Things that parents do - my pet peeves

[KirstenB]

I’ve been following this thread with interest. I do have pet peeves, but: judge not, least you be judged.

I have a child who has autism, but is extremely high functioning. At a glance, even a long one, most people wouldn’t notice. He has his issues though. He might have a sudden, horrible meltdown because he can’t express his back is itchy. Life won’t stop because he has issues. Will I allow the fit in a restaurant? Of course not, but I might have to get him to a calm enough point before I can remove him. And if I happen to be roaming around WDW, we’ll deal with it then and there. We will not be going back to the room—NEVER will one person, especially a child, in our family run the entire vacation. My kids aren’t allowed that much control. The adults run the show.

Sometimes getting after him would cause a bigger disturbance so how you get after him is very crucial. He gets away with things my other two never would. For example, standing in his chair at a restaurant—as long as no one else is near him (and we do request that) so he isn’t looking over at another table but focused on our table, so be it. There are different rules for children with autism, and the on-looker doesn’t know which type of child (in many cases), you are judging. Basically, I don’t give a damn what someone in the outside world is thinking. I’ll follow the advice of his therapists and developmental pediatrician. I highly suggest the book (and I might be a little off on the title) 10 Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew.

As the mother of 3 (with another on the way), I’ve learned pick your battles. Fighting over a bottle isn’t worth it. The real chance of it causing permanent tooth damage is minimal, and there is always braces. My kids were always away from the bottle early, but what difference does it make? Don’t battle over clothes. Let them wear what they want. Why stifle them? Bring something more practical with you for when they decide it was a poor choice. Some kids only learn by doing. Basically, as long as it doesn’t put their (or someone else’s) safety or health at risk, let the minor things go. For the record, good manners aren’t minor, so don’t go there. Things that *only* affect your child are minor.

OK, that is as far as I’m going to go.

Our younger dd is nearly 4 and has autism. Discipline/appropriate behavior with her is by far the hardest parenting challenge I've ever faced. Her 11 yr old sister is sooo easy by comparison. And I agree with you completely when you say you have to be careful in how you discipline them, or you'll set off a much worse meltdown. I also agree that I couldn't give a fig about baby bottles, clothing, etc. I used to care about all of that much more with my older dd. When you have a kid with autism, things like coaxing speech out of them really puts everything else in perspective. DH and I joke that if Zoe suddenly asked us for a scotch and soda, we'd be like, "Johnny Walker Black Label work for you?"

 

[Subrbnmommy]

My son isn't affected by HFCS, but for him it is red dye #40. He gets awful facial tics from it. All it takes is one drop, and within an hour his tics are back. And he gets very antsy from it, too. Fortunately for us, red #40 is easier to avoid than HFCS.

I alluded to kids that can't have the ice cream at Disney...most of DS's food issues were *discovered* at Disneyland! I discovered corn syrup problems at home with a lollipop (20 minutes later he attacked me, kicking hitting screaming scratching and I thought back to all those other violent tantrums and realized he'd eaten certain things right before they happened), but we've discovered what foods have it and HFCS, that we didn't think had it, at Disneyland.

.

My DD5 also gets affected by red dye. It's like she's on speed! She can't stop moving and repeating the same things over and over again really really fast. We can't get her to stop moving and if she's over tired, As we discovered a lovely day in Dec at WDW) she sometimes gets violent with kicking and hitting my husband and myself.We confirmed the nasty red reaction while at Disneyworld!
We have since removed all red dye form her diet (including dye in kids medication)and her weird tantrums have completely disapeared.

But, I can't imagine what people were saying while my husband and myself were chasing her on the Boardwalk and when we caught her she was hitting, kicking and screaming.

