The New Random Thread- Now with 37% more random than before!!

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Still on my WANT list:

Some more Disney Movies

The first season of Pokemon (Vol. 1, 2 and 3)

A keyboard.
 
A woman at court; told the judge:
Please! I want a divorce; and i want custody of my child because this child is mine and not my husband's. After all he is in my stomach.
Judge says okay... and asks husband what do you think?
he stays quiet then says..
Judge; if I put a dollar in a coke machine whose coke is it mine or the machine?

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LOL!
 
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,
"Please come over here and help me. I have a killer
jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it
supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the
picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help
with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she
has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then
looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do,
we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into
anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says,
"Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice
cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh. .. .

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes
back in the box."

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LOLZ.
 
Basically, this guy breaks into a house. He has a pillow case, and heads toward the entertainment center. Hes stuffing in all the dvds, dvd player, etc.. And he hears this voice... "Jesus is watching you..." he turns around out of instinct, and quickly scans the dark room... nothing. So he went back to stealing more items.. then he hears it again.. "Jesus is watching you..." he grabs his flashlight and shines it across the room. He sees a bird in a cage, and he aims the light at him. The bird talks... "Jesus is watching you.." The robber stands up and walks over to the bird, he says "Oh your cute birdie, whats your name?" The bird replies, "Moses". The robber laughs, and says "Moses?!? What kind of people name their pet bird Moses?!?"
Then the bird giggled a bit.... then replied-
"The same people who name their rottweiler Jesus."

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ROTFL XD
 
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