The Battle For My Wallet V: Beyond the Number IV (Chapter Eighteen, p.75, 5/18)

[Crazy Kanga]

That was an epic and I made a guest appearance as the ditzy dumb blonde(not hard for me) to boot.

 

[LaLa]

I love the Bingo shirt! Now if I could just find a pair of big boy shorts (whatever those are) and a lime green Mickey head that says "ZZUB", I could stop shaving my legs for a year or three (or at least a decade), grab a Bama hat and pose as ZZUB on our next trip. Among the many fun things on the LaLa Posing as ZZUB To Do List would be:

A. Spitting (into the wind, of course) while passing Le Cellier
B. Amusing myself by playing poop in a purse at the WL porte cochere: no, you don't want to know
R. Loudly impersonating a dog with a speech impediment to random passers by who just don't seem to get it
7. Avoiding the bathroom in Canada, for obvious reasons
7. Asking Buzz Lightyear "Have you ever seen guns as big as these?! Huh? Have ya? Didn't think so. Chump."
7. Livin' on the edge (NOAerosmith) by taking random pictures of my legs and feet to post online
7. Writing "ZZUB was here" in the ladies' room behind Casey's Corner
t. Writing "DUH!" underneath the hand washing instructions brought to you by Sparkle paper towels and mounted to the mirrors in the ladies' room behind Casey's Corner (admit it: you've SO wanted to do that. Who hasn't?)
77. Yearning for some of that good steak from the Ponderosa
H. Standing in the line for funnel cakes for thirty minutes with no cash in my pockets (oh wait, that was me)
7. Giggling to myself about something that no one else finds funny (my bad: me again)
Qiii. And finally, trying to figure out how to spell the word "draconian". Ditto dining.

I'd wrap it all up with a ride on Test Track in which I'd scream various lines from Good Times, Miami Vice and Melrose Place. Just to switch it up a little.

At least it was Bono in your dream and not Sonny Bono. That would have been REALLY weird.

Weirder still if it had been Bozo. Wearing hot pants and a ten gallon cowboy hat. "Speaking" excitedly through a whistle. Again.

FYI: the dream was the embarrasing confession.

FBI: I just figured since you were freely offerering up your daily bowel habits and unrequited love for all things Hanson for discussion on an internet message board, I'd jump in with some embarassing confessions of my own to deflect some of the heat. After all, that's what friends are for. NODionneWarwickandFriends. No need to thank me though. The bumper sticker you sent in the mail is thanks enough. But..."Mad love. Not Warcraft"? That's very original, ZZUB. Although I know that you know that I know that you know that I have no idea what it means.

Nor do I want to.

Sorry, LaLa. I'll try harder next time.

Make sure you do. Or I'll have to start reading that Room Without a View/Red Happyhaunt Blue Happyhaunt/Inconvenient Truth mess again. And be forced to make up my own endings. One of which may possibly involve Bozo in hot pants and a ten gallon hat.

And that wouldn't be good for anyone.

Hi Mel.

 

[javamom]

Awww what a special memory for Zzubby! Now she's officially "perfect."

 

[Brenle]

I am still "clicking here." Only up to chapter 6. Interesting read!

 

[Brenle]

Finished - as if anyone cares.

 

[mikymouse]

7. Asking Buzz Lightyear "Have you ever seen guns as big as these?! Huh? Have ya? Didn't think so. Chump."
7. Livin' on the edge (NOAerosmith) by taking random pictures of my legs and feet to post online
7. Writing "ZZUB was here" in the ladies' room behind Casey's Corner
t. Writing "DUH!" underneath the hand washing instructions brought to you by Sparkle paper towels and mounted to the mirrors in the ladies' room behind Casey's Corner (admit it: you've SO wanted to do that. Who hasn't?)


Make sure you do. Or I'll have to start reading that Room Without a View/Red Happyhaunt Blue Happyhaunt/Inconvenient Truth mess again. And be forced to make up my own endings. One of which may possibly involve Bozo in hot pants and a ten gallon hat.

And that wouldn't be good for anyone.

