The DDA Trouble Free Zone Part 3

[tmfranlk]

I am having a very stressful morning and could use a little advice from my DDA family. Nick and Hunter's Elementary School has invited in a lady that teaches dance. They have broke the student body into groups and she is working with each group to teach them a dance that they are apparently expected to perform in front of the entire student body and an evening performance for the parents. The lessons started yesterday. Nick has been talking about how much he didn't want to do this for days now.
...
Thank you for reading my rantings.

Deb

for you and Nick. I'm not sure what advice to offer, but I do agree with you. If there is such a marked improvement over last year then I would do what I could to keep him from feeling so terribly again. I can't think of anything in our education that should be so nerve racking as to cause stomach aches. Nothing against teaching the kids a dance, but it's not worth turning a kid to not wanting to go to school all together. Good luck tonight. I hope that you are able to work something out that makes everyone, but mostly Nick, happy.

 

[Glynis]

for you and Nick. I'm not sure what advice to offer, but I do agree with you. If there is such a marked improvement over last year then I would do what I could to keep him from feeling so terribly again. I can't think of anything in our education that should be so nerve racking as to cause stomach aches. Nothing against teaching the kids a dance, but it's not worth turning a kid to not wanting to go to school all together. Good luck tonight. I hope that you are able to work something out that makes everyone, but mostly Nick, happy.

ITA. If this were something like a math test, I'd feel differently, but a dance, that doesn't even impact their grades, not worth it in my opinion.

Deb - you are a good mother. Nick knows that you are in his corner. I know that you will do whatever you need to to make him comfortable. Don't stress until you talk to Nick this afternoon. Hugs to you all.

 

[Tammi67]

Whenever the smilies aren't working for me, I hit where it says [More] and then I copy and paste them in. Does that make sense?

Amy

The first ones worked but when I hit more all I got was a blank screen.

 

[Tammi67]

Wow - so her mom had her at 16 - sounds like maybe when she should have been teaching her daughter the proper way too treat others - she might have been too young to know how to and if she just kept having kids - the oldest one might be looking for attention and negative attention is better than no attention at all!!

Julia has a little girl in her class who is a huge problem - Julia could get along with brick wall - but not this girl - two weeks ago they got in trouble for pushing each other in line and I followed up on it at home and the next day at school she had to be last in line all day long - her teacher was SHOCKED I did any follow up at home so obviously the other parents did not - then a couple of days later this little girl came up to julia on the playground (who was happily playing with her best friends - who ironically are not in her class) and said to them - "Don't play with Julia - she is mean!" Julia was crushed by this and was very sad about it for a few days - then a couple of days later when they sat down in circle the little girl said to Julia - "I am glad you aren't sitting by me!" so Julia stuck her tongue out at her - the teacher only saw that and Julia was the one who got disciplined - when she got home Julia told me the whole story -

her teacher has told me this other student is a problem (and I know this from the time I have spent in the classroom) so I have tried to teach Julia just to say - "that hurt my feelings" and walk away - but that is a hard lesson for a 4 year old to learn - I have only met the other mom once - but she seemed very self important and way too involved in her career - which might be why this little girl is looking for this kind of attention at school

I just want to say that I volunteer in Nicholas' K classroom a couple hours a week. It is amazing what you learn about the other kids from being there. So when he comes home and says so and so did this, I have no problem believing him because I know who the "undisciplined" kids are.

 

[Tammi67]

Deb - Can you get him to tell you what is causing the anxiety? What it is about the dancing that makes him nervous? Do they have to dance with girls? Is he afraid that he will embarass himself? Can't get the steps? I am surprised that they school has made this part of their curriculum. It would make more sense if they offered it as part of their PE program, not make a mandatory production out of it. I assume this has caught on because of "Dancing with the Stars." I saw a piece about it on one of those news programs a few weeks ago, that schools are incorporating and having "dance offs". Is this something that he does everyday? I like the suggestion of giving him a time-frame to give it an honest try and then if he is still not happy taking him out. Can you do anything with him at home, like working on the dance with him? Maybe get a recording of the music and the steps and dance with him, to build his confidence. Good luck with whatever you decide, and know that as a parent you will make the right decision.

 

[babytrees]

Deb-

Just wanted to send you pixie dust for the dance situation. I also hate letting the kids quit something, but I suffered through a whole year of orchestra because I knew my mom would be disappointed in me. My girls always have to give things a fair chance....but since they both also worry themselves sick it's a smaller amount of time...I think reevaluating after today is a good thing and remind him that your always on his side. Seriously though the can-can for 4th graders? Geesh....don't know any fourth graders who would do that for fear of embarrassment. Fourth grade is such a tough year....glad he's doing great!!!

 

[Steamboat Marti]

Today is Matt's birthday (Marti's and Paul's son), so I created a thread for him. Here's the link: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1045598

Amy

Wow Amy - thanks for starting a thread for him! And thanks to everybody else that took the time to post something there. When he gets home from school he's going to be so excited to see this!!! You guys are the BEST.

