The Battle for My Wallet Part II: Disneyland Boogaloo

[ZZUB]

It’s odd to me that the Disneyland trip reports are so rare. Compared with Disney World trip reports which are as plentiful as Magic Your Way ticket options, it seems very few people come home from Disneyland and tap out a summary of their trip. I wonder why that is so. Fear not, my friends, this trip report will not explore that question. Except I will add this: whatever force of nature arrests the desire to document a trip to Disneyland, must surely have affected me as well. For as you will soon discover, I went to Disneyland in December, 2004 and only now am I writing a summary of my trip. I have no excuse for the delay. Or even Tom DeLay.

Anyhoo, in October of last year (does anyone even remember back that far?), about the time everyone was focused on the Swift Boat Veterans and wondering whether they were telling the truth, some friends of ours announced they were headed to Disneyland in December. Now I suffer from some sort of, as of yet, undiagnosed Disney disorder such that when anyone even utters the word Disney my ears perk up and my adrenaline races. Is that wrong? So it wasn’t altogether surprising that upon learning they were headed to Disneyland, I started to ask some questions.

Then something alarming happened. These friends invited us to come with them. Unthinkable! They were going the first week of December. You know, the week after Thanksgiving, the week your wife is spending your hard earned money buying gifts for various nieces and nephews. That’s normally the time I discover that we still don’t have enough lights on the house. And I discover that Target has invented new things to light up. How could we even contemplate taking a trip to Disneyland in the month of December? What about Christmas? What about Target? Could we possibly divide our resources?

As I’ve said many times before, no one is more expert at separating me from my money than Disney. After some time analyzing our budget, we decided we could afford to take this unplanned and unbudgeted for trip. You know what’s weird? Until I sat down with our budget, I didn’t realize that I was running a surplus. How did Disney know? Spooky, isn’t it?

Although I’d never been to Disneyland, and our friends were bona fide Disneyland experts, when it comes to all things Disney, I don’t trust any one person’s advice. So I read stuff on the internet. Thank God for the people who write Mouseplanet.com and Mousesavers.com. In a few short weeks I knew enough about where to stay, where to buy tickets where to eat and what airport to fly into that I felt confident planning our trip. That’s how good Mousesavers.com is.

The first thing I learned about Disneyland is that you don’t have to stay on property, such that it is. Calm yourselves, people. I’m not speaking heresy. It’s true. Disneyland is not at all like Disney World which virtually requires on property lodging. To the contrary, at Disneyland I think you’re better off staying off property. Indeed, with the possible exception of the exorbitantly priced Grand Californian, neither the Disneyland Hotel nor Paradise Pier are “on property,” nor are they even truly convenient. For instance, if you stay at Paradise Pier you are one-heck of a long schlep from the front gate of either Disneyland or California Adventure. Similarly, with few exceptions, the Disneyland Hotel is also a schlep. And the monorail is no big help. It dumps you in Tomorrowland. If you want to walk down Mainstreet, you have to walk a good clip to the front gate. Ditto if you’re headed to California Adventure. For reasons that escape me, Disneyland does not run trams from its so-called on property resorts to the front gates. In other words, by staying off property and riding a shuttle, we had a shorter walk. So why again would I pay three times more to stay on property?

At first glance, it appeared the best deal we were going to get was at the Hilton. They were offering a good rate with free meals for my daughter. I was also intrigued by an out fit called Getawaytoday.com. They actually had some very good deals on room/ticket packages. If I was a different person, I would have booked through them. As it was, I came very close to relinquishing control and booking through them. However, after a few weeks of research, I found a fantastic internet rate at the Crowne Plaza, $63.95 a night. Even with the $7 a night resort fee, it was the best deal at a pretty highly rated Disneyland area hotel. The hotel gets high marks in the Unofficial guide and it did not disappoint. It also has its own shuttle service which is part of the resort fee you pay. The shuttle was very convenient and ran on time. We bought our tickets through AAA and got a ridiculously good deal, $129 for five day park hoppers (it was some buy three, get two day free deal) and got free parking and free $10 ESPN Zone cards. If what Jiminy Cricket says is true, then the next time I see a star, I’m wishing that Disney World coughs up a similar ticket offer through AAA. That would be magic my way.

Just before our trip, I called Crowne Plaza to confirm our reservation and also to inquire about free breakfast for our daughter. It turns out our rate didn’t provide free breakfast but the very nice front desk person told me to ask at check in and they would give it to me. She gave me her name and told me I should mention her name as well.

We arrived at John Wayne Airport on Friday night and walked straight to the Emerald Aisle. Every car was exactly the same, it was an endless row of white Chevy Malibus. If it wasn’t for rental car companies, would anyone buy this car in white? (To the person in Missouri who right now is reading this and feeling bad about the white Chevy Malibu parked in the driveway, I apologize. No offense intended. But when you’re ready to sell your car, call National. They’ll take it off your hands.) At the end of the row was a silver Jeep Liberty. Woo hoo. A car that doesn’t look like all the rest. We loaded in our luggage and the car seat and we were on our way to our hotel. But once we were on the way, I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to see Disneyland. We were driving along the interstate and we saw the exit for Disneyland and we got off three exits early just so we could drive past it.

Before our friends invited us to come with, I truthfully had no real desire to go to Disneyland. Yes, it is the Original, and it’s the only park Walt ever walked in, and there’s the apartment above the Firehouse and all that, it’s just that I grew up going to Disney World. I was sure Disneyland, with its diminutive castle and lame as all get out sister park, California Adventure, were sure to disappoint. But driving towards our hotel, once I saw the Matterhorn and Small World and California Screaming, my heart was racing. I’ve always thought it’s cool that you can’t see any part of Disney World from the highway, but I thought it was just as cool that I could see Disneyland from the road. So different isn’t always bad.

We got to our hotel and check in was a breeze. It turns out the front desk person I spoke with on the phone was behind the counter and when I identified myself she gave us over a dozen free breakfast coupons to use at their well-appointed breakfast buffet. It was a Disney Miracle! My wife thought the lobby of the Crowne Plaza was very pretty. It was, in fact, pretty, but who cares about the lobby?! You don’t sleep there. You just walk through it on your way from one place to another. It’s basically a hallway with furniture. What’s the point? I don’t need a fancy lobby. I need a nice room. Our room at the Crowne Plaza did not disappoint. It was plenty big and had a very comfy bed, pillowtop mattress, down comforter and all. You know, I thought I would miss the Disney touches not staying at a Disney hotel. Forgive me Disfriends, I didn’t miss them at all. Gasp! Turns out I don’t need Mickey to wake me up and I don’t need soap that asks if I’m all neat and pretty. What does this mean for future Disney World trips?!

You know what I missed the most? The zip-a-dee-do-dah tip for the day. But I missed that the last time we stayed at ASMovies. So we’re even.

