The Battle For My Wallet V: Beyond the Number IV (Chapter Eighteen, p.75, 5/18)

[Crazy Kanga]

Allright Zzub, I keep finding we have more and more in common. I too turned 40 this month. Now I think you have been celebrating long enough. Get on with it man!

 

[ZZUB]

Come on bro. It's been weeks.

Going as fast as I can, dude. You can't rush mediocrity.

I won't hold you directly responsible for the math exam that I nearly failed but...you WERE involved....

How? Was I in one of the word problems?

ZZUB says he'll post a new chapter every two weeks. 12 days into the second week he announces he'll post a new chapter within the coming week but if, and only if, he is not providentially hindered. Then he acknowledges he won't be able to post a new chapter by the time he planned to and it has nothing to do with a splatter of vomit, a nasty toe, old ladies in the pool or bird poop. If ZZUB was raised in Florida, went to college in Alabama, law school in Virginia and now lives in the Pacific Northwest, when will Alabama next win a national championship?

Bonus: name the number of national championships Alabama lays claim to vs. their inferior in-state rival.

I have missed out on nearly a whole day of work reading this report and I am LOVNG it!

When I miss out on nearly a whole day of work, I LOVE that, too. Glad I was able to be a healthy diverson for you.

I recently found your trip report and have just finished reading all the chapters.

Welcome! I hope you continue to enjoy the stuff that falls out of my head.

Allright Zzub, I keep finding we have more and more in common. I too turned 40 this month. Now I think you have been celebrating long enough. Get on with it man!

How freaked out are you to know that we have a trip planned and will be in Disney World in one month and 27 days?

I've got the beginning of a new chapter. I have audacious hope that I will complete it by Sunday night.

 

[Crazy Kanga]

NO Freaking Way!! I will be looking everywhere trying to get a peek at the Zubbster.

 

[Crazy Kanga]

Bonus: name the number of national championships Alabama lays claim to vs. their inferior in-state rival.

I know I know Pick me Pick me!
12 to 0

 

[Crazy Kanga]

Which part are you kidding about, me being old or y'all being in Disney World while we are?

 

[ncsjodi]

Which part are you kidding about, me being old or y'all being in Disney World while we are?

Since ZZUB is all about the "free" dining, I'm sure he's waiting until August to head back to WDW for Battle VI. Although for your sake, it would be cool to know exactly when he's going...

I personally think the ZZUB family would be a great addition to the Ip-Dip Fry Daddy Dude Fest that Buzz and I have going in October!

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

I personally think the ZZUB family would be a great addition to the Ip-Dip Fry Daddy Dude Fest that Buzz and I have going in October!

They wouldn't last a day.


And...


Hey! at the name you gave me ZZub-ster.

 

[ZZUB]

Which part are you kidding about, me being old or y'all being in Disney World while we are?

Since 40 is the new 30 you might assume THAT was the joke. But I wouldn't waste too much time looking for us in a month and 27 days. Although I think my family would sure enjoy hanging with the Crazy Kangas!

I personally think the ZZUB family would be a great addition to the Ip-Dip Fry Daddy Dude Fest that Buzz and I have going in October!

Well heck far! I think the ZZUBs are humbled by your invitation. I'm pretty sure we'd enjoy meeting y'all as well.

They wouldn't last a day.

Scratch that. Maybe we'd only enjoy meeting some of y'all.

We actually were almost in Disneyland when the MDF clan was there. Turns out we passed up the Mouse. Shame, too. Would have been fun to bump into the MDFs and trade off taking pictures of really gross things.

 

[Crazy Kanga]

Darn it. I was looking forward to stalking you for an autograph.
Oh well, at least I got the math bonus question right!
RTMI!

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

Well heck far! I think the ZZUBs are humbled by your invitation. I'm pretty sure we'd enjoy meeting y'all as well.

Scratch that. Maybe we'd only enjoy meeting some of y'all.

We actually were almost in Disneyland when the MDF clan was there. Turns out we passed up the Mouse. Shame, too. Would have been fun to bump into the MDFs and trade off taking pictures of really gross things.

