This is us..

[ronandannette]

I think of it a lot like ordering and drinking alcohol in front of someone who has a past history with alcohol and is trying to get better. It's the fact that a person who has an issue with food, alcohol, nicotine, drugs etc. is really struggling and being around it is a huge temptation, so shoving it in their face is a little insensitive. Def. not anyone's responsibility to "watch" what they're doing around someone who's struggling with an issue like that, however it's def. also not supportive. As far as eating junk and losing weight anyways...that's really not what Kate or Toby's issue is. It's really not about losing weight (especially not in an unhealthy manner), it's about the connections and issues they have with food.

OK, but the thing is she compelled him to order the dessert - he was perfectly willing not to. Why does that make him insensitive? If she was just playing a game with him to see if he would still forego dessert for her sake even after urging him to have some, well then that's messed up.

I can't help but imagine how this would be going if it was posted by a real person as a WWYD thread on the CB - something along the lines of:

a) We went out for dinner last night and my companion is struggling with weight loss. To be supportive I didn't order dessert. It was no biggie for me - I could really take it or leave it. My companion insisted though, so I went ahead and had what I wanted. Now I'm being painted as a jerk. What did I do wrong?

OR

b) We went out to dinner last night; we eat out often even though I'm struggling with my weight and certain things are major temptations. My companion declined to order dessert, knowing that I couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't have any. I felt weird about this so I urged them to go ahead - I didn't want to make it seem like they had to deny themselves on my account. It was only a gesture though - I didn't think they would actually do it! I'm hurt and disappointed.

 

[Karabear15]

And in the first episode, Jate said she couldn't date a fat guy right now. I think she meant that she knows herself, and would fall off of her diet and eat with him. Toby said he'd lose the weight, so so she agreed to date him. If this was an AA meeting, and they started dating, and he told her he gave up, and wanted to start drinking again, it would be in her best interest to not see him anymore. To be that big, there is an issue with food addiction. It's not like she's trying to lose the baby weight.

I wonder though if she has an underlying issue because she is doing everything right, or so it seems...meetings, eating healthy, working out, yet she only lost a pound at her weigh-in. Coming from someone who struggles with weight loss, I'm betting there is something else here other than binge eating. We shall see! I was disappointed to see that she fell off the wagon, I wonder how she will approach Thanksgiving. I will be on vacation next week, so I will have to wait until I come home Monday to watch the episode.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Her name is Beth. I don't think she's a troublemaker either. She's fiercely protective.

To much for my liking. Why bring up something that happened over 35 years ago? She has to know she opening an hornet nest.

 

[ronandannette]

To much for my liking. Why bring up something that happened over 35 years ago? She has to know she opening an hornet nest.

Sure, but then again, IRL, who among us would actually sit on a piece of information so significant without trying to get to the bottom of it? I know I couldn't. Her reaction was written very realistically, IMO.

 

[wenrob]

I wonder though if she has an underlying issue because she is doing everything right, or so it seems...meetings, eating healthy, working out, yet she only lost a pound at her weigh-in. Coming from someone who struggles with weight loss, I'm betting there is something else here other than binge eating. We shall see! I was disappointed to see that she fell off the wagon, I wonder how she will approach Thanksgiving. I will be on vacation next week, so I will have to wait until I come home Monday to watch the episode.

Well, yes and no to the bold.
A) She lost a pound and quarter. That is a normal and typical weekly SUSTAINABLE weight loss. You don't put on 20lbs overnight, you don't lose them over night. She lost, that's a victory but she saw it as a failure. Any loss is a step in the right direction.
B) She eats crazy, weird things because they're "healthy." My personal experience and years on weight loss boards has shown me that leads to binging because it's not sustainable. It's a vicious cycle. Over restrict, feel deprived, eat.all.the.things. Incorporating "crap" food into a moderate eating plan keeps you from losing your mind and usually leads to positive results. It's all about balance. Right now she's all or nothing and nothing is going to win.

 

[prprincess]

To much for my liking. Why bring up something that happened over 35 years ago? She has to know she opening an hornet nest.

Agreed. I would have probably reacted similarly, but then seeing how great the relationship is between Randall and his mother, I think I would stay shut. I'm not one to keep secrets from my spouse, but I can't see anything good at all coming from it. And this comes from someone who knows about a similar family secret and hasn't said a word because the fallout would be worse than not saying anything.

 

[PollyannaMom]

A) She lost a pound and quarter. That is a normal and typical weekly SUSTAINABLE weight loss. You don't put on 20lbs overnight, you don't lose them over night. She lost, that's a victory but she saw it as a failure. Any loss is a step in the right direction.