Hi Mel.

I hope the mod's never mess with this trip report, as I just read the new guidelines and it seems the cool kids are a little OT, however, this is just part of the fun of a ZZub trip report and I almost spit coffee on the screen this morning which is something I haven't done yet.

It is funny how the trip reporters go with you to Disney. The next time I see Buzz Lightyear I am so going to think about Zzub's big guns..uhm, thank for that LaLa!

So cool kids...where is Mel? I even posted a new little picture on her trippie and got nothing!

 

[50 years Too!]

Just want to know, why does a 10 year old kid (at the oldest) know who Bulushi is? Would you let your ZZUBY watch Animal House or SNL?

Get the thought of a future internship into ZZUBY's head. Sounds like she has the interest and talent to be a performing CM. With all the discounts she could get her daddy, you'd be able to go to the World even without free dining!

Deb

 

[CampbellScot]

Having to LOOK at a heat induced wedgie is worse than having one...IMO!!

Something about Disney banishes shyness in young girls. It's great isn't it?

 

[PirateFish989]

I wondered why Disney wasn’t selling Cool Swabs with the Disney Parks logo on it.

A good question.

I'm just joining in but am thoroughly enjoying it!

 

[Tanya90210]

Awww how fun for Zzuby!! What a fun thing to be able to do

I'm with you about the pushy folks... I hate that... but it's perfect when they only get 1 spot ahead....

 

[angelmav]

Another great installment! So, you mean to say, you went to AK and watched Festival of the Lion king twice, but skipped EE? Do you have a fear of Yetis?

 

[ZZUB]

7. Asking Buzz Lightyear "Have you ever seen guns as big as these?! Huh? Have ya? Didn't think so. Chump."

You're remarkably close. Except I'd never call my hero a Chump. That aint right.

Finished - as if anyone cares.

I care. Thanks for reading all the way through. Hope you enjoyed it.

Having to LOOK at a heat induced wedgie is worse than having one...IMO!!

Reasonable minds can disagree

I'm just joining in but am thoroughly enjoying it!

Welcome PirateFish! Hope you enjoy the ride.

I'm with you about the pushy folks... I hate that... but it's perfect when they only get 1 spot ahead....

You know I don't fault someone not wanting to wait on a family dislodging their kids; it was THE WAY they did it. So completely annoyed. Like we were the first people with kids in a stroller.

Another great installment! So, you mean to say, you went to AK and watched Festival of the Lion king twice, but skipped EE? Do you have a fear of Yetis?

No fear of the Yeti. As I explained earlier, we try to ride new rides together if at all possible. That wasn't possible on this trip. Also, since we couldn't ride EE together and would have to split up, we didn't think it would be fun for the kids. So we chose to skip it in favor of doing things we all could do.

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

I'm late in reading your most recent installment. But studying for and suffering through my Research Methods exam/massacre last night left me completely numb. Thankfully your update has revived me:

I will again say how much I enjoyed watching the sky change color over Bay Lake. I enjoyed watching the flag poles above the Wilderness Lodge wondering if I'd see the Flag Family. I enjoyed the smells which wafted up from the courtyard below. The faint ding ding of the Ferry boat. Morning at the Lodge.

This description has me sooooo looking forward to our trip this autumn. Especially after last night's educational testing debacle.

And the heat brings out the WORST in people.

As does Wal-Mart.

It was more like the crowd you would encounter at the early bird at Danny's.

I really thought you meant Denny's at first. And then I stopped getting ahead of myself and actually continued to read. And discovered it is actually Danny's and not Denny's and I'm not one of the favored five. Pity.

As we moved along the Safari queue, we took a brief respite to ditch our strollers when THE RUDEST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that day) pushed their way past us.

It's amazing how many trip reports these people make a cameo in. They're trip report celebrities. I think they also drive daily on Rte. 24 through Southeastern MA, but that's a completely different thread altogether.

If I was the kind of person who quoted Hanson, I would have asked them, “Where’s the Love?”

If I were the kind of person who quoted Milli Vanilli, I'd say, "Blame It on the Rain".

