The week has finally ended.. Time to adjust and move on.. Final post #138 re my Mom..

[nancygirl1]

I am so very sorry for your loss...

The flowers are very nice. I like them a lot. I don't think anyone would have a problem with you picking those. I like them all white, too.

When my parents died the casket was only open half way. The entire length of the body was not displayed. In that instance the spray would go across the lower half of the casket. Once the casket is closed, it would go across the center.

As far as an outfit for my Mom, we picked her favorite "go to" outfit. It was a black & white blouse with black pants and her favorite shoes. Because the casket was only half opened, no one saw that she had pants on. Anyway, she never wore a dress so we didn't want to put her in something that she never would have worn when she was alive. We brought a picture to the funeral home and they did her hair and makeup based on that picture.

The funny thing was that the woman who did the hair for the funeral home was one on the hairdressers at the salon that my Mom had gone to when she was alive! So she really didn't need a picture!

 

[C.Ann]

I'm a bit confused, is it an open casket?

Those look more like for a closed casket. For my parents it was an open casket and we had a spray that was more like a centerpiece spray. How would you use this with an open casket? They are very pretty flowers and if you love them then get them!

I'm glad you mentioned that.. I may have to make a call to the funeral home tomorrow.. When my dad died it was an open coffin - but a "split" coffin - meaning you only saw him from about the waist up and the large spray of red roses we purchased were on the closed half..

I guess I just assumed that Mom's coffin would be split too - and the blanket could go on the closed end.. Except for children, I don't think I have ever seen anyone in a "full" open coffin - and I've been to a gazillion wakes over my lifetime..

However, I'm very glad you brought that to my attention before I purchased the flowers.. I'll call and check on that tomorrow..

Thanks!

 

[tinatark]

I like the flowers. I think either all white would be beautiful, or maybe change the ones on the casket to a pretty pink.

As far as buying an outfit, I would shop for one instead of buying what the funeral home has available. Plus, I could imagine the FH one would be $$$$$$.

 

[qtwns]

So sorry for your loss. The flowers are perfect! Nice choice. For my Grandma's funeral she was dressed in a pretty blue satin and lace night gown as were her wishes. Blue was her favorite color and she wanted to look at rest. She was absolutely beautiful.

Take care of yourself.

 

[LJC1861]

C Ann, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. Having just gone through this myself I know the pain you are feeling.

As for the dress.....if it were me, I would dress her in her favorite outfit. Mom wanted to be creamated right away, no casket needed so we did not have to deal with this issue. If we had, I would have dressed her in her bright pink capri pants, a pastel striped shirt, her pink Crocs and some of her favorite beads.

Follow your heart about what to dress your Mom in. What would SHE have wanted?

I know that whatever you decide, it will be perfect.

Linda

 

[Swan4Me]

If its a half open casket-i'd just go buy a pretty blouse-and put over her housedress or nightgown, rather than waste $$ on a skirt or slacks

I never heard of Funeral homes selling clothes before-I'm sure its expensive

 

[C.Ann]

Well - after seeing the suggestions here, maybe a pretty nightgown would be the way to go.. Having Alzheimers and being in the nursing home for 6 years, all she wore was nightgowns - then jogging pants, a sweater, and sneakers if she had to be taken out of the facility to the doctors..

A nightgown sounds comfy - and I'm sure there's some very pretty ones out there with long sleeves, so maybe that's what we'll go with..

Thanks for tossing that out there!

 

[tar heel]

Flowers are not as expensive here -- big, full casket sprays are under $300.

The funeral home we used had very little clothing and it was horribly overpriced -- they said people just don't tend to buy their stuff any more. See if your daughter can go with you to moderately priced store for a dress or suit.

 

[TinkerbelleAbbysMom]

I was going to suggest a night gown or nice robe. My Nanny was buried in a beautiful burgundy, velvet robe with gold trim. I felt like it was perfect.
I think those flowers are just perfect! Some how I thought of the "blanket" of flowers as being a blankie for her baby!
I also think most of the time it is just half of the casket open!
Praying for safe travel for your brother and sister as well!
Also glad someone brought up the need to take care of yourself! Please do!