Come on down. I've been snookered into buying drinks for everyone (non-alcoholic included). We're dining at the Biergarten. Could be fun. I've already met some of the Rubes that will be joining us.

Too bad about DLR. We really enjoyed it. Next Spring will be back in WDW due to the Annual Passes we buy every other year.

 

[ncsjodi]

Come on down. I've been snookered into buying drinks for everyone (non-alcoholic included). We're dining at the Biergarten. Could be fun. I've already met some of the Rubes that will be joining us.

Too bad about DLR. We really enjoyed it. Next Spring will be back in WDW due to the Annual Passes we buy every other year.

Who you calling a rube???

 

[camelotcats]

Come on down. I've been snookered into buying drinks for everyone (non-alcoholic included). We're dining at the Biergarten. Could be fun. I've already met some of the Rubes that will be joining us.

Too bad about DLR. We really enjoyed it. Next Spring will be back in WDW due to the Annual Passes we buy every other year.

Dude.....who are you calling a Rube!?!

ZZUB, you should come down.

 

[blue_river]

Going as fast as I can, dude. You can't rush mediocrity.

I like the pace - much easier to keep up

If ZZUB was raised in Florida, went to college in Alabama, law school in Virginia and now lives in the Pacific Northwest, when will Alabama next win a national championship?

Is there a prize? What's the prize? Is it a pin?

Bonus: name the number of national championships Alabama lays claim to vs. their inferior in-state rival.[/I]

Bonus question = bonus prize

Hey! at the name you gave me ZZub-ster.

Scratch that. Maybe we'd only enjoy meeting some of y'all.

If you're going in August for the free dining - there's a Focker Meet

We actually were almost in Disneyland when the MDF clan was there. Turns out we passed up the Mouse. Shame, too. Would have been fun to bump into the MDFs and trade off taking pictures of really gross things.

 

[Tinkerbellarella]

How? Was I in one of the word problems?

ZZUB says he'll post a new chapter every two weeks. 12 days into the second week he announces he'll post a new chapter within the coming week but if, and only if, he is not providentially hindered. Then he acknowledges he won't be able to post a new chapter by the time he planned to and it has nothing to do with a splatter of vomit, a nasty toe, old ladies in the pool or bird poop. If ZZUB was raised in Florida, went to college in Alabama, law school in Virginia and now lives in the Pacific Northwest, when will Alabama next win a national championship?

Bonus: name the number of national championships Alabama lays claim to vs. their inferior in-state rival.

If Honors Calculus had been more like this my freshman year in college, maybe I wouldn't have failed the first time around.

Then again, it could have also been that the professor was Russian, only spoke English 36% of the time, mumbled, and exclusively spoke to the whiteboard with his face a mere 6 inches from it rather than to his class of wide-eyed, clueless students.

But still, ZZUB word problems would make math that much more enjoyable.

 

[JKMJ441724]

Turns out we passed up the Mouse.

How is that possible? I thought Walt has some cosmic electro-magnetic do-dad zoned-in directly on your wallet; a force to which we are powerless to resist.

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

Who you calling a rube???

Dude.....who are you calling a Rube!?!

If you're going in August for the free dining - there's a Focker Meet

You don't wanna hook up wit a bunch o' dirty fockers do you Z?

 

[ZZUB]

Chapter Thirteen: Joe Rhode Caused Global Warming

We disdain Animal Kingdom almost as much as The Disney Studios starring The Guy From Love Boat. So we didn't plan to be there at rope drop. We planned to be there whenever we got there. I started my morning per my usual custom. I won't bore you with the re-tread of that tired story, but I will again say how much I enjoyed watching the sky change color over Bay Lake. I enjoyed watching the flag poles above the Wilderness Lodge wondering if I'd see the Flag Family. I enjoyed the smells which wafted up from the courtyard below. The faint ding ding of the Ferry boat. Morning at the Lodge.

After some quiet time with the Lord, I walked down to Roaring Fork and filled my mug with brown water served warm. Back in our room, I sucked back my pop tarts and drank the swill and waited for the girls to wake up and get ready. Eventually we were all up and headed down to the bus for Animal Kingdom.

