Thanksgiving feasts for food "differences?"

[disykat]

It's not even an issue for me this year because we're not all getting together, but when we do.... Let's just say I find this an interesting topic! What food differences do you have to work around? Mine is a long list!

I have an avocado allergy, but it's pretty easy to work around as long as no one coming uses avocado oil in cooking.
One family member has a peanut and tree nut allergy.
One is allergic to chocolate.
One is gluten free and dairy free.
One is pescatarian.
I have a brother and two SILs that are Keto.
And lastly one is on a low salt, renal diet.

All are actually pretty easy to deal with on Thanksgiving because we can avoid allergens and have so many dishes to choose from for the things that are preferences, but menu planning/recipe adjusting all through the year can be interesting!

Anyone else have lots of food sensitivities or differences in their families?

 

[DLgal]

When we attend a Thanksgiving meal at someone's house, we just bring the food we need. We don't make the host cater to our child's needs.

 

[VandVsmama]

Yep.

2 close friends/relatives have celiac disease. So whenever we get together with them in attendance, has to be some gluten-free options. And both of them get sick from cross-contamination, so have to be extra careful about stuff like not using the bread knife on non-gluten stuff. I've still been able to make gravy without flour...use cornstarch and sometimes almond flour works well, but of course don't use the almond flour if anybody's there w/a tree nut allergy.

My DH eats keto. So does another good friend of ours. I still serve stuff with carbs, bread, and such at Thanksgiving, but I also make extra of keto-friendly side dishes so nobody goes hungry.

MIL is insulin-dependent diabetic, so all of the keto dishes work well for her.

Another relative is very allergic to sulfites in food (have to read labels, it shows up in a lot of stuff, especially anything w/vinegar, no cooking w/wine or beer). So when that person comes, as well, I make dishes that are lacking sulfites and it works out just fine.

 

[disykat]

When we attend a Thanksgiving meal at someone's house, we just bring the food we need. We don't make the host cater to our child's needs.

Your post really confuses me. So if you invited family and close friends for a meal and you knew their needs and preferences, you wouldn't even try to make food that they could eat? Seriously? There was NOTHING in my post insinuating that anyone is asking anyone to cater to them.

 

[CynBeth]

Yes. My DH has a dairy allergy and also can’t have black pepper or any hot spice plus has to watch salt. My DM can only have 600 mg of salt a day. Luckily it is just the 3 of us for dinner and we have turkey breasts. I had found some non dairy recipes for crockpot stuffing, sweet potato casserole, cornbread muffins, and pumpkin pie plus we have green beans and jellied cranberry sauce. Enough for 3 days. Every few years we are at Disney and they are so great accommodating.

 

[DLgal]

Your post really confuses me. So if you were serving dinner to your family and close friends and you knew their needs and preferences, you wouldn't try to make food that they could eat? Seriously? There was nothing in my post insinuating that anyone is asking anyone to cater to them.

No I would not. I would invite people, let them know what I planned to serve and if that didn't work for them they are free to decline the invite or bring their own food.

I don't see why this is hard to understand. Last time we went to my sister's Thanksgiving, one person was a vegetarian and brought some tofu turkey substitute that they cooked up in a skillet before we ate. And we brought my son's instant mashed potatoes and packet gravy because he doesn't like homemade but I was not about to tell my sister that she had to downgrade her cooking for him. And my older son brought a box of Annie's Mac and cheese to make himself.

 

[disykat]

I've still been able to make gravy without flour...use cornstarch and sometimes almond flour works well, but of course don't use the almond flour if anybody's there w/a tree nut allergy.

I've had good luck with rice flour to make the gravy. I actually like it better than wheat flour I think. I'm still working on the perfect mashed potato solution though. Vegan butter and rice milk is okay, but not my favorite. We tend to just do a rough skin on garlic mashed potatoes with no milk if anyone needs gluten free dairy free, but for some reason I like smooth potatoes on Thanksgiving.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I'm in the "I accommodate everyone" host box. This Thanksgiving, I'm only accommodating myself (dairy/tree nut/mango allergies), but I'm hosting a joint birthday party for my spouse and I with 7 friends, and I've added on accommodating a celiac, men who love meat and beer, and a joint host (who's being the "house") who has kids with top 8 allergies, so all the food has to not be "crumby" if it's gonna have allergies in it.

So, we're having a Clue-like murder mystery dessert tea party (everyone dresses as a different color which is also their character name), serving the equivalent of both a gentleman's tea (with deer sausage from one male guest, cheeses (skipped for me), and allergy-safe crackers from my co-host), and a lady's tea (an allergy free bakery-bought mini cupcake and scone, different colors of Jello, and a complete fresh fruit board). Beer and tea will be available.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I've had good luck with rice flour to make the gravy. I actually like it better than wheat flour I think. I'm still working on the perfect mashed potato solution though. Vegan butter and rice milk is okay, but not my favorite. We tend to just do a rough skin on garlic mashed potatoes with no milk if anyone needs gluten free dairy free, but for some reason I like smooth potatoes on Thanksgiving.

Use 1/2 olive oil and 1/2 Melt vegan butter...and remember that your rice milk doesn't have equivalent fat to milk, so you can have a heavier hand on your fats...

And take the skins off and cook almost to the potato breaking - a very soft cooked potato works best for a dairy free option...

 

[disykat]

No I would not. I would invite people, let them know what I planned to serve and if that didn't work for them they are free to decline the invite or bring their own food.

