Today I almost cried...

[Brightsy]

I was in the Walmart w/ V. today.
As we were walking about, attending to our shopping I was dimly aware of a child screaming. Not crying, not wailing, screaming. Wordless screaming. I knew it wasn’t V. because he was with me, quiet and, for once, biddable.
I was able to tune out the screaming until we got to the produce section. The noise was louder and I looked around, yep, V. was w/ me. Then I saw them.
An older couple, either grandparents or elder parents of a young girl. She looked to be about 11 or so. She was the one screaming. Her grandpa (or dad or whatever) had his arms around her, while the woman (grandma?) tried to pat the girls back. The girl was waving her arms around and screaming, her face was red and puffy. Then as they all shuffled together to the door she stopped. She simply stopped.
I found myself getting choked up. I hugged V. to my side. I knew that screaming. I know it well. I’ve heard it time and time again (although it’s rarer these days). I’ve had my body pelted by smallish fists and worried about my child hurting himself. All the while being aware of the whispers and covert stares. This time it was different. I was on the outside. The folks who would whisper didn’t whisper. They didn’t feel the need to guard their comments around me.
I won’t get into the specific comments. Suffice to say they were all variations on a theme. Comments about parenting skills, mostly. I looked at the people talking, 3 Walmart employees. I said,
“That girl is most likely autistic, or had a sensory problem. She’s not screaming because she’s a brat or her parents are bad at their job. She’s screaming because something has pushed her beyond her ability to cope. I know, because I’ve been there.” They shut up after that. As I left I swear I could hear the whispering begin again…
I almost cried.
It wasn’t my child, this time.
I hurt because I saw people hurting like I do.
I hurt because I could hear people’s comments, unfiltered.
It wasn’t my child this time… but it might be next time.
I almost cried.

 

[Spoonful of Sugar]

I almost cried too, reading your post. Good for you for saying something. That's three less people who will comment next time.

 

[peemagg]

I think I might have found their manager and let them know about the comments. That is bad to come from anyone, but to come from employees who those people are their customers, need to be reprimanded for. I don't think that the employer would have found their comments too cool.

 

[tabithakp]

it made me cry. thankfully sometimes i really need a good cry, i just wish people were kinder and more understanding.

 

[Brightsy]

Small update: I sent the letter I wrote to Walmart last night. A little bit ago I got a call from the stores manager. After he told me that he was moved by my letter he asked for a few more details. I told them to him and he told me he would talk to the employees in question and make sure they understood why their behavior wasn't acceptable. He then apologized to me for the incident.

 

[MinnieVanMom]

Yes, we have all been there. How our lives have changed now that we are part of the club. Good for you to know what was going on and even better to make the store aware of the issues with the employees. Hopefully they can be better educated and deal with this in a more productive manner next time.

Yep, tears here.

 

[kehlyrsmom]

That brought tears to my eyes as well. I have so totally been there myself as well especially with two on the spectrum. I think that is one of the reasons I love Disney even more now then I did as a kid, because my kids have had a few of these at Disney and I always received kindness and concern from the CM's that were around at the time.

 

[jmartinez1895]

I try not to judge because I have learned so much form not onl;y my child, but the people on this board and those we come across in the many different doctors office. Thank you for your reminder that not every child we hear across a store is upset because mom said no.

 

[disneycruising]

I understand. My DD has aperger's so our "challenges" are different. I have many time been on the receiving end of "those" kinds of comments and looks. Some times it is hard to put a smile on and walk away.

I am glad you sent a letter to the manager. People need to understand that NOT everything is because of bad parenting.

 

[kirstenb1]

Thanks for going the extra mile to help the manager understand, and give him/her an opportunity to educate these employees. It takes so much energy to parent our kids, I'm always proud when one of us takes the extra step!!

 

[kampfirekim]

Thanks for going the extra mile to help the manager understand, and give him/her an opportunity to educate these employees. It takes so much energy to parent our kids, I'm always proud when one of us takes the extra step!!

AGREED! They may never know what you did for them, but the next time they're out shopping perhaps they will receive a little more compassion and maybe even an offer of assistance.

I have tears on my cheeks after reading that sad story. How familiar is that feeling to us who have spectrum kids?

 

[emh1129]

Thanks for going the extra mile to help the manager understand, and give him/her an opportunity to educate these employees. It takes so much energy to parent our kids, I'm always proud when one of us takes the extra step!!

I agree.

 

[cm8]

I was in the Walmart w/ V. today.
As we were walking about, attending to our shopping I was dimly aware of a child screaming. Not crying, not wailing, screaming. Wordless screaming. I knew it wasn’t V. because he was with me, quiet and, for once, biddable.
I was able to tune out the screaming until we got to the produce section. The noise was louder and I looked around, yep, V. was w/ me. Then I saw them.
An older couple, either grandparents or elder parents of a young girl. She looked to be about 11 or so. She was the one screaming. Her grandpa (or dad or whatever) had his arms around her, while the woman (grandma?) tried to pat the girls back. The girl was waving her arms around and screaming, her face was red and puffy. Then as they all shuffled together to the door she stopped. She simply stopped.
I found myself getting choked up. I hugged V. to my side. I knew that screaming. I know it well. I’ve heard it time and time again (although it’s rarer these days). I’ve had my body pelted by smallish fists and worried about my child hurting himself. All the while being aware of the whispers and covert stares. This time it was different. I was on the outside. The folks who would whisper didn’t whisper. They didn’t feel the need to guard their comments around me.
I won’t get into the specific comments. Suffice to say they were all variations on a theme. Comments about parenting skills, mostly. I looked at the people talking, 3 Walmart employees. I said,
“That girl is most likely autistic, or had a sensory problem. She’s not screaming because she’s a brat or her parents are bad at their job. She’s screaming because something has pushed her beyond her ability to cope. I know, because I’ve been there.” They shut up after that. As I left I swear I could hear the whispering begin again…
I almost cried.
It wasn’t my child, this time.
I hurt because I saw people hurting like I do.
I hurt because I could hear people’s comments, unfiltered.
It wasn’t my child this time… but it might be next time.
I almost cried.