The Battle For My Wallet IV: Return of the ZZUBs (Addendum, p.85; 07/12)

Now then. As we made our approach, I started worrying that there might only be a stall or two and they might be occupied. I couldn’t afford a delay. Of any period of time. No matter how brief. Where, much to my immediate delight, I discovered an empty stall.

It probably isn’t necessary for me to describe the intense pain and relief of a number four but suffice it to say, it makes a number two seem like child’s play. I really only rented the food at Teppanyaki, so it was good I didn’t pay for it.

Even I think this is too much information. Yet, I haven't deleted it.

You have my sincere commisseration. I have IBS and have on many occasions had that dreaded cramping, frantic search, agonizing pain, and intense relief. Some may feel this is oversharing. But to those of us who have these issues....believe me the information on where to find a place to go is much appreciated. Not to mention, knowing we aren't alone.

I plan to memorize the location of every bathroom in the World when we visit.

The rest of the trip report was entertaining as well :D

Mer
 
Take a bow my friend.

And now we all know the reason he won't show us pictures of himself. (Although insisting that he is not a bald, overweight man makes me automatically think he is trying to hide the truth and thus have an image of George Costanza in my mind.)

The only thing more awkward than having a #4 in a public restroom? Walking into an incredibly stinky, yet empty, public restroom, going about your business, and then, while washing up, be confronted by an onrush of people who (through simple skills of deduction) automatically believe you were the one who stank up the place. Deny? That only makes you seem more guilty. But who is going to claim someone else's stink? Quandary.
 
Momstable, I feel your pain. I know from whence you come. Been there,
done that, don't like it. You never know when it will hit. Maybe, I'd better
refresh myself on where all the restrooms are. :rotfl2:
 
At least if you drop a #4 in a public restroom, you don't have to clean it up. It's a little different than doing it at home.
 

At least if you drop a #4 in a public restroom, you don't have to clean it up. It's a little different than doing it at home.
Can someone please tell me what a #4 is? I know what a #1 and #2 are but what the heck is a #4 and if there is a #4 then what is #3? Please enlighten me! I also can not get George Costanza out my head now, thanks! This post about the #4 is such a Seinfeld episode. If Jerry Seinfeld, his producers and his writing staff had only been DIS members they could have come up with 20+ more years of good writing from us!! I know the OP is a Lawyer but he has potential in comedic writing as well!!!!!!! Can't wait to hear more!!
 
Can someone please tell me what a #4 is?

Ever see the Monty Python movie, "The Meaning of Life" ? There's a disturbing scene after the guy gets done eating involving quite a few buckets and the guy's rented dinner. That's a #3. You can imagine a #4 being a bit worse.
 
Ever see the Monty Python movie, "The Meaning of Life" ? There's a slightly disturbing scene after the guy gets done eating involving a number of buckets of "emesis". That's a #3.
NO...but I will have DH watch it and fill me in. I hate gross movies!
 
/
I am a devoted reader of many TR's but rarely battle with my computer long enough to post - yes dial-up.

But I am at work so I can POST AWAY!!

By far your best work ever - well, in the last few weeks anyway.

Loved the Fancy Pants comment - are you sure they weren't slacks?
 
Oh my gosh!! That was darn funny! I have just recovered from my hysterical laughing and crying. I know some people think that was gross (which of course it is) but, funny too! Somehow, in my family issues like this always seem to come up which is why it is hilarious to me. Thanks for the laughs!:lmao:
 
Once the girls were up from their nap, we headed back to EPCOT. We took the TTC bus and hopped on the Monorail for the ride to EPCOT. When we got onto the Monorail, the car was full and every seat was taken. Time was, men got up for women to sit down. Or is that just in the south?

This is perhaps my BIGGEST pet peeve at WDW. On the monorail, on the buses. My sister and I had to stand virtually every bus ride in November to give our seats to women carrying wriggling toddlers and to children. While scores of men sat and tried to pretend they didn't notice these people needing a seat. :mad:

I am happy to say that it's not just a southern thing. My wonderful husband refused to sit on the Monorail ever, even if there were available seats, so that others boarding would have a place to sit. He's also coaching my son to do the same. So at least ONE man in the next generation will have some manners.:rolleyes:

Disney’s failure to have a dump shop in the Land made me question everything I know about the universe.