 

[clanmcculloch]

I bolded. I am sorry and I am not trying to be harsh but if your child is that violent after a drop of corn syrup then I am sorry to say but I think you should talk to a doctor about it. I have quite a bit of experience with food allergies and that is not a behavior (to that extreme that quickly) that seems in line with them. I am not saying this to be mean or nasty but as a parent I would really look into that. That is not typical of a food allergy. Eliminating the food might help but for it to cause such a reaction there had to be something else triggering it. Also, if he cannot eat any forms of corn syrup then ANY corn or corn products would also give some kind of a reaction. The veggie burger you talked about had corn in it. If he has a problem with corn syrup then he shouldn't be eating corn period.
I will agree with you though that HFCS is gross and we try to avoid it all costs.
Good luck and I hope you find out what the problem is.

I TOTALLY disagree that the sudden explosive behaviour change is not in line with food allergies. Well, I suppose I should restate that. It is VERY typical of food INTOLLERANCES in children. The difference between allergies and intollerance is the type of immune response but the reaction can be the same though intollerance often have very wide spread reactions, one of which certainly can be behavioural and certainly can be immediate and extreme. Many of us with special needs kids are painfully familiar with food intollerances affecting our kids this way. Many parents of ADHD kids are also painfully familiar with this type of reaction to food colouring and additives.

An intollerance to HFCS does not necessarily mean an intollerance to all corn, though I would certainly keep my eye on corn.

I actually wonder though if there's a food colouring issue along with HFCS. The foods that were listed as causing the reaction also have food colourings. Anybody who requires the Feingold diet can certainly tell you that this is a very common reaction for those with food colouring issues.

 

[clanmcculloch]

I'm sorry, but IMHO some people here are just making excuses.

Baby has dirtied 2 spare outfits already? Well the gift shop is just down the hall - at least get a t-shirt with that diapee!

You know your son causes a ruckus at restaurants? Maybe give it a try at WDW but if it doesn't work out REMOVE HIM. The restaurant will pack up your food. Or switch off with DH as we used to do.

Your daughter is having an uncharacteristic meltdown? Won't settle down, is combative? TIME TO GO, no discussion. Be the adult.

Ahhh, I feel better now

We're talking about a toddler wearing only a diaper. Why is it a problem for a toddler to be seen in public wearing only a diaper? The poster wasn't touring the parks like this; she was in a restaurant. If the plan is to return to their hotel after eating then I honestly don't see why this is any kind of problem. If the plan is to then tour the parks then I would think going out and buying an overpriced shirt would be good more from the perspective of sun/weather protection. I don't see this being a problem of exposing private parts of a toddler.

As to leaving a restaurant due to meltdown, each child and each situation is unique. Sometimes, it is far more effective to work it out right there and it'll be over quickly. Other times yes it does make a lot more sense to get the server to pack things up for you so you can leave, though that also takes time and you will still have to witness that meltdown for at least a little while. Have some compassion for the family. Chances are they're trying their best.

As to heading back to the hotel if the child is having a meltdown, it's not like the parents can snap their fingers and they'll all be back in their hotel. Maybe they are working on getting to the busses to return to the hotel. Remember you're only seeing a single snapshot of time. If my child is melting down over in Asia at AK, it will take time for us to get the family to the front of the park then to the busses then on the busses then from the busses to our room. It takes that much longer when the child is having that meltdown. All you'll see is that I'm in the park with my child having a meltdown. There isn't always warning (I really liked somebody's tornado description of events; you sometimes don't have ANY warning). Yes, sometimes we're not trying to calm this child down because anything we do will make the meltdown worse. We're working on getting them out of the park as quickly as we can but we are also aware that there is unfortunately no good solution to the impact the meltdown is having on the world around us. We feel terrible about it but we really are doing the best we can.

Yes, perhaps I could use different words. And whatever words you would choose, its just really sad when a kid isn't given a head start by their parent(s). I just don't see how a person can have a kid and not take pride in that child. A family member of mine is like this.