Then we did something totally un-Disney. We slept in the next morning. I can hear the screams of horror from my fellow commando types. But we were in Disneyland for four days and there were only 2 parks and one of them was California Adventure. Why rush? We took the hotel’s shuttle to Disneyland and got there about 10:30. After proceeding through the “security” check point, we entered Disneyland. I’ll say again, before we got there, I was not all that interested in going to Disneyland. I was certain it would feel like I was out on a date with the sister of my girlfriend. Kind of like what I knew but ultimately unsatisfying.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Entering the Disneyland Park is very similar to entering the Magic Kingdom. Thousands of people squeeze themselves through a series of narrow turnstiles and invariably whichever line you are in moves slower than every other line. And invariably there is some neophyte attempting to push a stroller through the turnstile. On the other side you walk with anticipation towards the walkway under the train station. You walk through and you’re on Mainstreet. It’s just like Disney World.

NOT!!!!!

Well it is and it’s not. It looks familiar but is also very different. One major difference was the characters. They were everywhere. Right as we entered the park, my daughter spotted Mickey Mouse. He was hanging out in front of some building (in Disney World, it would be Tony’s). We wheeled my magic stroller towards him. We got in line and when it was her turn, she got out of her stroller and ran towards him and gave him the biggest hug in the world. It was like that scene in the well-played Disney World commercial with the little girl hugging Mickey. Dang you Walt Disney! My daughter loves your mouse so much. We’ll never escape your parks!

I wish I had gotten video of this moment but it all happened so fast I only have a picture. I wonder how long it will be before Disney has videographers who walk around with you capturing the magic (Memo to Marketing: I have a few bucks you haven’t found yet). While we were packing back up, my eye drifted across the square to the Firehouse and the light on in the window. If I was another person I might have teared up. As it is, I just had a lump in my throat. Or was it my free breakfast buffet coming back up on me? Hard to say.

We turned the corner and headed down Mainstreet. Wow! Is that castle small! Ok, it really isn’t that small, it’s just so much smaller than at my house, I mean Disney World. Still, I’ve heard it said that size isn’t everything, and for reasons which need not be explored here, I’ve always wanted to believe that was true. So I’m here to tell you the smallish castle didn’t really bother me. It just took some getting used to.

Mainstreet itself will make you sad. Really. It is so much more detailed and more interesting than what is now known as Mallstreet USA in Disney World. There is still a Magic Shop and for my money it seemed like more attention had been paid to little things. For instance, down one alley there is a Piano Teacher next to a Dentist. If you park yourself at one of the tables in the alley you can hear the piano lessons and you can hear the dentist’s drill. It’s that kind of thing. I actually took video of it. Yeah, I miss my daughter hugging Mickey but an open window with bad piano playing I’ve got on video. It’s a speed thing. I’m not too quick on the trigger.

After we dropped our excess baggage off at the lockers, we continued down Mainstreet and through the Castle. Because our eyes were working, they blinked, and we missed the interior of the castle. Yes, it’s that small. If you laid two Tic Tacs end to end, half of one Tic Tac would be sticking out the back end of the castle. Seriously, I’m trying to remember what the “interior” of the castle looked like, and I cannot recall. I only remember seeing the other side.

Speaking of the other side, we walked straight towards the carousel and hopped on for a ride. Why? Shouldn’t we have made a mad dash towards some mountain? In Florida we would have done just that, but we were in this whole, “let’s do stuff our daughter wants to do” mode and she wanted to go on the carousel. Once she was on and I got the camcorder out and going she began crying. She’s ridden Cinderella’s Carousel in Disney World two or three times and never cried. Did she suddenly realize we weren’t in Disney World but rather Disneyland. Was this ride inferior to its Florida counterpart? She didn’t tell us. She also didn’t stop crying. The ride stopped. Everyone got off the ride including us but the tears continued unabated. Why do little girls do that? Anyone? We walked over to our stroller and were fixing to put her back in when she spotted Dumbo and mid cry announced she wanted to go on it. My wife asked her if she was sure she wanted to go on Dumbo because it goes up in the air and spins around kind of fast. “Yeeeeeessssss” she replied. So we left our stroller and got in line for Dumbo. Her tears stopped so I was happy. And so were the hundreds of others standing around us. What? They’ve never heard a kid cry at Disneyland?! Grow up.

Now here’s the thing I can’t understand. She loved Dumbo. Loved it. We had to do it twice. Not scared at all. Carousel: horses, on poles, on the ground equals screams of death. Elephants flying through the air equals squeals of joy. Go figure.

Next we got in line for Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Ah, the joys of my childhood were returning to me. Next to riding the Matterhorn, I think I was most excited about going on this. I loved this ride so much when I was a kid at Disney World. I was hugely mad when they took it out. Here’s the thing, I also used to love wearing skin tight jeans and smoking cigarettes and listening to the Police. The ‘80s were great. Then I went to college and grew up. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want another pair of skin tight acid washed jeans and I don’t need to ride Mr. Toad anymore. I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve just insulted some of you, but the truth is, I can’t remember what I thought was so great about that ride. I don’t even know the story of the Wind in the Willows. And my daughter was freaked out by the devils, too.

We headed towards It’s a Small World Land. Whoa! Who knew the little dolls were so popular in California?! They’ve got a much bigger and much nicer spread there. We were going to get in line but the wait was sizable, it looked like Space Mountain long. I’ll wait 45 minutes to ride Space Mountain. I will not wait more than 15 minutes to be assaulted by singing dolls. We moved on towards Toon Town. There simply is no comparison to the pale imitation in Disney World. The Disneyland version is remarkable. You walk under the train tracks and you honestly sense that you’ve entered into a different world. I could have spent the rest of the day there just looking at all of the details; it was really cool. Except Disney marketing insists you keep moving. There’s nothing to spend your money on in Toon Town.

It was lunch time so we decided to eat. If Disneyland has a major shortfall it is on food. There isn’t very much of it and what there is stinks. Seriously, it’s like a public school cafeteria put up an amusement park. The only thing missing were the tater tots and 2% milk in small cartons. We consumed some barely edible “food” at someplace in Tomorrowisemptyland. The name of the place is forgettable. The “food” we ate scarred me for life.

I feel sad for people who have never been in Disney World and have no idea what Tomorrowland should look like. For one, it should have rides. For another, the place shouldn’t be so dark and depressing as to make you dread the future. Now, in Disneyland’s defense, since we were there, Buzz Lightyear’s Astroblasters has opened and they’ve brightened up the paint. But after fifteen minutes there we were so depressed we had to get a fastpass for the Prozac dispenser.