Or as I like to call it: Joe Rhode's revenge.

Animal Kingdom is, by far, the hottest park in the world.

I think they pump heat into the park. Like they've tapped into the red hot heat of the earth's core and they are pumping it into the park through vents which are cleverly disguised behind fake tree branches.

It is ridiculously hot there.

And the heat brings out the WORST in people.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Which, as you’ll discover, is an ironic turn of phrase.

We were still on the bus. On our way there. By way of 3 other resorts and perhaps a McDonald’s drive-through. I wasn’t certain we were still in Bush’s Second Term. Was I still in my 30’s? While en route, we decided to skip Expedition Everest since we would have to split up. And that wouldn't be a lick of fun for the girls. So we instead decided we'd ride the Safari first. Our bus driver dumped us off at a spot and then told us our bus depot number. Which wasn't where he dropped off. I don' t know why they're doing that. It's confusing. Like they way out of Mexico. He admits with some measure of embarrassment.

Turns out we were going to make rope drop. Which mostly annoyed me. It was 9:00 in the morning and the official temperature for Orlando that morning was 78 degrees. But inside the Animal Kingdom, it was 295 degrees with 8,000% humidity. The wheels on our stroller melted into the cement sidewalk, itself now soft and mushy like CNN's coverage of Barack Obama.

I saw a sign the other day someone taped up to his car window that read, "NOBAMA." And I thought, “dude, that's so harsh! How can you hate Bama that much?!” Then I realized what he was trying to convey.

And I audaciously hoped to find one for my car.

We mushed along with the crowd of sweaty, sticky tourists. Most people cut a right towards EE, but a significant number headed the other way towards the Safari. When we got there, I remembered our lesson from a few years ago and kept the strollers with us. The line moved along quickly and, I cannot emphasize this point enough: it wasn't terribly crowded. To be sure: there were people there, but it wasn't like the crowd pushing into an Obama rally. No one was fainting. No one spilled Kool Aide on her shoes. It was more like the crowd you would encounter at the early bird at Danny's.

That’s for the five people who read this and know where Danny’s is and what the early bird is all about.

What I would give for a slice of their challah bread.

As we moved along the Safari queue, we took a brief respite to ditch our strollers when THE RUDEST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that day) pushed their way past us. It wasn’t just that they impatiently shoved past us. I don’t fault them for wanting to move on. It was the way they did it. And it was the nasty scowls on their faces.

As if they woke up that morning, the sour taste of last night’s dinner still in their mouth, laid there for a moment re-thinking their decision to have that
4th pork chop and then rolled over, looked at their spouse and regretted the decision to marry that person. These two could shill for Jenny Craig, Pepcid AC and eHarmony.com.

Their reward? They ended up in front of us instead of behind us.

It was 9:05 in the morning. It wasn't like I was unleashing the power at that hour. And if I was, with the stale air of Animal Kingdom, the stench of death would have reached their nostrils no matter where they stood.

I don't expect people to stand around like idiots while we dislodge our children from their strollers. I understand you want to move on. I would too. But. There is no need, simply no need, to push past people who are trying to get their small children out of strollers just so you can get two feet ahead. I mean if you're going to be rude, if you're gonna lift your leg on other people, you should at least gain some advantage for it. Not these two. They earned the space in front of us.

If I was the kind of person who quoted Hanson, I would have asked them, “Where’s the Love?”

Instead I took some comfort by observing that as hot as I was, they were both sweating through their two-sizes-larger-than-any-size-I’ve-seen-in-a- store t-shirts. And appeared to be suffering from heat-induced wedgies.

Which in my mind made us even Steven.

Eventually we boarded our Safari vehicle and away we went. We saw a ton of animals. NOpeoplewhocutusinline. A ton. They were everywhere.

This one was particularly ferocious. In an oh pwease, just wub my bewwy aweady kind of way:

After the Safari we made our way to the Legend of the Lion King. As we walked along, wilting in the early morning temps, we stopped off to buy some water. And stick our feet in the ice bucket the water was sitting in. I wondered to myself, and to my wife, and to anyone who was listening, why it was so hot there. And why Joe Rhode made it so impossible to get from one place to the other without walking so dadgum far. Seriously, I don’t understand why AK is so spread out.

