The new "New Moms" thread!

[kellyf2626]

Nicole.... Great to see you back! Sounds like you had a great time...I'll have to go over and read your trip report! On the whole crawling thing - Brady didn't really crawl until he was 10 months old. I was totally freaked out, thinking something was wrong with him. Turns out he just really had no reason to crawl. He would sit and play with what was around him forever and be fine. He went from crawling slowly, to crawling like a mad-man, to pulling up, to cruising around furniture all in like 3 weeks. Now he is even taking a few steps on his own (he'll be 1 year on August 10th). So, things moved pretty quickly once he started going!

 

[Pollito916]

He says that he's tired and doesn't feel well or that he's too "busy" to help me. Every so often we'll get into it, especially on the weekends when he's off, but he's like "I'm the one who puts a roof over our heads", and since I don't really have a job that makes money what can I say? I just really didn't think I would be doing all of this alone.

I really hate when men use that excuse. Does he think what you do, cooking, cleaning taking care of his daughter is not worth anything? Just because you do not work outside the home doesn't mean you don't contribute to it.

My BIL has the same attitude, and I don't know where he gets it from. DH and his other married brother do not seem like that, but when my SIL complains to me about the horrible things he says and does, I feel so bad for her and wish we could help more. He won't even let her have a say in how they spend "his" money since she doesn't work. Not even on baby stuff. He makes all of the decisions, even when she is "allowed" to get a haircut! The poor girl is only 18, and she grew up in a similar household, so she won't say anything to him about it. The few times she tried, he just left the house!

It's so bad with them, that their son is now 18 months and doesn't like to be around his father. He just cries when he tries to hold him. Now that is just sad to me. Especially b/c DS loves his father so much and gets upset when he leaves the room, instead of when he enters the room like his cousin.

I can personally attest to the fact that just because I work 40 hours a week, that does not mean the work stops when I get home. It's just different, unpaid work I'm doing. So, why is his situation different from the millions of moms and dads who work AND take care of their kids when they get home, PLUS clean house, PLUS do laundry, PLUS help with homework. Parenting is a 24/7 job, even when you have a paid job.

And you BOTH had a baby! Not just you, BOTH of you. And, IMO, that means BOTH of you need to put in the effort in raising her and taking care of her- even when he thinks it isn't fun. Even when he has things he'd rather be doing. That's called being a parent.

More good advice from Becky!

Is it worth it sitting down and talking to him? If it was me (and I know nothing of your relationship dynamics - I am just saying what I would do and I am pretty aggressive) - I would sit down with DH and say something along the lines of "I did not realize that our relationship was based on who makes what/earns more...since that is the situation...I have decided to go back to work. That way I will financially contribute to our household and you can contribute in other ways to our household. As I see it, I can work 1st shift and you can take care of Ellery and then I will take care of her while you work 3rd shift."

I would probably also use an approach similar to Nicole, but I also tend to be pretty aggressive, and was raised in a family where my mom pretty much "wore the pants." They both worked, but I think we all knew who was in charge. This may not work for everyone, but I definitely think it is worth a try.

Hi all...I am back from Vegas - I did not win big (came home with a little of the money I brought with me) but I had tons of fun!!

We are doing great -- Izzy is getting SO big but she is not yet crawling! She is 9 months old -- so I am getting worried. She also has no real interest in standing. If you hold her up her legs are strong and she can stand there but after a while she sticks her butt out and tries to sit (i.e - 1-2 minutes).

Welcome back, Nicole - I'm glad you had such a good time. I wouldn't worry to much about Izzy yet, but definitely talk it over with her ped. Like you already said, all babies develop at their own pace. Some babies don't even crawl and skip right to walking. DS was crawling and standing by that time and walking w/o holding on by 10 months, but his cousin (the son of my poor SIL mentioned above) wasn't doing either until closer to his 1st birthday, and didn't start walking until 16 months. But he started talking a little earlier. Now you really can't tell a difference at all with which baby did what first.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

I just found this post. My baby girl is 3 weeks old today. I'm still not getting ANY sleep at night.