By now, my daughter had fallen asleep in her stroller, so my wife and I decided to walk around and check out the sights. As it turns out, one major similarity between Disney World and Disneyland is that my stroller retained its magic qualities. Just as it was invisible to the teeming masses in Disney World, the stroller evidently continued to enjoy its cloaking device. Many a time people would look right at me and then step right into the path of the stroller. Yes, it’s invisible. No, it does not have anti-lock breaks. Sorry about your ankles. I’d say “Love you Mean it,” but I’m not Delswife. I had to settle for “no soup for you.” It’s less artful but no less effective. We strolled across the hub and into what should have been Liberty Square but what was actually Frontierland. I wondered if they knew it was in the wrong place. We continued on until we were in New Orleans Square. Again, wow. There is simply no Florida counterpart to this level of detailing. I’ve been to the real French Quarter and the only thing missing from the Disneyland version was the rank stench of day old booze. And drag queens. Here more than anywhere the stroller continued to cloak itself. Seemingly no one noticed that I was pushing it. But if it was invisible, didn’t they wonder what my hands were resting on? Silly Californians. No soup for them.

We continued walking around marveling at how much looked the same and how much looked different. For instance, Splash Mountain had a huge line waiting for it. Same. Winnie the Pooh was giving out free candy to induce people to ride. Different. I had read that the show in the Golden Horseshoe Review was not to be missed. Do you remember when there was a show in the Diamond Horseshoe Review? We got there just as the last show finished, so after politely waiting for people to leave, we parked ourselves at a good table on the floor. My daughter was still sleeping so I got something to drink for my wife and me and we sat and people watched while we were waiting for the next show to start. As good as the show was at the Horseshoe Review, the show before the show was even better. I don’t mean there was a pre-show, I mean, the people who were in the theater waiting for the show to start were the show. Here’s a brief snapshot of what we watched while we shared our $3.00 Diet Coke: The line for food was about 10 feet in front of us and in the middle of the line (which for some reason didn’t seem to move) was was a woman with her uber embarrassed pre-teen daughter. The woman put her daughter at a table and insisted she sit there and wait while she got some food. The woman left the line and went back to the table no less than 12 times (this is not an exaggeration and if anything is an understatement) to remind daughter to stay put. And also to rearrange the chairs. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now, but this woman was obsessed with the arrangement of the chairs around the table. She wasn’t even sitting at the table yet. She was in line. What made her so worried about those chairs? Why wasn’t she worried about the food? We may never know. Her poor daughter didn’t seem to like sitting in her chair at the table all by herself and she made the near fatal mistake of getting out of her chair to join her mom in the food line. In 24 trips to Disney World I’ve witnessed a number of parents yelling at their children, yet I’ve never seen such a disturbing display as I saw from this woman. She was, to put it bluntly, enraged by her daughter’s decision to leave the table. Now that I think about it, however, she seemed less concerned that the table was left open to poachers and more concerned that the chairs had been rearranged. Needless to say, Chair Woman marched her daughter back to the table, warned her not to move (the chairs) again, rearranged the chairs and got herself back into the line.

At some point in her many journeys back and forth to the table to rearrange chairs, she found time to introduce herself to a Disneyland Dad who had the requisite prepubescent son in tow. The whole sorry affair (and I use that word advisedly) was such a cliche, if I didn’t see it myself, I’d think some nut was making it up. It’s the same old story. Single, angry, chair obsessed woman meets Disneyland Dad and his chest hair and they force their kids to be friends. In a bold stroke, they left the line and put the kids together at the table. I believe Chair Woman’s parting instruction to her daughter was, “You be nice. And don’t move the chairs.” Whatever money this woman spent on food that day should have been saved for her daughter’s future counseling bills. Sadly, the show actually started about this point. Yes, I enjoyed the show very much, but I would have given up my 401(k) to continue watching this train wreck unfold. As much as I enjoyed Bill Hilly and the Hillbillies, I continued to keep an eye on the floor show. The two kids sat horrified at the table and moved their chairs as far away from each other as possible. Chair Woman was seething. She left the line, returned to the table, moved her daughter back to where she thought the chair should be and in a not-at-all-hushed voice warned her daughter again not to move the chairs. Meanwhile Disneyland Dad looked on from his position in line but he didn’t seem too concerned that his new found “friend” was something of a chair control freak. I think I saw him comb his chest hair.

Eventually these two contestants for parent of the year each got their food and returned to the table to sit with, but not talk to, their kids. Whether she gave him her phone number or whether they decided to spend the rest of the day together I don’t know.

Bill Hilly and the Hillbillies perform at the Golden Horseshoe Review and, as I stated earlier, the show is well worth waiting for. It’s cheesy, silly and not my kind of music. Does anyone outside of Kentucky actually like bluegrass? But it was well done, funny, and quite entertaining. It is the kind of show you would not want to go see down the street from your house, but in Disneyland (or Disney World for that matter), it fits the surroundings and is enjoyable. You know, for that matter, I wouldn’t walk across the street to ride Peter Pan’s Flight if it was in fact located across the street from my house, but in Disneyland/World I’ll stand in line for 45 minutes to ride it. It makes sense there, and so too does Bill Hilly and the Hillbillies.

When the show was over, the rain had stopped and we had some time to kill before we were to meet our friends for dinner. What to do? I don’t know how it happened, but we somehow ended up back in Tomorrowisemptyland. You know Disneyland is actually smaller than the Magic Kingdom, so it is entirely possible that we were looking for ice cream and just made a wrong turn. In any event we found ourselves in the middle of what used to be Tomorrowland and after surveying the two rides which were open, decided to go into what is laughably called Innoventions. To be fair, I have been critical of what used to be Communicore at Epcot since they re-imagined it as Innoventions several years ago. Innoventions’ west coast cousin is no better. It’s no worse either so that’s some consolation. Actually, because it is housed in what used to be the Carousel of Progress, the building continually moves, so we had that going for us. We walked in. We suffered through a Segway demonstration. Watching someone ride a Segway is not unlike watching someone ride Space Mountain. Yeah, they’re having fun, but it’s not so much fun just to watch. Can I get on too? No soup for me.

The highlight of Innoventions for me was walking out on the second floor landing and looking out over Tomorrowisemptyland and looking at how pretty Small World is all lit up. It was also so strange to not be able to see the castle. I’m so trained to look for it from any corner of the Magic Kingdom, so not being able to see it from any corner of Disneyland was somewhat disorienting. But then again they’ve got that HUGE Matterhorn so I got over it. I have the attention span of a hyperactive five year old on a sugar high. I’m easily distracted.

Tune in next time for the Great Fireworks Disaster of 2004.

 

[jennymouse]

As usual, I'm loving your report. I usually skip the Disneyland ones when they occasionally pop up but knew yours would be worth the read. Looking forward to more!

 

[tcfdick]

I live IN Kentucky and don't like Bluegrass music!
Enjoying your report, can't wait for more!

 

[4greatboys]

 

[poochie]

Sounds like you had a great day.

 

[summersfam4]

I love it! I loved the 1st "Battle for My Wallet" , and this one's great too! Can't wait to hear more, thanks for sharing!


Kelly

 

[Minniespal]

Enjoyed reading your report ~ Thanx for posting.

 

[Cinerama]

Your report has come at the perfect time! We're planning a 2 week trip to CA next spring and of course I want to visit DL (even though there were no drag queens in New Orleans Sqaure..sigh). I'm going to check out the Crowne Plaza...could you have walked to the DL gates if you wanted to or was a shuttle the only option?