And to the PP poster who wrote about the kid who dumped water onto her pants, I would be horrified if my daughter did that. I might have even bought you new pants. But then again, I probably wouldn't trust my kid to run amok with a water bottle. You have to have some kind of idea what your kid's "naughty potential" is.

But I have to admit that sometimes I judge too fast. There are a lot of kids out there who do have genuine problems. It's just that most of the horrible kids out there really don't.

I guess that I wish people would take responsibility for their children, plain and simple. I also wish that the kids with the REAL problems could get the attention that they need and not be held up by those kids who are just poorly raised.

Also, does it irritate anyone else when an American-born child doesn't speak English?

You're very lucky that you child NEVER does anything out of character for her. Boy do I will every other child on the planet was like that. Every other child I've encountered (mine or those of others) has at one time or another done something that has shocked their parents as it was something he/she would never had done and knew was unacceptable. Obviously the child who poured the water did it because of the way she's being raised (what was wrong with that woman?) but that doesn't mean that your child would never do anything that you don't expect. Never say your child would never do <fill in whatever here> as that's when she'll do it.

I hate to break it to you but most times you can't tell the difference between a child who is poorly raises and a child who has real problems based on a snapshot in time. You are a very judgemental person if you call kids things like stupid and horrible. Name calling is a terrible thing to do. Adressing BEHAVIOURS is very different from name calling. Commenting on how it's unfortunate when a child isn't getting the attention of their parents or aren't being taught by their parents and aren't getting any boundaries set by their parents is VERY different from saying the CHILD is bad or stupid or whatever other names you feel like calling the child. Do you allow your child to name call? If not, why is it ok for you? Your child is going to learn from your example.

How do you know that a child you encounter speaking to his/her parent in a language other than English is (a) American (b) unable to speak English? How does this child speaking another language with his/her parent any business of yours or having any affect on you?

 

[turkeymama]

I TOTALLY disagree that the sudden explosive behaviour change is not in line with food allergies. Well, I suppose I should restate that. It is VERY typical of food INTOLLERANCES in children. The difference between allergies and intollerance is the type of immune response but the reaction can be the same though intollerance often have very wide spread reactions, one of which certainly can be behavioural and certainly can be immediate and extreme. Many of us with special needs kids are painfully familiar with food intollerances affecting our kids this way. Many parents of ADHD kids are also painfully familiar with this type of reaction to food colouring and additives.

An intollerance to HFCS does not necessarily mean an intollerance to all corn, though I would certainly keep my eye on corn.

I actually wonder though if there's a food colouring issue along with HFCS. The foods that were listed as causing the reaction also have food colourings. Anybody who requires the Feingold diet can certainly tell you that this is a very common reaction for those with food colouring issues.

Food intolerances do not cause reactions within the immune system. Food intolerances occur when a body lacks the proper enzymes to break down the offending food, i.e. lactose intolerance. This normally causes gastrointestinal problems. Other than that one symptom, the symptoms of allergic reactions and food intolerances are very different.

 

[JKSWonder]

Our younger dd is nearly 4 and has autism. Discipline/appropriate behavior with her is by far the hardest parenting challenge I've ever faced. Her 11 yr old sister is sooo easy by comparison. And I agree with you completely when you say you have to be careful in how you discipline them, or you'll set off a much worse meltdown. I also agree that I couldn't give a fig about baby bottles, clothing, etc. I used to care about all of that much more with my older dd. When you have a kid with autism, things like coaxing speech out of them really puts everything else in perspective. DH and I joke that if Zoe suddenly asked us for a scotch and soda, we'd be like, "Johnny Walker Black Label work for you?"

My DS (3) is PDD-NOS with a significant speech delay and we would be happy if he would ask us just about anything too.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I TOTALLY disagree that the sudden explosive behaviour change is not in line with food allergies. Well, I suppose I should restate that. It is VERY typical of food INTOLLERANCES in children. The difference between allergies and intollerance is the type of immune response but the reaction can be the same though intollerance often have very wide spread reactions, one of which certainly can be behavioural and certainly can be immediate and extreme. Many of us with special needs kids are painfully familiar with food intollerances affecting our kids this way. Many parents of ADHD kids are also painfully familiar with this type of reaction to food colouring and additives.