We got to Lion King and found our seats in the deliciously air conditioned theater. And I reminded my wife that when the show first started there, the theater was open air.

And she reminded me that my hot air wasn’t helping the situation.

What were the Imagineers thinking? Who wants to go to central Florida where it is summer 9 months out of the year and sit in the heat and watch a show? Why did it take them so long to air condition the place? No one likes to be hot.

Even Maya Angelou enjoys her some air conditioning.

And she knows why the caged bird sings.

In case you were wondering.

I wasn’t.

But I’ve digressed a bit from the point. Joe Rhode and his minions have since enclosed the theater and filled the place with some sweet a/c.

There is much to complain about Animal Kingdom. As you may have noticed. But Legend of the Lion King is not one of those things. It is, hands down, one of the best, most enjoyable things to do in all of Walt Disney World.

And that includes enjoying some Tonga Toast.

The show is loud and fun and well-performed. We had a great time and we were sorry it was over.

And not just because it meant we were getting thrown out of the air conditioning.

It was now about 10:30ish and we decided we’d head towards Dinoland so ZZUB could finally ride Dinosaur and we could eat some lunch.

But as we neared Dinoland, we got sidetracked by a non-fastpass attraction.

The bathroom.

While the girls were in there, I wandered through a gift shop. And prayed for rain. On Goldy's last day no less.

We planned to eat at Restraunatasaurus. So we walked up to it. But once there, we found out it was closed. Not because there was a sign or even a cast member out by the walkway informing people. We found out when we got up to the door. That’s where the CM was. And she said it was closed.

So we backtracked to Flame Tree.

I have a friend who lives in Montana. He’s slowly balding but not at all bitter about it and something of a Disney fan. He loves this place. Evidently he and his family had a great meal here. Bully for them.

Let me say this about our meal: it didn’t suck.

It also didn’t set my hair on fire.

Which was good because in that heat, I’m not sure there was enough water to put it out.

I probably would have enjoyed my food if I wasn’t sweating like a Democratic pollster on the day after the Jeremiah Wright story broke. There wasn’t a scrap of air conditioning to be had. I understand AK is striving to give an authentic experience. But, and I say this as someone who has not yet visited the African continent, I’m fairly certain they ain’t serving Memphis style ribs and key lime pie out in the bush. So as long as we’re not being entirely authentic, maybe we can more generously sprinkle the a/c around.

I will say this about Flame Tree: the CM who took my order was concerned that I hadn’t maximized the Dining Plan. So she told me what to order.

Just like they would do if I was on safari in Namibia.

The food was actually pretty good. And there was a TON of it. NOAnimalsontheSafari.

After lunch, Mrs. Z took Baby Z and split for the Baby Care Center. ZZUBY and I headed to the riot taking place in front of the Finding Nemo theater.

People were queued up behind the rope just like they were supposed to be. Only right about three feet behind us, the CMs were directing people to the OTHER waiting area, across the walkway. No one went there willfully. Even though the CMs were assuring people that they would get into the next show as well, a fair number of people just didn’t believe that story. Indeed, for my tastes, it lacked the adequate indicia of reliability. So ZZUBY and I made sure we were in the cool crowd.

My fears were not unfounded. A guy a few feet in front of us said they were in “the other line” for an earlier show but didn’t get in. He wasn’t making that mistake again. The general crowd around us listened as he warned what happens when you’re not in the correct line. So it was when the CMs came around to sweep the people from behind me over to the other line, a rebellion broke out. One lady flatly told the CM, “No! I am not moving. I am staying in this line.” The CM just stared at her. And then walked away.

Staring is the new cut down.

ZZUBY was immune to the insurrection and made friends with two little girls in line right in front of us. This was here theme for this trip. Whenever we were in line, she would talk with the kids near us. ZZUBY is not shy but she’s not quite as extroverted as her old man.

