But... you know how it goes:
We returned safely from the Northwoods. With tans, bug bites, and no photos of me gutting a nice bass.
For ZZUB.
To a number of days of unexpected company. Friends who are a hoot. And who I couldn't tear myself away from. Literally. To write this chapter.
Instead of the fish gutting... I have a bunch of photos of me with PINK EYE.
Obviously, I won't be posting them here. Until I need another pump fake chapter entitled: Mel Combats Pink Eye in The Woods.
Perhaps instead of the drops, I should have drunk Nail Polish Remover.
Which, I'm quite sure, tastes a WHOLE LOT like bar brand tequila.
NOLindsayLohan.
Anywho... DED Mrs.King! BORG ~ FRICK!!! Also... GA KITTY! DED!
Hi there.
Hi Haley.
Also... the rest of your comments and posts were so funny! I really did miss y'all.
Except for DJR.
To him I say: KISS MY AXE!
Buddy.
Heh heh.
Let's move on:
The happyhaunts pulled up to the doors of The AllStar Movies Resortish. And Beth and I hopped out of the fancybutt gold car to register.
Leaving Mellyman and the two boys, already asleep, inside.
Of the car.
Which I had already nicknamed: Owen Wilson.
The Butterscotch Stallion.
When we would lose it in a parking lot during our trip. I'd walk around yelling: "OWEN! OWEN! Where are you?!!!!! Come play with MEL!!!! You hunk 'o hunk 'o hunk 'o JUNK!!!"! TFI.
Mellyman was slightly embarrassed. And rightly so.
As usual.
So... Beth and I went in to register for just 1 night. Our first night and/or last night in Disney is usually spent at the All Stars. For some inexplicable reason.
Oh. That's not true. We stay there b/c the kids like it a lot. And I've usually screwed up our flight and hotel itinerary so badly that we realize that we're in need of an extra hotel night at some point. On our trips.
I'm an OBSESSIVE DISNEY PLANNER! happyhaunt style.
Last trip with Tommy it was our LAST night.
And we received bed bug bites courtesy of MUSIC ~ The JAZZ INN!
I'm not kidding.
Although this is the one time I wish I were. They took two weeks to heal. And it was as "magical" a Disney moment(s) as the massive "magical" scab I received on my knee from flipping on the "magical" pavement. Outside of Cindy's Magical Castle. Not "magically" looking where I was going.
Again.
OK.
Anywho...we tried to register for the night. What I mean is this: WE TRIED!
A bunch of times.
I had forgotten to print out the reservation confirmation number. I thought I had it written down. So I didn't print the email out.
I didn't have it written down.
Instead I had...errrr... NOTHING. With me.
I gave our name. The family name.
No dice.
I gave MY name. My official name. The name I still have since I neglected on purpose to change it when I was married.
No dice.
I gave my OTHER name. My official name hyphenated with our family name.
Which is only on my credit cards.
See how THAT works? Mellyman?!!!!!
Heh heh.
BINGO!!!!!
WHEW!!!
I was afraid I was actually gonna have to lean over towards the CM and whisper, "It MIGHT be under...happyhaunt, Me(L). Dude."
But, luckily, I was still incognito. With just THREE... aliases. And ONE pseudonym.
I think.
Whatever.
We got our room. Finally. And headed off to HERBIE ~ THE LOVE BUG section.
Which was perfect. Considering the BED BUG incident. Of '06.
At least this time they're pretty much PROMISING a BUG. To Me(l). Up front.
Although... it's a LOVE BUG. After all. Which sounds nicer. But... probably isn't.
Ask Paris Hilton.
And her ilk.
And, in addition, it was ALSO the FARTHEST building from the main one. And the craptastic coffee. In the morning.
Who cares?! Tho. As long as I didn't wake up with a "magical" case of gonorreaha. I was all good.
Heh heh.
Thus began the happyhaunt saga of OUR ROOMS WITHOUT A VIEW!
The theme of our trip. And the title of our tripe.
First I got out of The Butterscotch Stallion. And located our room.
It was on the ground floor. Which wasn't bad.
Then we woke the boys. Grabbed one of our suitcases. And a couple smaller bags. And we headed out.
Got to the room.
Opened the bag.
Discovered it was the WRONG bag.
And Mellyman headed back to OWEN to get the CORRECT bag.
The one with one of my four names on it. tFi.
It was AGAIN. The WRONG BAG.
Mel happyhaunt's planning strikes again.
This time he returned with the CORRECT bag.
HOORAY!
Except we forgot the bag with the air mattress for Tommy in the Stallion.
BACK AGAIN!
Yet it was all good. Exercise.
