The Santa Discussion.

[deejdigsdis]

Seeing that thread by tia_michelle about "killing the magic for her son" got me thinking about the Santa discussion. How do you other parents handle that one? At what age do you "smooth things over" (comments from other children, etc.) and keep it alive? At what age do you figure the time is right? I know there isn't a set age for everyone. Ugh. I'm just dreading the discussion. My son just turned 11 and he still has NO doubts. He's a very logical child. He once passed up getting a Star Wars Lego set because some of the pieces just weren't logical. In his words: "That couldn't possibly do that, Mom. I don't want it. It's not logical." And he's a huge Lego kid (wants to be a Lego designer someday) so to pass up a set because it wasn't logical absolutely floored me. Given his logical-ness, I'm surprised he hasn't questioned things. I certainly don't want to handle it the way my mom did. It was crushing. (Yeah, still haven't gotten over that one and I'm 38.) Anyway, thoughts?

 

[Corpsebride]

Seeing that thread by tia_michelle about "killing the magic for her son" got me thinking about the Santa discussion. How do you other parents handle that one? At what age do you "smooth things over" (comments from other children, etc.) and keep it alive? At what age do you figure the time is right? I know there isn't a set age for everyone. Ugh. I'm just dreading the discussion. My son just turned 11 and he still has NO doubts. He's a very logical child. He once passed up getting a Star Wars Lego set because some of the pieces just weren't logical. In his words: "That couldn't possibly do that, Mom. I don't want it. It's not logical." And he's a huge Lego kid (wants to be a Lego designer someday) so to pass up a set because it wasn't logical absolutely floored me. Given his logical-ness, I'm surprised he hasn't questioned things. I certainly don't want to handle it the way my mom did. It was crushing. (Yeah, still haven't gotten over that one and I'm 38.) Anyway, thoughts?

I think it wonderful that your son at 11 still believes in Santa. Why do you need to have the talk? He sounds like a reasonable young fellow. If he seems firm in his belief of Santa, then all you need to do is confirm, "Yep, he is real" You can ask him why they keep advertising that Santa is coming every year if he weren't real?
I don't have kids but if I did, that is what I would say.I mean, put yourself in his shoes, it would be like telling him that he is getting a surprise party, (ruining the surprise) and then saying, "well, here are your presents". That would be a drag.
Children grow up too fast,and are exposed to way to much adult stuff these days. Little girls dressed like women, little boys turning into little tough guys, I actually really like that your son still has the belief in magic , although he doesn't know it, very Peter Pan if you ask me! Maybe one day, when he is older, he will come to the conclusion that Santa is a magical belief and state of mind that we carry with us during the Holidays. And when that day comes, you can tell him that now he is a part of a grown up club, that we keep that secret so the little ones can still believe in Santa, and its our job to keep the secret. Then he will get to be in on the surprise party .... but save that for when he is older. I read the post from Tia Michelle as well. Very sad. I feel bad for her and her child. But maybe she can smooth it out. The fact that she is so upset about it, says that she is a loving caring Mom who just made an "ooops". My parents never had the talk with me. When I was 4 , Santa woke me up with jingling bells, ate some cookies, drank the milk, left a bunch of presents,and waved good bye to me, told me to go back to bed, and left the house saying "ho ho ho!!" The fact that it looked EXACTLY like my Dad, is just a strange coincidence.......idea

 

[deejdigsdis]

I think it wonderful that your son at 11 still believes in Santa. Why do you need to have the talk? He sounds like a reasonable young fellow. If he seems firm in his belief of Santa, then all you need to do is confirm, "Yep, he is real" You can ask him why they keep advertising that Santa is coming every year if he weren't real?
I don't have kids but if I did, that is what I would say.I mean, put yourself in his shoes, it would be like telling him that he is getting a surprise party, (ruining the surprise) and then saying, "well, here are your presents". That would be a drag.
Children grow up too fast,and are exposed to way to much adult stuff these days. Little girls dressed like women, little boys turning into little tough guys, I actually really like that your son still has the belief in magic , although he doesn't know it, very Peter Pan if you ask me! Maybe one day, when he is older, he will come to the conclusion that Santa is a magical belief and state of mind that we carry with us during the Holidays. And when that day comes, you can tell him that now he is a part of a grown up club, that we keep that secret so the little ones can still believe in Santa, and its our job to keep the secret. Then he will get to be in on the surprise party .... but save that for when he is older. I read the post from Tia Michelle as well. Very sad. I feel bad for her and her child. But maybe she can smooth it out. The fact that she is so upset about it, says that she is a loving caring Mom who just made an "ooops". My parents never had the talk with me. When I was 4 , Santa woke me up with jingling bells, ate some cookies, drank the milk, left a bunch of presents,and waved good bye to me, told me to go back to bed, and left the house saying "ho ho ho!!" The fact that it looked EXACTLY like my Dad, is just a strange coincidence.......idea

