them) and they'll call me within 15 or 20 minutes of leaving, saying that she's vomited and is hiding in a nother room, crouched by a bed or something. I've tried all that I can, and honestly it's very frustrating. The doctor said that he's seen this happen occasionally and there is nothing that I can do, that she has to outgrow it. She does happen to be delayed in her speech (she's behind by about a year), which we're getting help for per her doctor, plus she may have some slight autistic tendencies (ie, being so unsociable, etc), yet is very intelligent. She isn't spoiled, but disciplined when necessary (only things like very occasionally popped on the leg once............now I just have to ask if need to and she behaves! LOL).

I'm just wondering if ANYONE on these boards has ever experienced anything like this or know someone who has. I just feel trapped and at a loss. Thanks for any and all replies!!

 

[Ellie_loves_Minnie]

My daughter has recently turned 3, and has an issue with vomiting whenever she is left with someone other than those people that she sees on a daily basis and are comfortable with (she's always done this). I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this before. She has been like this from the time that she was born. I know that most kids go through "stranger anxiety", but this is over and above that. She's ALWAYS been petrified of strangers and does poorly in group situations (ie, story time at the library where she's screaming and terrified). I'm a stay at home mom for the most part, but we do belong to a moms group and get our kids together several times a week. I've tried placing her in a MDO situation, but they won't let her stay because of the vomiting. She gets herself so upset that she vomits and that makes her even more upset. I've tried letting friends keep her with kids her own age (keep in mind that we hang out with these people on a regular basis, so she knows them) and they'll call me within 15 or 20 minutes of leaving, saying that she's vomited and is hiding in a nother room, crouched by a bed or something. I've tried all that I can, and honestly it's very frustrating. The doctor said that he's seen this happen occasionally and there is nothing that I can do, that she has to outgrow it. She does happen to be delayed in her speech (she's behind by about a year), which we're getting help for per her doctor, plus she may have some slight autistic tendencies (ie, being so unsociable, etc), yet is very intelligent. She isn't spoiled, but disciplined when necessary (only things like very occasionally popped on the leg once............now I just have to ask if need to and she behaves! LOL).

I'm just wondering if ANYONE on these boards has ever experienced anything like this or know someone who has. I just feel trapped and at a loss. Thanks for any and all replies!!

Hi

I'm very sorry to hear what a tough time you're having. I must admit that we've not had this problem nor do I know of it happening to anyone else but I just wanted to express some support for your situation.

I wonder if this is something that you might be able to slowly train out of her by having a relative stranger (at least to her...) sit in with you and then you leave the room for a short period of time. If she's ok with that then increase the periods of time you're away for but do it in a location familiar to her. Maybe if that works then move on to a less familiar location etc

I'm not sure your doctor is particularly helpful by saying that it's tough luck and she'll just have to grow out of it. Maybe some parent support groups near to you may have some other advice/ help....

Whatever, I hope that you come through it ok - it's a shame there's not more support available to you.

 

[NemoMOm]

Sorry to hear your little one is having such a hard time! DS is very scared of strangers as well though he does not vomit. He used to be scared of large crowds of children as well since I watch kids during the day (only 2) so we don't go anywhere. I signed him up for Little GYm and it has done wonders although it took awhile. Now I sit on the mat and he doesn't even come see me til the end of class. Keep trying and good luck

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You mention that she is delayed and on the autistic spectrum. This could have alot to do with it. Was she evaluated by EI? They should be providing therapy for her. She may also have sensory issues where she does not adjust well to new situations and/or situations that are loud, busy and unfamiliar. You need to talk to her therapists about this. They can work on behavior modification. The doctor will be of no help here. You need to speak to her therapists. Hugs to you as it will get better. You should check out the disabilities board as if I recall there are alot of parents there with children on the autistic spectrum that could be a great source of information for you. Good luck!

 

[WildGrits]

My youngest daughter is 9 with High Functioning Autism. As a youngster she had terrible sensory issues. Leaving the house was a nightmare. She was only happy home.

She didn't talk but that had a lot to do with the fact her sister was 20 months older and pretty much was mom number 2.

By the time she started K she had not held a crayon yet.