 

[Buckalew11]

I've never seen a fully open casket (except at a baby's funeral ) so I would go with concentrating with a pretty top, blouse, or top of sleepwear.

No way would I want to be buried in a dress. No way!

Definitely check on those flowers. We thought when my dad died that we'd have a closed casket. Mom ordered a full size arrangement for the casket which was very pretty and extremely expensive. After we went to have a private family viewing, mo decided he *looked good* and wanted to have it open. We really did not need that big of a thing of flowers after all!

BTW, those flowers are very pretty. I hope and pray you are doing as well as you can, C. Ann. More {{{hugs}}} for you.

 

[clh2]

The flowers are lovely! And I love the white.

When you talk to the florist- be upfront with them that you like this particular look - and your budget is $XXX. Make sure they know that the budget needs to include taxes and delviery too. The florist will make it work for your budget.

 

[4nana]

Lovely, creative, and unique, no doubt like your dear Mom . You might want to call the florist tomorrow and give them a heads up, so they have time to order mums/prep/make if you need by Friday.

I also think a lovely nightgown would be the perfect touch for your Mom as she was in a nursing home for last few years of her life. They make some very soft and pretty colors like you mentioned, that would be snuggly and perfect.

Altho your brother is exc., he will probably be so exhausted by the time he arrives and very greatful you have taken care of so much.

Again, heartfelt sympathy and blessings to you and yours. Godspeed and please care of yourself.

 

[C.Ann]

I was going to suggest a night gown or nice robe. My Nanny was buried in a beautiful burgundy, velvet robe with gold trim. I felt like it was perfect.
I think those flowers are just perfect! Some how I thought of the "blanket" of flowers as being a blankie for her baby!
I also think most of the time it is just half of the casket open!
Praying for safe travel for your brother and sister as well!
Also glad someone brought up the need to take care of yourself! Please do!

That velvet robe sounds gorgeous!! I don't think Mom would look good in a dark color - she was so pale (always) - which is why I was thinking of her favorite color, light aqua blue or a baby/powder blue.. And I never even made the connection between the "blanket" spray - and a blanket for her baby.. This is getting VERY strange! I have never seen a "blanket spray" for a casket until earlier tonight; the colors I was thinking she should be dressed in; and before Mom became non-verbal we learned her "baby doll" was a boy, so we planned on dressing him in blue as well..

Either I'm extremely overtired, or "someone else" is still pulling all the strings to make this come together the way it is..............

 

[TinkerbelleAbbysMom]

I tend to think the later of the two options... but no doubt you are probably very tired too! Praying you get a good night's sleep!

 

[Hannathy]

C Ann before you go with the nightgown be very, very sure your Mom would like that. She is about the same age my Mom would have been if she had lived and She absolutely forbid us from burying her in a night gown!! One of her sisters died of Cancer after a horrendous battle and they had her in a nightgown and robe and my Mom was extremely upset. She said her sister would have been mortified to be seen in public in her nightclothes. It really did a number on my Mom and she was upset about it and it bothered her for 20 years. I don't know if it is their age and how they were raised and dressed but it is something to consider.

Just my train of thought because only you know your Mom.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Speaking of flowers, costs and such... I mentioned on your other thread that we buried my aunt earlier this month. I couldn't believe it but at the cemetery the funeral director told us to take the flower baskets home or they'd be charging us $25 each to dispose of them! I've never heard of such a thing!

Whoever mentioned the clothes they sell at the funeral home and the boots reminded me of a funny story (I hope ) going back to my father's funeral. We were sort of flying by the seat of our pants with arrangements, and wound up buying a suit from the funeral home. My brother came along and said, "Where'd you get the nice blue suit?". I said, "They sell them here for eighty bucks!" Not realizing they were slit up the back, he replied, "Eighty bucks? I should get one, too!"





I nearly peed my pants laughing and still to this day chuckle when I think about it.

(Hopefully not inappropriate or disrespectful to share that here. Hoping maybe it makes you smile tonight.)