Oh, I loved your thoughts! Thank you for sharing! I didn't mean to imply that I was planning on sitting my son down tonight for a heavy discussion or anything. I just meant I didn't look forward to THAT conversation in general, whenever that might be, following his lead. I agree with you. I love that he still believes. Every year I get sad thinking it might be his "last year." I would love it if he would just transition over to being part of "the other side of the magic" -- so to speak -- when he's ready. Without having anything "crushed." And I know he'll love being on the other side. He's the oldest of 3 boys. His brothers adore him and he's so good with them. Someday he will love to be a part of keeping the magic alive for them.

I love that your parents never had the talk with you. My husband had the same deal...never ever a word otherwise from his parents. And I loved what happened when you were 4. How magical! Two of my favorite childhood Christmas memories were hearing reindeer paw around on the roof of our house, and finding some torn red velvet in the fireplace, left behind when Santa tore his suit on the way down or up the chimney.

 

[disneychrista]

I always just asked what do they believe/think.

 

[amamax2]

My oldest son, now 14, just figured it out sometime between 12 & 13. Up till 12, like your son, he had NO doubts whatsoever. When others would say, how can he still believe, I would equate it to his belief that God exists. He doesn't question that either, even though we are not a very overtly religious family.

I worried for years that someone would tell him and he'd be devastated because he believed so absolutely. The son of a friend of mine was told by a school mate on the way home from school. He was in 4th grade, and the school mate's mom was driving them home. When the school mate told him their was no Santa, it was just his parents, he asked the mom if that was true, and she said yes. He was absolutely devastated!!! He came home and asked his mom how could she lie to him - it was horrible all around.

Anyways, sometime before Christmas last year, my DS must have figured something out, because no mention was made about writing Santa letters until about a week before Christmas. Usually he is raring to write the letter as soon as Halloween is over, talking since the summer about what he should put in his letter, etc etc. But last year, he didn't say anything. About a week before Christmas, he suddenly said that he and his brother should write their letters. All he wanted was an original DS (which of course they do not sell anymore), but he knows can be gotten used from Gamestop. We discussed him putting other things on his list (all I could think of was if the DS didn't work, how could we send it back to "Santa,") but that was all he wanted.

Christmas day, of course, Santa brought him that. But he definitely had a look on his face like he knew it was us. I keep thinking maybe it was a test on his part, lol.

This year there has been no mention of anything to do with Santa.

His brother, 12, on the other hand, has been questioning since he was about 7. His older brother, however, would just say, "Of course he's real, what are you talking about?" So he would put away his doubts. (He also questioned God at 4.)

We didn't want to tell the younger the truth. One, he is a stinkpot and would tell the older one if he wanted to get the upper hand in an argument, and two, we really wanted the older one to believe as long as he wanted to.

Neither my DH nor I remember when we "found out" or if we ever really did...I think just at some point, you stop believing, just like in that book, the Polar Express. When my younger one questioned us, we'd just say, "Do you believe? I believe. Santa is real for those who believe in him. If someone tells you he isn't real, it's really that THEY don't believe any more. And that happens. Lots of people don't believe in him, but they don't believe other things either."

Anyways, wrapping up this novel, lol, we've never told them the "truth," but I'm kind of happy even if they know the truth because it came as a natural progression and wasn't traumatic.

 

[PinkBudgie]

I remember when I found out. I was 7 years old. I asked my mom if Santa was real and she asked me what I think, and I said I didn't think he was. But I was just testing her, I really did believe. So I was surprised when she said I was right. But then she made it in to a "special secret". That I couldn't tell my little sister or other kids if they still believed. So then it was like a game to play with younger kids who still believed. That made me feel important, like it was up to me to play the game for little kids.

