The Meanest Mother in the World--A L-B TR, 5/05 *DONE. p.65, with one last pic*

[Grammyof2]

Shotgun in a stroller. Me, Me, please me.

 

[Certifiable WDW Nut]

I grew up in Weare (if you know where that is!)

I know, I know -- "We're where Weare is". I grew up in Sunapee. Used to play you folks in sports all the time.

 

[fancythemouse]

You're going to think I'm a total sap, but even checking in was magical.

I was so happy to finally be there that I had a PermaGrin and my feet were doing this happy little hopping shuffle. Because I'm not just happy about this trip, but about the next 40 something years of Welcome Homes. I'm happy to know that in the year 2042, when I arrive with my grandkids, I'll still be hopping and smiling. With my bunions and false teeth.

Behind the front desk, they have balloons. Lined up along the wall, evenly spaced, looking so pretty and happy. Old Key West is festive and fun, even if it is light years away from the parks. Tulja was the CM who checked us in; she was a complete sweetie. I would say that even if we didn't get our requested room location of "first floor, someplace near the hospitality house." And, after she gave us our room keys and our happy packet of info about the World, she gave each of the kids balloons. They are so excited, you'd think Mickey himself had given them those balloons.

And she hands us a big package from home, addressed to Conor. He's celebrating his 6th birthday on this trip, remember? I can see that it's from my sister, and try to hide it from him to save for his actual birthday. No way, the little man saw that it was for him. He notices everything, and who taught this kid to read, anyway? It was all I could do to stop him from tearing it open on the spot.

So, balloons, room keys, and a package. While we're gathering all these things, along with our carry-around stuff (after all, now that the flight's over there's no place to carry it "on") the kids are chatting it up with the CM at the Vacation Club info desk. Conor will talk to anyone, anyplace. Not shy. Not selective about topic, either. There have been weeks we've stayed home from church for fear of what he'd share at the Children's Circle. Into the microphone.

At that age he used to enter any conversation with a standard opener: "What kind of car do you have?" Skipped the niceties and went straight for the information he wanted.

When the person would look at this little guy, they'd assume his car knowledge was actually consistent with his age, and answer him something like, "A blue one."

"No," he'd persist. "What kind?"

"A van?" they'd say.

"Nooooo," says Conor, becoming distressed. "What KIND?"

Inevitably the other party to this conversation (e.g. the checkout person at the supermarket, another mom at the playground, the x-ray tech searching my boy's innards for the wood screw he swallowed...) would cast me a desperate glance.

I save them. "He wants to know the make and model. The year, even."

It got to the point that his younger sister thought that this was the usual way to greet someone. She'd twitter, "What kind car yoooou have?"

Some people got apologetic, like "I only have a Geo Metro." I would assure them that my boy is not a car snob. If it's got 4 wheels and a motor, he loves it.

Anyway.

My point was that he's not at all shy about initiating conversation. Ever. With anyone. His sisters, not so much. Sometimes they're shy, sometimes they're on conversational fire. This day, the happy day we arrived at Disney, they were "on."

I felt a little bad for the CM at the DVC desk. It was like he was on the red carpet being pelted with questions from the paparazzi. Either that or being interrogated by the KGB. He gave them stickers. As an act of surrender, I think.

They could not have been happier. Except for Conor -- not that he was unhappy, but he politely declined. "No thank you, I guess I'm just too big for stickers." My baby, all growed up and too big for stickers. Since when is 5 too big for stickers?

As we headed out to find our room, there was another family who had checked in just before us. We were behind them in line. For whatever reason, their kids didn't have balloons. The mom was apparently one of those people - you know the ones, who are entitled to have the same portioning of magic as everyone else. A magic communist. She took one look at our kids with their balloons, and marched straight back to the front desk. "Those kids have balloons," she informed Tulja. ""Why didn't my children get balloons?"

Okay, I hate to make snap judgments on people, but isn't there a nicer way to go about this? She sounded so accusatory. Chances are, there's no grand conspiracy to keep her kids out of the balloons club. I bet if she just asked nicely, Tulja would share the balloons. I hope this lady has never heard of towel animals; things could get ugly.

