I feel guilty even posting after reading some of the stories on here. But seeing how there are days I want to vent about things, this might be a good place to do it.
*WARNING: This could be long.
but I will try and give you the Cliff Notes version.*
I've had back problems since I was a pre teen. At 16 I was hospitalized for what the doctors first thought was my appendix and was later found to be a spinal problem. No MRI's way back in the mid 60's and my parents were told I was exaggerating.
At the age of 20 I started having more intense episodes and found an osteopath who was wonderful. I still hadn't had a regular MD believe me at this point. One day I asked the osteopath if he believed me. It's a moment I'll never forget. He looked me in the eye (BTW, he was old enough to be my grandfather!) and said, If I thought you weren't hurt, I would kick your Butt out of my office. He didn't say Butt.
After the birth of my first child, I was attempting to get back into shape and really hurt myself by doing sit ups. This landed me in the hospital for 4 days. When one of the original "She exaggerating" doctors saw the condition I was in he said to me, You really do have a problem!
Left the hospital looped out on pain medication and still unable to stand up straight. Got home and found the osteopath and after one treatment was able to walk without much pain for the first time in 6 days.
ACK, this is getting too long. Well you get the idea. Now at 57 pain is always present. I have degenerative disk disease, rheumatoid arthritis and nerve damage. The final insult was getting hurt at work nearly 9 years ago and blowing out a cervical disk. I went through all the stages of death because, in many ways, life as I had known it was over. I found doctors who said they could cure me and others who said that I was going to have to learn to live with it. I went through terrible depression but was lucky enough to have a wonderful psychologist. The most important thing he told me was not to talk about it all the time because, if you do, people stop listening.
I learned to do a form of self hypnosis and to minimize the amount of pain medication I was on. It's been a real trip!
So I do things I shouldn't always do because there are all types of pain but the worst type is what is in your head. I have great days (like today isn't too bad) and terrible ones where I can barely walk (last weekend
)
I credit my cats for making me move around to take care of them when there would have been days that I wouldn't have gotten out of bed. Most of the time I feel this chronic pain has made me stronger mentally and emotionally than I would have been without it. I wish, however, it would just go away.
I have a case pending with SS. I don't think I'll get it. I've tried before and I must look dishonest. I have mixed emotions about fighting for it. If I do, I'll have to think about how I feel. The more I think about, the worse I feel. I'd go back to work in a minute if I didn't know that in a day or a week or a month, I'd really get hurt again. Sometimes I get hurt because I sleep the wrong way!
So that's my story. Sorry I rambled. I can tell you that right now it's sunny with blue skies outside my window. Even though it's cold now, most days moving to Florida was the best thing I could have done for my back.
OK, group hug.
Now don't we all feel better??!
).
