They Call Me MISTER PIG- He Said, She Said (9/1 Lights, Thunder, Fantasmic? Page 47)

[TinkAsh2001]

Just wanted to give ya another hug & hope you are well!

 

[PISCESANGEL]

Becca - I just wanted to let you know that you and your children are in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[PoohIs#1]

Hi Becca. I sat and read your trip report last night. I can't imagine the same guy that wrote that TR with you up and left you and the kids. I will admit though that when I saw your beautiful family picture I wondered what HE had done to get someone as pretty as you I know it's hard right now, but when you come out on the other side you might find that it was for the best.

 

[disneyquilter]

Becca,

I am so sorry to hear of everything that has happened. You and your kids are in my thoughts & prayers.

Get better soon

 

[stagemomx3]

Thinking of you tonight Becca!

 

[dreamer17555]

First off I am alive. My head has been swimming lately. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything. Besides all of the usual awfulness there has been a death in my family. I need to travel for the funeral but flight prices are so prohibitive. Like I said head swimming.

First off I went a met with He last night. He is not interested in reconciling, he tossed it out at the end but for the most part kept telling me that this was going to happen sooner or later so it should be sooner. I also learned that he has been saying a lot of terrible things about me to pretty much everyone we associate with, and his stupid friends (the ones without any kids) have been telling him to leave. These are people I invited into my home time and time again. I feel endlessly foolish.

Cat actually came right out and asked me. I was working really hard to keep this from her but I think she just knew. I sat her down and told her what might happen but tried to leave it open ended. She has decided that she hates me, that it was all my fault because I didn’t let him spend enough time with his friends. It hurts when my sweet kind kid yells these things but I am not going to correct her. Actually I am finding myself happy when she is yelling because for the last few days she has been freakishly quiet, curled around a blanket balled up, not crying but looking so heart broken that I feel like someone has just stabbed me. She doesn’t want to play or read or watch TV. Its so strange. She has been sleeping with me and last night she was crying in her sleep. Sorry tears here. Its so hard.

I need to get her into therapy ASAP but its not covered by our insurance plan. And as many of you know I am a student, getting my teaching degree so money is fast becoming an issue. He has offered to help out as much as he can but he doesn’t seem to realize that he can’t live at his friend’s house forever. He is going to need his own place and stuff so the kids can have a place to go. I am pretty much going to have to cut out everything and let school go for the time being to keep my head above water. One of the things that will have to go is Cat’s dance. I haven’t told her yet. I just can’t imagine taking one more thing away from her right now. I just can’t afford it.

If I had known any of this was coming I would have skipped Disney. I feel very stupid.

My dad is offering me a place to live in Texas. It would allow me to continue to go to school. The only thing that is holding me back is He. He thinks that every other weekend isn’t fair. I told him tough. I am sorry but it would take something horrible to make me leave my children, I get that he was unhappy but now the kids are unhappy. I tend to think as parents it is our job to suck stuff up as much as possible so they have a chance to be happy. He had a pretty good childhood and I think he takes it all for granted. I come from a messed up divorced home and I never wanted that for my children.

I also told He that he could move too. He looked at me like I was crazy. He said he would die for his kids. It is amazing how he would die for them but not work on us, and not move. I hate empty sentiments like that. I think he is too selfish to be a parent. And here I am left to pick up all the pieces.

The baby has been sick and so that has been running me all over. He is on meds and feeling a little less fussy.

He keeps asking to see the kids, but Cat doesn’t want to see him. I keep trying to get her to even talk to him but nothing. I feel bad about keeping him away but I have to do what is right for my daughter. The baby is fine, he doesn’t seem to even notice that He is gone. Its her that I am worried about. This is not my sweet kid, she is so angry and hurt that she is practically humming with it. And I just want to sob everytime I look at her. I can’t believe I picked this man, someone who could do this to them. I can’t believe that because I was so head over heels I refused to see who he really was. I feel like the world’s worst mom.

Well I am going to pull up some more flights and then try to get Cat to eat some more breakfast, she has been barely touching her food lately. Thank you for all the prayers. I think we are going to need them.