I figured... and told Mellyman: My lack of forethought and improper packing is the *NEW* Pilates.
He'd feel better for it in the morning.
When he was all buff. Ish.
Or would he?
We blew up the mattress. Sprayed the kids with Deepwoods OFF. And tucked them into bed for the night.
Including Tommy The Illegal. Guest.
We slept. Hard.
Until four am.
When I "magically" awoke.
From a nightmare of sorts.
Screaming about a mountain man with an axe. Who was, apparently, going to GET ME(L)! In my nightmare.
Or, at least, improperly chop our camping kindling for us.
What I'm saying is this: I woke up VERY EARLY. And could NOT get back to sleep. No way. NO HOW.
I was up for the day.
So I lay there until 6:30. Counting VEAL. Not sheep. B/c it's meaner. And, when I can't get back to sleep. I'm all Nasty Mel.
Finally Tommy woke up.
Then Calvin woke up.
We made PLENTY of noise. I think we even yodelled.
But it seemed that nothing short of something HUGE and NOISY and CHAOTIC~ like Britney Spear's Meltdown ~ would wake Beth and Mellyman.
So we got up. Brushed our teeth. Combed MY hair. Got dressed and headed out.
To do an early morning explore of the Disney All Star Movies Property.
Just the three of us. Me and my boys.
And a credit card. Of course.
I thought about leaving a note for Mellyman. I used to leave notes for my Dad. In his suit pockets. When I was a little boy...errrr... girl. They would say things like: Have a great day at work, Daddy! And: Sorry that I sweared last night. Even: Can we play Monopoly when you get home from work tonight? Plus: Sorry I cheated at Monopoly last night.
So... I thought maybe I should leave a note for Mellyman saying: I'm LOOSE on DISNEY PROPERTY! WITH THE CREDIT CARD! Baybee. Wakey WAKEY!!!! I'm about to lose the Battle for MY WALLET!!!!
NOZZUB.
But... I didn't.
We set off.
For coffee and souveniers.
For our first Disney morning.
We were all awake and excited. Tommy burst out the door. Took a look around and said, "I'm gonna run through the FAT GRASS!".
Calvin and I looked at the grass and were DED. With amusement.
The blades of grass were really FAT. In Florida.
Compared with our skinny Canadian blades of grass.
We were so amused by Tommy that we all decided to run around for a bit. On the lawn outside our door. In the FAT GRASS.
Until we realized: Dude, SO HUMIDITY. Already.
We left the FAT GRASS. And headed to the HOT PAVEMENT.
MAN!!!! It was already stinkin' HOT. Outside. And it was only after 7 in the morning.
Which bodes well for about 10:30am. I was thinking. When we would be drenched in sweat and too nauseous to enjoy our all-you-CARE-to-eat breakfast at 'Ohana. With Stitch.
Never mind.
I needed real hot coffee. And the heat wasn't gonna stop us for long.
If THAT makes any sense to y'all.
We grabbed coffee. Juice. And an outrageously priced small amount of fruit. And went to sit by the kiddy pool with the Glacier Effect.
To make Me(l) feel cooler, in the heat, drinking my steaming morning cup of "Wake UP! You have THREE CHILDREN and can't afford to be off YOUR GAME!"!!!!
The thing was this.
We stayed there. At the kiddy Glacier Pool for about an hour.
The boys ate and drank and then had a TON of fun. Wading through the water. Chasing each other around. Splashing each other. Illegally climbing the glaciers. And sliding down off of them. Hiding in the cracks. Again, illegally climbing the glaciers. And dancing around on top. And wading throught the pool. Again. Getting their clothes mostly drenched.
It occured to me that they couldn't be HOTTER! Heh heh. Or having any MORE fun!
In the little bitty wading pool at the AllStar Movies Resortish.
A close friend of mine said to me today that it's all the little things you do with your kids that are the things that REALLY matter. And not, so much, the BIG things.
And thinking back about that hour with the boys. All by ourselves. Alone in the little puddle of water. There. I think it was one of the best times they had. On the trip.
Seriously.
They were having a BLAST. Day 1 and all that. The excitement was high. But... a blast it was!
Which made me ponder four other things:
1. Why THE HECK did I bother getting ANNUAL FREAKIN' PASSES?!
2. We could have, possibly, spent 2 weeks on the AllStar property.
3. Or not.
4. The coffee at the Disney sucks pondwater.
And, finally:
5. He was right.
Again.
DAMN IT!!!!!
Cheers, Mel.
as an example. Just the other day, upon awaking at 4 in the morning, as my parents must do in order to be four hours early to work, My mother 
I LOVE it love it!!........that you're back.....the camping - not so much.