Can't wait to read more....thanks!!

 

[Mouse-n-Mini]

Loved your trip report! Such a giggle~

 

[ZZUB]

We met our friends for dinner at some place on the other side of the park. I can’t remember the name, but the memory of the food has stayed with me like a rumor from high school. I can’t emphasize enough HOW BAD THE FOOD IS! Look it, I’m no gourmet. I’m the guy who thought Trails End Buffet was good eating. I use words like “good eating,” so it’s clear that I don’t have such a refined palate. I like Arbys. But I also appreciate good, if not fine, food. In any event, it was our experience that the food in Disneyland was wretched. In four days we had three good meals. One was at the McDonald’s in California Adventure; one was at Joe’s Crab Shack (which was across from the Crowne Plaza) and one was at Goofy’s Kitchen.

In other words, we ate another in a long line of horrible meals and then moved on.

We walked over to It’s a Small World, or as we know it in our family, The Song of Death. Now that I’ve besmirched that wretched little song, and you are convinced of my manly bona fides, I will confess this to you. I really enjoyed It’s a Small World in Disneyland.

Keep in mind that we were in Disneyland in December when IASW was running the holiday version, so that surely affected our experience somewhat. However, I honestly think I would have enjoyed it even if we had gone in Summer. It’s that good. I have not been on the IASW in Florida since the rehab, and I understand the change there is dramatic. I’ll find out in two months when we are eating for free on Disney’s dime (we’ll see if I don’t end up spending more money with the free dining program. I’m sure I’ll come out behind, but that’s really the subject of a future trip report, isn’t it? Moving on.). IASW is almost a land unto itself. The show building is rather large and it is set off away from Fantasyland proper, behind the Matterhorn. I reckon during the rest of the year it is decked out in white lights, but during Christmas-time it is covered in colored lights. The queue is in front of the building and you board the boats outside. Because of the holiday overlay, the traditional song of death was re-mixed with two other Christmasy songs. The net effect being the song wasn’t nearly as tedious as usual and even the quality of the music was, in my estimation, vastly improved. The ride itself was also re-imagined with Christmas and other holiday decorations. It was quite an interesting ride. My daughter loved IASW. We rode it four times.

We came out of IASW just as the fireworks were going off. Disney calls this show “Believe . . . In Holiday Magic.” I had read up on it before we went and was really looking forward to it. Ironically, I used to be nonplused by fireworks displays. But Wishes has made a believer out of me. Wait for it. The pun will hit you . . . now.

What are you expecting, high comedy?! You’re reading a report from a complete stranger about his trip to Disneyland. You need to lower your standards.

At the end of the show, it snows on Main Street, in New Orleans Square and in front of IASW. I had this entire thing timed out so we’d exit IASW in time to catch the fireworks. Okay, maybe not so well since by the time we got off our boat the show was about 3/4 of the way over, but it wasn’t a bad effort for a first timer. We descended the stairs from the exit area and walked down to the walkway and looked upwards at the fireworks. It was a beautiful moment. My wife was looking as pretty as she did the day I met her. My sweet little girl was in my wife’s loving arms. I had my arms wrapped around them, hugging them, enveloping them in my love. This is what I work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week for. This moment. This golden opportunity to share the joy of the holidays in Disneyland with my wife and little girl.

And then it was over.

The screaming began.

Blood curdling, bone chilling, 2 ½ year old little girl crying. It was in that moment, that precise moment she realized she hated fireworks. The magic was gone. The moment had ended. We’d lost the gold. A nanosecond earlier we were the picture of the happiest family in the world. Now we were looking for a refuge, anyplace to get her out of the noise of the fireworks. My poor little girl had her hands covering her ears and she buried her face in my wife’s hair as we moved quickly towards the IASW dump shop which is actually a gazebo in front of IASW. I have never been so grateful for the greed of Disney’s marketing department but their hunger to have more of our money meant there was a place to hide. Of course their hunger to have more of our money meant we were there in the first place, but let's not split hairs.

When the scream inducing thunderous claps ended, “White Christmas” played over the loud speakers and it snowed in Disneyland. We convinced my little girl it was safe to come out of hiding and after a little while she thought the snow was fun. It was something of a nice moment there at the end. It wasn’t as nice as the earlier fireworks moment, but after the horror of the latter fireworks moment, it was a welcome change.

We collected our stroller and foolishly thought it was a good time to exit the park. No soup for us. I don’t know how many people were in Disneyland, but a conservative estimate would be 17 million. In other words, it was scary crowded. I’ve left the Magic Kingdom after the fireworks enough times in my life to know that if you really want to leave you need to have patience. For instance, you shouldn’t insist upon walking directly into the path of a man with a stroller. We thought we’d just take our time and exit slowly and enjoy how pretty Disneyland is during the holidays at nighttime. Unfortunately, no one else shared our appreciation for the atmosphere. I got pushed, shoved, run into and groped several times. But it was insensitive of me to be walking right where other people wanted to walk. I wasn’t as tired as anyone else was, and my kid wasn’t as tired and we hadn’t paid as much as they had, and we didn’t need to get out of there as quickly as they did. It was very rude of me to even be there at all. I could feel rage welling up in me. Ordinarily in moments of tension I go to my happy place. But I was in Disneyland, it was my happy place. What do you do when your happy place is ticking you off? Anyone?

We eventually made our way under the train station and through the turn stiles. We walked towards the shuttle bus loading zones and I observed that our shuttle loading zone was the farthest away. It was still closer than walking to the Disneyland Hotel so I didn’t mind. Just as we walked up, our bus pulled away. Typical. Turns out, we weren’t in Disney World after all. The next bus pulled up within five minutes. Not only that, but the driver hopped out and (brace yourselves) took our strollers and stowed them in the undercarriage of the bus. That’s right. I didn’t have to fight my way on the bus with a semi-folded stroller. Do you know what it means to a tired dad whose had his Disney dreams dashed by the noise of the fireworks to have some angel of mercy relieve him of his burdensome stroller? Even now, just thinking back on that moment, my eyes are welling up. Give me a moment.

Okay.

We arrived back at our hotel in approximately 10 minutes time and after the necessary post Disneyland clean up and snack break we crashed into our comfy bed.

I didn’t set an alarm. I didn’t ask for a wake up call. We agreed we would get up whenever we got up. Oh the humanity.

This was a brand new style of touring for us. Because we had the luxury of time and only two parks, we decided to take it easy. This slower paced itinerary made touring so much more enjoyable. It was restful. It was pleasant. It was like we were on vacation.