Whoever he is. The DNA testing has been inconclusive thus far.

It is not like her to strike up conversations with other kids in the real world. But drop her down in Walt’s World and she’ll talk to a rock.

Our line moved forward and ZZUBY and the two little girls continued their chatter. They exchanged names and home states. It’s funny to me that ZZUBY doesn’t think to share what city we live in. We’ve never warned her not to share that information with people, she just doesn’t do it. Inching along, I introduced myself to her parents. And explained that my wife was off with the baby in the BCC. They were a nice enough couple. But we weren’t going to be best friends like our girls were.

“I’m ZZUB,” I said. “From the Disboards. I don’t know if y’all read that website or not.”
“Sure do. You’re ZZUB?! The guy with the bathroom in Canada!” the dad asked.
“That’s me,” I said somewhat embarrassed.
“Your guns are much bigger than I thought they’d be,” the mom said.”
“I get that a lot.”

And if you believe that conversation took place, you’ll also believe that I’m going to crash Crazy Kanga’s trip in one month and 24 days.

Or that Joe Rhode designed Animal Kingdom for your enjoyment.

Or that Maya Angelou actually knows why the caged bird sings. Or anyone even cares.

I can’t recall much of my conversation with ZZUBY’s new friends’ parents. Other than exchanging names and me explaining where my wife was.

We kept inching along and as we got closer to the blessed air conditioning, ZZUBY and her little friends began asking their parents if they could sit together once inside.

Which was about 18 kinds of awkward.

“I don’t know sweetie, we’ll have to see where we end up,” I said.

“Maybe. Let’s see,” the other dad said.

Who would blink first?

I ran through the options in my head. I don't purposefully follow random strangers, although I did once stalk Jim Belushi in an airport. He was cool as all get out by the way. He just kept eating his hot dog.

But although our kids didn’t feel any sort of social pressure not to seem too eager to sit together, clearly their parents didn’t want to seem too eager to accommodate the simple request to sit together.

In my head, I knew what began as our daughters talking in line would end in a pitch to join some multi-level marketing scheme, and I'd find myself at the next Amway/Quickstar/Herbalife/Calling Card convention in Denver. And I knew this much: at the first sign of a “Lose weight now. Ask me how” pin, I was out of there.

For their part, I could tell the other parents were sizing me up too. Perhaps their exit cue would be when I produced a yellow Four Spiritual Laws tract from one of the 27 pockets of my big boy shorts.

When ZZUBY asked me about sitting together for the umpteenth time, I looked at the other parents and surrendered, “I don’t think they’re gonna give up. I don’t mind letting them sit together if you don’t mind having us sit next to you.”

That’s right, I put the turd in their pocket.

We followed them as we entered the theater and found some seats right next to them. The kids sat between us and chitted and chatted enough to cause people around them to complain their conversation was ruining this Trip Report.

It occurs to me we sat there for a good half hour before the show actually started. Finding Nemo: the Musical, like Flame Tree Barbecue, doesn’t suck.

It is clearly superior to the Beauty and the Beast show, the Voyage of the Little Mermaid and the Share a Dream Come True/Dream a Dream Come True/Disney Dreams Come True/Year of a Million Dreams Come True parade.

He says offering it but faint praise.

The first few minutes of it are quite good and from that you might assume it’s going to be a well-spent 30 minutes. But you would be incorrect. It’s as if the writers thought they needed to re-tell the entire 90 minutes of Finding Nemo: the Movie in 30 minutes. Which is odd when you consider that the Voyage of the Little Mermaid is chock full of plot holes you could drive a Monorail through. If the Monorail actually extended to The Studios. Which it doesn’t. Which is one of many reasons The Studios suck.

Suck is a violent word.

I probably shouldn’t use it.

Finding Nemo: the Musical is too much. It reminded me of a completely full tub of Cool Whip. I love me some Cool Whip. But after about 7 or 8 tablespoons, it’s enough already. Cool Whip only stands on its own for about 5 or 6 spoons full. After that, it needs pie. Preferably pumpkin.