Maybe Pluto really isn’t a planet.

:laughing:

Eventually, it was our FP time and we headed up to the line. Walk, walk, walk, ask for front row, center, wait, David Puddy, "and these little beauties," laugh loudly and then through the doors to your row.

We have trained our sons. All 4 of us now call out "PUDDaaaY!" everytime that pre-show starts. People look at us strangely, but it's fun.;)

Remember, I take a golf cart to the mailbox and shake my empty cup when I want a refill on my drink.

No wonder you're fat and bald(ing). Well, no wonder you're fat, anyway.

It’s called lightening by the way.

It's spelled lightning by the way.

But I didn’t argue with him. He had on fancy pants.

But did he have a big honkin' class ring?? Because I think that trumps fancy pants.

Most people would move out of the way and laugh as I passed them. Either because they thought it was funny that someone was barking directions. Or because I was wearing a large red poncho with the word “Wilson” stamped on the chest and I looked ridiculous.

Or they thought you were an idiot.

While the chef was making us dinner, I noticed a woman at the table across from us. Staring.

Maybe she was one of the people you barked at on your rush over there to wait for a table. Or maybe......naw, you woulda recognized her, no?....did she....have a spoon????

So let’s review ZZUB’s rules for a better society:

Don’t talk loudly on your cell phone when you’re in public.
Don’t talk on your cell phone when you’re in public.
When a woman gets onto a Monorail or bus, offer her a seat.
Have faster elevators.
Walk to the right.
And don’t stare.

You forgot the dump shops. And better bathroom signage. But that second one? I bet you don't even follow that rule....you ARE a lawyer, after all.

Illuminations lacks the charm and sentimentality of Wishes! but what it lacks in schmaltz it more than makes up for in spectacle. And music. Man, that’s a good composition.

I still like Wishes better. Guess I'm attracted to schmaltz. Wait. Is THAT why I'm here?!?!:confused3

Now comes the rest of the story.

THIS is where I should've stopped reading.

Z, thanks for that. NOT!

TFI, I just got back a few days ago. Interestingly enough, I had just gotten back when you started this TR. That tells us one of two things. Either I go to the World too much (not possible!!), or you're taking a long frickin' NOF time to finish this sucker. No worries, though. You've still got it all over Mel.

Wanted to tell you this trip last week was peppered with thoughts of you and the family (along with countless others!). We started our trip with dinner at Chef Mickey's. I ate a bowl of nonpareils in your honor, plus a few tiny cakes. Found the same-level bathroom too. Fortunately, no #4's for me.:thumbsup2

We also stopped at the Hess station that night, and I went in to get a cup of tea. Fortunately, I was still full from Chef M's, so I wasn't tempted to try a hot dog covered in liquid nacho cheese a la Zzub. I wasn't on the dining plan, either, so that woulda been a waste of money. But the guy said he knew you, and that they'd just re-stocked the slim jims and yoo hoos in case you'd be heading back sometime soon. So start planning!
 
It’s called lightening by the way.
It's spelled lightning by the way.
I can't believe how long it took for someone to catch this set up. An astute poster earlier observed that lightning was spelled incorrectly, but I thought surely one of y'all would pounce on this easy set up earlier. Maybe the shock and awe of the allegedly gross Canadian bathroom visit threw everyone off their game.

Did she have a spoon? It's the new Maelstrom is a fastpass.

:3dglasses
 
ZZUB-

I have read all your trip reports and even saved them to my computer but I don't think I have ever posted :confused3 In the past I have just lurked and read but now that I have my own report-I realize how nice it is to get replies...I think I was just intimidated by your greatness...

Truly, I love your blend of heartwarming and humor. Keep up the good work.

Christamae
 
Hey Z! Long time, no whatever...

I found the perfect shirt for you at Walmart. It says:

"I Like to SHAKE IT"
"Yoo Hoo"

It's in the women's department (you don't mind, right?) for $7.88! What a bargain!
 
Chapter Twenty Two: Miles To Go Before I Sleep

The day after the night before, we slept in. Read the paper. Ate lunch.

