The Downside Of Fostering

[Luv2Scrap]

Thank you for what you are doing.

 

[ma2jr]

Just want to say you're an angel for doing what your doing...

 

[okeydokey]

Thank you so much for sharing your story and the reminder that we should refrain from judging others. Bless you and the little one in your care.

 

[klj27]

Thank you for your story.

I always use the self checkout at the grocery store. Last month the person in front of me left their receipt. I pulled theirs off when I pulled mine off too. I noticed that it was a purchase with a "food stamps?" card. The thing that caught my eye was the balance left after that purchase... it was almost $600 and they had bought $50 worth of stuff. It was an eye opener for me because I had no idea a family could qualify for that much money in a month. Not sure when cards are issued but this was the middle of the month.

 

[DisTeach1]

I used to do foster parenting several years ago, infants only, and I did not use the vouchers. Refused. I would just to Costco and throw the formula in with the rest of the groceries.

 

[KAMKIM]

Thank you for your story.

I always use the self checkout at the grocery store. Last month the person in front of me left their receipt. I pulled theirs off when I pulled mine off too. I noticed that it was a purchase with a "food stamps?" card. The thing that caught my eye was the balance left after that purchase... it was almost $600 and they had bought $50 worth of stuff. It was an eye opener for me because I had no idea a family could qualify for that much money in a month. Not sure when cards are issued but this was the middle of the month.

Then again you dont know how many kids they have either, I spend a little more than $600 a month for a family of 4 - I cant imagine if I had 4 more mouths to feed how we would do it....

 

[KAMKIM]

We also used WIC when my oldest was first born, a few months later I was back to work full time and no longer needed it. Regardless of whether you are a foster parent or a just a mom that needs help feeding her child we shouldn't be judging. Of course it frustrates me to see what some people buy with foodstamps, or watching them load their cart up with no regard to price or coupons when cashing out.

But I remind myself I can only control how I live my life and have no right wondering if someone else is just being lazy or fell upon hard times. I know people in both circumstances and I can tell you neither one of them like the feeling of paying for their food with food stamps.

 

[klj27]

Then again you dont know how many kids they have either, I spend a little more than $600 a month for a family of 4 - I cant imagine if I had 4 more mouths to feed how we would do it....

I agree. I have a family of five and spend about $500 a month on groceries, cleaners, personal items, etc. I have always read on message boards and in the paper that the government doesn't give nearly enough when providing food stamps and that you still have to scrimp and save to make it through the month so I was shocked to see that large number.

 

[KAMKIM]

I agree. I have a family of five and spend about $500 a month on groceries, cleaners, personal items, etc. I have always read on message boards and in the paper that the government doesn't give nearly enough when providing food stamps and that you still have to scrimp and save to make it through the month so I was shocked to see that large number.

Yeah I think food stamps and WIC are really meant to be a supplement, I know some people really do live off that with nothing else though...

 

[pixiewings71]

OP, you are truly an angel and that is what matters.

I used WIC with my first DD, I used it with no problems, but then again I was very young. I didn't need it with my other 2 but you can bet if I needed it I would have used it. My oldest DD just had a baby (DD is 21) in Feb. and they are on WIC and they live in a low income apartment, hopefully temporarily but her DBF is having problems finding a good job, he is working but it's a min. wage position. They also get state insurance for the baby. They have no problems with it, I have no problems with it. These programs are for those who need it and for foster families. Don't feel guilty using a program that was put in place for your child's benefit, use it and know you are caring for your child any way you can.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

Thanks for sharing your story!

 

[NY Disney fan]

Saphire, we need more people like you in the world.

 

[Rupert B Puppenstein]

I think it is wonderful that you are fostering. I don't understand why anyone would judge by purchases and using a WIC card. I really never pay attention. The only time I ever do is when someone has a declined card and yells at the cashier for it. That definitely bugs me because there isn't anything that the cashier can do.

I am in the same boat as being worried that people will judge. That is why I will never buy Ice Cream by itself. I have to either get it with all my groceries or buy vegetables and other healthy stuff in addition.

 

[live4christp1]

What a great thing you are doing for this child.

A dear friend has two that started as foster children, they were really young (a year apart) brother & sister. She has now adopted them and she has an older DD of her own.

Foster parents are special people!

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I have never judged someone who used food stamps, WIC, etc. to pay for groceries (partly because I am pretty oblivious to what the person in front of me is doing unless they have a ton of groceries and it's taking me forever to get to the front of the line and partly because it's just none of my business.) Having said that, I'll use this as an example for people who complain that they saw a customer wearing a fur coat and driving a Mercedes and using WIC. How do they know that that particular customer isn't a foster parent?