We got up the next day and observed it was cool and it looked like rain. We grabbed our jackets and ponchos and headed towards the shuttle bus. Well some of us grabbed our jackets. Some of us, namely the prettier half of my family, walked out without hers. We got to the shuttle stop and she discovered she didn’t have hers. Did she need it? Everyone reading this report who has ever waited on some form of public transportation knows exactly what the next few minutes felt like. Did we dare leave and go back to the room for the jacket? Wasn’t it a certainty that the bus would show up while we were gone and we’d have to wait another 20 minutes for the next one? Was it worth it to go without? Couldn’t we just buy a new one inside the park? Now I had a real quandary. What was worse? Missing the bus or paying the inflated Disney prices for a jacket my wife would never wear anywhere other than at Disney? I decided to run back to the room. And I literally ran. I got to the elevator and the whole way up to the 6th floor I was rehearsing putting my card key in the door, throwing the door open, running towards the spot where my wife said she left her jacket, grabbing it and getting back out of the room before the door even closed. In my mind, I could envision doing it, making it happen.

I pride myself on my sense of direction. I never get lost or turned around. I instinctively know where I’m going. My sense of direction and knowledge of Disney stuff, that’s all I’ve got in life. The Crowne Plaza is roughly in the shape of a Y and for reasons I don’t quite understand, the elevators are on two different sides of the nexus of the Y. In other words, a hallway separates the elevators. The doors opened on six and I exited the elevator and ran to the right all the way to the end and then realized I had gone the wrong way. Doh! I ran back towards the 6th floor lobby where I was stymied by a family who was clearly checking out and thus meandering slowly down the hallway. The dad heard me running up behind him, recognized the look on my face as only another dad could and moved his family to the side. I found our hallway, got to our room and got the jacket. I got back down stairs right as the bus was pulling up. It was another Disney Miracle!

Our plan on this day was to hit some of the E ticket rides and then head towards California Adventure. By the time we cleared “security” and got into the park it was misting. Who am I kidding? It was raining. By the way, it’s not like Florida where it rains for 15 minutes and then it stops. Contrary to the song, it DOES rain in Southern California, and when it does, it doesn’t stop. It was also cold. Glad I got the jacket.

We headed to the Matterhorn. I couldn’t wait to get on it. We stood in line for a few minutes and the anticipation was killing me. The Matterhorn is a remarkable thing to behold from up close. I was slightly nostalgic for all those times I had seen it on tv and in a few minutes I was going to be on it. Approximately thirty seconds after the ride left the station I began wondering why I had pined away for this attraction. It’s hard to describe. You know those little merry go rounds they have in front of Wal Mart? For a couple of quarters you can sit on a tiny horse and go around in a circle for about 90 seconds. This was a lot like that. Except instead of the horse it was a car which looked a lot like the old Space Mountain cars and instead of blue vested Wal Mart employees there was a red eyed abominable snowman who occasionally appeared. It eventually ended and our friends asked if we wanted to try the other side. The other side, you see, has a different track and it is a different ride. I figured this was like trading in the little merry go round for the Bob the Builder Truck ride. Slightly different motion; equally lame ride. I begged off.

We headed back to It’s a Small World. Again. Now and Forever.

We crossed the park and headed towards Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh mama. You can’t believe what you’re missing. In many ways this ride is different than the abbreviated version in Florida. It’s much longer and tells a more complete story. Pirates at DL begins in the bayou and then winds its way through the story which actually has a beginning, middle and end. It’s Shakespeare the way it’s meant to be performed. Or it was just a longer ride. I’m no theater or ride critic. Who am I to say?

We moved on to Indiana Jones. Wow! It’s hard to describe how cool this ride is. If there was no ride and all you did was walk through the queue, it would be a cool ride. That’s how great it is. This is what the Matterhorn should be. I’ve never been on any ride that had this level of detail or in a ride vehicle that moved the way this one did. For those of you still awake, this means I’ve never been on Dinosaur in AK. DL claims that there are multiple variations of rides on Indy, and I reckon that’s true. Our friends were kind enough to point out some of the possible variations. I didn’t care. I was so in awe of how the car moved and what was flashing past me. I hated for the ride to end. I was like a 7 year old who had just gotten off Space Mountain for the first time, I couldn’t stop talking about the ride for several hours afterwards. My friends and family finally left me because they had tired of me babbling about it. I started talking to total strangers about how cool it was. I was that guy in line who strikes up a conversation with you and goes on and on about how cool a ride was. And you’re all like, “Dude, have you never been on a ride before?!” And I’m all like, “Dude, it was so amazing.” And you’re all like, “Dude, back off.” And I’m all like, “but, but Dude, there were skulls, and snakes, and bugs and fire. Fire! Dude. Dude?”

I’ve heard rumor that there is a plan to close the Indy show at MGM and install a Florida version of this ride. I hope that rumor is true. I’d give up my next two picks on the Supreme Court if we could have this ride in Florida. If only I actually had two picks for the Supreme Court. Ah, to dream.

By then it was raining huge and we were hungry. Sadly we were still in DL and had to eat their “food” again. This meal in particular more than any other meal had me in a rage. We ate at the French Market restaurant in New Orleans Square. The reason for my rage is two fold. First of all, did it never occur to Walt that it might be cold and rain in his park? Why so few indoor places to eat? The French Market has a “covered” area which is really only partially covered. You pick up your food inside but you eat out doors in an open air deal which has something which could charitably be called a covering. Suffice it to say there were gaps in the covering and the rain came down. In other words, out of about 30 tables 4 were dry, and another 2 were partially dry. The rest were getting drenched. The second, and more significant reason for my rage, was the “food.” Unlike the other DL restaurants where the food looked as bad as it tasted, here it looked very appetizing. When we were in line, I was actually looking forwarding to eating. Everything they were serving looked so good. Warm, tasty. It was exactly none of those things. Even the Diet Coke was flat. I remembered fondly the Pizza Fridays we had in middle school. I wished I was back there.

Mercifully, we finished our “food” and it was time to move on. We were planning to visit California Adventure which meant we needed to get to the front of DL. Oh look, a train. It should be noted that in DL, unlike in WDW, people use the train as a mode of transportation and not an attraction. This is exactly the opposite of the Monorail which at DL is a ride and in WDW is a mode of transportation. Funny isn’t it? Not funny, “ha-ha,” but ironic. Is it really ironic though? Oh look, a bumblebee.

Books have been written about the trains in DL so I won’t belabor the point. It was a train. It had wheels and seats and it got us from point A to point B. I can’t tell you which engine was pulling the train and at the risk of offending the last person still reading this report, I don’t care. I like trains. I’m not crazy about them. They’re fun to ride on but I’m not, you know, into them. At that moment I was just glad they didn’t serve snacks on board. The last thing I wanted was to be subjected to more sub-standard “food.”

Next time: Disney’s California Adventure, or Soarin Over MGM/Animal Kingdom.

 

[jugglinfish]

MHO is that DL rocks! We were there during 9/11 and while it was not crowded at all, and it was a very somber time for our country, the world and the parks, the spirit of Disney prevailed. I was amazed at how small the parks were and how easy to navigate - I was used to WDW where it takes 2 days to do Epcot. Don't get me wrong WDW is awesome, but DL has its charm and should be experienced by all true Disney fans. Thanks for sharing your report. I look forward to reading more.

