To those who have asked about my fathers recent funeral...

[poohandwendy]

First of all, THANK YOU for all of your warm hearted pms and well wishes, it has meant so much to me. I will pm y'all back, I just have been really, really busy and haven't had the mental energy to go through all of it. I hope you understand.

Well, it went MUCH better than I anticipated and I was so wrong about how my Dads wife would treat me and my sisters. She was warm and kind and there was NO amount of ill-will at all. I am so thankful for that.

It was really hard, I feel so cheated in many ways. There is NEVER enough time. But, I also felt a great amount of closure.

I took the opportunity to tell his wife that she needed to know that all I ever really wanted from him, I did recieve. When I called him for the first time, I did it to find out if he loved me. I got my answer. The few times that I did see him, his eyes lit up when I entered the room. His love for me was reflected in his eyes. I could tell that he really, really did love me. He made serious mistakes and we all paid dearly for them.

I told her, "I didn't need 'things' or hugs or even time...I needed to know that my father loved me. He made sure that I knew ...there is nothing more precious to me than that" And that is the truth. The fear that he didn't care at all is what hurt me all of those years. The not knowing.

I wanted her to feel some closure and understand there is no blame. All of that is over. His love is something that cannot be taken away, even in his absence. He may not have lived up to the responsiblities that a father should, but he is the reason I am who I am. He also stepped up to the plate in the end. He deserves some credit for that.

I am going to try to make an effort to stay in touch with her. My father loved her and she him. It is really going to be a long road for her.

My sisters and I reconnected with our half-brother. Wow, he is really an incredible person, he made us all feel so included and loved. He has always been very curious about us and we all have so many questions for eachother. We are planning on taking a weekend to get together and just talk. He was raised always knowing he had sisters out there. I want him to get to know us and us him, he never had any other siblings.

So, yes, it was hard...hell, it was awful. But we got through it.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts, prayers and hugs...it really has helped me more than you could know.

 

[Serena]

 

[poohandwendy]

I just want to add one more thing.. We allow fear to govern how we approach life too much...fear of rejection, fear of confrontation, fear of the unknown, fear of failure. Fear of others figuring out that you really are just 'little' and them seeing your vulnerable side. Fear of not appearing smart, secure and perfect. Fear of not measuring up.

There is very little real time here on earth. I am going to try to push fears away and live like time is running out more. I owe that to myself. I know I will have less regrets if I remember that.

 

[debster812]

I'm so glad you are feeling as good about this as you are. I'm still struck by how thoughtful and profound some of your postings are.

Keep it up, you will get through it.

 

[Elwood Blues]

Wendy, here's from me. I'm so glad that you went and things turned out the way they did.

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie.

 

[TimeforMe]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
I just want to add one more thing.. We allow fear to govern how we approach life too much...fear of rejection, fear of confrontation, fear of the unknown, fear of failure. Fear of others figuring out that you really are just 'little' and them seeing your vulnerable side. Fear of not appearing smart, secure and perfect. Fear of not measuring up.

There is very little real time here on earth. I am going to try to push fears away and live like time is running out more. I owe that to myself. I know I will have less regrets if I remember that.

WOW! Amen to that Glad to hear things went well.

 

[Kallison]

I'm glad it went so well and you will get to connect with your brother. I bet that makes your Dad very happy.

 

[browneyes]

Your dad would be even more proud of you.

 

[poohandwendy]

Thank you all, you are so sweet! I wish we would have had more time, but...it wasn't meant to be. I am just glad he is not suffering...hugs out to all who have suffered, are suffering or dealing with loss.

 

[snoopy]

Wendy

What a heartwarming post. I know your Dad would have been proud.

 

[Piglet]

Wow !! Prayers for you. & Thanks - I really needed to read that today !!!!

Melinda

 

[Sandy V.]

Poohandwendy,

What a heartwarming post. You are an amazing person with a wise attitude.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you!

 

[Mom2Ashli]

What a wonderful post. It seems that everyone is finding some peace now.

 

[4greatboys]

Im so glad his wife was nice to you and that you have been able to connect with your half brother.

 

[ripleysmom]

PAW....I did not realize that your father passed away. Please know that I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

[Bob Slydell]

PAW

 

[leahannpen]

I am so very glad to hear it went well. Those situations can be so difficult and it sounds like everyone did their part to make it easier for all involved.

Take care...

 

[MickeysMommy]

So glad everything went as well as can be. You remain in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless.

 

[janette]

So sorry for your loss, thank you for the reminder of that we don't always have tomorrow.