Thread for parents who have lost babies..preborn or shortly after--just to chat

[Amy]

OMG - I couldn't watch. What happened to Carter and Kem was exactly what DH and I went thru 15 years ago - baby not moving, sonogram, no heartbeat. I left the room and spent the next hour going thru my box of Ashley's stuff and crying my eyes out. 15 years - sometimes it seems like such a long time ago, and times like last night it hurts like it happened yesterday.

 

[jacksonsmom]

Originally posted by Amy
I left the room and spent the next hour going thru my box of Ashley's stuff and crying my eyes out. 15 years - sometimes it seems like such a long time ago, and times like last night it hurts like it happened yesterday.

I am so sorry!

I watched the ER episode also. It was so painful to watch

 

[piglet too]

I bawlled pretty much the whole show. I kept thinking about how close I came to losing DS#2, my SIL who did lose her baby from a cord accident, and all of you here. Amy, I am sorry that it brought back such a sad time for you. I kept telling my husband, through the tears, that I really hope my SIL does not watch ER. Many 's to all.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

Oh, I am soooo glad I didn't watch. I am not sur ehow long I would've been crying! I have been so moody lately and that certainly would not have helped.

I will never forget the ultrasound screen with her on it, but no heartbeat and not moving.

15 years, Amy? It seems that there are a few of you here who have losses from more than a few years ago, and it sounds like the pain is always just as strong. Amazing how something so tiny and precious can have such a lifelong, profound effect.

I will offer some more to all of you because I have indeed found this thread cathartic knowing that there are others who "know" what I am and have gone through.

 

[Desnik]

As I watched that ER episode last night I just cried my eyes out. I was also thinking of all of you here. I just want to give a to everyone here. That show brought back so many emotions and I was holding my DS (who is sick again) and I was so upset!

 

[TEENEE]

Kristy, I think it's wonderful the way that your family remembers Gabrielle.

I have a friend that lost her baby due to a cord accident. She was full term, the baby was named Victoria. The hospital that Barb delivered in was great. The nurses were very caring and supportive. After Victoria was born Barb and Jeff were given time to hold her, take pictures, do whatever it was they needed to try to say goodbye. I have seen the pictures of Victoria, she was a beautiful, perfect little girl. Barb and Jeff were very open with their older daughter, even gave her a picture of Victoria that she has always kept in her bedroom. Victoria was born on New Years Eve. Even though this wasn't my child I still grieve for the family every year. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a child.

 

[2angelsinheaven]

All to often I'm reminded that my loss may not be as real or as serious as other mothers who have carried their children to term or shortly before because I "only" suffered through two miscarriages. Its so comforting when I find a place to post about my two little angels and to be able to share with others in my situation the pain I feel, the lost dreams, hopes, etc. Thanks to the OP for starting this thread.
My story started back in May of 1999, I was newly dating my now Fiance and only 18 and wanted to be extra careful not to become pregnant so I took a shot of DEPO from my Dr. Well fast forward a year later I still had not had a period since about a month after the shot. Now we were working, in a house and wanted to have a child. So I began seeing a GYN/Fertility DR, who gave me hormones to start my cycle. Well, still no luck so we scheduled a SonoHysterogram (an internal ultrasound). Unfortunately he did not do a pregnancy test before this and to our shock I was pregnant and this test caused me to miscarry. (HOWEVER he did not tell us only said "something" was on the u/s and I bled and bled for a few weeks after, pain, etc., we found out last year after I requested my u/s photos/notes.
Again in December of 2001 I found out I was pregnant. I was elated! My mom was so excited. That night we went to Toys R Us and registered and I was soooo excited. Lost her a week later on Dec. 19. 2001 at 9-11 weeks gestation.
I've had a hard time dealing with the losses, especially after seeing my friend loss two daughters Bailey at 20 weeks and Jaden who was born at 23 weeks who passed away last month after 5 months in the NICU.
I remember my children who we've named Brooke Alexis (12/19/01) and Shon Malachi (8/25/00) by having a shelf on each side of my window in my room with nick nacks and photos, u/s photos, candles, etc. We also have two very pretty certificates I got from the Church of the Holy Innocents in NY and a plaque I made for each of them. We also have baby's first christmas ornaments as well.
We just moved into a house and I plan on making a garden in their memory as well.
To all the other mothers out there HUGS!

 

[Simba's Mom]

What a coincidence to find this thread today-my son, Michael, died almost 25 years ago, at 10 1/2 months, of a heart defect. Just this week, I was going through some old pictures and mementos. I remember not really crying for months. Compassionate Friends organization, for the parents of children who've died, helped me immensely to recognize that it took me that long to come out of my shock. My OB recommended I not have any more children, but in my shock (long story), I got pregnant again right away. Then DH refused to associate with the pregnancy, said he couldn't get close then lose another baby. I had no choice about being close to the pregnancy, now have 2 healthy sons (and a different DH). Although everything is now great, there'll always be a special, sad place in my heart for Michael.