Instead I took some comfort by observing that as hot as I was, they were both sweating through their two-sizes-larger-than-any-size-I’ve-seen-in-a- store t-shirts. And appeared to be suffering from heat-induced wedgies.

Dear GOD. The only thing that would have made this a more disturbing visual is if there had been some reference to chafing.

And there. I've gone and made myself throw up in my mouth a little.

As we walked along, wilting in the early morning temps, we stopped off to buy some water. And stick our feet in the ice bucket the water was sitting in. I wondered to myself, and to my wife, and to anyone who was listening, why it was so hot there.

Your question is rhetorical, particularly when combined with the question - how much did you just pay for those waters? Exactly.

I understand AK is striving to give an authentic experience. But, and I say this as someone who has not yet visited the African continent, I’m fairly certain they ain’t serving Memphis style ribs and key lime pie out in the bush. So as long as we’re not being entirely authentic, maybe we can more generously sprinkle the a/c around.

Perhaps this is another Disney marketing ploy whereby Disney uses reverse psychology (NOResearchMethodsExam) to convince the guests to convince themselves, "If it's THIS hot here, I don't even want to KNOW what Africa-hot really feels like. So rather than investing my money into the Africam tourism market and expanding my travel portfolio beyond the greater Orlando area, I'll just come back to the AK. I like the pie."

“I’m ZZUB,” I said. “From the Disboards. I don’t know if y’all read that website or not.”
“Sure do. You’re ZZUB?! The guy with the bathroom in Canada!” the dad asked.
“That’s me,” I said somewhat embarrassed.
“Your guns are much bigger than I thought they’d be,” the mom said.”
“I get that a lot.”

Please. Grace us with a picture of said "guns". The world (and the World) should not go without.

Which is odd when you consider that the Voyage of the Little Mermaid is chock full of plot holes you could drive a Monorail through.

Much like 3/4 of my essay answers on last night's exam. Sorry. I really enjoyed this update, but I'm still being haunted by Psychology 210 horror.

Suck is a violent word.

But in many cases apropos. For example, "THE RUDEST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD's shorts were being sucked up by their own fannies." See how much more visually prevalent (and disturbing) said word makes that statement? Moving on...

And from my body thermometer, it was clear the a/c was set on 82. For which I blame Joe Rhode.

Or my grandfather. Because in his words (that I've put in his mouth), "What do you think, Disney is MADE of money? Are YOU paying Disney's electric bill?"

Oh. Yes and yes. Well then. Never mind. Someone want to knock that thermostat down to 68?

There was another family in the BCC. They didn’t appear to have a baby as much as they had little kids. And a meal which required microwaving. Because the BCC has a microwave. Once the mom finished heating up their food, she plated it and served her family. And they sat and watched the Disney movie on the TV.

The AK BCC is the new Restaurantosaurus.

I looked at the Times Guide and realized if we were willing to run over some people and not brake for the elderly, we’d make the next show.

One of the "free" attractions Disney offers.

As I was watching ZZUBY, I was thinking she was doing a very good job following directions, stepping in time, and not touching herself inappropriately. Like the girl standing next to her whom we can assume needed to go potty. Or wants to be a Spears Sister when she turns 13. As the parade of little kids made its way around the stage, the performers sent them all back to their seats.

Which is to say she didn’t shave her head and run over the paparazzi.

If you ever wondered just what could elicit the reaction of "sudden, unsuspected laugter/white rice rocketing into your nasal passages and thus causing a choking/sneezing fit", this would be the number.

Thanks, ZZUB, for bringing me out of my exam-induced stupor. My next exam is May 13th. Could we schedule an update for then?

 

[Enchanted]

ZZUB says he'll post a new chapter every two weeks. 12 days into the second week he announces he'll post a new chapter within the coming week but if, and only if, he is not providentially hindered. Then he acknowledges he won't be able to post a new chapter by the time he planned to and it has nothing to do with a splatter of vomit, a nasty toe, old ladies in the pool or bird poop. If ZZUB was raised in Florida, went to college in Alabama, law school in Virginia and now lives in the Pacific Northwest, when will Alabama next win a national championship?