Tonight is the first night that I will be by myself with her. DH is a cop and works nights and my mom and sister were helping me at night, but tonight I'm going to try it myself.

 

[kellyf2626]

I would probably also use an approach similar to Nicole, but I also tend to be pretty aggressive, and was raised in a family where my mom pretty much "wore the pants." They both worked, but I think we all knew who was in charge. This may not work for everyone, but I definitely think it is worth a try.

LOL....Growing up my mom was home with us and didn't work, but oh boy - did she wear the pants in the family! I vividly remember being at my friends house when I was about 10 years old, and her mom saying, "Oh - we'll have to ask daddy tonight, because he is in charge of the house" and my reply to that was, "Oh - in my house, my mom is always the one in charge. We never ask dad anything!". Funny because I am pretty much the more aggressive, in-charge person in my house now. I guess cycles kinda repeat themselves like that, huh?

I just found this post. My baby girl is 3 weeks old today. I'm still not getting ANY sleep at night.

Tonight is the first night that I will be by myself with her. DH is a cop and works nights and my mom and sister were helping me at night, but tonight I'm going to try it myself.

Welcome and congratulations!!!! Your little one is TOO CUTE!! Makes me want another little muchkin seeing her so cute and little in her carseat!

Good luck tonight....I remember that feeling like "holy crap, I am doing this ALL BY MYSELF!". You will do great!!!

 

[DMickey28]

I tried to write earlier but my computer shut down!!!

Ash - Have you sat down and had a heart to heart with your DH? As Alexander gets older my DH is getting more active in taking care of him. He also sees me miserable and tired so he is willing to take over more duties so I can just nap. My DH was alone for the last two weeks because Alexander and I were traveling to see family. He now realizes everything I do!!! And I don't do that great a job!!! Please try and talk with him .. stand firm and don't let him pull the "I work card". DH tried that a few times and all it took was a few looks and a you try doing this everyday and night.

Nicole - If I remember you were worried about crawling. Please, and I know you have heard this a gazillion times, try not to compare the kids. You will lose your mind by the time they are 2 if you do that. I belong to a April 2007 board and some of the kids were not crawling by 12 months, the peds were not concerned yet. Overnight you will see her start to crawl and then the next thing you know she will walk. Some babies never crawl and go right to walking. My Alexander is barely talking at 15 months. I try so hard not to worry about it but I know it's ok. He babbles and makes moaning noises but he doesn't have very many words. If he doesn't have more by 18 months we will have an evaul done but otherwise I am not too worried.

Being a parent is soooo hard huh???? Alexander had a rough night two nights ago and I twisted my back out the other day. I was up and down, up and down. If I asked DH to do it he would have but I can nap during the day he can't.

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

Ash, hang in there. And ask for help from everyone and anyone. You need it, you deserve it, and don't feel like it's a bad thing to need help. Talk to your dr., find a babysitter, do what you need to do to take care of yourself as well as the baby. I ended up hiring a college student to come over and help me for a few hours each week, just so I could get a nap in or a shower. Don't think about the cost - your sanity is much more important!!


Owen has decided that he MUST be nursed to sleep and it's starting to drive me crazy. I love BF-ing him, but it's really a pain when he won't fall back asleep unless he nurses, or when he nurses himself to sleep but then wakes up and won't go back to sleep. I've been letting him CIO because I really want him to be able to fall asleep by himself, but it's so stressful listening to him cry! I swear I can feel my bloodpressure rising by the minute.

This week he's started spitting up more, and even has thrown up a couple times. We have no idea why all of a sudden this has started. We are still giving him the same kinds of foods, and in the same amounts. I haven't changed the formula we've been using to suppliment. But now he easily spits up 3-4 times after every meal or bottle, and gets 3 to 5 big gushers a day now. He was never like this before, so we have no idea what is up, but it's certainly generating a ton more laundry!

