Thread for parents who have lost babies..preborn or shortly after--just to chat

[TINKTWINS]

 

[TINKTWINS]

I think often of the 2 gone, however one of the pregnancys was a few months before I got pregnant with my twins, who were a huge miracle/shock to me. I find myself wondering about the lost one alot and I will get very sad, but for me, I like to think God sent me the twins to help ease the pain, one of each I am so thankful for them.

Its just not so easy to be a woman sometimes. The things we endure make us stronger.

 

[Amy]

Wow - I'm a little late finding this thread - it's amazing there are so many of us with similar stories.

DH and I lost our little girl when I was 27 weeks along - I hadn't felt her move for a day, the dr did an ultrasound and said she had died. They told me to go home and wait for my body to go into labor naturally; after 2 weeks of walking around with my dead baby in my belly, they induced and Ashley was born on Nov. 2, 1988. She'd be 16 later this year. Even after an autopsy, they had no idea what happened.

I wish DH and I had been the only ones at Ashley's funeral. My parents came, my MIL, and DH's best friend. I was a wreck, totally upset, my milk had come in so I was in physical pain. Went back to our house afterward, and I had to make coffee for them, while everyone sat around reading the paper like nothing had just happened; no one would talk about it, and all I wanted to do was cry.

My MIL was the worst, though. Because the autopsy was inconclusive, my doctors had us do a brief genetics test - not full-blown testing, but they had us fill out a questionnaire to send to a genetics counselor to see if further testing would be advisable. My parents were great about which relative had what disease, etc. MIL, however, REFUSED to talk about anything in her family, and we had to rely on her for my FIL's info since he had died years before. To this day, I think there was something MIL knew that she didn't tell us.

We've since had 2 DSs who are now 14 and 12. Those pregnancies were the most stressful times of my life - I was constantly in fear that another baby would die, esp. since we didn't know what happened to Ashley so we had nothing to "watch out" for. I refused to tell anybody I was pregnant until I couldn't hide it any longer. My doctors were great - I had weekly appts. from the very first, monthly sonograms, weekly non-stress tests.

My heart goes out to all of you, because I know exactly what you're feeling. There's always a little empty spot in our lives; family photos will always be missing someone. While we love the children we've been blessed with, there's always a "what if."

to all of us.

 

[mickeyboat]

6 Time Momma -

I want to thank you for starting this thread. I think it is doing a lot of good for a lot of us.

Denae

 

[Melora]

I did miscarry around 7-8 weeks between my 3rd and 4th child. I knew something wasnt right because the preg tests kept coming back very very pale.. not a full blown positive. (I must have taken about 5 of them) I eventually went to the doc who said Yes youre pregnant, gave me a due date and sent me on my way. I kept saying that I felt something wasnt right and he said not to worry. I was having very light spotting but I did with the first 2 so I wasnt overly concerned about that... it was the almost non exisitant line on the positive preg test that kept me worrying.... 2 days later while I was at Chuck E Cheese with my older ones I had very bad cramps and went into the bathroom and passed a huge amount of tissue. I knew then that I had been right all along.

I went to the emergency room but they thought I was never pregnant... My doc later said that there was probably never a baby, that it started but never made it past a day or two but my body kept thinking there was a baby...thus the light positives on the tests.....2 months later I got the chicken pox from my kids (lucky I wasnt preg) and then 2 months later I got pregnant with ds (9). At the time I was so sad because even for those few weeks I was thinking about the new baby.. who suddenly wasnt anymore.

My best friends sister lost a baby at 25 weeks to preterm labor. He was born but died immediately. A friend at Jeffs Karate studio just lost a baby at 37 weeks due to a cord accident.

I do not know how I could ever go through that. Im done with babies now...I worry myself silly every time.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

People can be amazingly kind and amazingly clueless when someone suffers a loss like this. My mom, family and several friends were wonderful as were some of DH's family. My MIL who's never had much tact actually said she wasn't surprised we lost the baby because she didn't think I'd be able to carry a baby to term. I will never forget that.

They can be. I chalk it up to them just not knowing the pain. As I said, I never dreamed something could hurt so bad before it happened to me. People think "Well, at least they didn't know this child" and can't always understand that we DID know this child. I had a person tell me "At least it wasn't one of your children." I knew full well what they were TRYING to say, but all it did was make me feel like noone considered Gabrielle to have ever existed.