Ditto: FN: TM. It was a lot of fluff with very little substance and the so-called emotional moments just don’t work. It’s visually stimulating and one of the songs (reprised roughly 8 times) is good enough, but in the end, I found myself clapping because it was over.

Speaking of the end, per Disney formula, a generous helping of bubbles were spit at us. Bubbles are how Disney ends a show. Kind of like any church pageant which ends with Handel’s Messiah: it’s a guaranteed standing ovation. But the thing with the bubbles in FM: TM, sure enough, all the kids jumped to their feet to chase the bubbles. But this only made parents chase their kids. And no one paid much attention to the end of the show.

For all I know, they never found Nemo. Except I know they did. On account of the 8 gabillion times I've been forced to watch the movie.

After the show, ZZUBY said goodbye to her new little friends and we headed off to the BCC to meet up with Mrs. Z and Baby Z. The BCC was kind of interesting. There was a little room with a TV playing some Disney movie (oddly enough) and there was a bench and some tables and chairs. And from my body thermometer, it was clear the a/c was set on 82. For which I blame Joe Rhode.

He’s the new George Bush.

Baby Z was sleeping so we decided to wait a bit before we moved out. There was another family in the BCC. They didn’t appear to have a baby as much as they had little kids. And a meal which required microwaving. Because the BCC has a microwave. Once the mom finished heating up their food, she plated it and served her family. And they sat and watched the Disney movie on the TV.

I mention it only because I thought it was an innovative, and inexpensive, way to feed a family. It’s not our touring style, but I don’t write this entirely for me.

We headed out from the BCC back to the Safari. Because we’re ZZUBs and although AK no longer asserts it is Nahtazu, we continue to believe it Isazu. (Hat tip: Joe Isuzu).

Remember the myth that you had to do the Safari first thing in the morning because in the afternoon it was too freakin hot for the animals?

File that away with: Y2K will bring the industrialized world to its knees, saccharin causes cancer and man has caused global warming (now in the face of one of the coldest, longest winters in history, it has been conveniently re-branded global climate change).

There were even more animals than on the morning Safari. For what it’s worth, it was not significantly hotter in the afternoon than the morning. We loved the afternoon safari and in many ways, found it to be a completely different experience.

To begin with, Mr. and Mrs. Pushy Pants (with their heat-induced wedgies) weren’t storming past us. But mostly it was because the animals were everywhere and in different places.

After the Safari, we’d had about enough of Joe Rhode’s sadism and we began heading towards the front of the park. We decided to hit Festival of the Lion King again on the way out. I looked at the Times Guide and realized if we were willing to run over some people and not brake for the elderly, we’d make the next show.

When we entered the theater and the cool rush of air met our faces, we could tell the place was pretty well packed. The show was about 4 or 5 minutes away from starting. But showing up when we did, we got pretty good seats. Indeed, they were very good.

The second showing of Lion King was every bit as good as the earlier one we caught. It seemed to me the cast was different but the energy level was still pretty high.

Just before the last number, The Lion Sleeps Tonight, some of the performers come into the audience to ask little kids if they want to join them on stage. This young gal came over to ZZUBY sitting next to me and asked her, “do you want to play a game with us?” Which was a VERY smart way of phrasing the question.

ZZUBY said, “ok” and she went with the performer over to the stage area with some other kids to get her instructions. Demonstrating once again that I have cat like reflexes, I pounced on my camera bag and whipped out my camcorder, powered that sucker up and trained it on ZZUBY.

The cast does a little deal at about the 4 corners of the stage area and then they lead the kids on kind of a parade around the stage. As I was watching ZZUBY, I was thinking she was doing a very good job following directions, stepping in time, and not touching herself inappropriately. Like the girl standing next to her whom we can assume needed to go potty. Or wants to be a Spears Sister when she turns 13. As the parade of little kids made its way around the stage, the performers sent them all back to their seats.

Except ZZUBY. The performer with her held her back at the edge of the stage. Timon told all the kids they did a great job. And then bending down towards ZZUBY he said, “Except for you. YOU were perfect!” and he shook her hand.

And then she came running back to her daddy who gave her a monster size hug and told her how proud he was.