 

[MazdaUK]

Great report! Now I've got to fnd the other bits.

 

[tubachick]

I am LOVING your report.... thanks

 

[vettechick99]

Now, in Disneyland’s defense, since we were there, Buzz Lightyear’s Astroblasters has opened and they’ve brightened up the paint. But after fifteen minutes there we were so depressed we had to get a fastpass for the Prozac dispenser.

Oh look, a train. It should be noted that in DL, unlike in WDW, people use the train as a mode of transportation and not an attraction. This is exactly the opposite of the Monorail which at DL is a ride and in WDW is a mode of transportation. Funny isn’t it? Not funny, “ha-ha,” but ironic. Is it really ironic though? Oh look, a bumblebee.

My favorite quotes, I was on these. Well, more giggling quietly to myself, but I'm trying to suck up here. Once again, I'm thoroughly enjoying your report while at the same time wondering why my husband doesn't take the time to write a trip report. Now that I think about it, if he did I'm sure it'd go like this:

Went in October I think, it was kinda hot but I got to drink some beer. Great cheeseburgers!

That's all.

Thanks and keep up the writing. P/S...are we crossing paths this Fall? We are Oct 2-7.

 

[ZZUB]

Chapter Three: When will it end?

Could this thing be any longer?

Even I’m getting bored with it. For crying out loud, the trip report is longer than the trip.

In other words, I feel your pain.

Even if I’m causing it.

So much has been written about California Adventure (hereinafter, DCA) and what is wrong with it, that to further explore that topic here might induce narcoleptic fits. I will resist that urge. Especially since, oddly enough, we liked DCA. Yes, I recognize that puts us in the minority of people, but keep in mind we also hated Dances With Wolves and we have seen exactly none of the Star Wars prequels and I wouldn’t know Harry Potter from Harry Hausen. It’s not that we don’t have any taste, we do; it’s just that DCA wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be.

And it reminded me exactly of two other Disney parks: MGM and Animal Kingdom.

It’s true that there is no cohesive theme to DCA, and in places it feels cheap and several of the rides are “off the shelf,” and even where there is a theme, it lacks continuity. But does that not also perfectly describe MGM and to some extent Animal Kingdom? Not only that, but many (if not most) of the attractions at DCA are reruns from other parks. Almost all of the Hollywood Backlot section is MGMish (if that’s not yet a word, I suggest we enter it into our collective lexicon). The lone exception here would be Hyperion Theater which was running Aladdin the Musical Spectacular and Well-Staged Commercial for the Newly Released DVD.

The Paradise Pier section is reminiscent of AK’s Dinoland. No the rides are not the same and neither is the theming, just the general quality of, “we need to have some rides here, we’re out of money, let’s go cheap and claim it’s all part of the theme.” I’m not gripping about it, I’m perhaps in the minority of people who are not offended by Dinoland in AK. I understand budgets are tight and under the circumstances, they did a good job taking off the shelf rides, and finding a theme to justify their existence in Dinoland. Ditto: Paradise Pier. In other words, it looks and feels like a Six Flags, and the theme suggests “that’s the look we’re going for.” So I suspended my disbelief and found it pleasant. Also, there’s a McDonald’s there and it was one of two good meals we ate at the Disneyland Resort. If nothing else convinces you the food at DLR is lousy, that sentence should.

In the middle of DCA is Grizzly River Run (a.k.a. Cali River Rapids) and then there is A Bugs Land with Flik’s Fun Fare. It’s all very Animal Kingdomish (another new word).

Back to my story. When last we left off, it was still raining and many people were cold and tired. We walked immediately to Soarin and got both fastpasses and child swap passes thus gaming the system. Before anyone flames me, we didn’t re-use refillable mugs from prior trips, we didn’t claim our four year old was under three, we didn’t park at the Contemporary and walk into the park and we didn’t swim at the Polynesian. We simply availed ourselves of two legal perks at the same time. I don’t remember the whole order of things but we ending up riding Soarin several timesin a row. We kept changing adults so some one was always with our kids. And I got to ride three times. At least one of those times was with my wife. If I had written this back in December before Soarin opened in Epcot, many of you would be interested to learn how great the ride is. Now that we have our own east coast version, more people are already aware. I will say only this: Soarin is the best ride Disney has made since Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin. That’s not to say it is anything like Buzz Lightyear; it’s not. But by way of comparison, when Buzz Lightyear opened it was a fresh idea with several different elements that made it a great ride. By comparison, Winnie the Pooh is a lame, moving couch; no different and in many ways inferior to, Peter Pan, Snow White and even Mr. Toad. Soarin is innovative, creative, well done and the movie is well scored. It is cliche, but it is nevertheless true here, Soarin is powerful.

One thing I noticed about DCA; my stroller lost its magical ability to cloak itself so as to be invisible. That might have to do with the dearth of park guests. There simply wasn’t anyone to walk in front of me.

We wandered over to the MGMish section and the Aladdin show. We laughed, we cried, we kissed 42 minutes goodbye. My daughter didn’t care for it. I don’t know, something about a 20 foot cave of death opening the show freaked her out. Little girls can be so sensitive. By the time Genie showed up, however, she was able to enjoy it. She wondered where Apu was. So did I. So did Aladdin. I don’t generally care for theme park shows; I fail to see the point. However, Festival of the Lion King at AK changed my perspective some. In that vein, I thought Aladdin was pretty good. People fly. I think that’s cool. I’m easily amused.

After Aladdin, our friends wanted to ride Tower of Terror. I’ve ridden TOT many times in MGM and until a few years ago I thought it was a great ride. Before then, TOT picked you up and took you down twice. The last time we rode it, however, it was up and down, up and down and up and down. I hated it. All the fun was zapped out of the ride for me. I got off and was green. I hadn't been that sick since that Ronald Reagan film I watched. I don’t mind being scared waiting for the elevator to drop. I rather enjoyed the feeling of falling. I didn’t mind getting yanked back up to do it all over again. But the constant up and down up and down made me ill. Literally. I could be more descriptive, but some of you read this while eating your lunch so I’ll spare you the technicolor details. Yes, I’ve got the equilibrium of an elderly woman. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

So when our friends said they wanted to ride TOT, I begged off. The gentle mocking began. I felt the pressure to give in to the peer pressure but where would it end? Smoking pot? Skipping school? Teen pregnancy? Crack??? I resisted. The gentle mocking turned to outright scorn. I’m a fairly well-accomplished professional in my every day life and here I was in DCA being called a chicken. A lesser man would have given in to the pressure. I held firm. I got creative. I pointed out that after 9/11, when we actually witnessed people dying in a real “tower of terror,” the idea of going on a ride that simulates a crashing elevator was insensitive to the memories of our brothers and sisters we lost that day. This argument had the ring of truth because all of my friends know how much I was affected by 9/11 and that I refuse to watch any so-called reality shows where people purposefully imperil themselves in order to gain 15 minutes of fame and quick cash. I loved Survivor on 9/10, but after 9/11 I found it trivial and insulting. Ditto: Britney Spears. I finished remonstrating. Our friends were silent. I had proved we shouldn’t ride TOT. Sadly, however, like many politicians who hide behind 9/11 or other national tragedies, my real motive was revealed. “Bull!” They accused. “You’re just chicken.” Bull, indeed. I just didn’t want to spend the rest of my day feeling sick. Is that a crime? I have a weak stomach. If you prick, me, will I not bleed? If you tickle me, will I not laugh? Evidently not.