 

[C.Ann]

Speaking of flowers, costs and such... I mentioned on your other thread that we buried my aunt earlier this month. I couldn't believe it but at the cemetery the funeral director told us to take the flower baskets home or they'd be charging us $25 each to dispose of them! I've never heard of such a thing!

Whoever mentioned the clothes they sell at the funeral home and the boots reminded me of a funny story (I hope ) going back to my father's funeral. We were sort of flying by the seat of our pants with arrangements, and wound up buying a suit from the funeral home. My brother came along and said, "Where'd you get the nice blue suit?". I said, "They sell them here for eighty bucks!" Not realizing they were slit up the back, he replied, "Eighty bucks? I should get one, too!"





I nearly peed my pants laughing and still to this day chuckle when I think about it.

(Hopefully not inappropriate or disrespectful to share that here. Hoping maybe it makes you smile tonight.)

That is funny! Thanks for the laugh.. I'm so tired about all the "serious" stuff.. Even at a time like this, I think we still need to find humor wherever we can..

Now I am going to bed!! I'm wiped out and hoping I can sleep straight through the night tonight without waking up several times..

I wanted to comment on a couple of other recent posts here - just above yours - but my brain is fried right now.. Maybe tomorrow..

Thanks all - and good night! Zzzzzzzzzzzz...

 

[denisem]

The flowers are lovely! And I love the white.

When you talk to the florist- be upfront with them that you like this particular look - and your budget is $XXX. Make sure they know that the budget needs to include taxes and delviery too. The florist will make it work for your budget.

First off, C.Ann, my sympathy for your loss. You have a tough few days ahead of you (but you know that). Hang in there!

I used to work for my cousin's florist and agree with clh2. For the heck of it, I checked his website and found the following Teleflora arrangement which is similar to your choice (all white) and very affordable:

http://www.teleflora.com/flowers/bouquet/bountiful-memories-casket-spray-372877p.asp

While I can't vouch for other florists, I'd suggest asking the funeral home for recommendations & going with a "mom & pop" florist than a big chain, as they can offer more leeway in suggestions as far as budget.

 

[scrapquitler]

The flowers in the link are beautiful.

Let me say this about flowers: my parents and grandmother owned a flower shop for over 40 years, so I know a little bit about the business....instead of looking on line at websites for the flowers, go to a local florist. Tell them what you might want, ask them to show you the flowers they have on hand, discuss design options and explain to them what kind of budget you have and then listen to what they say. They'll probably show you some pictures of what they have done or some examples of whats in the shop (my parents used to bring customers into the walk in cooler and say "this is the one I made today that I'm getting ready to deliver to the funeral home"). Then trust them. Don't expect what they make to look EXACTLY like what you see in the book if you pick something that is in the book...the flowers they have might not exactly match the flowers you see in the book and they are designers/artists and they always add a little personal touch to make your piece a bit unique and personalized.


Now, about the dress. When my grandmother died, she wanted to be buried in an 'aqua' dress. But she didn't own one. Sigh. So I went shopping at Goodwill and bought an aqua dress for her from there. It was actually a couple of sizes too small, but that doesn't matter because the funeral home was able to make it work (I think they actually split it up the back or left it unzipped or something). See if you can find someone to give you something she can wear or check somewhere like Goodwill. I'd venture to guess that the funeral home will charge a lot.

The funeral director will be able to help you with the wording to describe "We had the burial last week". I wouldn't want to wait until Monday, either. If your siblings arrive Wednesday, there's no reason not to have the viewing on Friday, burial on Saturday (and you might be able to do it on Thurs/Fri even, depending on the funeral home and how busy they are). It can't hurt to be in touch with the funeral director ahead of time (I'm guessing that your Mom is already there anyway) and they can start getting things ready even if details haven't been finalized.

I'm sorry for your loss....

 

[quasar4legs]

Pleased to hear you have gone to bed but just wanted to say the flowers are lovely, I am sure your mother would appreciate all your loving care.

Make sure you are taking care of you.