An intollerance to HFCS does not necessarily mean an intollerance to all corn, though I would certainly keep my eye on corn.

I actually wonder though if there's a food colouring issue along with HFCS. The foods that were listed as causing the reaction also have food colourings. Anybody who requires the Feingold diet can certainly tell you that this is a very common reaction for those with food colouring issues.

From what that poster has posted the child is not special needs. The same poster also thinks you can cure diabetes with some cinnamon and brain tumors with chiropractic care. My concern was genuine that if the child is indeed acting out so violently when they have a drop of corn syrup then I would hope they would talk to their pediatrician to make sure there isn't something else going on as well. I know I would find that type of behavior upsetting as a parent and would want to make sure that it was simply the corn syrup and nothing else.
I am very familiar with the Feingold diet. I do know that children can have reactions to certain things but the episodes described are not typical and seem to happen instantaniously. Could they possibly happen? Anything is possible and I do know someone very well who reacts terribly to certain foods but they do not have one bite and instantly bounce off the walls. The effects though of the reaction can last for days though unfortunately. I wish we could wave a magic wand and make the kids not have to deal with it at all.

 

[rt2dz]

Our younger dd is nearly 4 and has autism. Discipline/appropriate behavior with her is by far the hardest parenting challenge I've ever faced. Her 11 yr old sister is sooo easy by comparison. And I agree with you completely when you say you have to be careful in how you discipline them, or you'll set off a much worse meltdown. I also agree that I couldn't give a fig about baby bottles, clothing, etc. I used to care about all of that much more with my older dd. When you have a kid with autism, things like coaxing speech out of them really puts everything else in perspective. DH and I joke that if Zoe suddenly asked us for a scotch and soda, we'd be like, "Johnny Walker Black Label work for you?"

LOL I might steal that line from you. That is *exactly* how it works in our house. Sometimes it irritates my other two (who are really wonderful, understanding kids) because our little guy can get anything if he just uses a sentence. But I'm always telling the older two (at various times) (1) it's all about comprehension & ability, and (2) anything that gets him to speak is going to be encouraged.

 

[lntsmom]

who always told us to only write about topics we know about first hand.

To the OP and anyone else who feels compelled to critique the other families they see in the parks:

Don't be a Gladys Kravitz!

 

[DISNEYFOS]

I'm just wondering how boring everyones lives are that they actually care

Methinks you all should focus on having fun with your families.

 

[leilaandjamilsmom]

I'm not butting in anyone's parenting at all. Look at the title of the thread. It specifically asks "what are your pet peeves?" No one here is talking about butting in when they see something annoying. I'm sure I do things that would bother other people. Let them look. My kids are my business, their kids are their's. I'm all about live and let live.
If no one ever witnessed anything annoying (in WDW or anywhere) this thread would be empty. Lighten up.

I wasnt making that comment toward the thread itself, i think that I quoted it wrong when I was typing. I have plenty of my own pet peeves,, my comments was more in regards to a person posting on this thread that was saying very nasty things about parents and children and critisizing to the point where it is mean and nasty. I agree with you, my kids are my business and their kids are theirs. Some people feel the need to act on their peeves when out in public which isnt a great thing to do if someone doesn't know the entire situation is all I was saying.I am wdw to have fun and of course we have our meltdowns too plenty let me tell you lol. I am not the kind of person that you would have to tell lighten up to trust me.

 

[disney_family_1247]

I'm with you on the shouting thing...when we go to Disney, we go with the flow of the kids. You cannot expect things to go as planned or at a fast pace when there are children (especially small children) involved.