As to the funeral, we had our parents and brothers and sisters and my DH boss and that was it (and our kids). We visist her grave frequently and will decorate it for holidays. My mom also visits and puts things out for holidays.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

My SIL's Finace's Sister (got that? ) had 2 miscarriages. SIL said they were talking about me when I had mine and that she told her it was probably easier for me since I already had Avery.

I know she meant well and it was not said with any ill will or anything. She just doesn't have a clue.

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

tamie

thank you for your prayers, but unfortunatly things did not go as I had planned today, however I know that they went according to God's. They could not find a heart beat on the ultra sound today and I'm scheduled for a D&C on Monday. I have two angles now that I will get to meet someday but for now they are with the father that loves them more than me.

I'm glad I read this thread last night, it has really helped me today in my hour of need. There are some very encouraging words here and I just wanted to say thanks for making me feel better today.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by WhenUwishUponAstar
tamie

thank you for your prayers, but unfortunatly things did not go as I had planned today, however I know that they went according to God's. They could not find a heart beat on the ultra sound today and I'm scheduled for a D&C on Monday. I have two angles now that I will get to meet someday but for now they are with the father that loves them more than me.

I'm glad I read this thread last night, it has really helped me today in my hour of need. There are some very encouraging words here and I just wanted to say thanks for making me feel better today.

I'm so sorry.

 

[Dan Murphy]

's Star. So very sorry.

 

[piglet too]

's to you Star, I am very sorry for your loss, please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

 

[6_Time_Momma]

I'm so sorry, Star. My heart breaks for you.

 

[tkyes]

I'm so very sorry. You're in my thoughts.


Tamie

 

[jacksonsmom]

Originally posted by WhenUwishUponAstar


thank you for your prayers, but unfortunatly things did not go as I had planned today, however I know that they went according to God's. They could not find a heart beat on the ultra sound today and I'm scheduled for a D&C on Monday.

I am so sorry!

You are in my thoughts.

 

[Griggle]

A lot of people, I am sure, will argue that this shouldn't be done,

Argue if they will, but since healing, grief and recovery are up to the individual (and family) doing the mourning, any arguments there may be, fall on deaf ears.

I celebrate and remember my guys with a Thai Spirit House outside my door. It was given to me as a gift from a co-worker in Thailand who told me it's purpose (it's a beautiful, handmade teak wood house about 8 inches wide and 10 inches tall) was so that the spirts of those I have loved and lost had a place to go to be with me always, even if I should move from home to home. As per custom, the house is placed outside my door, pretty prominently in my yard.

Once they are "home", they're you're good spirits - they then serve to protect you from outside bad ones. My older son "feeds" them with flowers to keep them happy

There are other meanings of the spirit house, but I like this one the best

 

[6_Time_Momma]

Originally posted by Griggle
Argue if they will, but since healing, grief and recovery are up to the individual (and family) doing the mourning, any arguments there may be, fall on deaf ears.

I celebrate and remember my guys with a Thai Spirit House outside my door. It was given to me as a gift from a co-worker in Thailand who told me it's purpose (it's a beautiful, handmade teak wood house about 8 inches wide and 10 inches tall) was so that the spirts of those I have loved and lost had a place to go to be with me always, even if I should move from home to home. As per custom, the house is placed outside my door, pretty prominently in my yard.

Once they are "home", they're you're good spirits - they then serve to protect you from outside bad ones. My older son "feeds" them with flowers to keep them happy

There are other meanings of the spirit house, but I like this one the best

What a comforting thing. Especially if one was not able to bury their little one. I feel comforted somewhat being able to visit my daughter's grave, but I always wondered if I hadn't been able to bury her. I truly love the idea of your spirit house.

 

[mickeyboat]

Star -

I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs from all of us.

Denae

 

[Amy]

Oh, Star, I"m so sorry about your baby. Hang in there! As you saw from this thread, there are a lot of us who know what you're going thru - we're here when you need us!

Griggle - I love the idea of the Thai Spirit House. What a comfort!!

 

[WhenUwishUponAstar]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their sentiments, I really don't know what to say except , thanks

 

[disneychrista]

Originally posted by mrsv98

Afterward, the OB told me she was fairly sure I had lost one twin, but the other was ok.

OMG! I have never heard of this happening to anyone else (but my mom) before. I was a twin or that is the only "logical" explaination. My mom had a miscarriage but then when she went back 6 weeks later for a follow-up, she was still pregnant.

As a kid I remember having dreams about "another planet" where I had an identical twin and we had a "parallel" life. It was not until I was an adult in college, having to do a report about me when I was a baby did I ever learn of that I was a twin. Now I know/believe that the "other planet" is heaven and the twin is my sister.