Question for all of you - does anyone have a good baby sign language resource that you really like? I'd like to find something that uses ASL rather than a modified form of it, and thought I'd see if any of you have any recommendations. I figure that even if he can't make the exact ASL sign, I'd prefer it if he can recognize it when I do it. I need to learn some more signs to use with Owen. Right now I'm using drink, milk, eat, more, please, thank you, ball, cat, play, mommy, and daddy. Those are all the signs I can remember - I used to know more but I've forgotten them and need to be reminded.

 

[beckmrk04]

Bethany- I'll ask my SIL what she's using with Dnephew- they are doing sign language with him. He's also seeing a speech therapist, so they might just be learning from her- I'm not sure.

BUT- she (SIL) called tonight while I was at wal-mart, and said, "My baby is a talking machine!" Apparently, today he said "dog" and "Bye, bye Daddy" like it was the most natural thing in the world! And the lady at daycare said he's been talking all day! It's so awesome! He's making SO much progress. It's such a relief for SIL, and so exciting!

 

[exwdwcm]

I just found this post. My baby girl is 3 weeks old today. I'm still not getting ANY sleep at night.

Tonight is the first night that I will be by myself with her. DH is a cop and works nights and my mom and sister were helping me at night, but tonight I'm going to try it myself.

Welcome! what a cutie....

Nicole- welcome back, glad to hear the Vegas trip was good. where did you stay? I'll have read up on your report. I wouldn't worry about Izzy too much yet. See what the pedi says. I think DH might be right and she is doing her own pace. and it is crazy when they do start all the crawling and standing- it is like it just happens overnight.

Ash- hang in there, i hope things get better. I know this isn't what you signed up for- doing this alone. the 'i'm the breadwinner' thing is BS too. LIke others said you work just as hard. That is a cheap shot and he probably knows it. I hope things get better.

Beck- i do plan meals, at least a week at a time. i found a cute little meal plan notepad at target for a $1- you can write what you are having each day. that helps me know what i need to buy and what to get ready. i do like Nicole too and cook a lot on sunday night. we grill a lot during the summer- usually 4-6 chicken breasts, plus some sausage, fish or burgers plus some veggies. then we eat that sunday, mon and tues. We do leftovers or sandwiches tues/thurs since i have pilates that night while DH puts Will to bed. I cook a nice big meal on wednesdays since i work from home on wed. Fri or Sat we eat out.

it is hard with timing- i don't get home with Will until 6pm. i immediately feed him a stage 3 baby food (or leftover table food if have it- like mashed taters etc.) and then give him finger foods and juice while i cook dinner. DH doesn't get home until 7pm, sometimes 7:30. So i end up eating alone in the living room while watching Will play. We don't have sit down together meals except when out to eat or with family or weekends. Weekdays, it is just two crazy with us both working. I'll have to adjust as Will starts eating more table food- i'll have to give him snacks when we get home to entertain him and then start cooking so he can eat what i cook.

how do you guys do dinner? what time?

oh and can I say happy i am to have some rain. for hte first time in like 2-3 weeks! it is 101-105 here the last few days- and humid. ugh. sometimes i hate TX.

 

[ashjohnson80]

Well I decided last night to let her CIO. Wow, that was not good. She was screaming, and finally screamed so much it made her throw up. And no naps today.

 

[kellyf2626]

Well I decided last night to let her CIO. Wow, that was not good. She was screaming, and finally screamed so much it made her throw up. And no naps today.

Oh Ash (((hugs))) and more (((hugs))). How long did she cry for? Does she have anything that she uses to help soothe her on her own - like a pacifier or blankie? She's happy during the day, right? So I doubt it's reflux, or she would ALWAYS be crying.

Hmmmmm....is her lack of sleeping at night and during the day a relatively new thing? If so, I would take her in to have her ped check her ears. I remember reading that kids don't have to necessarily be running a fever to have ear infections, and that a classic symptom is lots of pain when laying down. Maybe that is it?

