Tips for dealing with a nosy neighbor

[kaytieeldr]

I'm a nurse, it would take a lot more than one whackadoodle neighbor to scare me away from this house. I'm used to dealing with crazy people. I'm trying to be nicer than my normal in order to preserve some neighborly function.

Use the Dear Abby/Ann Landers (I forget which one came up with it) response: "I'll forgive you for asking if you'll forgive me for not answering."

 

[RNMOM]

I think many of us have nosy neighbors we just don't know about.

I think I would say that you appreciate her interest but your family values your privacy. I don't think there is harm in saying you are a nurse and you work at so and so. I would then thank her that your mind will be at rest knowing someone is watching out for the neighborhood. How old is she? Perhaps she won't be around all that long. Most of these folks are just very lonely and have very little stimulation in their own lives.

 

[dakcp2001]

She looks really old, but she scurried pretty quickly around so she gets around well for the age she looks. Sometimes it is hard to tell how old someone is but she is definitely over 70. I'd venture to guess in her eighties. As a night shifter, I cover my bedroom windows with tin foil to block out the light. So if I DONT tell her what I do, she'll think Im cooking meth or something. The house has a very nice tall fence with a large private backyard. I now know why they have the fence. We already put an offer in. The suspense is killing me waiting for a response. They have until Friday to respond.

 

[Lynne M]

Oy, I had a coworker who was like this. Asked the most wildly inappropriate questions. And the most important thing I learned is that you NEVER give her information. It's like a drug. Once she gets a little bit, she'll never, ever leave you alone. Every little bit of info she squeezes out of you just gives her more questions to ask. Don't ever think that it's impolite not to answer her questions, I had soft hearted coworkers that felt sorry for her and would get sucked into a conversation, and before you know it she's grilling them about their 'relations' with their spouse (really ).

People like this are actually pretty easy to handle. It takes a combination of breezy cheerfulness, selective deafness, and distraction.

If you're outside picking up the mail and she starts heading your way, smile, wave, "Hi, Mary!!", and walk briskly into the house. You don't need to stop to talk to her.

If she does manage to corner you, and asks a barrage of questions, start talking about something else. "Oh, my, look at that beautiful tree. Do you know what kind of tree that is?" If she asks some hideously nosy question, pretend you didn't hear it. Talk about the weather. Compliment her on her blouse, or her hairdo, or whatever. If she asks "How much money does your husband make?" You say, "Oh, Mary, that's a lovely dress, it's such a good color for you!" Selective deafness, followed by distraction. Just long enough to be polite, then you're out of there with something like "oh, my, I have to start my cleaning, I have a busy day today. Bye!"

It's possible to smile and be polite and cheerful, and not give her a bit of information. Keep things as superficial as possible. That way your relationship stays non-confrontational and she can't say you're mean or unfriendly.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

Don't think of her as a nosy neighbor, think of her as a living-breathing security camera.
Theirs a guy like this a few houses down and Sometimes it's fun to pick his brain to find out whats going on, then go to the other neighbors and swap stories he told us and we have a good laugh.

 

[pieface]

I think I would sit on my front porch cleaning my shotgun with a big smile on my face. When you see your neighbor hold up your shotgun and give it a big kiss. Stand next to your newly erected sign house protected by Remington shotguns.

 

[HM]

There is a guy who lives a few houses away that likes to know what's going on in the neighborhood and he's been found in people's backyards scoping out what kinds of changes they are making to their landscaping and such. I'd hate to have him right next door.

Good luck with her OP. I hope she's manageable if you end up with the house.

 

[anniemae]

I would proceed with caution. She sounds more than just a "nosy busybody" to me. It sounds like there is something wrong, dementia, or mental illness maybe?

I would not answer her questions, although if you don't you may become a challenge to her. There was a woman I worked with years ago and she was very private, did not share personal info with coworkers or socialize with coworkers etc. Well the other workers took it as there mission in life to find out about her. They would ask her all kinds of questions, look stuff up on the internet etc. Just saying you may become her "pet project!"

I would be firm and direct and only give brief answers. If she asks inappropriate questions, just firmly say something like "we don't share that information" and move on.

Good Luck.

 

[WDSearcher]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I look at nosey neighbors as a built-in alarm system. There's always someone watching, KWIM?

For about six years I had a VERY nosy downstairs neighbor. Every single day, it seemed, I'd run into her (or her husband) as I was going to work or coming home from a volunteer gig or coming home with groceries, etc. They were always asking questions about where I was, how was work, did I hear about the new family who moved into the corner apartment, had I seen the damage at the pool, what did I buy at the market ... and on and on and on. I would almost always stop and chat with them, although I'd usually give myself an "out". "Oh my gosh -- I have frozen stuff in this bag!" and then I'd run upstairs. Although I found out that a simple, "Well, it's time for me to get inside. Have a nice night!" worked just as well.

I've gotta say ... as annoying and wacky as these neighbors were, they were probably the ONLY reason that my apartment didn't get broken into one week while I was on a business trip. I'd told them I was going to have "strange hours" for a while (didn't want to tell them I was gone ... just wanted to explain why they wouldn't see me as much), and said (in fun) "don't let anyone break into my place!" Lo and behold ... someone tried ... in broad daylight! And busybody nosy neighbor came out of her apartment and stared at him for a few seconds and then went back inside and dialed 911. By the time the police got there, he was long gone, but my door had obviously been tampered with. Not sure if he'd have gotten in if she hadn't startled him and then called the cops. I baked her a lovely thank-you zucchini bread when I got back, and she spent a long time telling me every single detail.