Anyway. We took up our carry-around stuff and shooed the troops out onto the grounds to wander around for a while looking for building 63.

Yes, the reports are correct. Old Key West is a bit confusing to find your way around the first time. I think the biggest thing is that there's no way to stay on the sidewalks and go directly where you want to go. You have to meander through parking lots, all the while keeping an eye peeled for a sign. Not like a message from God, just the little sign with the building number on it. It's not THAT difficult, even for us.

After a few instances of back tracking, a bunny sighting (Piper can spot a critter a mile away!) and one seemingly endless argument over who would ride shotgun in the double stroller -- you'd be AMAZED at how feet-tiring a 400 yard walk can be, apparently -- we found it.

Our one-bedroom villa was all that we'd imagined it to be. Spacious, bright, airy and clean. The kids were thrilled that they'd get to sleep in the "secret couch." That's what they call a sleep sofa. You know, it's a couch with a secret - a bed hidden inside, what could be better! For them it's a treat. And their little bodies aren't big enough to span the metal bar in the middle, so they don't experience the discomfort issues that adults do.

Best of all, a surprise for the birthday boy! A bunch of balloons attached to a large birthday card with a signed photo of Buzz and Woody.

Quick! Close the blinds! In case Cranky Entitled Lady from the lobby is walking by and sees what weeee've got that sheeeeee doesn't.

Because not only do we have a big bunch of balloons from Buzz, we've got a big package addressed to a birthday boy. Who has ignored my uncharacteristically gentle admonitions to save it for his actual birthday on Wednesday.

The package is shredded.

The Enabler has sent him an Incredibles t-shirt, bathing suit, and underpants. Also an Incredibles little lightup fan thingie. And, because she's the bestest auntie, also lightup fan thingies for the girls, too. Actually that's because she's the bestest sister. She saved me from the horrors of trying to have all 3 of them share this nifty little toy.

Except that in about 8 seconds flat Sydney has gotten her hair all tangled up in the fan. Good thing I'm planning to take her to the Main Street Barbershop for her first haircut later this week. She'll only have to walk around with this fan thingie hanging off her head for a few days.

After that, the kids unpacked. Meaning, in under 3 minutes they had strewn their belongings throughout every square foot of our home away from home. The grocery order arrived, but since our luggage hadn't, and the kids had done all the unpacking they could do for the moment, we decided to take the boat over to Downtown Disney so I could visit Guest Relations and do some ticket trading. DVC Discount AP's here we come!

Coming soon: In Which the Meanest Mama has words with Guest Relations, and nearly throws a flippie fit.

just wanted to ask you if you're ticker is working correctly because its been saying 5 months for awhile...just wanted to let you know.

 

[kpk89]

Hi fancy,
as far as I know it's working fine ... it just switched to 5 months today because we leave on 9/30. yesterday it said 5 months, 1 day, etc. Thanks for looking out for me, though!

We'll see -- tomorrow it should say 4 months 3 weeks 6 days, right?

 

[MomofCKJ]

Cranky Entitled Lady! You have me rolling! Your descriptions are right on and I can not stand people like that!! Oh I love your writing, more more please!

Allyson

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

I've tried and I've tried.

But... I just don't think you're that mean.

Anyhow... I love your report. LOVE IT!!!!! I'm in. My belt is buckled and I've got snacks. Giddyup!!!

Mel.

 

[fancythemouse]

Hi fancy,
as far as I know it's working fine ... it just switched to 5 months today because we leave on 9/30. yesterday it said 5 months, 1 day, etc. Thanks for looking out for me, though!

We'll see -- tomorrow it should say 4 months 3 weeks 6 days, right?

Oh okay. No prob. Love your TR.......as usual, im waiting FOR MORE!

 

[Master Gracie]

Ok, is it me, or are we having a rash of overly entertaining and talented TR writers lately?