-Becca-

 

[karajeboo]

Becca - first of all, I feel so horrible for you. But you are strong and you are a devoted mother, so you will be fine. I think He should continue to pay for the Cat's dance. The kids need to keep their lives as normal as possible. And as long as he's living with a friend, he should be able to provide plenty of monetary support, including therapy for Cat right away. Because like you hinted at, once he gets his own place the money will be a lot tighter for him. But you need to do all you can to continue school, too, even if it means moving to Texas and continuing school there. Anything to get your career going so you can help out your kids.

Remember, you ARE strong and you WILL get through this and be a better person for it in the end.

 

[luckylady]

Look into your area to see if they have a group called Rainbow. My DN went through this program when her parents went through a divorce and it helped a lot. If not contact you health center.It may have a program help for her(and you) either free or based on a sliding rule. As for He, get wha you need money wise for the kids. I would't worry about him as he mad ethe choice to leave, not work on it now he has to pay for his decisions. As for your dads offer I would take it. Stoping your edcution right now would hut not only you but the kids in the long run as you need it to support all 3 of you. If he doesn't like it. to bad! If not go after student loans, grants. My thoughts and feelings are he didn't think this through, Listened to his friends who are youg and carefree. I don't tink he remembered there are kids involved and what he would miss out on.If he doesn't think every other weekend is fair,to bad. You have to do what is best for you and the kids now. As much as it hurts, and leaving would hurt, remember you didn't bring this on.Hugs out to you and the kids.

 

[reelmom]

Becca,
Don't ever feel like you are the Worst Mom. You did not do this to the family. I think you are doing right by letting Cat have her emotions without you correcting her. She needs to get them out and at this early age, this is probably the only way. As far as the move to Texas, I would do it if you need to. Continue your education now and try to get he best job possible to ensure a great future for you and the kids. Because if you stop school now, it will be harder to go back later. He may say he will help you but from how he is treating you, that can stop in an instant. And if he gets mad because they are so far away, just remember that once again, it was his decision to leave and you are doing the best you can for you and the kids. It is apparent that HE is acting very immature about this. One day when that maturity hits him, he will realize that he has made the biggest mistake of his life. But then it will be too late. So please forgive me if my advice is not what you wanted to hear. But I am concerned for you and the kids and it makes me so mad that He is behaving this way. I will continue to pray for you and your family, including He.

 

[Camster0307]

Oh Becca - This is all just so horrible and I'm sorry you all have to be going through this. I know your heart must be breaking to see Cat so upset but believe it or not, it is healthy and normal for her to be feeling all these things. I think the one thing I learned when I was going through this from my daughter's doctors is that the kids NEED to have their feelings validated. If she is hating you or HE or feeling angry and sad - just let her. It is much better for her to get those feelings out. As for therapy, if something can't be worked out, do you have guidance counseling services through school? I know they can also provide a wonderful alternative or at least a place where Cat may be more comfortable to talk right now. I would also consult with her pediactrician to see if they have any thoughts or recommendations for you.

And, please, please, please consult with an attorney. If HE is telling you this is a done deal then you need to start making sure you and the kids are taken care of. I'm sure he's gotten plenty of ideas of what he WANTS to happen but it doesn't necessarily mean that he gets what he wants. An attorney would help guide you through this.

Take care of yourself and hold your head up high. You've done nothing wrong here. If he was as unhappy as long as he said he was, then as an adult he should have bought this to your attention a while ago so the two of you could have worked on it. You were both in this marriage and he has now taken the easy way out; instead of trying to fix things, he's just bailing. Shame on him! And, trust me, a person like that is never going to find true happiness with anyone or anywhere.

 

[TinkAsh2001]

Let me just say I applaud you on your awesome MOTHERNESS! My mom raised me as a single mom. You are very strong & I am so sorry all this has to happen to you! You are a wonderful person & some people are just **^^) i wont post here. But he defintely DOESNT deserve anyone as good as you! I know that is hard to see right now but it will come in time.
I hope the Texas thing works out & Cat can stay in dance cause I know she loves it & is awesome at it!
I will contuie to pray for you & your family!

 

[swwake]

Becca - you are NOT the worst mom ever. Don't even think that about yourself. All you have done is think about the kids throughout this. And, on top of that, you just took your family on a well-planned, fabulous vacation.

Alot of decisions to be made, but don't rush into any of them. Believe me, things will fall into place. Keep your composure, and keep those kiddos' well-being in the forefront.