We did not go to the movies.

We had a full day ahead of us with ambitious plans.

It was, after all, a day in Disney World.

For a variety of reasons less interesting than Alec Baldwin’s excuses for the verbal abuse he directed at his eleven or twelve year old daughter, I did not compete in the Waterslide Olympics during this trip. I did, however, compete in the first ever “Speed”boat Olympics.

For some reason, the "Speed"boat Olympics are a men-only sport. Like curling. Assuming curling is a sport. And is for men only. I don't know. Or care. The point is: the women didn't go out on the boats. My brother in law and my nephews met me at the Lodge and we took the boys out on the so-called “speed” boats. Sadly, the boats were speed in name only.

Like Arlen Specter is a Republican in name only. He’s a RINO.

The “speed” boats at Disney World are SINOboats. I could have gotten in the water behind my boat and moved it quicker with fart bubbles.

If I did that kind of thing.

Of the four of us, only one boat was moving at a clip which could arguably have been called speed. If the standard we use to define speed is: moving forward.

We were out on the sinoboats for about 5 minutes before three of us realized our sinoboats were slow. We decided to take them back to the dock and ask for new ones. Which we did and which they did. The replacement boats were marginally faster. If, in fact, the pace was judged by narcoleptic senior citizens. With cataracts.

Because the boats sit low in the water, there is the illusion of speed. So we headed off onto Bay Lake. I went towards Ft. Wilderness and what used to be called Discovery Island. Out in the open water I did a few 360s and a Figure 8. But what won me Olympic Gold was the 420 I did right before I did the Figure 21.5. I would have also done Script Ohio but I’m a Bama fan and we in the SEC enjoy beating the hapless Buckeyes too much to want to dot the i.

For my last competitive move, I jumped the wake of another boat and then quickly cut a sharp U turn and hit it again. Which created a huge honkin' splash dousing me and my tiny sino boat. I have no idea what it looked like to anyone else, but from where I was sitting, it looked amazing. It was this move that brought the water patrol out with a stern warning. Evidently even Gold Medal winners must adhere to Disney’s strict you-can-be-on-the-water-but-you-cannot-be-in-the-water policy.

My Olympic runs completed, I abandoned my party and headed off for a little alone time on the Seven Seas Lagoon in front of the Magic Kingdom. I set a course under the Monorail track passing right by the Contemporary Resort. I didn’t take this picture from my sino boat but rather from the Lodge boat. But it’s roughly the same view.
0b33d91f.jpg


About 27 years ago, my Dad, me, my uncle and cousin rented what were then speed boats and cruised the waters of Walt Disney World. In the movie in my mind, that day lasted for hours and my Dad and I had a blast on the water. It was so cool to be in that little boat, so close to the water, moving at a decent speed, cruising around in front of the Polynesian, in front of the Contemporary and in front of the Magic Kingdom.

I haven’t been on a small boat at Disney World since then.

Hard to say why. Except I thought you only rented boats when you had a ton of time. And for so many years, our trips were short and fast, jam packed with activity. Renting boats seemed a luxury. But it was something I wanted to do for a long time because I remembered really enjoying it with my Dad. I wanted to sit a spell in front of the Magic Kingdom and just look at it.

Growing up, we went to Disney World every year. Most years we went more than once. We lived a few hours away and it was something my family did a lot. My best memories of childhood are in Walt Disney World. My Mom and Dad were more relaxed and more fun there. And like most kids, my sister and I loved going to Walt Disney World. That my Mom and Dad were happy there, well that was just gravy for us.

When my parents split up we lost a lot of things. One of the things we lost was Walt Disney World. Maybe it was because they were now supporting two households with the same income or maybe it was because they didn’t feel like going anymore or maybe it was for reasons I don’t understand. But we stopped going.

And I missed it. I missed Space Mountain, I missed 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, I missed the Carrousel of Progress and the PeopleMover. I missed the Concourse Buffeteria. My Dad had a Walt Disney World guide book from one of our earlier trips and I would sit and study it. For days it seemed. It had all kinds of construction photos and pictures of the Magic Kingdom and the two resorts. Pictures and maps. I would look at the pictures and imagine being back there. The Jungle Cruise. The Grand Canyon Concourse of the Contemporary. Mainstreet USA; its alleys cluttered with the baskets of fruit and flowers that looked so real. I wondered what was behind the windows on the second floor.