We then moved on to what can best be described as the exact opposite of TOT: Playhouse Disney. If I didn’t have a three year old daughter, I would hate this show. Even having a three year old daughter, I find it somewhat taxing. On the other hand, she loves it and we’re there for her, right? It’s actually not that bad. There’s bubbles. Also, I think it’s hilarious when Tigger bounces up on stage. My daughter really enjoyed the show. She also enjoyed it last year at MGM. Ahem.

After Playhouse Disney we had some time to kill so we wandered into the Animation exhibit. Like much of DCA itself, it turned out to be something of a pleasant surprise. We went into the Beast’s library and played around on the computers in there. After answering some questions, the computer will tell you which Disney character you are most like. After several attempts, it finally told me I was like Buzz Lightyear. We could move on. In the next room, we went into a little alcove where we could record our voices over a scene from one of Disney’s cartoons. That was surprisingly fun. We then went to the main lobby. We found another little room where you could line up to meet the princesses. Our friends also have a little girl and so the wives got in line with our daughters and the husbands moved to the side with our cameras. When it was my daughter’s turn, she walked up to Sleeping Beauty and Belle and they both kneeled down to talk to her. I loved the look on my daughter’s face. She was so excited to get to talk to her friends. She’s a big fan of Belle because Belle is smart and well-read. She doesn’t show off her navel like that hooch from Aladdin. She doesn’t pine away for a man she's never even met or talked to like that nasty little mermaid. And in fact, Belle’s very protective of her somewhat delusional dad. Yes, Belle, is my daughter’s role model. As far as she knows, Belle and Sleeping Beauty are her friends and they were excited to see her too. I really respect the face characters in Disney parks. They have a tough job. They have to stay in character and carry on conversations with three year olds. Mickey, Goofy and those guys can hide behind their masks. They can be sticking out their tongues; making faces at us and we’d never know. Think about that next time you’re standing next to Donald Duck.

There is a big lobby in the Animation building and they project scenes and songs from the Disney cartoons up on the wall. I think you’re supposed to just walk through the lobby on your way to the other exhibits but after the girls saw the princesses, we hung out there for a while. It may have been the kids’ favorite thing to do. The two little ones ran around the lobby chasing each other and laughing and giggling. We sat on the benches and watched and laughed along with them. It always amuses me how much money we spend to take our family to Disney parks and the thing my daughter enjoys the most is running around playing. Last year at ASMovies, she enjoyed running around Andy’s room more than any ride she went on. Maybe next time we go, we won’t even go in the parks. Maybe we’ll just stay at the hotel. My wife says I can’t handle not going on the rides. I say she’s nuts. She says I can’t handle the truth.

By the way, Vettechick, our next trip is before your trip. Our trips won’t overlap. That’s a shame. We could have written funny trip reports from two different perspectives. We could be the Zurg and Delswife for a new generation. They are so last year.

Having seen enough of Six Flag’s California Adventure, we walked across the Esplanade and back into Disneyland. You gotta love being able to walk from one park to the next. Try doing that in Florida.

Undeterred by the previous night’s hysterics, we found a spot on Mainstreet to watch the fireworks again. My wife made certain there was an open door to a store nearby so she could duck into it if my daughter started to get upset again. We had some time to kill and the kids were stomping around in the rain puddles. Kids. I was checking out all of the detail on Mainstreet. Then I got distracted by the line of people waiting to have their picture taken in front of the large Christmas tree in Town Square. Although it was a nice looking tree as far as Christmas trees go, it was, nevertheless, just a tree. Also, and more to the point, it could have been anywhere. None of the people taking the pictures were standing far enough back to get any background. All of the picture takers were only capturing the bottom portion of the tree. In other words, people were standing in line to have their pictures taken in front of the Disneyland tree and as far as anyone who will see their pictures will know, the tree could be in a mall. It was insane! Why stand in line to have your picture taken in front of the bottom of a tree? Go to the mall. You won’t have to pay to get in and you won’t have to stand in line.

Eventually, a voice announced that due to weather, they were cancelling the fireworks. I wondered how much of my daughter’s allowance she spent to accomplish that feat. We still had some time to kill before dinner at Goofy’s Kitchen. We ended up back on IASW. Oy vey.

Next time: Goofy’s Kitchen

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

She doesn’t show off her navel like that hooch from Aladdin. She doesn’t pine away for a man she's never even met or talked to like that nasty little mermaid. And in fact, Belle’s very protective of her somewhat delusional dad. Yes, Belle, is my daughter’s role model.

You are so funny. "Scary" funny!

 

[luv2tvl]

OH MAN, ZZUB! So many things cracked me up in your report.... Too many to list!
I could listen to you type or read what you... whatever, all day! Great job! Can't wait for more!

Vettechick... DH and i will be grubbin and boozin same time in October, can't wait for more reports from you! Maybe we could all booze together!

 

[OhMari]

By the way, Vettechick, our next trip is before your trip. Our trips won’t overlap. That’s a shame. We could have written funny trip reports from two different perspectives. We could be the Zurg and Delswife for a new generation. They are so last year.


LOL I really wonder what happened to those 2.

Thanks for posting. I didn't know half that information about DisneyLand.

 

[ZZUB]

Chapter Four:

We had a reservation or priority seating or whatever at Goofy’s Kitchen so we left Disneyland and started to walk towards the Disneyland Hotel. The distance from Disneyland: The Park to Disneyland: The Hotel is pretty substantial. It is no where near as close as Disney wants you to think it is. To be fair, it is probably no farther than the distance from the Magic Kingdom to the front door of the Contemporary, but you don’t have to walk to the Contemporary. There’s a little train on a beam going over your head.

The walk to the Hotel is through Downtown Disney which is kind of interesting. In Disney World, Downtown Disney is it's own Shopping and Entertainment District (look who drank the Kool Aid). At Disneyland: The Resort, Downtown Disney is pretty much an overgrown dump shop. I’m no expert on Downtown Disney in Florida (despite my knowledge of how it's described) so I can’t speak to how similar the two are, but it seemed to my untrained eye that they had many of the same offerings. I kind of liked the set up because everything was pretty close and you could get from one side to the other with little effort. One thing I don’t like about DD in Florida is how the West Side is so far removed from the other stuff. It’s too much walking. I don’t mind walking in a theme park, but when I’m in a “Shopping and Entertainment District,” there should be minimal exertion required. Don’t tire me out when you want me to spend my money. If Disney really wanted to encourage me to spend more, there would be moving sidewalks in Downtown Disney.