The germ comment just goes to show that you have not experienced the phenomena known in our family as "Who is going to Throw Up on This Trip?" I am not making this up-until I started carrying hand sanitizer in my purse on vacation, someone ALWAYS threw up at some point during the trip. To be blunt, Chip accidentally stood in my daughter's vomit at a character meal, and they had to clear out a monorail cabin to clean up another puddle (same night). I don't use it obsessively at home, but at a place like Disney (or any other vacation, for that matter), it saves the vacation.

My husband's family came to visit in May. We went to a local safari place. In the crowd, I forgot to sanitize anyone. 10 out of the 12 people spent the next couple of days throwing up and having "other" stomach issues. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced.

 

[Juliet25]

What peeves me is when people are so judgemental about others, especially strangers, when they have no idea what the whole situation is and have never walked a minute in their shoes. A judgement is made after witnessing maybe 1/10th of the entire situation. I wish people wouldn't be so judgemental at "the happiest place on earth."

Yep. I'm only on page 2 of this "worst of parenting" list but I'm already guilty of a few things.

Ah well! We can't all be perfect.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I wasnt making that comment toward the thread itself, i think that I quoted it wrong when I was typing. I have plenty of my own pet peeves,, my comments was more in regards to a person posting on this thread that was saying very nasty things about parents and children and critisizing to the point where it is mean and nasty. I agree with you, my kids are my business and their kids are theirs. Some people feel the need to act on their peeves when out in public which isnt a great thing to do if someone doesn't know the entire situation is all I was saying.I am wdw to have fun and of course we have our meltdowns too plenty let me tell you lol. I am not the kind of person that you would have to tell lighten up to trust me.

Sorry, when you quoted me I thought it was directed at me. I wasn't trying to be mean and nasty. Just a simple fact whether we're going thru the mall, WDW, or having TG dinner with extended family: we'll all often see things that we might disagree with. That's life.
Same could be said if I see someone with a really expensive purse and I think to myself, "That's so not me and I can think of lots of other fun things to do with that much $." I would never say anything; that's their business how they spend their $ and they might laugh at what I'm passionate about. (DCL/WDW)
To each his own.

 

[brekin67]

Well, maybe the language thing is just me. I don't care how many languages that a kid learns, I just care when that kid can't function in a school or anything because s/he doesn't speak English.

Second, "Murder the Government" is actually the title to a song. It's not so much the idea of executing everyone in the government. It just is symbolic of the fact that Democracy is a failure. I'm not trying to be "scary". But I digress, we can't really get into politics here and start a big 'ol argument.

I respect each and every one of your opinions on not just how to raise a child, but on all of these things in general. If you wish to discuss this further, feel free to PM me and we can chat about it. I just don't want this to turn into a big political debate and get the thread deleted or closed.



P.S. Sorry. Being politically correct, to me, is like saving money: I'm not very good at it. Didn't mean to offend.

I just looked up the lyrics to the song you referred to in your sig. Eek Gads!

 

[dvczerfs]

I love Disney and it's magic but I find myself open mouthed at times. Sorry if I upset but here are my pet peeves:

1. Shouting at children at Disney, while we all get tired and frustrated I hate to see parents shouting, moaning or getting on at their Children while at the most magical place on earth. It should be a magical fun time not a time to make them unhappy. Relax some of the rules that apply at home let them eat ice-cream for lunch etc, it's vacation, it's hot, it's supposed to be fun. I always mumble under my breath in an ironic tone - "happy families - bring your child on vacation to shout at them"

2. The constant "germaphobes". Making your child frighten to touch anything, as a nation I think we are becoming obsessed with contamination and it is gradually taking over people lives. A JAMA study found that children in large families suffered fewer illnesses than children in smaller families, suggesting that larger families exposed children to more germs, which increased their immunity to common infections. Early germ expose boosts the immune system later in life. So be resonable and instead of constantly sanitizing your kids hands, telling them not to touch something, instilling paranoia, give them an orange, well what I really mean is make sure they are getting the right nutrition to make sure they are boosting their defenses and teach them proper hand washing.