I agree that slow loss on a reasonable plan is the best way to go. But it seems like she is going over and above "reasonable", and still only achieving those tiny losses. If it takes her that much effort to lose so little, how will she still lose anything on a more sustainable plan? - At what point are the losses too small to be worth feeling like your whole life revolves around food planning?

 

[elgerber]

To much for my liking. Why bring up something that happened over 35 years ago? She has to know she opening an hornet nest.

I wouldn't want to open that nest either, but it is a life altering secret. In my opinion, you cannot keep that kind of a secret from your spouse. What if it then came out some other way, and he found out she knew about it? Then he might lose a mother and a wife.

 

[wenrob]

I agree that slow loss on a reasonable plan is the best way to go. But it seems like she is going over and above "reasonable", and still only achieving those tiny losses. If it takes her that much effort to lose so little, how will she still lose anything on a more sustainable plan? - At what point are the losses too small to be worth feeling like your whole life revolves around food planning?

Well, I guess I don't see it as her going over and above. Eating "healthy" does not make you lose weight, eating LESS is what makes you lose weight. Healthy food still has calories and if you over eat it you're not going to get anywhere. Kate (and the general population) sees blocks of kale and egg white pancakes as the key to success but if she eats the equivalent calories of those as she would regular pancakes she's not going to lose. My favorite saying is "I got nothin but time" so if I lose a pound versus gaining one I'm winning. She's got a lifetime of weight and issues to overcome, success is going to be a long, hard road for her. Look at Toby, he lost 8lbs and given his personality I'm almost positive he didn't eat super healthy when not in her presence. Even if there is an underlying issue like PCOS, thyroid etc. science still prevails, you have to take in less to lose. My guess is that Kate's is not a physical issue but an emotional one.

 

[Music City Mama]

This is driving me crazy! Please help! When Rebecca returns to sing with her former band mates, there is an actor that plays the band leader that I have seen in another show. Does he look familiar to anyone? Where have I seen him before ?By the way, we love this show!

He didn't really look familiar to me, but I looked up the episode on IMDB and found that someone was listed as being in her band. I then clicked on his name (Sam Trammell). Is this him?:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0870794/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cl_t28

It looks like he was in True Blood for several years.

 

[Music City Mama]

Well, I guess I don't see it as her going over and above.

I don't really see her as going over and above either. Maybe I'm just tainted by too many years of watching The Biggest Loser, but the contestants on that show are as big as her and they really have to work out (not just casually walk on a treadmill) and watch their portions big time. Granted, they probably lose way too much way too fast, but they really put a lot of work into it which I'm not seeing with her, but I think she needs therapy to get to her emotional issues before she can commit to dealing with the weight loss properly. As someone else said above, though, I wish they'd have more episodes not focusing on just her eating struggles -- I'd like to know more about her other than just that.

 

[mjkacmom]

I wouldn't want to open that nest either, but it is a life altering secret. In my opinion, you cannot keep that kind of a secret from your spouse. What if it then came out some other way, and he found out she knew about it? Then he might lose a mother and a wife.

I keep secrets from DH, like if a friend confides in me, and asks me not to say anything to anyone. However, I couldn't keep a secret like that one from him, but I'd try to gather more information, and have those who kept the secret tell him.

 

[wenrob]

I sat on some information for several years that would directly affect my husband. At the time it was rumor, something someone saw as clear to them but they had no idea of the outcome. This person is one of the most upstanding people I know but what she told me at that point was not fact and had the potential to really damage his relationship with his mother. So I kept my mouth shut. When it did come out, it came from his mother and I think was easier to take than it would have been coming from me with nothing more than "so and so told me this." My DH is black and white when it comes to rumors, it is or isn't in his mind. He was not upset with me because all I had was what someone told me what they thought. A little different but I think it comes down to knowing your spouse and their potential reaction and the pros and cons of it.

 

[anniemae]

When Kevin and Randall were fighting, who were the two men in suits who asked Kevin if he was okay? Randall said something to them after Kevin said, "he's my brother" but I couldn't make it out.

 

[lisaviolet]

.that's really not what Kate or Toby's issue is

I get it. But it is obvious to me that Kate eating food she doesn't even seem to enjoy is going to go nowhere quickly. I am certainly no expert in this area, but I do know that I must enjoy my food.

I'll rewatch, but Jack's reaction to the flirting did make it seem unpleasant to me. It didn't seem innocent and playful to me. But maybe it will if I watch it again. Also, Miguel could very well be divorced/separated/widowed already at this point. They didn't mention his wife, did they?

I get it with Jack. Not a huge Miguel supporter. I just think it is interesting how it played out for everyone differently. And flirting in general. I have some pretty strong thoughts about the loss of flirting in our society.