We finally arrived at Disneyland: The Hotel and schlepped all the way to the back building where they hide the food. I walked towards the hostess. She seemed nice enough from a distance but when I attempted to check in, she turned into my high school trig teacher. Despite having made my reservation weeks ago and confirming it the week before our trip, she told me I didn’t have a reservation. We did several rounds of “but I made it on such and such date and confirmed it on such and such date,” and her saying, “well, it’s not here.” I maintained my calm demeanor and asked her if she could just seat us at the next available table. She told me they were all booked and had no tables available. She said, “you can look at my computer if you’d like.” Yeah, that’s what I want to do. Because looking at your screen will somehow get me a table. I asked her to get me her manager and while I waited for him to come over I replayed the scene in my head. I could not understand how a reservation WHICH I CONFIRMED just disappeared. Nor could I understand why the hostess was not doing anything to help me. Had I rammed her ankles with my magic stroller? What?

The manager came over and after I brought him up to speed, he said they would seat us at the next available table. Why couldn’t the hostess have just done that? There was 10 minutes of my life I wasn't getting back.

So we sat in the lobby area for maybe about 15 minutes and then they called my name. At Goofy’s Kitchen you pay first and then they seat you. No sooner had I wondered to myself, “why do you have to pay first?” when I got a vivid illustration. In front of me in the line were two gentlemen who were . . . how to put this delicately. . . having credit card trouble. They evidently were there with their wives, kids and other assorted relatives and at $30 a pop, they were having trouble getting dinner paid for. It was like a scene out of Best in Show only this wasn't a mockumentary and it wasn’t funny. Their kids kept coming over asking what was going on and the cast members who were trying to help were not at all discreet. It went something like this:

CM: (not quite shouting) Your card is not going through. Do you want to try another one?

Anxious Guests: (sotto voce) No, that card is good. Try it again.

CM: (tries again, still no soup) Look, it’s not going through. Do you have another card?

Guests: Try this one.

CM: (tries but fails with second card) This one isn’t working either. (Looks behind the guys to other people in line)

Guests: Can you call the bank?

Sitting for the bar exam wasn’t as long or as painful as watching this scene unfold. It was bad enough these two guys were just then discovering they didn’t have enough money to pay for dinner, they surely were wondering how they were going to explain to their wives, kids, cousins and whomever else was with them that dinner was off. Worse yet, they were being humiliated in front of scores of abject strangers. I hurt for them. It’s been more than a dozen years since I’ve had a card rejected but I remember hating that feeling. But I was in college and didn’t have a wife and little kids running around and hordes of wet, tired and hungry tourists growing annoyed that I can’t pay for my meal. These guys were dying on a grand stage. I stood there for several minutes trying to figure out how many of them there were and whether I should step forward and offer to buy them dinner. I just couldn’t figure out a way to do it without further embarrassing them. Right around the time I was about to take one of them aside and offer to help, a manager got himself involved. They found a way to split the total across two or three cards. I was impressed with the manager’s grace and compassion for these guys. And it occurred to me this must happen frequently. That must be the reason you have to pay up front.

Anyhoo, we got seated and then went to check out the buffet. The food selection was pretty broad and although they had more selections than Chef Mickey’s there wasn’t as much of it. On the other hand, the food was actually pretty good compared to the dog food we’d been consuming so I didn’t complain. The characters made their way to our table one at a time like at any character meal in Disney World. Goofy was actually very funny and he played around with the kids. I figured Goofy’s Kitchen was just like Chef Mickey’s so I kept waiting for them to play the music for us to swing our napkins. After awhile, when there had been no napkin swinging, I thought they just needed a cue. So I swung my napkin over my head to help get them started. No one followed my lead. I realize at this point I have now limited my audience to only those who’ve been to Chef Mickey’s and also read these boards. So of the two of you who have read this far, which one of you has been to Chef Mickey's? Hold up your hand.

Turns out they do a different kind of show at Goofy’s. Every 20 minutes or so, the characters all gather in front of the buffet and dance and get the kids to help them bang on pots and pans. It lacks the passion of the Lambada or even the napkin swinging but it’ll do in a pinch.

Now I must warn you. I am about to tell you a story so sweet you’re likely to get a cavity. It’s schmaltzy; it’s sappy; it may even be cheesy. But I’m a dad who loves his daughter and loves Disney. This story MUST be told. You’ve been warned.

While in Disneyland: The Resort, my daughter made known her nascent love for Chip and/or Dale. She didn’t care which one it was. Just bring her a furry chipmunk. Stat. So we were sitting at our table, I was on my 3rd or 4th helping of prime rib when Chip and/or Dale came near by. My daughter got herself all lathered up because Chip was coming to see her. She waited as patiently as a three year old can for him to make his rounds. He finally got to our table and then the music began for the little show. Evidently bound by his performance contract to go make hay with the other furry characters in front of the food (shouldn’t the Board of Health be checking into this?!) he raced off leaving my daughter speechless. Well not so much speechless as she was in pre-scream. You know, the eyes go shut, the mouth goes open, the head goes back while she winds up for the BIG SCREAM. We’re sitting there saying, “breathe, sweety, breathe,” and “it’s ok, he’ll be back.” Finally, she let forth with a deafening noise. She was inconsolable. I scooped her up and carried her to the dance line so she could watch Chip. I thought maybe she could see him when the production number was over. There were about four characters and several kids all banging on pots and pans with the kitchen utensils that were put out for them to play with. My daughter calmed down and joined in some of the revelry.

When the song was over, I picked up my daughter and told her we’d try to find Chip. I carried her over to where he was and asked him if he could come back to our table so she could see him. As you know, Chip can’t talk, so he made some gesture I didn’t quite understand. Thinking he didn’t speak English, I repeated myself. Yes, I said the same thing but in a louder voice. Stupid American. He repeated his obscure gesture. He was pointing at the ground. I thought he was telling me, “Just put her down here, Jack. I’m not going back to your table.” I was disappointed because I knew if he talked to her there other little kids would come horn in on her time. But I figured it was better than nothing, so I put her down so she could at least have a minute with Chip.

I was wrong.

He wasn’t telling me to put her down so he could talk to her there. He told me to put her down so he could hold her hand and walk her back to our table. We were a good distance from our table so my daughter was something of a celebrity walking back with Chip. She was so excited to get to hold Chip’s hand, so clearly proud that he chose her to walk with him. I don’t have any pictures of them walking together and I certainly don’t have any video either, but I promise you the scene is emblazoned in my mind. And hers. It was the kind of moment you hope your kid will have in a Disney park, but never really expect to happen. But it did happen. And for all those naysayers who told us she was too young to enjoy Disney World and Disneyland, she’ll never remember these trips, I say: pooh pooh. She had a great time that night. And she remembers Chip walking her to her table.

And so do I.

Next time: It’s a Small Monorail After All

 

[MazdaUK]

Another great installement! Keep it coming