 

[Cinderumbrella]

Thanks for the pixie dust for Phil. Yesterday I was asking him if there was anyway he could pick a different doctor that could see him sooner than next month. He found another general practioner in the area who's interests are anxiety and depression (sounds right up our alley, huh). At first they said the next available appointment was April 17. After a second though the receptionist said that was unless he wanted to come in Thursday. So...Phil is headed in tomorrow afternoon. I am so relieved that we could see some improvement in the next few weeks instead of having to wait a month to even get started.

So...if there is some spare prayers and pixie dust out there we could use it. The doctor will also be starting from scratch on his blood work, possibly liver and spleen ultrasounds, and maybe even some lymph node biopsies this time around. I would love if we could finally get to a point of answers (or even actually ruling out things) instead of just being told to "wait and see" and "test again in six months."

Thanks, everyone. Sorry that I started running off at the fingers there. This just gets so frustrating, but I don't feel like I can say much to Phil since he already feels so bad about it. Plus, I know that he feels like no one (read "his family") believes him that something is wrong just because there have been no 100% conclusive tests. I probably come across that way too sometimes, but for me it's that I don't want to believe something is wrong and by not having answers for us the doctors are just making it easier for me.

Okay, no I am really going. It's been a stressful week at work and that isn't helping me either. Good night.

Tia,
I am still trying to catch up, so if there is an update to this that I haven't read- I'm sorry!!

My Dad suffered from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) for most of my childhood. We never knew what was wrong, just that he was always moody and it was better to stay away from him. He never went to a doctor for it until I was in college to find out what was wrong. He is a completely different person now that he is on his meds for it. I am so glad that Phil is going to have things "checked out" while Terra is still young.
I have my fingers crossed that they can match him up with a good tratment. My thoughts are with all of you!

Kristin

 

[Cinderumbrella]

My red luggage was delivered yesterday! It is sooooooo cool. I waited 3 months for it.... I hope since you've ordered the sweaters, it will be warm. I keep waffling on whether or not to make my sister's first trip in December. Last time it was soooo cold.

OOOHH! I love the red luggage! I wanted to get some for DS2.5 for Christmas but DH said no- we can just put his stuff in with ours so there's less suitcases to manuever (PARTY POOPER!!!!!!!! )

 

[Cinderumbrella]

Deb- I can't offer any adivce on this since DS is only 2.5 and we aren't there yet with these issues. But good luck on whatever you decide- you sound like a terrific mom to be be so concerned about him!!

On another note, today I signed Kyle up for pre-school starting in the fall. I can't believe my baby is going to start school- wonder who will cry more the first day, him or me?

Amy- I got my new Birthday Express catalog today and the front cover was JoJo!!!! (or uncle JoJo as Kyle calls her ) How is the party planning coming?

Welcome to all the lurkers!! I know it takes a lot to get up the courage to post and try not to feel like you are interrupting, but as everyone said- we are very friendly bunch and if you have read with any regularity our topics vary greatly!!!!!!!!

Kristin

PS: Anyone else think the system is slow today?

 

[Cinderumbrella]

Ooops- I almost forgot--

HAVE A GREAT TRIP VICKI!!

 

[bethbuchall]

Thank you all for your advice. I plan to explore this further with him this afternoon. I need him to know that I am his advocate and that I take his physical concerns seriously. If this was an educational issue I might take a different approach and would even consider tutoring, but dance is only being pushed because they need to meet a standard to get state funding. What really bothers me is the way that both the principal and the teacher turned the situation around to make it my problem. This will not effect his grade in anyway so why should I make him ill over it? I am all for trying everything at least once, but certain things are not for certain people and I can see that this is not for him. My younger son Hunter is also involved, but he is in 2nd grade, very coordinated and loves it. It is also a much more hip hop dance that his group is learning. If he is still sick about this I will not have him participate for the remainder of the lessons. His health and his current enjoyment of school is much more important. I think that his teacher's concern that if Nick doesn't have to do it then all of the boys will not want to, is an issue that the school needs to look at as far as the appropriateness of the program. If no one wants to do it, then why not try something else?

Thanks again for your input, it means more than you will know.

Kate. Thanks for giving me your personal perspective. It really means a lot to know that I am taking the right stand behind my son and giving him the support that he needs to get through this. I don't think that I am "babying" him, just supporting his needs. My mother has had a nervous stomach her entire life and I see a lot of her in him. I never struggled with this, but can see the effects.

Deb

Deb,

Those situations are so difficult, but if he is that uncomfortable with it, I wouldn't push him into it. I agree that our kids need to learn about follow-through and that not every task is the most pleasant one, but there are times that you have to draw the line.

For example, I pulled my dd out of confirmation class. That was huge, but she was literally getting hysterical and sick every time she had to go to the class. I sat in on the classes with her, and I could see how uncomfortable it was for her. It wasn't just that she would rather be home or that she was bored or that she was acting up. A combination of things from the class size to the classmates to the fact that the pastor is brand new to our church added up to a situation that was making her physically and emotionally uncomfortable. The pastor still doesn't understand it and thinks that 12 is just too young to start confirmation, but since our church did it that way before she came, she started them. It is so much more than that, and dd is mature in other ways.