We know that the end of the show is scripted and Timon picks out one kid in every show to tell she was perfect. We’re just glad ZZUBY was the one picked in that show. And that she handled her new-found fame with dignity.

Which is to say she didn’t shave her head and run over the paparazzi.

ZZUBY was pretty excited about getting picked and we were very proud of her for not only going out on stage but doing as well as she did. We enjoyed Legend of the Lion King before ZZUBY’s star turn. But that was the Cool Whip on top of the pie.

We strollered up and headed towards the exit. Knowing that the wait for the bus and the bus ride itself would be long, we decided to use the bathroom before we left the park. As I was standing with our strollers waiting on the girls to finish up, I watched a mom try to cool down her hot kids by wetting a napkin and rubbing their faces. I wondered why Disney wasn’t selling Cool Swabs with the Disney Parks logo on it.

We exited Animal Kingdom and walked in the baking hot sun towards the bus depot. It may have been the heat, but it seemed to me the AK bus depot is farther from the gates of the park than any other theme park. Even EPCOT. We were half way to AKL before we go to the bus depot. Once there, we watched about 8 different families fight over the one bench. I said, “pooh on them,” I wasn’t looking for a sit, I wanted the cool air of the ceiling fan perched about 40 feet above us. But I found my sarcasm wouldn’t keep me as cool as the 12,000 BTUs of a Commando 8000.

Across the hot asphalt, I thought I saw the mirage of an arriving bus. But it turned out only to be a Hyundai. Eventually of course, a bus did arrive and we climbed on board to find it was cool not cold.

Oh well.

At least I didn’t have a wedgie.

___
Click Here For Chapter Fourteen:

 

[UtahMama]

OH, how special for ZZUBY!

I really like the Finding Nemo show, but 50% of that is because it's air conditioned, I think. Which is the same reason I used to LOVE the Baby Care Centers.

"Suck" is a bad word in our house. We try to say "stink" instead, but it doesn't pack as much punch.

Sorry you had rude people again. SO unnecessary to be rude.

Well done again! Thanks for the entertainment.

 

[ncsjodi]

be right back...you didn't see anything

Not fair! I read it all first!

I even read it to my DH while he plays World of Warcrack!

ZZUB, yet again, you outdid yourself. I'm so glad that ZZUBY got picked to be in the show and I can only hope that my DD6 would conduct herself as well.

I agree that they've got to be pumping heat into AK. I just don't understand how it can be so hot in that place all the time. Even in December, it was HOT!!!

Glad to hear you had a decent meal. I just hope you didn't devour everything and leave the carnage on the table like our friend from Montana. But, then again, I know that the ZZUB family has some couth...

Can't wait to read more...

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

We disdain Animal Kingdom almost as much as The Disney Studios starring The Guy From Love Boat. So we didn't plan to be there at rope drop. We planned to be there whenever we got there. I started my morning per my usual custom. I won't bore you with the re-tread of that tired story, but I will again say how much I enjoyed watching the sky change color over Bay Lake. I enjoyed watching the flag poles above the Wilderness Lodge wondering if I'd see the Flag Family. I enjoyed the smells which wafted up from the courtyard below. The faint ding ding of the Ferry boat. Morning at the Lodge.

Mornings are cool. Peaceful...Quite... Serene. I should really try getting out of bed to enjoy one some day.

After some quiet time with the Lord, I walked down to Roaring Fork and filled my mug with brown water served warm. Back in our room, I sucked back my pop tarts and drank the swill and waited for the girls to wake up and get ready. Eventually we were all up and headed down to the bus for Animal Kingdom.

Some things never change.

Animal Kingdom is, by far, the hottest park in the world.

Without a doubt! August doesn't help.

The wheels on our stroller melted into the cement sidewalk, itself now soft and mushy like CNN's coverage of Barack Obama.

And I audaciously hoped to find one for my car.

http://www.nobama.com $4.50 each.

That’s for the five people who read this and know where Danny’s is and what the early bird is all about.

I'm not one of the 5.

