Those married over 10 years

[Gaspode]

Hiya

Well, I am going to post (probably against my better judgement) because I think some really unfair things are being said here.

Firstly, I'm not married, I've been with my DBF for over four years and we have lived together for over two. I am Christian, he is atheist.

For us, therefore, religion is not a central part of our relationship and that works for us. For others, I think it is great that they may have that central faith to hold on to together - basically, whatever 'works' for you, good for you!

But, I did want to say that I felt it was a little condescending (and I'm willing to believe southernclass did not mean it to be, you know how tones and body language are missed out of msg board posts so its easy to misinterpret...) when southernclass made a point of mentioning that she didn't understand ppl who survive without faith as central to a relationship (I've had to deal with comments like this from a devoutly religious friend of mine so I'm sorry but it gets my back up to see it!)

So I can understand workinggal's comments and it certainly got petty from there on and that wasn't required.

This is a nice thread, marriage is certainly something to celebrate! Lets keep it that way and just congratulate and be happy for ppl who have found ways to make it work - even if they are different from our own

Cya,
Gaspode

 

[workinggal]

very nice post, gaspode

 

[AZ JazzyJ]

Ok, I think we are all getting a little confused and I really blame punctionation. If there would have been more School House Rock these things would not have happened.

Lorix2 (which I am still trying to figure out if you are like Malcolm X but squared or if there are two Lori's trapped inside of you but that is a different discussion) typed perverse. I think there was a space problem meaning it was supposed to be per verse. So if you look that up then per means "Containing an element in its highest oxidation state" while verse means "A poem" so what she was asking was why do poems rust.

Gymnasticsmom68 (by the way I am really impressed. If I get to be that old I hope I can still climb on a balance beam) and Workinggal (we've already discussed your name so I won't go back into that) thought the word was perversion. Now again we need to remember that a space is important if it does not begin or end a word so in this sense we are talking per version. Since the first part was still per, that definition was "Containing an element in its highest oxidation state" while version means "The changing of position of the fetus in the uterus, either spontaneously or as a result of manipulation." Well then they are trying to understand how can an unborn child rust when it moves. Well I am no doctor so I have no clue about that but I can tell you that if my lawn mower gets rusty I lightly buff it with steel wool.

So see, there are explanations for these things, you just have to look at them from a different direction.

Jeff

 

[Pongo69]

Originally posted by southernclass
My parents have been married over 35 years and they still kiss and flirt like it was their first date!! My fi and I are the same way. We have known each other since we were children and you'd think we just met yesterday the way we carry on. I guess what I am asking is what is your "little secret" that keeps your marriage alive with all the cooking, cleaning, children, and bills.

How do you find time for one another is this hectic world??

Just curious to know.

SC, just keep doing what you and you should be ok.

 

[LUVDSNY04]

Hi,
My husband and I will be celebrating our 38th anniversary on Friday,June 18. We met in college and we like to do things together like playing tennis and going to soccer matches,etc. He isn't into DW like I am but he goes because he knows how happy I am when I'm in front of that castle! I guess that is what you do - give and take a little. I go to movies with him that I don't enjoy so it evens out.

 

[Nancy]

Jeff...you crack me up!


I'll be married 19 yrs next week. It has not always been perfect, there have been some very rough times...but we are still together and we plan to stay that way until one of us dies. We made the committment when we got engaged. Neither of us are very religious so faith is not a strong part of our lives. Family is a strong part, not just our kids, but our whole family.

We manage to take time and trips by ourselves...thank you Grandmas! Now that the girls are older it is much easier to get away.....if we can find the time. He works 2 jobs, (1 FT and 1 PT), I work FT...makes it tough to get "US" time.

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

Originally posted by southernclass
[QUOTE}
We keep God at the center of our relationship, talk often and about everything, cook together, take walks often, put the others needs, wants, and feeling first, take a lot of vacations to WDW.


Ditto on that!! I don't understand how people can survive without that.

This is the actual post. She did NOT say she doesn't understand how people can survive without ONLY GOD... read the post. She didn't quote only the God at center of relationship and then say she doesn't see how people can survive without that. she quoted the ENTIRE sentence... but some seem to only want to hone in on one small part of that sentence as being the only thing she said she doesn't understand how people can survive without it?

I didn't read it that way. She quoted it all- so I think she meant it all....
Oh and btw- the comments on perversion of the thread- I think they meant that this thread was not put up as a debate but it's been turned into that. It was put up asking questions of those that have been married a long time- and then when people respond their posts are up for debate?
Sure makes a person not want to answer posts here- if now THIS board has become a community board where every answer may be up for debate and have to defend your replies. This thread wasn't made as a debate and as such I don't think the replies should be up for debate or attacked as such.

 

[Gaspode]

Hiya

No, I don't believe this thread was posted as a debate, nor should it be turned into one.

However, and perhaps I (and others) were jumping to conclusions, I believed she meant, more or less, 'how can ppl's relationships survive if they don't hold religion at the centre'.... My reason for assuming this is the nature of southernclass's previous posts/threads. I am very happy for her, and the other poster and all other DISers who do have this, but I, and others do not - for whatever reason.

BTW, I also feel if that she meant was that she can't understand ppl being able to survive without: God, talking often, cooking together, taking walks often, putting the other first and taking vacations to WDW - all of that as a combination (and not just God) then that can exclude and offend a lot of ppl too (not everyone can do **all** of this and not everyone needs to for their relationship to 'survive').

She could have just put 'Ditto on that!!' or 'Good for you!' and left it at that. This is the only point I'm trying to make because I don't like being made to feel the way I did reading the 'survival' comment.