Now she is one of the most creative people I know. She is nine and has taught herself stop-motion-photography with the camera on my phone and her clay. I tease her and say, "when your a big star I'm gonna show you the house I want you to buy me".


OK so I wish there was a smiley for this. I AM BEGGING YOU!!!! I need a smiley praying. Please don't make her do that peer stuff. It is so over rated. She will get enough social interaction when she gets to school. She is only 3. If she so stressed out that she makes herself sick, then it is not for her.

I know I am going to step on some toes but..............
All mom groups and play date groups are, is a way for other moms to look over the group and verify in their minds how their child is the best behaved and smartest out of the bunch. Oh, did you know Timmie started walking at 2 months old? Well Lisa knew her ABC's in the womb. I read to my children 2 hours a day. Well when I was pregnant with Pumpkin I put little headphone on my belly and played classical every night while I slept.

Does your daughter need some therapy? Don't we all? But don't let them make you think there is anything wrong with her. She is fine. She is just adjusting the best she can to her environment.

The best thing you can do for her is be open minded to all advice and test results you can and be her advocate.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My youngest daughter is 9 with High Functioning Autism. As a youngster she had terrible sensory issues. Leaving the house was a nightmare. She was only happy home.

She didn't talk but that had a lot to do with the fact her sister was 20 months older and pretty much was mom number 2.

By the time she started K she had not held a crayon yet.

Now she is one of the most creative people I know. She is nine and has taught herself stop-motion-photography with the camera on my phone and her clay. I tease her and say, "when your a big star I'm gonna show you the house I want you to buy me".


OK so I wish there was a smiley for this. I AM BEGGING YOU!!!! I need a smiley praying. Please don't make her do that peer stuff. It is so over rated. She will get enough social interaction when she gets to school. She is only 3. If she so stressed out that she makes herself sick, then it is not for her.

I know I am going to step on some toes but..............
All mom groups and play date groups are, is a way for other moms to look over the group and verify in their minds how their child is the best behaved and smartest out of the bunch. Oh, did you know Timmie started walking at 2 months old? Well Lisa knew her ABC's in the womb. I read to my children 2 hours a day. Well when I was pregnant with Pumpkin I put little headphone on my belly and played classical every night while I slept.

Does your daughter need some therapy? Don't we all? But don't let them make you think there is anything wrong with her. She is fine. She is just adjusting the best she can to her environment.

The best thing you can do for her is be open minded to all advice and test results you can and be her advocate.

On your first point you are dead wrong. I don't give a rats behind about anyone else's kid at playgroup or anywhere else. Nor do any of the other Moms I know. Maybe that's something you need to work out for yourself. I go with my kids because they enjoy being with other children and they also enjoy cetain organized sports. Also- when I have a playdate it is just that. A playdate. The kids play. I'm not making a checklist of what your kid can and cannot do. I think that is completely out of line to suggest that is what ALL of us Moms do. I find this so offensive that I can barely think politely right now.
Also- as far as therapy- well you mention that your own child has high functioning autism. You especially should know about early intervention. Yes, we could all use some therapy probably, but EI isn't about telling someone how bad your day was. It helps with motor skills, speech, and even with behaviors including those induced by stress. The OP's child clearly has extreme stress when placed in a new situation. This has nothing to do with intelligence or how much she is loved. She simply does not have the tools to calm herself. It is very possible that she has sensory issues especially if she is on the autism spectrum. That is something that needs to be evalutated. There is nothing wrong with the child. She may simply need to learn some coping skills which can be taught with a therapist through EI. Just "Let her be" does not work with all children. The earlier they work with the child the better the success for the child. OP I wish you success and applaud you for trying to get some help for your child.

 

[Microcell]

Okay, does she vomit in the midst of the crying or can she just be sitting there and spontaneously vomit?

Before my advice, a little bit of background so you don't think I know not of where I speak: I worked for years with children with Autism, usually severe, and accompanied with mental retardation. I worked with the kids for college credit. I actually got paid for working with adults with MRDD and Autism in a group home setting as their QMRP (Qualified Mental Retardation Professional) My college degree is in Applied Behavioral Sciences, with a focus on Residential Treatment Programs for Adults with Mental Retardation. My minor was with the Early Childhood Autism Project.