 

[Saphire]

Thanks everyone for your input and especially for your kind words. It is so nice to recieive affirmation, even though I am anonymous here on the DIS. My real test comes when I am standing in that checkout line and people are looking right at me. I wish I could tell them about all of you, and how there is a support system behind me, in real life and online, because I am a dedicated foster parent. But of course I can't.

For now, I will be happy if someone realizes that it is not right to presume. And please don't scold with your eyes, offer a smile instead. Who knows, you may be smiling at an angel.

 

[minniecarousel]

I didn't read this whole thread, but I want to thank you OP, for bringing this to our attention. We don't know other people's circumstances and shouldn't jump to conclusions.

And, how wonderful that you are fostering. Good job!

 

[luvflorida]

Bless you and bless that precious little baby!

If I was behind you (or anyone else) in line at a checkout with a baby, I would be smiling at the baby. I wouldn't be able to help it. ALL babies are precious! I wouldn't care if you (or anyone else) was using food stamps, vouchers or whatever, to pay for groceries, because it is NONE of my business.

I am someone that tends to worry too much about what other people think, so I totally understand where you're coming from. I know what you mean about wanting to say to strangers "it's not what you think."

My older daughter (mother of my grandson) works two days a week for her dad. She comes up to our house and works out of his home office. On the days that she works at our house, I take care of my grandson yay and sometimes I'll take him to meet my younger daughter for lunch, shopping, or just a stroll. She is a college sophomore, just turned 19, but looks even younger. I know for certain that when it's just the three of us, many people assume that Carter belongs to my younger daughter. I find myself going out of my way to let people know that she is his aunt and not his mom.

There is definitely a difference in the looks we get from strangers. When I'm out with my older daughter, people will engage Carter with smiles and grins. When I'm with Carter and my younger daughter, there are less smiles and more stares. I can understand people thinking that Carter belongs to my younger daughter. If I saw a mother, teenager and a baby out together, I'd probably assume the same thing. What I wouldn't do, however, is pass judgement on them. I would not frown at them or look for a ring on someone's finger. It is NOT my place to judge anyone else.

My daughter told me that it doesn't bother her because she doesn't really care what other people think. I need to start thinking the way she does! Ironically, my younger daughter and my grandson have the same big, blue eyes, and he looks more like her than his mom. My older daughter has brown eyes. Carter gets his blue eyes from his dad.

So, I definitely know what you mean about strangers passing judgement or making assumptions.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

I can totally understand OP.....you see, I was the foster child that received the "special" medical and dental and my grandmother received financial assistance since I was placed in her home, even though my grandparents seemed like they could have afforded to take care of me. Plenty of "comments said" and dirty looks......but I got the care I needed and I am a thriving adult because of it.

Just remember who it is for....the child....and I thank you and anyone else who gives their time and love to those of us out there who needed/needs it.

 

[IDoDis]

OP, thank you for being a foster parent! You have earned your angel wings many times over. I once experienced a situation where I was stared down and scoffed by others.

About 9 months after 9/11, I was on a flight to go visit a friend. I had my then 5 year old DD with me. On the plane, a Muslim woman who was dressed in a jilbab (black overcoat) and head scarf that completely covered everything but her eyes asked if the seat next to me was taken. She sat next to me and we struck up a conversation on the one hour flight. She was reading a book about Islam and told me that she had converted to Islam 3 years ago. She said her father was a pastor of a Christian church and he stopped talking to her after she converted. He said he loved her but could not support her change in beliefs. Her brothers also stopped speaking to her, but she did still talk with her mom.

After three years, she had recently spoken on the phone with her dad and she decided to take this trip to see her family to mend the broken fence. She was really nervous about seeing her family and how they would react to the way she was dressed.

When we got off the plane, she asked if I could walk with her to the area where the greeters were allowed. Since this was a few months after 9/11, many people were leery of anyone in an airport dressed as a Muslim. We walked to the train that took us to the main area. Someone literally said the car was full and that we should wait for the next train. While waiting, she was stared at and I saw people pointing, whispering, and staring at us. I kept talking to her like I would any other person, but I could feel the stares burn through me. I did my best to ignore it. When we got to the greeting area, we said our goodbyes and she found her family who was waiting for her.

I'll never forget that experience. While I know things like that happen every day to people who stand out for whatever reason, it really helped me see how fear and/or ignorance leads people to think the worst of others.

Hang in there! What you do is worth it.