Y'all, I feel terribly guilty about something and need to just get it out.
I know I'm doing the right thing, but it still sucks.
We have quite a bit of consumer debt, DH got every card offered to him when he turned 18 and racked up tons and we had to charge some of my medical bills when I was first dx (while I was in grad school). We are really trying hard to pay it off and making good headway. I am more committed to the cause then DH, mainly because I want a baby and we need to pay off a little more to make room for that =) Baby bug hasn't bitten him yet.
We don't exchange Christmas gifts. We rarely have $ budgeted so we just do stockings and go on. No biggie. This year, at his parent's Christmas morning, I got a golf set from "santa" which was from him. I was excited as I want to learn the sport, and more excited that he saved his fun money and bought it for me as a surprise. We budget in fun money each month for each of us.
They accidently sent the wrong set so he shipped it back in order to exchange it.
In the meantime, I asked him one night how he got around me noticing the debit in the checking acct. He said he charged it. I asked if he just put aside money to pay more on that card this month and he said no.
I didn't wnat to hurt his feelings, but honestly - is it really a gift if you charge something and expect your spouse to help pay it off 10x over (since you're carrying a large balance?). The card he put it on is not one we're aggressively paying off right now so it really will sit for awhile.
My gift no longer felt like a gift. It was an obligation.
I playfully asked why he didn't save his fun money and he told me he spent all that on golf. How ironic?!
In the meantime, the replacement set has been delivered to his parents (they got the first set to keep it for him until Christmas so the company shipped it to the same place). We have plans to see them later this month and will get it. I told him last night that I had been thinking... that maybe we should return that set until we can pay cash. It's not expensive, we can budget for it, but I didn't want anything else put on a credit card. I didn't go into the whole 'it's not a gift' because I knew it would hurt his feelings.
He was hurt, but offered to email his sister who was going to order the same set anyways. She is going to buy them from us so we don't lose $ on shipping costs or restocking fees.
I know he's upset, and now his sister thinks I'm a ***** for returning his gift. I don't want to be a ***** but honestly, this type of spending is what got him (now us) into trouble. It would have meant so much more to me to know he gave up a few rounds of golf to buy me something. Flipping out a credit card and charging it isn't meaningful to me.
The deed has been done and we're selling them. But I still feel guilty for doing the responsible thing. Please agree with me and tell me it'll be alright