Bonus: name the number of national championships Alabama lays claim to vs. their inferior in-state rival.

No, Zzubster, it wasn't the math itself that you had a part in. I just didn't study as much as I probably should have because I was more concerned with finding out if the Canadian bathrooms survived your number four....

Animal Kingdom is, by far, the hottest park in the world.

I think they pump heat into the park. Like they've tapped into the red hot heat of the earth's core and they are pumping it into the park through vents which are cleverly disguised behind fake tree branches.

We felt the same way when we were there last April. The other days of our trip were warm and sometimes they were downright cool (We just about froze during a rainy day at Magic Kingdom.), but the day at Animal Kingdom felt like the temperature was 100 degrees Fahrenheit despite it REALLY only being about 80 degrees out.

I know everyone that hangs out here are the Disney experts, but just in case this is news to anyone: I hear that Animal Kingdom is hotter because the majority of the paths are paved with blacktop and not plain cement. The blacktop attracts heat and holds it there because its dark while the cement reflects the heat back into the atmosphere because it's light. But y'all probably already knew that....

And the heat brings out the WORST in people.

True dat. Same trip in April I got chewed out by an old man pushing a stroller because I was standing in his way. Despite the fact that I was standing on the side of the road, and there was about eight feet of walkway between myself and the next group of people across the pathway. Apparently he really enjoyed hugging the wall or something. Go figure.

As if they woke up that morning, the sour taste of last night’s dinner still in their mouth, laid there for a moment re-thinking their decision to have that 4th pork chop and then rolled over, looked at their spouse and regretted the decision to marry that person. These two could shill for Jenny Craig, Pepcid AC and eHarmony.com.

This is both totally disgusting and an absolutely perfect visual. It's totally Zzub.

I mean if you're going to be rude, if you're gonna lift your leg on other people, you should at least gain some advantage for it. Not these two. They earned the space in front of us.

Haha! And the Rude get their just desserts!

If I was the kind of person who quoted Hanson, I would have asked them, “Where’s the Love?”

MY SIDES! BWAH! (That was my favorite Hanson song. And I'm totally allowed to say that because I was nine when that song came out. So my Hanson love is embarrassment-free. Ah the joys of growing up in the 90's.....)

As we walked along, wilting in the early morning temps, we stopped off to buy some water. And stick our feet in the ice bucket the water was sitting in.

There is much to complain about Animal Kingdom. As you may have noticed. But Legend of the Lion King is not one of those things. It is, hands down, one of the best, most enjoyable things to do in all of Walt Disney World.

And that includes enjoying some Tonga Toast.

Don't tell anyone, but after ten trips to the World, I STILL haven't seen FotLK. SHHHHH! But if it's on the level of Tonga Toast I MUST check it out on our next trip. Because Tonga Toast is the awesome.

It also didn’t set my hair on fire.

Which was good because in that heat, I’m not sure there was enough water to put it out.

I thought we already established that you don't HAVE any hair to set on fire. Did I miss something?

...................

I understand AK is striving to give an authentic experience. But, and I say this as someone who has not yet visited the African continent, I’m fairly certain they ain’t serving Memphis style ribs and key lime pie out in the bush. So as long as we’re not being entirely authentic, maybe we can more generously sprinkle the a/c around.

DED!

It’s as if the writers thought they needed to re-tell the entire 90 minutes of Finding Nemo: the Movie in 30 minutes.... Finding Nemo: the Musical is too much. It reminded me of a completely full tub of Cool Whip. I love me some Cool Whip. But after about 7 or 8 tablespoons, it’s enough already. Cool Whip only stands on its own for about 5 or 6 spoons full. After that, it needs pie. Preferably pumpkin.

I couldn't have put this any better myself. I enjoyed the show (the visuals are AMAZING), but it just drug on and on and on and on.... Still, I wouldn't object to seeing it again.

For which I blame Joe Rhode.

He’s the new George Bush.

HA!