Even more importantly I am a mom, with a son who vomited when upset, and who still distains leaving the house. I do not think he has Autism. OCD perhaps, but not Autism.

I would suggest reading up on it and talking to your doctor and maybe a psychiatrist about what they think. Minus the speech delay, she sounds like my DS.

Okay about the vomiting-

1. She is getting upset and throwing up possibly because she has a poor gag reflex. My DS did it until he was almost 4, about the time I could begin to reason with him. It was like watching a train wreck, the tears would come, and I just knew he would vomit. My DS grew out of it, and at 5 he does not do it anymore. He still has a bad gag reflex, and sometimes vomits in restaurants when not upset and while brushing teeth. My mom did too.

I would maybe look at Systematic Desensitization. The idea is that you slowly build up her ability to tolerate being around others. The idea is you try really hard to avoid setting her up for failure. I would set up something with a friend where you tell your DD that you have to go to the store really quickly and Jane will be watching you... I would not be gone any more than 5 minutes that first time. Come back in and praise the heck out of her for having such a fun time with Jane, provided she didn't throw up. A lesson I learned the hard way when my DS was three, is he hated when I said he was a "Big Boy" it scared him and he would tell me he was a little boy.

Anyway, you could maybe do that twice, and then increase it to 10 minutes the next time and on and on. If she does indeed have Autism, then get used to slow progress. I would not even think about MDO until she is at least 4.

You really have to get actively involved with an early intervention program now if she has Autism. I would also suggest reading "The Me Book" by Ivar Lovaas. Some don't like his aversion stuff, but that can be modified for today. It is the startle that is needed, so a loud clap can replace actual hitting for instance. He wrote the book in the early seventies, you know, when it was okay to hit a kid. You cannot deny the program, he had a 50% cure rate. Yep, cure rate, not just maintenance. Not just reduction of behavior, cures. People walking the planet free of the affliction of Autism. The entire key is to start working intensively at age 3 or whenever diagnosed. If you work with them before age five, you have the greatest chances for the best turnout.

Just to clarify, when working with a child with Autism, you need the startle because the child is "locked in" their own brain and world, and part of working to get them to attend is to get their attention. Sometimes you have to startle a child with Autism to move their focus to you to be able to get at teaching the behavior you want. Ivar Lovaas used a swat, I used a raised voice or clap when I did it. You can be respectful to a child and still get the desired result.

Good luck, and I do understand how upsetting it is!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Microcell that was awesome advice!

 

[mdhkitten]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I appreciate the support and the advice..........it definitely makes me feel that I'm not the only one and that people really care.

Microcell- Emily does vomit when upset. It used to be much worse when she was younger (i.e., under a year), but now it's not as often, but still makes me sad because I thought that surely by the time she reached 2 or 3 she would have outgrown it. It makes me feel better to know that your son did this past her age. It makes sense that once you can reason with them that it will get better.

I wish that I could just leave her with someone like most parents could, and if she was upset she would cry a little and be fine after a while. It's just heart breaking to watch or hear that your child has started the vomiting. I make sure (and always have) that I don't react to her vomiting or getting upset in situations, hoping to not make it worse. It's just going to be a challenge and I'm ready to to whatever I can to help her. I'm a single parent, so because of this situation don't go out often without her because I don't want my mom to feel as if she's taken advantage of.

Microcell- could this be hereditary? Her dad apparently suffered from all of this sans the vomiting.

Thanks so much for for everyones help!!!

 

[disney_family_1247]

I have no experience with this, but it sounds like something you will have to let run its course. If it were me, I would stop putting her in these situations for a while (months) and then try again to see if that helps. I was a painfully shy child, and nothing anyone did made it better. I didn't throw up, but I couldn't talk around other people. School was miserable for me. I didn't grow out of it until the tenth grade! My son is also very shy, but he gets angry in those situations and yells at me or his father. We try to keep him comfortable and not force things on him. He has been making great strides recently (he's 4 1/2).

My best friend in high school was very social and not shy at all. Whenever she spent the night at a friend's house, though, she threw up; even when she was happy to be there. We were worried when we moved away to college as roomates, but she was totally fine.

Good luck and have patience.