Again...more (((hugs))). Nothing is worse than a screaming baby, and no sleep.

 

[kellyf2626]

how do you guys do dinner? what time?

Let me first say that I am really impressed with all you ladies shopping and dinner-preparations!! I have absolutely no advice for any of you....I think I have been to the food store about 2 times in the last 6 months. I HATE food-shopping, so DH always does it. We basically eat some version of chicken every night....very boring! We either grill it, bake it, make fajitas - something like that. We usually order out 1-2x per week as well.

Our schedule usually consists of me feeding Brady dinner at about 5pm. He is usually just finishing-up when DH gets home at 5:30. Then we either take Brady for a walk, or play with him until around 6:30. Then comes tubby-time for Brady, and he gets his last bottle at 7pm and to bed at 7:15. DH usually starts cooking dinner around 7ish when I am giving Brady his bottle, and we eat around 7:45ish every night.

As Brady gets older and is now eating table food, I would like us to all eat together around 5:30ish. Soooooo....my goal starting in the fall is to start making dinner around 4:45 each day and have it ready once DH gets home so we can eat as a family each night.

 

[beckmrk04]

Well I decided last night to let her CIO. Wow, that was not good. She was screaming, and finally screamed so much it made her throw up. And no naps today.

Oh, boy.

Well- here's what I did with Vaylie.

First time CIO- 5 minutes, went in and soothed her, then put her back down.

Then, gradually I waited longer and longer to go in- but never let her CIO for more than 20 minutes. Usually it didn't get that far for us.

Maybe you could trysomething like that, or call your ped. And maybe Ellery just isn't a sleepy kid. Some kids aren't.

But, it WILL get better. Have you tried giving her a dose of tylenol or motrin before bed? Vaylie's teeth bothered her LONG before they ever appeared, and it screwed up her sleeping, too. Could that be it?

Do you play music for her or some kind of white noise? Vaylie listened to the Ocean CD forever. That was the only way she could sleep. We have since progressed to Disney Princess Lullabies.

Ugh, if I could come over and give you a break, I'd do it. I know how hard it is to listen to a baby scream, and be sleep deprived on top of it. Is anyone close that can help you for a night?

 

[DMickey28]

HUGS Ash. I don't really have any advice that hasn't been given. CIO is tough. Honestly I have to turn the baby monitor down and not listen to it if I know that he is safe. I can watch the lights but I can't hear it or I won't stick to it. I feel like the worst mother in the world when I do that but it works.

Our AC is broken. We live in S. Florida. I had the guy come out this AM and he got it running said nothing was wrong with it and left. Seemed to be cooling down for a little bit but not much. By 4pm it was hot in here again ... of course it was too late by then to call. ARGH ... woke up this AM and it was 85 in here, now it's down to about 80 but it's still super hot for us misplaced northerners. DH is sitting on the end of the couch with the fan on the end table ... if he could crawl into the fan he would, he is thatclose to it.

Wanna guess what we are paying an hour for a babysitter tomorrow night? We dont know a lot of people so we had to go with a 'service'. You don't wanna know ... it's going to hurt.

 

[ashjohnson80]

It could be Ellery's teeth. She hasn't gotten any teeth yet, but her gums do seem a little more swollen than they have been.

Last night after she threw up, I had her on the bed in only a diaper and she was laughing and slapping the pillows and "singing". She looked so proud of herself. So it doesn't really seem like she was feeling bad. If I have another bad night with her tonight I might call her ped in the morning.

I think I've done a really bad thing by never laying her down for naps. It started when she was a newborn and every time I would lay her down she would cry. and so I would just let her sleep on me so that I could have a break. And now she's not napping and isn't wanting to go to sleep at night either.

I wish I had more people around here who could help me out, but everyone is either in bad health, or just has their own stuff going on.

 

[beckmrk04]

It could be Ellery's teeth. She hasn't gotten any teeth yet, but her gums do seem a little more swollen than they have been.