In contrast, she also wants to quit band. The demands on her time are high (plus she plays in the orchestra), and she doesn't care for the band teacher. I told her that she doesn't have to take band in 8th grade, but she is finishing out this year.

Sorry to be so lengthy, but I just wanted you to see where I'm coming from. I think that your situation is much closer to the confirmation class example. I think there are times that kids just need a parent to allow them to say, "I'm not ready for this or this isn't right for me."

Best of luck whichever way it goes!

Beth

 

[babytrees]

On another note, today I signed Kyle up for pre-school starting in the fall. I can't believe my baby is going to start school- wonder who will cry more the first day, him or me?

Kristin

PS: Anyone else think the system is slow today?

You will cry on the first day of preschool, the first day of grade school(still shed a tear every year) but my worst day (so far!!) for was Cassidy's first day of Middle School. I can not imagine what next year is going to be like. .

Kyle will more than likely not cry if he doesn't see you cry....but I find it's the mom's who cry the most. Though i did have one child who cried constantly for almost a full two months (I only taught him once a week)...until mom finally got the hint that he wasn't ready to be in school.

 

[Cinderumbrella]

You will cry on the first day of preschool, the first day of grade school(still shed a tear every year) but my worst day (so far!!) for was Cassidy's first day of Middle School. I can not imagine what next year is going to be like. .

Kyle will more than likely not cry if he doesn't see you cry....but I find it's the mom's who cry the most. Though i did have one child who cried constantly for almost a full two months (I only taught him once a week)...until mom finally got the hint that he wasn't ready to be in school.

I promise to shed my tears only in my car after he is safe inside!

 

[Cinderumbrella]

OK, I must admit I am feeling a little like a school girl waiting by the phone for a boy to call

I am eagerly awaing an email from a company on whether or not they will price match the Maclaren Stroller I have been talking about buying for weeks. DH finally gave the go-ahead last night to get it and I was all set to get the grey one when I saw a red one I like better. For some reason it is still full price while the others are marked down $130. I found it somewhere else $10 cheaper than even the grey one ($140 off PLUS free shipping) and I am waiting to see if they will honor it.

OK- back to your regularly scheduled programming

 

[babytrees]

OK, I must admit I am feeling a little like a school girl waiting by the phone for a boy to call

I am eagerly awaing an email from a company on whether or not they will price match the Maclaren Stroller I have been talking about buying for weeks. DH finally gave the go-ahead last night to get it and I was all set to get the grey one when I saw a red one I like better. For some reason it is still full price while the others are marked down $130. I found it somewhere else $10 cheaper than even the grey one ($140 off PLUS free shipping) and I am waiting to see if they will honor it.

OK- back to your regularly scheduled programming

It's even better than waiting for a boy to call!! It means you save money!!

I hope they will price adjust for you!!

 

[julia & nicks mom]

I promise to shed my tears only in my car after he is safe inside!

On Julia's first day of preschool - I walked her inside and she look at me and said -

"you're just dropping me off - right?!?" I said yes - she said good and ran off -

I held it together and drove to my mom's house - once inside I started crying like a little baby!!

 

[tmfranlk]

OK, I must admit I am feeling a little like a school girl waiting by the phone for a boy to call

I am eagerly awaing an email from a company on whether or not they will price match the Maclaren Stroller I have been talking about buying for weeks. DH finally gave the go-ahead last night to get it and I was all set to get the grey one when I saw a red one I like better. For some reason it is still full price while the others are marked down $130. I found it somewhere else $10 cheaper than even the grey one ($140 off PLUS free shipping) and I am waiting to see if they will honor it.

OK- back to your regularly scheduled programming

Okay, now you've got my attention. Where are you looking at these prices? I may consider getting one at that discount.

 

[tmfranlk]

Thanks for the prayers and pixie dust everyone. Phil's appointment seems to have gone well. He came out with a prescription for the depression and anxiety and is on his way to fill it now. Hopefully, there should be improvement there in a few days. For everything else, the doctor advised that he eat a "normal American diet" for the next month and then come back for a full blood work up. Since Phil has been on various supplements based on previous doctor's direction, the doctor wants to reverse that temporarily and get an "unbiased" set of tests.

The other part of the good news is that Phil found the doctor to be a good listener and respectful (something recent doctors haven't really been). Hopefully, this guy will be the one to help us find some answers.

Oh and more from the good news front...we finally got word at work about our performance bonuses from last year. It is looking promising that the amount my be enough to pay for October trip! I tried hinting that maybe we should use it to may for an extra trip for my birthday in May, but I'm not sure how well that went over. Maybe I can convince Phil that the 3rd anniversary is the "Disney" anniversary or maybe that it's the "finally take a honeymoon" anniversary. Hmmm...probably not, but a girl can dream.

 

[kc10family]

Tia- sounds like things are looking up for you. I hope they continue to do so.