I am thoroughly enjoying your TR. Although now that I've come to the end of the thread so far, I am going to have to wait on the next installment. You know, you could have written the whole thing and then passed it to us all at once. If you had wanted to....you must be sadistic.

Hmmm...you ARE mean.

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Hopping Abord! Loving It!

 

[Twingle]

Ooohhh, somehow I missed the last installment! LOVE your way of writing - and your sayings are cracking me up! Can I please also borrow magic communist and flippie fit, in addition to the it's too early thirty? Your TR always makes me smile!

 

[DisneycrazedX6]

I finally just read your entire thread and I find myself on the edge of my seat!! Please don't keep us waiting too long, your story is fantastic!!!

 

[kpk89]

Old Key West truly is a beautiful, peaceful resort. Very laid back, and the cast members are so friendly. We strolled back toward the Hospitality House, getting the lay of the land as we went. It's a breezy, warm, absolutely lovely day. Seriously, no Kool Aid on that one. Doug concurs. Found the boat dock, but learned that it would be a few minutes until the next one. So we checked out the pool and the playground, and got this really cute photo.

We are so happy to be at Disney! Did you notice that Conor is already wearing the Incredibles t-shirt he JUST got in the mail?

At last we hop onto the boat, with Captain Steve as our fearless pilot. He’s a funny guy with a very wry sense of humor, and the typical Disney good cheer. We love the view of Saratoga Springs (our real “home”) and think that it will be nice to stay there on our next trip.

Which is coming up in January ’06. We’ve decided to bring along Doug’s brother, his wife and their 2 boys, as well as their dad and stepmother. And get a Grand Villa, which means that we’ll all be under one roof. Stay tuned for THAT trip report, if I ever get finished with this one!

Anyhow, the upcoming January trip is why we’re heading to Downtown Disney. I had already purchased 10 day Magic Your Way non-expiring park hoppers with PLUS options (my TR is so late-breaking that they don’t even call it “plus” anymore.) Then we decided to go on another trip in January. And DVC started offering a member discount on AP’s. And I learned on the Dis that it would be no problem to trade in the MYW tickets for the AP’s.

Right.

We found Guest Relations after a bit of befuddlement, and patiently waited. When my turn comes, I excitedly hand the Cast Member my MYW tickets, and ask to change them for the AP’s. With the DVC discount, don’t cha know.

“Sure, ma’am, I’d be happy to do that for you. You do realize that there’s a price difference, and that we’re unable to refund it to you?”

“WHAT?!!”

I sounded just like my daughter, when she learned how babies make their entrance into the world. We were driving in the car, and she wanted to know how babies get out of their mama’s belly. I believe in using the correct terms for “things” and in being truthful with my children, so I told her. Foolish. She wasn't quite four yet. A euphemism would've done the trick.

“WHAT?!” she gasped, glancing down at her lap, certain that I must be joking.

That’s just how I sounded, except I didn’t look at my lap.

The CM got that I hadn’t said “What?” as in “Could you repeat that, I didn’t hear you.” She understood that my “What?!!” represented utter incredulity. And so she didn’t repeat herself, but stood looking at me.

“Ok, are you sure? Why would I not be refunded? Surely you could at least give me Magic Your Way tickets in the amount of the difference?” No.

“Are you kidding me?” I’m getting upset. It’s not like me to throw a Flippie Fit in public, especially at Disney. But I researched this, I did! This was incomprehensible. Breathe. Clearly this CM is mistaken; so take the calm approach. “Could I please speak to the manager?”

I have to give this CM credit. She maintained her calmness in the face of a nearly imminent Flippie Fit. My words were calm, my voice was calm, but I’m certain she could tell by my eyes that a Fit was simmering. She informed me that the manager was not in, but that she could reach him by phone, and disappeared into The Back.

Meanwhile I frantically signal my husband over, and fill him in. Once again, I’m the meanest wife. I’ve been just standing here politely simmering at the Guest Relations counter, and he’s been keeping track of the three munchkins in a gi-normous store. Explaining why we’re not buying anything, now. Fielding the “Is this Disney?” question. Ten times. They are tired and hungry, and the excitement is wearing off as they tool around the store, nothing at their eye level to look at but sweatshirts.