Last night after she threw up, I had her on the bed in only a diaper and she was laughing and slapping the pillows and "singing". She looked so proud of herself. So it doesn't really seem like she was feeling bad. If I have another bad night with her tonight I might call her ped in the morning.

I think I've done a really bad thing by never laying her down for naps. It started when she was a newborn and every time I would lay her down she would cry. and so I would just let her sleep on me so that I could have a break. And now she's not napping and isn't wanting to go to sleep at night either.

I wish I had more people around here who could help me out, but everyone is either in bad health, or just has their own stuff going on.

I bolded that part because, I think this is probably part of the problem. But I totally get where you are coming from, because it's easier and less nerve-wracking to just let them sleep on you.

But, it's not too late! She can learn new sleep habits. It just might take a while. Maybe tonight try the tylenol and just see what happens. If her teeth don't bother her, one dose of Tylenol won't hurt either way. Do it like 1/2 hour before she needs to go to bed.

Do you have a specific nighttime routine?

For V, we'd take a bath, get lotioned and put jammies on. Then dim the lights and she'd take her last bottle in her room with her music/ocean playing in the background, then, I'd lay her down with her paci. Same thing, every night.

Then, like I said earlier, if she cried, I'd go in after a few minutes, pick her up and rock her a bit, then lay her back down. I'd wait longer and longer before going in.

Part of it though is just Vaylie's personality- she's a good sleeper. At night, she'll tell me "Night night" grab her paci, and run to her crib. Well, ok then!

 

[kellyf2626]

I think I've done a really bad thing by never laying her down for naps. It started when she was a newborn and every time I would lay her down she would cry. and so I would just let her sleep on me so that I could have a break. And now she's not napping and isn't wanting to go to sleep at night either.

I think this could absolutely be the problem. It really is amazing how quickly babies can get in the habit of doing something, and completely resist doing it differently. My girlfriend is actually going through the exact same thing. She co-slept with her son until it got to be he was moving around too much in the bed. BUT, he totally refused to sleep away from her or in his crib. He would go NUTS. So now she got him a mattress and is sleeping on the floor with him in his room (she even has to lay down with him for naps!!! ).

All I can say is that fyou should figure out what you are comfortable doing, and stick with that new routine no matter what. Maybe do some form of CIO. Bottom line is that she needs to sleep in her crib....so I would continue to attempt to put her there. Always put her down for naps at the same time every day, and have the same plan of attack when she starts to cry. Same for at night. I think if you are consistent and keeping trying, she will start to realize that this is the new routine, and get used to it.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Oh Ash I'm so sorry. Everyone here has given you GREAT advice and I really have nothing to add. I have to say that Mo has done well with his two teeth coming in. He just chews on everything and drolls....A LOT! The only time he sleeps with me is if he wakes in the super early morning hours...like between 2 and 3. When he falls asleep on my chest I just lie him down next to me. Today was the first day I hurt the baby while sleeping. I moved my arm not realizing how close he was to me and got him right in the head with my elbow. Poor thing still half asleep just cried. I picked him up and put him on my chest and within minutes he was out again.
As Kelly said, get to a routine and stick to it. Get Ellery into her crib and on a routine. Babies learn and get adjusted to things and she will get there. Just hang in there lady, it'll get better. Keep us posted.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Oh yea...you ladies haven't seen the latest installments of Mo

Good grief he's standing up now! I looked over from the computer when he did this and about passed out! We have to move the mattress down to the final notch.

He loves being out of it and playing with it more now.

This is Mo standing up and beating on my hard drive!

Reaching for the phone....in which he got moments later and tossed on the floor!

His FAV room in the house...daddy's computer room. As soon as he hits the hallway crawling, this is his FIRST stop!

 

[ashjohnson80]

wow i can't believe that mo is crawling and standing already!

 

[Tiggerlover91]

wow i can't believe that mo is crawling and standing already!

I know Ash! How's Ellery doing in those areas. Our babies are only a day apart.