Hang in there, girl. You are doing great. I know it's tough. I have been there.

 

[kaysmommie]

Becca,
Your far from the worst mom, in fact seems like you are and awesome mom. What is cat is feeling is just normal with what she is going through some of us have been there with divorced parents. I agree shame on He for baling out so easily. His friends are rude jerks and he should not be talking badly about you to them. Your his wife and the mother of his children and He needs to have some respect. Not to sound shallow but He is lucky to have you!

Anyway none of that matters, all that matters is you and those beautiful kids. There is tons of good advice in the posts above about the support groups for Cat. Also I agree with PP DH should continue to pay for Cat's dance. He is the one who chose not to work things out. Sorry you have to go through this . Please take of yourself. You and the kids will be in my thoughts and prayers .

 

[SnowWhite607]

#1....you are not the worst mom ever so stop thinking that way. It is not your fault that He flaked. He is obviously young and immature and not done partying. Fine, but HE should have thought of that before he drug a wife and 2 kids into it.

#2...get a lawyer, like NOW. DO NOT let him play on your sympathies or dreams for "what should have been" and take advantage of you. BE STRONG and get what you need to make a comfortable life for you and your kids.

#3....Cat's Dance. He should have to provide you the same life you have become accustomed to and if that includes paying for her dance, so be it. Tell him if he wont help you out and pay for her dance, you may have to move to Texas after all to save some money.

#4...moving. I dont think any judge would tell you that you CANT move where you want if it would provide you an education opportunity and help you be a better provider. DH's ex wife moved his kid from Louisiana to Oregon cause she would be by family to help her. No one stopped her. If its hard for him to see the kid, TOUGH S*(&!! Thats HIS fault! You can see how much weight "I would die for my kids" will carry.

#5...your education. DO NOT give up!!! I was previously married to a very emotionaly and verbally abusive man who did not want me to go to school. He did not want me to have friends or an education cause he realized that if I did, he couldnt treat me like crap and expect me to stay. (we had no kid) I quit college a few times and then talked him into "letting" me go back, etc. Toward the end things got REALLY bad and I thought about quitting for good but I didnt. I got student loans, grants, whatever it took and I finished and I got my teaching degree and it was the absolute best decision I have ever made in my entire life. It provided me with a way to support myself and a family. After I finished I divorced him. I was never able to before because I didnt have the money, no place to live, and no money for school. Education gives you room to go WHEW and let out the breath you have been holding in. PLEASE do not give it up. Its not fair for him to decide he wants to party and you have to give up your dreams.

#6....even though it seems like it now, this is NOT the worst thing in the world that could happen to you. You have your children. Cat is scared and she is lashing out at the one closest to her (you). Just let her know that you love her and you will take care of her. I was a child of divorce too (when I was 3) and those words would have meant the world to me. You have your family who is willing to step up to the plate and help you pick up the pieces. Thats priceless. I know you have friends in real life and you have them here. (when does she start school? Maybe the counselor at her school could talk to her and help her or put you in touch with some free/low cost counseling for her)

I would suggest a few things to look into. It might suck, but you could go to social services and seek family assistance. You could qualify for foodstamps at the very least. Also, you may be able to get help with first months rent if you have to move from your home or apartment.

Also, look into the local Catholic Charities organization.You don't have to be catholic to get help from them. Most states have them. They have food vouchers usually for the local grocery stores and pantries. They might be able to help with cash assistance also to move into a new place. Another option is to call the local United Way office in your area explain your situation. They know all the local agencies that offer help and assistance. They can point you in the right direction. Some agencies will help with furniture and household items too.

Do you work? Do you have any money coming in besides his? Do what you have to do to get your degree and be able to support your kids. No man should be able to destroy your world and the world of your kids just with one sentence. Thats really unfair and it really sucks. I am so sorry.

Thinking of you...........

 

[Paparazzimama]

#1....you are not the worst mom ever so stop thinking that way. It is not your fault that He flaked. He is obviously young and immature and not done partying. Fine, but HE should have thought of that before he drug a wife and 2 kids into it.

#2...get a lawyer, like NOW. DO NOT let him play on your sympathies or dreams for "what should have been" and take advantage of you. BE STRONG and get what you need to make a comfortable life for you and your kids.