As I was watching ZZUBY, I was thinking she was doing a very good job following directions, stepping in time, and not touching herself inappropriately. Like the girl standing next to her whom we can assume needed to go potty. Or wants to be a Spears Sister when she turns 13.

I choked on my low-cal Doritos on that one.

ZZUBY was pretty excited about getting picked and we were very proud of her for not only going out on stage but doing as well as she did. We enjoyed Legend of the Lion King before ZZUBY’s star turn. But that was the Cool Whip on top of the pie.

YAY FOR ZZUBY! I can just imagine how happy and excited she was! Awwww! I have to see this show. It sounds great!

It may have been the heat, but it seemed to me the AK bus depot is farther from the gates of the park than any other theme park. Even EPCOT.

All right, now you're just talking crazy. There's no way AK's bus depot is further from the main gates than Epcot's. NO. WAY.

As usual, great update Zzub! I laughed hysterically throughout. Looking forward to the next update! Can't wait!

 

[ZZUB]

Evidently, Tinkerbellarella and Enchanted want to challenge MDF's claim to being the longest response poster.

I'm late in reading your most recent installment. But studying for and suffering through my Research Methods exam/massacre last night left me completely numb.

Foolish waste of time. Everything you need to know in life you learned in Kindergarten.

If I were the kind of person who quoted Milli Vanilli, I'd say, "Blame It on the Rain".

Even Milli Vanilli isn't the kind of person to quote itself. Except when they're shooting a music video.

Thanks, ZZUB, for bringing me out of my exam-induced stupor. My next exam is May 13th. Could we schedule an update for then?

I'll see what I can do for you.

No, Zzubster, it wasn't the math itself that you had a part in. I just didn't study as much as I probably should have because I was more concerned with finding out if the Canadian bathrooms survived your number four....

Then that was time well spent.

This is both totally disgusting and an absolutely perfect visual.

That could be the subtitle for my Trip Report. Thanks.

I thought we already established that you don't HAVE any hair to set on fire. Did I miss something?

Evidently. I DO HAVE HAIR. Plenty of it. (NOMDF). I'm thinning. Balding perhaps. But until the day I loose it all or shave it off, I'M NOT BALD! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But now you're on ignore. Say hello to LaLa. She lives there.

I choked on my low-cal Doritos on that one

I don't think you can blame me for you chocking on low-cal Doritos. I think they are per se choke worthy.

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

Foolish waste of time. Everything you need to know in life you learned in Kindergarten.

Well, I'm in trouble then. Because I failed "Sharing".

 

[Enchanted]

Evidently, Tinkerbellarella and Enchanted want to challenge MDF's claim to being the longest response poster.

I couldn't help it! I was feeling chatty!

Then that was time well spent.

Absolutely! Unfortunately, my grade point average did not agree....

I DO HAVE HAIR. Plenty of it. (NOMDF). I'm thinning. Balding perhaps. But until the day I loose it all or shave it off, I'M NOT BALD! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Of course not! Nothing wrong with that!

But now you're on ignore. Say hello to LaLa. She lives there.

It's ridiculous how excited I am that you've put me on ignore. It's like, when Zzub puts you on ignore you've FINALLY arrived. So please don't mind me while I happy dance.....

Hi LaLa!!!!

I don't think you can blame me for you chocking on low-cal Doritos. I think they are per se choke worthy.

Nah, I don't blame you for making me choke on my Doritos. It was my own stupidity for snacking during the TR of someone who openly discusses their number fours..... I'm lucky I didn't Zzub all over the place.

Can't wait for the next update!

 

[GreatBiscuit]

And prayed for rain. On Goldy's last day no less.

We are confident that this incident is not an accident. As per our investigation.

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

Loved this installment BTW.

 

[ZZUB]

We are confident that this incident is not an accident. As per our investigation.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I was deeply troubled that NO ONE seemed to catch the PFR reference. I worried it was too obscure.

Also, I have no clue what your screename stands for but it cracks me up.

 

[Crazy Kanga]

I'm so confused by your weird edit posts. Speak English man!