I posted what I did because I felt offended by what she said. Everyone makes their relationship work a different way, and good for them! There is no need to judge - just be pleased

Thanks,
Gaspode

 

[frustrated]

Geesh! What is wrong with someone stating that their relationship with God is important? Some people just want to argue everything!

 

[workinggal]

Actually, frustrated, she didnt say that only "HER" relatioinship with god was important. She said she dind't understand how ANY relationship can last without god being at the center of it. Big difference!

 

[frustrated]

You know, there is a "back" button available. Instead you chose to mess with a thread that could have been very sweet and encouraging. I don't get it.

 

[workinggal]

I'm sorry. I didn't realize there was a "must always agree and post fluffy on all posts" rule.

Don't forget, there's also an ignore. please feel free to add me.

 

[Gaspode]

Hiya

Wasn't sure whether a PM to frustrated or a response on the thread would be better but went for response because I don't like to 'argue everything' but I do want ppl to understand why I have posted and said what I have instead of pressing 'back'.

Please let me clarify. I normally don't even like to post on such threads. But, as I said in my first post, I have met with disagreement from a good friend of mine over the 'religion in relationships' issue and it upsets me.

Southernclass did not just say that her relationship with God is important - she said she didn't understand how some people can survive without it. There was no need for this to be said. It's great that some ppl can, its great that others who can't, don't.

That is only the point I'm trying to make and I'm not trying to just argue for the sake.

I wholeheartedly agree, as I've said before, that this should be a 'nice' thread. Marriage is something to celebrate and so lets do just that! I just prefer to defend my own POV of when I feel threatened.

Thanks,
Gaspode

 

[AZ JazzyJ]

Originally posted by Gaspode
Southernclass did not just say that her relationship with God is important - she said she didn't understand how some people can survive without it. There was no need for this to be said. It's great that some ppl can, its great that others who can't, don't.

Gaspode,
I can't understand why people like funnel cakes more than Cotton Candy. Doesn't necessarily mean I don't like funnel cakers. Just means I have to recognize they have a point of view that differs from mine. Because I don't understand something doesn't mean it should not be said. But just because someone says something, I am not sure that gives me the right to jump at the comment (not saying you did that, just saying I am not sure I have the right to voice my displeasure that people like funnel cakes). My grandma always used to say "let sleeping dogs lie". I never knew what that meant, I am kind of hoping you do. Of course my grandma used to say grandpa was tying one on whenever he had a drink and I didn't get that either since none of the bottles I ever saw had strings attached to them. Come to think about it, grandma never gave me any good words of wisdom. Why in the world did I ever bring up my grandmother. And hey, she forgot my birthday too. I say we ignore grandma and just post. Who does she think she is anyways.

Jeff

 

[tc]

Gosh, an innocent comment on how my marriage works exploded into this, weird.

Even if SC doesn't understand how ppl have a relationship w/o God as their center, does not mean she was being judgmental. I don't understand how ppl can go a full day w/o drinking Dr. Pepper, not judging, just not understanding. I don't understand what it's like to raise boys, I have two girls. Doesn't mean I think families with boys are doing it wrong, just don't know how it works. Is it different from raising only girls? Get what I'm saying?

We all have reasons why our marriages work or don't work. As for me, God is the center of my life, and, if my spouse did not agree with me, I'd be unhappy. I am not saying it can't work for others, I was merely stating what works in my life.

Nuff said. Let's let this thread ease back into reasons why a marriage can last, and give SC some advice as requested.

 

[Gaspode]

LOL!

Jeff, I'm with you, lets just ignore Grandma.... *giggles*

BTW, I'm w/ you on the Candy Floss issue too, so you don't need to convince me

So there you have it, a compromise, I'll let sleeping dogs lie.... if you give me some Candy Floss and promise me it'll win the 'big vote' (Oh and if you could stop referring to it incorrectly as 'cotton candy' too that would be good.... or is that a whole other debate? )

Cya,
Gaspode

 

[grinningghost]

I'm not sure we have any secrets, but we really do LOTS of things together. Not just big stuff like vacations, but little stuff, like taking a ride to the post office or to grab a coffee from Tim Horton's. All the time.

We've been together for 16 years and it's working quite well for us.

 

[KathyTX]

Actually, debates, open discussions, and other forms of communication are fully allowed and encouraged on this board.

However, personal attacks and insults are NOT. Please tread lightly.

 

[two4ruff]

I thought I was replying to a thread about those married over 10 years but I honestly find very little regarding the original post in the last 3 pages...

Now I'm afraid to post my original comment on fear that my "secrets" may spark another argument!

Carry on, I'm polietly excusing myself!

 

[mickeyfan1]

Originally posted by southernclass
My parents have been married over 35 years and they still kiss and flirt like it was their first date!! My fi and I are the same way. We have known each other since we were children and you'd think we just met yesterday the way we carry on. I guess what I am asking is what is your "little secret" that keeps your marriage alive with all the cooking, cleaning, children, and bills.

How do you find time for one another is this hectic world??

Just curious to know.

Honey, all the cooking, cleaning, children, and bills are part of marraige. If you think that flirting and kissing is what makes a good marraige, more power to you. What makes my marraige work is a mystery to me. After 28 years, I still don't know. I also don't think about it. We are not religious, we are opposites politically, we have a few common interests, but more that are not, yet we stay married. We very rarely argue, what;s the point in that? It's nice that you and your roommate get along so well. I hope you have all the rest of your lives together in the same state of happiness as you do today.