#3....Cat's Dance. He should have to provide you the same life you have become accustomed to and if that includes paying for her dance, so be it. Tell him if he wont help you out and pay for her dance, you may have to move to Texas after all to save some money.

#4...moving. I dont think any judge would tell you that you CANT move where you want if it would provide you an education opportunity and help you be a better provider. DH's ex wife moved his kid from Louisiana to Oregon cause she would be by family to help her. No one stopped her. If its hard for him to see the kid, TOUGH S*(&!! Thats HIS fault! You can see how much weight "I would die for my kids" will carry.

#5...your education. DO NOT give up!!! I was previously married to a very emotionaly and verbally abusive man who did not want me to go to school. He did not want me to have friends or an education cause he realized that if I did, he couldnt treat me like crap and expect me to stay. (we had no kid) I quit college a few times and then talked him into "letting" me go back, etc. Toward the end things got REALLY bad and I thought about quitting for good but I didnt. I got student loans, grants, whatever it took and I finished and I got my teaching degree and it was the absolute best decision I have ever made in my entire life. It provided me with a way to support myself and a family. After I finished I divorced him. I was never able to before because I didnt have the money, no place to live, and no money for school. Education gives you room to go WHEW and let out the breath you have been holding in. PLEASE do not give it up. Its not fair for him to decide he wants to party and you have to give up your dreams.

#6....even though it seems like it now, this is NOT the worst thing in the world that could happen to you. You have your children. Cat is scared and she is lashing out at the one closest to her (you). Just let her know that you love her and you will take care of her. I was a child of divorce too (when I was 3) and those words would have meant the world to me. You have your family who is willing to step up to the plate and help you pick up the pieces. Thats priceless. I know you have friends in real life and you have them here. (when does she start school? Maybe the counselor at her school could talk to her and help her or put you in touch with some free/low cost counseling for her)

I would suggest a few things to look into. It might suck, but you could go to social services and seek family assistance. You could qualify for foodstamps at the very least. Also, you may be able to get help with first months rent if you have to move from your home or apartment.

Also, look into the local Catholic Charities organization.You don't have to be catholic to get help from them. Most states have them. They have food vouchers usually for the local grocery stores and pantries. They might be able to help with cash assistance also to move into a new place. Another option is to call the local United Way office in your area explain your situation. They know all the local agencies that offer help and assistance. They can point you in the right direction. Some agencies will help with furniture and household items too.

Do you work? Do you have any money coming in besides his? Do what you have to do to get your degree and be able to support your kids. No man should be able to destroy your world and the world of your kids just with one sentence. Thats really unfair and it really sucks. I am so sorry.

Thinking of you...........

Very mature and sound advice! My heart is so broken over all of these decisions you're being forced to make, Becca. . . lots of prayers being offered up your way.

 

[stagemomx3]

First of all GET A LAWYER! Do it now, today, immediately! Money and custody/visitation will become an even bigger deal and you need to protect yourself!


Second do what you need to do to stay in school and get that teaching degree. If that means moving, then move. You will need that degree for you and your children's future.

Yes giving up dance is going to be hard. Be sure to discuss it and the idea of future "extra" activities for the children with you lawyer so that the custody/child support agreement covers how you and He deal with them.

You are not the worst mom in the world. Do not start beating yourself up. You were blind sided by someone who is at this point being very selfish. You are doing what you need to do to stay strong now and in the future for your children.

 

[SnowWhite607]

Also maybe you could ask at Cat's dancing school if they would work with you. I'm sure you have been there a while and you are obviously a good customer for them so they may be willing to cut you a discount for a while till you get on your feet.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

I'm so sorry!

Tell Cat that if she needs to talk, I'm avaliable

I know how much dance means to me, and I can tell that it means just as much to her. It'll help her get through this. Dance has helped me get through some really hard times myself.

 

[linmc1129]

I just got back from vacation and was so saddened to read your updates. I am so sorry for you and your situation. I will be praying for you and your kids. You are a great mom!

 

[stagemomx3]

Becca- Once you know where you are going to be for school starting call the school and find out if they have any support group for Cat. When my brother got divorced a year or so ago my niece went to a support group with kids at school once a week, she was a 2nd grader at the time.