The Downside Of Fostering

[Saphire]

I am a foster parent to a precious four month old baby. I knew it wouldn't be an easy transition to start fostering babies, my kids are now young adults and I feared I wouldn't have the strength or stamina to return to those days of 24/7 care of a newborn. But I was wrong. I am adjusting just fine to the physical demands. There is one thing, however, that I really dislike about fostering that I did not anticipate.

The state provides formula to all eligible infants under the WIC program, and issues vouchers to those parents, and to all foster parents as well. I must present my weekly voucher and WIC card to the cashier when buying the formula for my foster baby. And that is where the problem arises.

It has been such a humbling experience for me. I have recieved looks and stares from customers ahead and behind me, yet I have had to remind myself that I know the truth.

(The 'truth' is that I have never received any assistance in my life. I am taking a pay cut as I reduce my work hours so that I can help a baby that needs a home, because her own Mom isn't able to care for her. The truth is I am trying to do something good in my life, to try and use my strengths to help someone else.)

And it has taught me a lesson. I promised myself I would never judge anyone again with those vouchers, because you never really know the whole story. It is wrong to presume you do. I am so grateful for the friendly cashiers when I pass through their line, yet want to educate the others who are brusque and chilly. Please don't assume you know anything about my situation!

I wish I could wear a button that identifies me as a foster parent, therefore deflecting the stares, but I think I am learning something worthwhile through this process, and will continue to be open to the lessons.

 

[mickaholic4077]

Dare I say it here?-But GOD BLESS YOU!!

 

[Buckalew11]

you make a really good, valid point.

And the pp is right, God Bless You.

 

[laurie31]

 

[denisenh]

Why do we even care? I had to buy some incontinence briefs for my grandmother once and I was mortified , like a dope.
I told the cashier "these aren't for me... they're for my grandmother".
Honestly was that dumb or what?

Well anyway, now I just don't worry about who thinks what. I understand what you are saying, but you really should feel proud of what you are doing....just like I should have felt proud that I was helping my grandmother.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I went through the training, but the woman from the outside company they hired never finished my study. I remember learning about WIC, and the worry of being judged. It definitely changed the way I look at people who use WIC or Food Stamps. You just never know.

 

[Saphire]

Why do we even care? I had to buy some incontinence briefs for my grandmother once and I was mortified , like a dope.

One of the times I was buying the formula there was an old woman in front of me. She had a head tremor and was bent over and feeble, yet there she was buying a few groceries and a package of Depends. I nearly cried. I wanted to slap myself right then and there for being embarrassed about my situation.

 

[denisenh]

One of the times I was buying the formula there was an old woman in front of me. She had a head tremor and was bent over and feeble, yet there she was buying a few groceries and a package of Depends. I nearly cried. I wanted to slap myself right then and there for being embarrassed about my situation.

awwww
and don't forget, she may have just been picking up a few items for someone else.....maybe HER grandmother
you sound like a super nice person.

 

[minkydog]

Why do we even care? I had to buy some incontinence briefs for my grandmother once and I was mortified , like a dope.
I told the cashier "these aren't for me... they're for my grandmother".
Honestly was that dumb or what?

Well anyway, now I just don't worry about who thinks what. I understand what you are saying, but you really should feel proud of what you are doing....just like I should have felt proud that I was helping my grandmother.

You will love this. My husband meets his best friend at Costco for lunch every Thursday for cheep hotdogs. So last week these two old retired guys are at "hot dog day" and DH & Best Friend discovers they have coupons for Depends. We have a 14yo son who is mentally handicapped and incontinent so we are always on the lookout for sales. Yippee! The coupon was for $8 off a case, with a limit of three. So DH and his friend load up two carts with Depends for Men and take a walk through the store, talking animatedly and having a great old time. DH didn't think anything about it, He buys diapers all the time. But the Best Friend got a little creeped out with people staring. I told them they probably thought they were a couple with some plumbing problems. I don't know if Best Friend is ever going to offer to help buy diapers again. They may have to do "hot dog day" in disguise.

 

[denisenh]

thats too cute minky! the visual....

 

[laurie31]

Why do we even care? I had to buy some incontinence briefs for my grandmother once and I was mortified , like a dope.
I told the cashier "these aren't for me... they're for my grandmother".
Honestly was that dumb or what?

Oh my - this reminds me of something that happened several years ago. DH had picked up athelete's foot somewhere, and we were about to leave on vacation and I always like to bring along some Immodium when we travel, because if THAT problem strikes at 2am, the last thing you want to do is get in a car and drive around looking for a 24 hour pharmacy in an unfamiliar place.