The CM has come back. She has reached the manager on the phone, and he has authorized her to upgrade my tickets to AP’s, with the DVC discount, and to credit the $210.90 difference back to my bank card. We’re rich! Sort of. We got that money back because we now don’t have “plus” options. She emphasizes that the only reason she was able to do this was because the MYW tickets were still on their little paper folders and had very plainly not been used. Anyway. Now we can get the Disney Dining Experience, too! Grab the application and we’re outta here.

The remainder of our time at Downtown Disney is not super exciting. We wander a little, check out the Lego store. Conor comments that the Lego tourist lady looks like a piñata. That’s another hint that he really really wants to have a piñata at his birthday party. We opt not to smash open the Lego lady with a stick, and realize that if we’re going to have dinner at Rainforest Café, we better hop to it.

On second thought, the kids are wiped out and so are we. We’re not up for a sit-down. And there are plenty of groceries back at the villa. We grab some fries at McDonald’s for a snack, and hop the boat.

It’s Captain Steve at the helm once again. But as he’s getting on the vessel, he smashes his knee on one of the jumpseats. Someone had left it in the down position. He literally crumples to the ground in agony, and nobody really knows what to do. He was a funny guy, so at first we thought he was fooling around. But he’s not getting up; we haven’t left the dock yet, and a couple of passengers glance anxiously at another captain moored nearby. I guess they are hoping that he’ll notice Captain Steve lying on the dock and come to his aid, but this is not the case. So a couple of us get up and offer Steve a hand, and ask if there’s anything we can do for him. He bravely gets up and returns to duty, thanking everyone for their offers. Luckily this is his last voyage of the day, and he heads off for some ice as soon as we get back to OKW.

So with the big excitement of our travel day buoying us along (barely!) we make it back to the villa. Stir up some mac and cheese for the babes, then swish them through our gigantic bathtub, and off to bed. We put them in the bedroom, and plan on moving them to the secret couch when we go to bed ourselves. Nachos and Corona for mom and dad --we are both so mean, feeding them crappy box mac while we have yummy nachos. Unpack the rest of the luggage which has magically arrived, and we’re all sound asleep by 8 PM. Or maybe it was 9, or 10. I don't remember, and it doesn't really matter.

Up next: A Park! At Last! Can you guess which one ….?

 

[mom2alix]

Yay! A new installment!

 

[1stWDWtrip]

I have been anxiously awaiting an update! Thanks. Just wish it was longer.... As my wait to go to Disney gets shorter, I need even more of a "fix"

Anyway, this has been a great report! Great job!

 

[Grammyof2]

Kim - another great installment. I love a women that can throw a flippin fit.
Throw in a hissy and you can have a flippin hissy fit. They really are the best kind.

Your children are beautiful.

 

[kpk89]

Thanks Grammy! I don't throw flippies very often, usually the mere threat of one is all I need. But when I let go ... whoo baby, look out!

 

[Master Gracie]

Excellent installment. You should have merely told the CM that you had researched this procedure on the DIS and knew perfectly well how it was supposed to work.

Then she would have not had to disturb the manager and simply given you what was good and right.

After all, the collective knowledge of the DIS is greater than a mere CM anyway.

 

[sheridac]

Kim! Thanks for sharing!

 

[fizz13]

Thanks for the new installment and the lovely picture of your gorgeous kids. Those are happy smiles
Claire xx

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Excellent installment Kim - I've been known to throw a few flippie fits. I even threw a pen once (in court!), but only at my own table. I was righteously indignant, and for good reason. The Judge was so fed up with the other guy that he congratulated me afterwards for having the self-control to not throw it AT my opposing counsel, if that tells you how bad it was.

But enough about me - I'm going to go back to the "excellent installment Kim!" I love your TRIP REPORT and can't wait to read more of it. You're kids are absolutely adorable!