As wacky as she was, I missed them when they moved out.

 

[frostedpink]

I would find a different house! Consider it a lucky sign that you have discovered how wacko this woman is before you bought the house, most people aren't lucky enough to see who the neighbors are.

Then run, don't walk...to the MLS website and find something else.

 

[palmtreegirl]

i would not be buying that house. no way jose.

Me either!

 

[snapppyd]

I might think twice about buying that house. Years ago we had a house built. I had a bad feeling about the neighbor across the street, but I ignored my gut. Big mistake.

He made our life hell for 15 years until we finally sold the house (to a state trooper, thank you karma ). We moved up the block to a nicer house with nicer neighbors and life is good again.

I don't think her behavior will stop or improve after you move in.

 

[Schmeck]

She looks really old, but she scurried pretty quickly around so she gets around well for the age she looks. Sometimes it is hard to tell how old someone is but she is definitely over 70. I'd venture to guess in her eighties. As a night shifter, I cover my bedroom windows with tin foil to block out the light. So if I DONT tell her what I do, she'll think Im cooking meth or something. The house has a very nice tall fence with a large private backyard. I now know why they have the fence. We already put an offer in. The suspense is killing me waiting for a response. They have until Friday to respond.

TIN FOIL???? Honey, treat yourself to some nice, lined black out curtains if you get this new home. If they are too expensive to buy, you can line regular curtains with black sheets. I made blackout curtains for our bedroom for the times my husband works the night shift.

 

[emer95]

One of the best responses to nosy questions is, "why do you ask?" Usually the nosy person ends up stammering and embarrassed. Another trick I have learned is repeating the question in an incredulous way. For example, a woman I work with asked me how much I weigh. I said to her, "how much do I WEIGH?" She was spitting and sputtering and apologizing. It took some practice for me to be able to respond that way, but it shuts people up pretty fast.

 

[susan1]

She looks really old, but she scurried pretty quickly around so she gets around well for the age she looks. Sometimes it is hard to tell how old someone is but she is definitely over 70. I'd venture to guess in her eighties. As a night shifter, I cover my bedroom windows with tin foil to block out the light. So if I DONT tell her what I do, she'll think Im cooking meth or something. The house has a very nice tall fence with a large private backyard. I now know why they have the fence. We already put an offer in. The suspense is killing me waiting for a response. They have until Friday to respond.

I'm sorry but that cracked me up. the other neighbours will think your crazy covering your windows with tin foil. .
Reminds me of a program where they sat in tin foil hats to stop the aliens sending messages
That comment and nothing scares me i'm a nurse (believe me I know the feeling) sense of humour should help you deal with her. She obviously has special needs/learning difficulties, more annoying than actually harmful I would say. Go with your instincts on buying.

 

[Tuffcookie]

One of the best responses to nosy questions is, "why do you ask?" Usually the nosy person ends up stammering and embarrassed. Another trick I have learned is repeating the question in an incredulous way. For example, a woman I work with asked me how much I weigh. I said to her, "how much do I WEIGH?" She was spitting and sputtering and apologizing. It took some practice for me to be able to respond that way, but it shuts people up pretty fast.

I like that response!

TC

 

[verleniahall]

I guess I'm with the minority here;
I grew up in a small town where EVERYONE knew what EVERYONE ELSE was doing, etc..., then we were on active duty and in on base housing and you new everything about your neighbors, so for me, it snot that big of a deal.

My neighbors now are elderly, and they might be what could be considered "nosy" but when we are gone for periods of time, they will mow our grass, etc... (we didn't ask, they just did it the first time, and we paid them for it afterwards) so it didn't LOOK like we weren't home (dh had a 2 week training that i wa able to attend with him)

Sometimes, like other PP's have stated, they are your best alarm systems

 

[dakcp2001]

TIN FOIL???? Honey, treat yourself to some nice, lined black out curtains if you get this new home. If they are too expensive to buy, you can line regular curtains with black sheets. I made blackout curtains for our bedroom for the times my husband works the night shift.

Ive tried a zillion kinds of black out curtains. Tin foil works best. I have black out curtains over the window too. My last home that I OWNED (been renting awhile since I sold it) had shutters that were wonderful. I need it to be totally dark and curtains move around and light can sneak in. Also my kitty likes to play in curtains. I know it sounds weird, but tin foil is the best! Don't knock it until you try it! Anyway I am hoping to switch to days in the near future, I have been working a bit of both lately.

 

[lustergirl]

Hang a string out of your mouth, every time she approaches start to drool and say yum, yum.

And take the advice of your husband.

I like your advice. I would do something extremely bizarre and give her something to talk about

 

[gwynne]

i would not be buying that house. no way jose.

ITA. You know she obviously has issues. She may get better as the years go by, but she also may get a lot worse. Who knows how she'll be on a daily basis???
Down the road, you may want to sell this home someday. She may scare off your potential buyers. There are lots of homes out there. Find a peach!