So anyway, I approach the cashier with Tinactin, Immodium, and I can't recall the 3rd item, but it was also something "gross," and the cashier literally recoiled from me! I hastily explained that none of the stuff was for me, and then we actually laughed about it, but it was still embarrasing!

awwww
and don't forget, she may have just been picking up a few items for someone else.....maybe HER grandmother
you sound like a super nice person.

Hey, good point! My 90 year old grandmother used to go to the store for her "elderly" neighbors who could no longer drive.

Minky, your story is hilarious! And way to go on the $48 savings - awesome!

 

[Chicago526]

I'll remember this when I encounter debates about welfare abuse... "I saw someone pay for steak and lobster with WIC vouchers once!" is a very frequent statment during those debates. This could very well account for some of those encounters, just a foster family going grocery shoping!

I never judge. Hell I never even notice how people in front of me pay, I'm usually too busy unloading my cart, reading magazine covers, or trying to dig that 25 cent tuna coupon out of the bottom of my purse. I'm just oblivious, really.

Good for you for being a foster parent! I'd love to do it but I can't get DH on board. He's affraid he'll get too attached to the kiddos only to have them leave eventually.

 

[SereneOne]

I can empathize. My daughter is tube-fed, six cans a day, every two and a half hours (until her mechanical pump arrives, woohoo!). Before we knew that the insurance would cover it because she had a feeding tube, we used WIC and people can be ugly.

 

[SkyGirl]

I am a foster parent to a precious four month old baby. I knew it wouldn't be an easy transition to start fostering babies, my kids are now young adults and I feared I wouldn't have the strength or stamina to return to those days of 24/7 care of a newborn. But I was wrong. I am adjusting just fine to the physical demands. There is one thing, however, that I really dislike about fostering that I did not anticipate.

The state provides formula to all eligible infants under the WIC program, and issues vouchers to those parents, and to all foster parents as well. I must present my weekly voucher and WIC card to the cashier when buying the formula for my foster baby. And that is where the problem arises.

It has been such a humbling experience for me. I have recieved looks and stares from customers ahead and behind me, yet I have had to remind myself that I know the truth.

(The 'truth' is that I have never received any assistance in my life. I am taking a pay cut as I reduce my work hours so that I can help a baby that needs a home, because her own Mom isn't able to care for her. The truth is I am trying to do something good in my life, to try and use my strengths to help someone else.)

And it has taught me a lesson. I promised myself I would never judge anyone again with those vouchers, because you never really know the whole story. It is wrong to presume you do. I am so grateful for the friendly cashiers when I pass through their line, yet want to educate the others who are brusque and chilly. Please don't assume you know anything about my situation!

I wish I could wear a button that identifies me as a foster parent, therefore deflecting the stares, but I think I am learning something worthwhile through this process, and will continue to be open to the lessons.

I've been in similar situations for different reasons. Just recently I was left devastated by something a doctor said to me without knowing anything about me.

Why do we care? I don't know, but I do know that I think you're AWESOME!

 

[ead79]

Good for you! I think you have a great attitude, and your post is an excellent reminder not to judge others. Honestly, let's say you were on WIC. What business would I have to judge you for that? I think we should focus on being grateful for what we do have rather than looking down at those that don't have the same as we do.

Kudos to you for doing such a wonderful thing for this little baby!

 

[ckay87]

I was on WIC when we were young and first starting out. We were both working hard, but still struggling enough to qualify for WIC. I hated it, it was so humbling. We've come a long way, but I think those humble beginnings did a lot for my attitude.

Bless you for the work you do with that little baby.

Hilarious story with the Costco guys and the depends!!! I think we women have an easier time with purchasing embarassing things. Guys just aren't used to it like we are.

 

[holycow]

Wow! Hugs!

 

[Tuffcookie]

BLESS YOU!

TC

 

[ChrizJen]

Thank you for posting this, OP!
We're foster parents too. We had the same awakening ourselves.
I'd like to say that it wasn't as much an awakening for me, because my sister, who is a single mom with 2 kids, has had to rely on state assistance a time or two. I know that it's "just one of those things"... But it still felt strange and awkward at first. Almost like a guilty feeling. But I've learned that it really doesn't matter what others think, or the looks they give me. God and I both know the truth, and that's really all that matters.
We get the same thing when we take her to the pediatrician, or in line at the drug store picking up prescriptions. Her medical/prescriptions are all covered under Medicaid. It's always the same looks...
It really is an awakening experience, and it reminds us all to slow down and think before we judge. Don't be so quick to judge when you really don't know anything about a person's situation. You may think you do, but you might just be surprised by the truth...
Again, thanks, OP! It's obviously something I've thought about before, but I'm glad you posted it!

 

[Briarmom]