 

[Fizban257]

Six pages of posts, and I think I'm the first father with a story to tell. My DW is probably the better one to be doing this, but she doesn't do message boards. Eve would be due in two weeks had we not lost her in October (7-9 weeks along). DW had spotting and called me at work, we met at the doctor's office and they listened for the heart beat, but couldn't find it. Doctor said it may just be too early and sent us down the hall for an ultrasound. No heart beat, the baby had died. He sent us home to wait for nature to takes it's course, which it eventually did (an awful experience neither one of us will ever fully recover from). But for the two days we waited, I made myself crazy, because I just couldn't accept it. I was sure that they were somehow wrong and our little girl was still just fine. In fact we didn't want a D&C because DW wanted to be sure they were right. The testing showed nothing wrong, they don't know why we lost her. We're now 13 weeks along and due on November 11th. DW says this one feels different than the one we lost, but I am scared to death. We hadn't watched ER in weeks, but tuned in last night--mistake. My heart goes out to all of you, DW and I had no idea how many people have gone through this until it happened to us. People we'd known for years shared their stories with us for the first time.

Star, I know there are no words; I'm sorry.

 

[piglet too]

Fizban257 ~ I am sorry for the loss you and your wife have had, but good luck with this bundle of joy on the way. When I had my miscarriage, my husband and I (then boyfriend) were almost 6 hours apart. He told me how after I called him, he just sat and cried for a couple of hours. With all three of my next pregancies, I had pain about the 7 week mark, which is when I lost my first. I was so scared each time that I would once again lose my baby. It is very hard to not feel that way. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

 

[2angelsinheaven]

You will both be in my prayers for a heathly pregnancy. Best wishes to you both.

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

Fizban257-thank you and I just wanted to encourage you to bond with this child that your wife is carring now, everyday you get to spend with them is so precious. The very best medicine for my 1st miscarriage was my DS Grant. I am comforted with the knowledge that someday i'll have all of my kids around me as it should be.

People keep asking me if I'm going to try again after this D&C like I did with Grant. I honestly don't know yet but if it does happen like the first then I'll know that my kids have some serious guardian angels watching out for them.

I never named them officailly i mean out loud as some of you have....I'm pretty sure the first one was a girl from a dream I had shortly after her death and I'm pretty sure this one was a boy, just mothers intuition. Lydia and Riley were the names I had for them and I feel it's time they had proper names. Thank you for allowing me a place to say it "out loud"

God and peace be with all of you.

 

[Fizban257]

Originally posted by WhenUwishUponAstar
Fizban257-thank you and I just wanted to encourage you to bond with this child that your wife is carring now, everyday you get to spend with them is so precious.

Star - What an amazing person you are, sending words of comfort to me, at such a time, I'm virtually speechless.

We've already decided to take your advice with this child. With our last two pregnancies, DW and I have not wanted to know the gender, but this time we want to know everything we can, as soon as we can.

 

[mickeyboat]

Star - Such beautiful names. Thank you for sharing them with us.

Fizban257 - Good luck to you with this pregnancy. I will be sending lots of prayers and pixie dust your way.

Denae

 

[Minnesota!]

I am so sorry that there are so many of us!! It sucks!!

I had my first m/c Feb of 2002. Was "only" 6 weeks along or so. Had 2 more that year - July and November. Last year, we got back from Disney World, I felt really crappy (Feb). Took a pg test - positive right away. However, I m/c about a week later. DH made me go in for testing. Turned out I had low progesterone. So, Dr. put me on clomid, and I got pregnant right away - first month (July 2003). All was swell until I went in for my 8 week u/s to see about viability. The baby had died at 6 weeks. I was CRUSHED!! They wanted me to have a d/c, but I wanted to do it naturally, and it was teh most excruitiating time. I bled like crazy for 3 days, and was in so much pain I couldn't move. It was so unreal to me how I could be in so much pain phyiscally, but the emotional pain was even worse.

Well, so we decided to make a pact that we would not try until December 2004 . Fast forward to October 2003 - I was feeling funky, but brushed it off. Come November, and I realized I was a bit late. Took a cheapie test b/c I knew there was NO WAY I was pg, just wanted to put our minds at ease. Well, I popped ++ in an instant. Sheer terror. I started spotting about 1 week later, rushed in for u/s and there was my beautiful baby's beating heart. And no more spotting. We are due here beginning of July - looking like this will be a June baby, though

I wish you all peace, happiness, and fulfillment of dreams. And ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) to us all for the losses we have been through..

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

Fizban257- I'll be praying for your family, as my aunt told me , put your hand in God's and he will carry you through.

Minnesota!- Congratulations I'll be praying for yours as well.

mickeyboat -thank you that was sweet of you to say.

 

[mbb]

and peace to you my friends...

 

[TEENEE]

I hope I don't offend anyone here. That is not my intention. I'm sitting here thinking about the mothers of angels and wanted to wish you a happy mothers day and let you know you are not forgotten.

 

[2angelsinheaven]

TEENEE- Not offended, Thank you for remembering us...

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

I'm just glad my angels have each other today!