And yet it was at work. But I didn't think it was gross at all, since the assistant was right with it. And my friend thought it was nothing at all. So that's the lovely with this show, the discussion and different viewpoints.

I still think they might be portraying Miguel one way, and it will end up differently.

It's so hard to watch Jack. Sigh.

____________________________________

And it did go through my head that maybe Jack is attracted to the assistant and that they are showing us that scene for a reason, for a different reason than we think.

But my head goes everywhere with this show! So I might be deep in left field. Laughing.

I thought I was on the only one who wasn't crazy about the weed thing.

Not Crazy about the weed thing. I do still love William.

I don't know if either of your issues were how it was played with at all. The lightness.

And I know I might not change your thoughts but I do want to add something, some very personal thoughts.

My father recently passed away. And he had terminal brain cancer. I can not even explain to you the lifesaver that marijuana was in his life, in his months left. It changed so many awful effects for him.

And while being an intricate part of pain relief, mental relief and the rest, it provided great memories for two of his friends, all in their seventies, as they assisted him to go outside (couldn't smoke it in his own residence - long story) and smoke it on the street (medical marijuana license). I'm sure they both felt very helpless as men at times watching their friend die. But I would put my money that helping him with relief through marijuana helped that feeling dissipate in those moments. Something that they could help with on many levels.

We took a train out west and one of them who is an extremely conservative thinker was up and down a street in Vancouver trying to find his friend the perfect vaporizer. And enjoyed his travels in these stores, and educating himself, and this is a man who is beyond conservative.

The laughter at my father's funeral that ensued,when one of these friends spoke, about how my father was always so upset how long it took me to roll his blunt and where the heck I was? - well something I can hold and smile at in some very trying months. So I smiled at the two of them on This is Us. It will provide memories into the future that they can smile at when the ugly begins to take over. As Beth knows too well from her own father.

And in the first episode, Jate said she couldn't date a fat guy right now. I think she meant that she knows herself, and would fall off of her diet and eat with him. Toby said he'd lose the weight, so so she agreed to date him. If this was an AA meeting, and they started dating, and he told her he gave up, and wanted to start drinking again, it would be in her best interest to not see him anymore. To be that big, there is an issue with food addiction. It's not like she's trying to lose the baby weight.

Once again, I really took it as Toby being facetious around his comments about "well I will lose it then".

But I could be wrong and am maybe forgetting some moments.

But Kate should simply walk away if she is that uncomfortable. I don't think the responsibility is on Toby.

 

[Islamom]

He didn't really look familiar to me, but I looked up the episode on IMDB and found that someone was listed as being in her band. I then clicked on his name (Sam Trammell). Is this him?:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0870794/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cl_t28

It looks like he was in True Blood for several years.

Thank you! Yes that is him!

 

[prprincess]

I sat on some information for several years that would directly affect my husband. At the time it was rumor, something someone saw as clear to them but they had no idea of the outcome. This person is one of the most upstanding people I know but what she told me at that point was not fact and had the potential to really damage his relationship with his mother. So I kept my mouth shut. When it did come out, it came from his mother and I think was easier to take than it would have been coming from me with nothing more than "so and so told me this." My DH is black and white when it comes to rumors, it is or isn't in his mind. He was not upset with me because all I had was what someone told me what they thought. A little different but I think it comes down to knowing your spouse and their potential reaction and the pros and cons of it.

I agree with you and am looking forward to seeing how this plays out in the next episode. Hopefully, it won't come out in an ugly manner and will be directly from his mom.

 

[camreesmom]

When Kevin and Randall were fighting, who were the two men in suits who asked Kevin if he was okay? Randall said something to them after Kevin said, "he's my brother" but I couldn't make it out.

I only recognized one of them - Seth Meyers.

 

[yoopermom]

He didn't really look familiar to me, but I looked up the episode on IMDB and found that someone was listed as being in her band. I then clicked on his name (Sam Trammell). Is this him?:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0870794/?ref_=ttfc_fc_cl_t28

It looks like he was in True Blood for several years.

Oh, yes, he surely was, and looks very much the same (he's aged well!). I kept expecting him to shapeshift into an animal at some point .

And put me in the camp of someone who is beyond thrilled to see a character fighting against her fat/weight/emotions, because that's just a ton of women who I know. That little motion of "tidying up" the corner of her mouth after eating the doughnut was so true to her character, who wants to be pretty and fit in.

Terri

 

[anniemae]

I only recognized one of them - Seth Meyers.

I mean who were they in the show? Were they friends of Kevins? They seemed to know him.