As we moved along the Safari queue, we took a brief respite to ditch our strollers when THE RUDEST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that day) pushed their way past us. It wasn’t just that they impatiently shoved past us. I don’t fault them for wanting to move on. It was the way they did it. And it was the nasty scowls on their faces.

Sorry about that.

Their reward? They ended up in front of us instead of behind us.

Well worth it then.

Instead I took some comfort by observing that as hot as I was, they were both sweating through their two-sizes-larger-than-any-size-I’ve-seen-in-a- store t-shirts. And appeared to be suffering from heat-induced wedgies.

Yes, we were very uncomfortable.

The show is loud and fun and well-performed. We had a great time and we were sorry it was over.

I'm the only one in our fam that enjoys this show. Upon exiting last time, I walked straight into the front row bench and wounded myself. The wife laughed as she usually does at my suffering.

So we backtracked to Flame Tree.

One of our favorites.

I have a friend who lives in Montana. He’s slowly balding but not at all bitter about it and something of a Disney fan. He loves this place. Evidently he and his family had a great meal here. Bully for them.

Hey!

Actually... the beer helps a lot.

I probably would have enjoyed my food if I wasn’t sweating like a Democratic pollster on the day after the Jeremiah Wright story broke. There wasn’t a scrap of air conditioning to be had. I understand AK is striving to give an authentic experience. But, and I say this as someone who has not yet visited the African continent, I’m fairly certain they ain’t serving Memphis style ribs and key lime pie out in the bush. So as long as we’re not being entirely authentic, maybe we can more generously sprinkle the a/c around.

I spent a year in Africa one week, and trust me, it was hot.

I promised myself when I was in the Army and spending 45 days at a time in Germany at a training center called Grafenvier (Graf for short) that I would never complain about the heat again. It was 30 below zero and the heater to our M109 Paladin was out, so basically, we froze.

20 years later however, I complain about anything that inconveniences me. How soon we forget.

They were a nice enough couple. But we weren’t going to be best friends like our girls were.

Been there with Loud Girl.

In my head, I knew what began as our daughters talking in line would end in a pitch to join some multi-level marketing scheme, and I'd find myself at the next Amway/Quickstar/Herbalife/Calling Card convention in Denver.

It occurs to me we sat there for a good half hour before the show actually started. Finding Nemo: the Musical, like Flame Tree Barbecue, doesn’t suck.

I miss the Jungle Book.

Speaking of the end, per Disney formula, a generous helping of bubbles were spit at us. Bubbles are how Disney ends a show. Kind of like any church pageant which ends with Handel’s Messiah: it’s a guaranteed standing ovation. But the thing with the bubbles in FM: TM, sure enough, all the kids jumped to their feet to chase the bubbles. But this only made parents chase their kids. And no one paid much attention to the end of the show.

I've often thought they could fix Stitches Great Escape by adding toxic bubbles at the end of the show.

There were even more animals than on the morning Safari. For what it’s worth, it was not significantly hotter in the afternoon than the morning. We loved the afternoon safari and in many ways, found it to be a completely different experience.

After 30 trips of saving the baby rubber elephant, we still have never seen the lions.

Except ZZUBY. The performer with her held her back at the edge of the stage. Timon told all the kids they did a great job. And then bending down towards ZZUBY he said, “Except for you. YOU were perfect!” and he shook her hand.

And then she came running back to her daddy who gave her a monster size hug and told her how proud he was.

Nice!

We exited Animal Kingdom and walked in the baking hot sun towards the bus depot. It may have been the heat, but it seemed to me the AK bus depot is farther from the gates of the park than any other theme park. Even EPCOT. We were half way to AKL before we go to the bus depot. Once there, we watched about 8 different families fight over the one bench. I said, “pooh on them,” I wasn’t looking for a sit, I wanted the cool air of the ceiling fan perched about 40 feet above us. But I found my sarcasm wouldn’t keep me as cool as the 12,000 BTUs of a Commando 8000.

The bus depot is far... and the busses to OKW are horrible and always stop at Blizzard Beach. We drive to AK now.

The pictures didn't work for me. Maybe tomorrow. I'll check back in.