3. Trying to push the kids to see everything in one day. Get up early go till lunchtime, take a break back at the hotel, swim, nap and rest go back out later on. It makes it more enjoyable for everyone.

hi brit, i didnt read the entire thread, but with all do respect, some of us are italian,and some of us italians normal tone can be mistaken as yelling.

 

[Mommytobree]

Don't get me wrong - I have a TON of things that I have pet peeves about with other parents (parent of 7 year old ds and 5 year old dd here), but I was surpised by OP's list.

ON #1....I'm a yeller at times, not all the time, but sometimes, and vacation or not - if my child is behaving inappropriately I have been known to yell once or twice. My pet peeve is the opposite - parents who choose to ignore inappropriate behavior simply because it is vacation (actually, they probably do it more often than just on vacation). Ice cream for lunch??? SURE - we can do that! Have a temper tantrum because Mommy won't buy you ANOTHER souvenier?? NO WAY! We will not be going there! And we will have words (or missed rides, or go back to the room altogether) if that is done.

I agree. I don't care where we are-we could be haing tea with the president-if my kids is acting up I am going to speak to them. I had to speak to my children several times on this last trip. I am lenient, and let alot of rules slide, but I am not going to allow rudeness, tantrums, or espeically hitting each other (my boys are good for that one) and if someone saw and did not like me speaking sternly to my kids-then perhaps maybe they should take them all for a few hours

 

[princessmom29]

Food intolerances do not cause reactions within the immune system. Food intolerances occur when a body lacks the proper enzymes to break down the offending food, i.e. lactose intolerance. This normally causes gastrointestinal problems. Other than that one symptom, the symptoms of allergic reactions and food intolerances are very different.

I don't presume to tell anyone how to parent thier child, or what ot give them or not, but as a biochemist I can confirm that you are correct about intolerance versus allergy. A food intolerance does not produce an immune response. Resoponses to food intolerances can be extreme. The child profiled in the movie Lorenzo's Oil is an example. These type of extreme responses however are normally brought on from repeated exposure to a food that is not digested and biulds up in the system. I just don't see how exposure to a small amount of HCFS could cause a violent response like the one described by a poster here. I have heard this type of anecdotal evidence before and in almost every case I have read about that was properly investigated and allergy tested it turned out to be an allergy to something else in the food, often a preservative or food dye. I would definitely look deeper into something like this before I blame it on HCFS. If it is being caused by the HCFS, all corn products should be causeing some degree of symptoms as well as this is indicitave of an allergy rather than an intolerance.

 

[disneymom2one]

Also, does it irritate anyone else when an American-born child doesn't speak English?

(Snipped)

No. It irritates me when a massive hurricane comes and changes my life and that of so many others.

It really irritates me that neither my mom nor my dad lived long enough to see their beautiful granddaughters grow up.

Prejudice and hate really irritate me.

Ignorance about autism irritates me.

But whether some other child speaks English?

Not so much.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't presume to tell anyone how to parent thier child, or what ot give them or not, but as a biochemist I can confirm that you are correct about intolerance versus allergy. A food intolerance does not produce an immune response. Resoponses to food intolerances can be extreme. The child profiled in the movie Lorenzo's Oil is an example. These type of extreme responses however are normally brought on from repeated exposure to a food that is not digested and biulds up in the system. I just don't see how exposure to a small amount of HCFS could cause a violent response like the one described by a poster here. I have heard this type of anecdotal evidence before and in almost every case I have read about that was properly investigated and allergy tested it turned out to be an allergy to something else in the food, often a preservative or food dye. I would definitely look deeper into something like this before I blame it on HCFS. If it is being caused by the HCFS, all corn products should be causeing some degree of symptoms as well as this is indicitave of an allergy rather than an intolerance.

Thank you!