I have some goals, some Must Do's for this trip.
However, I also have some goals and Must Do's for Life.
(You can be a winner in the game of LIFE!).
It's kind of like having a list of lists. But different.
Anyway, the biggest goal is to shed this excess weight I've been carrying around since, oh, birth.
No kidding. I was a pretty "healthy" baby. About 8lbs. Which was big for 1979. Meaning I was fat.
I also had no hair until I was about two. My mom would dress me in little pink dresses and would Scotch tape bows to my head and people would
still comment on what a handsome little boy she had.
Perhaps this explains today's need for therapy. Go figure.
Back to the subject at hand, I've always been overweight. Plump. Round. Fat (and phat). Curvy. Big. Heavy. And seven other words to Sunday that mean the same darn thing.
But never chunky. I always felt like those were "boy" words thanks to another 80's classic.
You gotta do the Truffle Shuffle.
C'monnn...
Do it.
C'moooonnnn...
Do it!
Welcome back to the 21st century.
It's only lately that I've become comfortable talking about being overweight. You have to love who you are before you can change into the person you want to become.
(I'll send you my therapist's address so that you can all send her your copays for that session.)
My weight didn't really get totally out of hand until I was in college. I didn't put on the freshman 15. I think I doubled that. Easily. I don't think I ate many hot and/or healthy cafeteria meals that year. Instead me and my friends used our meal plans to subsist on do-it-yourself Belgian waffles. Which were right next to the soft serve machine. And the cereal dispensers.
The result? Daily ice cream waffle sundaes covered with hot fudge and Golden Grahams. GET IN MY BELLEH!
I moved back home and went to another school my Sophomore year. When I probably gained close to another 30 lbs. Times were rough and food was like a warm hug. But with calories. And a caloric hug always has the worst side effects. Burger King was my favorite type of hug. A #10 with cheese no lettuce with a Coke and fries. Please. It came to $6 and change, I think. Sad, no?
But the thing was this, in less than two years, I'd left home for college, moved back home, lost my grandfather, broke up with my boyfriend, had a nervous breakdown and decided to drop out of school as an architecture major. I was also working two jobs while in school full time. I was so burnt out that I took a vacation from work and spent the entire week in my bedroom. The WHOLE WEEK. I never got out of my jammies. I only got up to use the bathroom. I think I showered twice. (Gross, I know.) At that point I was so depressed that I didn't want to eat. Not even my beloved BK. My mom threatened to send my to see someone. In a hospital. The kind with the nice padded rooms. She was scared for me. Heck, I was scared for me.
Suffice it to say I have no desire to return to that period of my life.
I decided to go see a therapist on a friend's recommendation. She is an angel and has really pulled me through some tough, tough times. We didn't work on my weight right away, though. There was lots of fun emotional carp to weed out first.
However, I realized that I had to do something when the scale hit 240. It was pretty bad for me at that point. Everything hurt me. I hated mirrors. I cried all the time. I was diagnosed as pre-diabetic - which basically means, get your butt in gear or guess who's pricking her finger the rest of her life? The heels of my feet were so dry and calloused that the skin would get these deep, painful cracks in them and I could barely walk. I did a very leisurely walk-a-thon with my mom and a friend once and at the end I'd hurt something deep in the arch of my foot (an injury which later resurfaced at Disney, remember?). I'd hit my breaking point. Literally.
I tried a lot of things. Weight Watchers had worked for my parents (they lost 60lbs each in six months) so I tried that. In the 5-6 years since then, using a kind of modified WW, I've lost 45ish lbs. Which I'm very proud of. Once I hit 199, I promised myself that I would never see 200 again. So far, so good (mostly...you know, except on those days when I'm bloated enough to act as one of those crab pot buoys on Deadliest Catch).
But I still have more to go. You may have noticed that I have a new ticker at the bottom of my siggie. I have no gripes or fears about sharing my actual weight with the world (keeps a girl honest) and you'll see that my goal weight is 58ish lbs. from now. That's just a "goal". I'm not so much a numbers girl. I don't care about the size on the label. I care about adoring the way I look in the mirror. And 140 happens to be a healthy medium for my height (5' 4 1/2"). If I love where I am at 150, I'll stop there. Who knows.
I know enough about eating healthy to write six books. (But we never take our own advice, now do we?) Having lost all that weight the healthy way the first time around, I know what the rights and the wrongs are now. What works for me is a combo of Weight Watchers and Biggest Loser and WorkoutAdviceFromMyBoyfriendWhoCanEatAWholePizzaAndHisWashboardAbsLookEvenBetterTheNextDay.
I am calling the newest installation of my program: Loser Watchers and Next Day Pizza Abs.
So, I've decided to set a Disney weight goal within my overall weight goal. I know, from past experience, I can lose about 2lbs a week when I'm disciplined and all is right in the world. However, so as not to overdo it this time around, not knowing what types of plateaus I may hit, I'm aiming to lose 1lb a week between now and when I'm hula-ing up to the front desk at the Poly.
In numbers, here's what that means:
Today's Weight: 198.4
# Weeks Until Check-in = # Lbs. To Lose: 23
Goal Weight as of 9/20/08: 175.4
I have not been that weight since high school. It also puts me within about 6lbs of the half-way point of my overall goal.
I'll be weighing myself on Thursday mornings and will let you know each week how I do. I'll also update my ticker. Wish me luck!