What I didn’t realize until years later was that when I was looking at those pictures, trying to remember what it felt like to be there, I was trying to remember what it felt like to be in a happy family. At home.

I’ve written about this some before, but after my parents split up, we moved around a lot. Allow me to illustrate this point for you: between 1979 and 1985 I lived in nine different places. Nine.

When I was away in Alabama, both my parents continued their quasi-nomadic lifestyles, although both settled down after that. But neither parent lives in a home that I ever lived in.

So when I say home for me is Walt Disney World. I’m saying something.

Save for my grandparents’ condominium, it is the only familiar place from my childhood that I ever get to visit. When I go to Walt Disney World, I go home. I am reminded of the happiest times and I am reminded of long afternoons studying pictures in a guide book and wishing so much that I could be back there.

There’s a remorse I feel every time I leave Disney World. A fear that we won’t be back. Because there was a time in my life when we didn’t go back. So I’m always wanting to savor it. And getting to park a small boat in front of the Magic Kingdom for a few minutes and just look at it. Well that was something for me.

I pulled my boat up to the front of the Magic Kingdom and watched as the Monorail went by. I could hear the train's toot, the turnstile music and the pleasant hum created by so many people coming and going. Moms double checking to make sure they have everyone’s tickets, and Dads double checking to make sure they have enough cash in their pockets and little boys and girls chattering away about Mickey and Cinderella, Pirates and prizes.

In winter time, when I’ve got a fire going in the fireplace, I like to walk outside my house to smell the smoke coming from my chimney. Watch it rise above our house. Smell the pleasing aroma of burning wood. And know it’s mine.

Sitting in front of the Magic Kingdom, I had the same feeling.

I savored it for a while. Well as long as I could before the oppressive heat made me want to move again. I headed over to the Polynesian to look at the pictures from our one stay there so many years ago and then looped around and came back up to the Magic Kingdom to study it again. To look at those halcyon hazy days from the mid-1970’s and to look at the recent trips with my wife and my little girl.

It is so beautiful.

I backed my boat up, did a few 360s in the water in front of the Magic Kingdom and then set a course back to the Wilderness Lodge. I had promises to keep.

__________
Click Here For Chapter 23
 
Oh, ZZUB, I love this story! Your picture is perfect. I can't wait to show it to my kids because they are fascinated with the water going OVER the road!

We have done the fishing excursion our last two trips; you need to take your wife and now older-daughter daughter or the whole family (mom and baby can rest on the boat) on your next Disney trip. It is a smoooooth ride and a great way to relax and take in the Bay and Lagoon.

Now, those memories. I hear you, my friend. Most of all, I am proud of you for honoring your childhood and getting in the boat for a spin. Clearly, you needed that. I read between the lines something I feel there myself, for I was also blessed to go to Disney many times as a child. I miss 20,000 Leagues but I love Buzz Lightyear. I really remember the PeopleMover but cherish riding the TTA with my younger son. Every time I walk from the Haunted Mansion towards Peter Pan, I look up expecting to see the Skyway, then see Stroller Parking to my left. That area is still being Refurbished for my Future Enjoyment.

My husband and I still refer to A, B and the coveted E ticket rides, but we sure do love our Keys to the Kingdom.

And this:
So when I say home for me is Walt Disney World. I’m saying something.

Save for my grandparents’ condominium, it is the only familiar place from my childhood that I ever get to visit. When I go to Walt Disney World, I go home. I am reminded of the happiest times and I am reminded of long afternoons studying pictures in a guide book and wishing so much that I could be back there.

Well, lookie there. You just spoke for thousands of us, ZZUB. Disney marketing wants you in their hip pocket.

We just want you to keep writing, cause you get it for the rest of us.
 
What a beautifully well-written chapter. Thank you for sharing it with us. I grew up with a simlar connection to WDW as you had, and my parents divorced too. When I go back, it is home for me too. . . . glad to know I am not alone :)
 














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