As for my own kids, we never made a big deal out of Santa, but focused more on the religious significance of Christmas. He was just a fun thing to pretend at Christmas, like Mickey Mouse. (It actually never occured to me to have them believe Mickey Mouse was real.) And we read books about the "real" Santa, the man on whom the idea of Santa was based. He liked to help people with secret gifts, etc. But I told them some children believed he was real and they must not tell them otherwise because that was a game their parents wanted to play with them.

 

[Goofy_Mom]

I'm 32 and I still believe in Santa. One year shortly after my divorce there was a present under the tree that didn't have a name on it, the wrapping paper wasn't mine or from any one of my family members and the wrapping style wasn't anyone's who I recognized. The present was a radio controled Goofy driving a gallopii.

 

[Funball]

i always believed in santa when i was little girl... and that all ended when i was 6 and i cake out of my room one night cause i heard my mom and dad near the tree ..well it turned out that mom was wrapping presents and my dad was assembling the bike i wanted for christmas.... and then it hit me, there is no santa.

 

[Corpsebride]

Oh, I loved your thoughts! Thank you for sharing! I didn't mean to imply that I was planning on sitting my son down tonight for a heavy discussion or anything. I just meant I didn't look forward to THAT conversation in general, whenever that might be, following his lead. I agree with you. I love that he still believes. Every year I get sad thinking it might be his "last year." I would love it if he would just transition over to being part of "the other side of the magic" -- so to speak -- when he's ready. Without having anything "crushed." And I know he'll love being on the other side. He's the oldest of 3 boys. His brothers adore him and he's so good with them. Someday he will love to be a part of keeping the magic alive for them.

I love that your parents never had the talk with you. My husband had the same deal...never ever a word otherwise from his parents. And I loved what happened when you were 4. How magical! Two of my favorite childhood Christmas memories were hearing reindeer paw around on the roof of our house, and finding some torn red velvet in the fireplace, left behind when Santa tore his suit on the way down or up the chimney.

Hi! Im sorry it took so long to reply, busy week.
I know you weren't going to sit him under a bare bulb and let him have it! Sorry if I worded it like that.
I can only imagine how hard it may be to have that convo. But something in your description of your son tells me that he will come to a conclusion on his own. Maybe he can be given the honorary title of a "Santas Secret Elf" when that time comes.
I love!! the Santa suit ripped on the fire place, brilliant!
No worries Mom! Its going to be alright. Happy Holidays

 

[olwyngdh]

I'm 32 and I still believe in Santa. One year shortly after my divorce there was a present under the tree that didn't have a name on it, the wrapping paper wasn't mine or from any one of my family members and the wrapping style wasn't anyone's who I recognized. The present was a radio controled Goofy driving a gallopii.

We had that happen three times with my older daughter. Absolutely no clue where the gift could have come from if it wasn't Santa. I guess she had been really good that year. It hasn't happened with DD8 yet, but you never know!

 

[PinkBudgie]

Maybe Santa also attends weddings because when we got married we had a wedding present with no name on it and everyone else's was accounted for.

 

[Funball]

Maybe Santa also attends weddings because when we got married we had a wedding present with no name on it and everyone else's was accounted for.

thats cool maybe he does!

 

[deejdigsdis]

I almost forgot I asked this question! Anyway, thanks for sharing. I enjoyed reading everyone's responses. Looks like we'll be making it through another Christmas with the magic in full-force. His letter to Santa was very cute.

Hi! Im sorry it took so long to reply, busy week.
I know you weren't going to sit him under a bare bulb and let him have it! Sorry if I worded it like that.
I can only imagine how hard it may be to have that convo. But something in your description of your son tells me that he will come to a conclusion on his own. Maybe he can be given the honorary title of a "Santas Secret Elf" when that time comes.
I love!! the Santa suit ripped on the fire place, brilliant!
No worries Mom! Its going to be alright. Happy Holidays

Thank you, I think you're right. At least I hope you're right. And I know he'll love helping to make things special for his little brothers.

 

[deejdigsdis]

Maybe Santa also attends weddings because when we got married we had a wedding present with no name on it and everyone else's was accounted for.