I don't see why this is hard to understand. Last time we went to my sister's Thanksgiving, one person was a vegetarian and brought some tofu turkey substitute that they cooked up in a skillet before we ate. And we brought my son's instant mashed potatoes and packet gravy because he doesn't like homemade but I was not about to tell my sister that she had to downgrade her cooking for him. And my older son brought a box of Annie's Mac and cheese to make himself.

Fair enough. To each their own. Kids being picky (most of us have experienced that at some point) or a vegetarian bringing an extra dish so they have an appropriate protein is an entirely different situation than what I'm describing though. I don't want my family to decline the invite and I REALLY want my son's spouses to feel welcome! They are usually bringing something to contribute, and they also make it something I can eat by not using avocado oil or keeping any avocado IN the recipe separate. I've never had to ask them to do so, it's just a given. We WANT to do this and don't consider it an imposition. It's just a puzzle to solve, no different than figuring out how to have enough room at the table so everyone feels comfortable, etc.

 

[tvguy]

My daughter is vegetarian.
My daughter in law is allergic to turkey.

My mom made amazing yorkshire pudding for the holidays, so we had to find a recipe that has no meat drippings/fat in it
My mom made amazing stuffing with giblets in it. We had to start making veggie stuffing. Tastes fine to me so we just make that one, but I do miss giblet stuffing.
My mom made amazing giblet gravy, so we had to find a meatless recipe. Tastes fine to me, no sense making two kinds of gravy. But I so miss giblet gravy.
We used to also fix a Tofurkey for my daughter and daughter in law, but DIL can't make it this year and my daughter says the side dishes will be enough for her.

 

[DLgal]

Fair enough. To each their own. Kids being picky (most of us have experienced that at some point) or a vegetarian bringing an extra dish so they have an appropriate protein is an entirely different situation than what I'm describing though. I don't want my family to decline the invite or to have to travel with their own food!

Well we have small get togethers so my kids represent 20% of the attendees. We have been dealing with their autistic food issues for 16 years. We are used to it. I never want to be a burden on anyone else. We come prepared.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Well we have small get togethers so my kids represent 20% of the attendees. We have been dealing with their autistic food issues for 16 years. We are used to it. I never want to be a burden on anyone else. We come prepared.

I do understand this - I know my brother feels that way with his autistic child - he doesn't want to burden. He was shocked when he was coming from far away to visit me for a meal that I wanted to serve him and his family what they wanted to eat and not what I wanted to make. So, I did go out and buy single serve minute rice and a whole celery and a quart of chocolate milk for his autistic child. That kid was so happy and ate exactly that with zero complaints over the course of the hours he was here. Everyone else got a different lunch, but it was worth it to me to have an absolutely spectacular visit with them.

 

[FQLover]

I find it rude to not offer any single thing that a particular invited guest can eat.

Last night, we got our invitation for a New Years Day luncheon at a friend's home. The wife is the cook, and she is a very good one. There will be a total of 8 of us--some of us friends for 45 years.

Sure enough, she told me that she is having the exact meal she has served for the last several years: lasagna, a green salad and cannoli. She puts nuts on the salad (it is some fancier salad I can't recall since we haven't met for two years due to Covid) and then they are a part of the dessert as well. She makes her pasta sauce with celery. My daughter is allergic to both of those things, carries an Epi-pen at all times, etc.

This friend will not remove the celery when she makes the sauce, will not make up a separate salad plate without the nuts, and will not make a different stuffing for the cannoli or just have a different dessert. She is very inflexible.

I must bring an entire meal for my daughter and we live two hours away, across a state line. Last time, I was so irritated that I made a delicious baked ziti for her, a salad with all sorts of toppings, and a slice of a dessert I made at home. The friend seemed affronted that I had sort of duplicated her meal but made it one that wouldn't cause my daughter to go into anaphylactic shock if she ate it. What did she think I would do--bring a bag of McDonald's?

I would like to just not go--but we are going to be staying with two of the other guests for a couple of days afterward--very close and old friends--and that would make it awkward. Again, this is a very small gathering.

So, yeah. I think it is pretty rude to not accommodate in the slightest way. I am not a good cook, but I am a thoughtful and sensitive person, and I would have come up with something good to offer a guest I invited to my home who could not eat the three items I am making.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

We don't really have people who have any issues at this point where a menu switch up is needed.

When we go over to father-in-law's place his wife's son has had a lot of issues with food in the last 2 or so years and was basically instructed to pull back almost everything he ate and slowly reintroduce them; food allergies exist but just too many to figure out without doing this method. He has therefore stuck with making his own meals. For Thanksgiving we never go there on that day (as we have 2 other families to go to already) but we do go over the day after or a few days after.

There is family on my mother-in-law's side in TX that have issues like Celiac and her husband also eats more restricted by choice diet but we hardly see them and have always just gone out to eat (she knows exactly which places in her area are good for Celiac).

My husband's cousin is autistic and has some food stuff but not a whole lot. We never go there for Thanksgiving but in the years past where we've made it for a Christmas meal (never on Christmas though) he typically eats most of the offerings. My aunt is autistic but doesn't have food issues.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This friend will not remove the celery when she makes the sauce, will not make up a separate salad plate without the nuts, and will not make a different stuffing for the cannoli or just have a different dessert.

So those ingredients seem easy enough to either omit (celery) or put on the side (nuts). The cannoli and lasagna makes me wonder if they are italian and the only reason I bring this up is you get my husband's grandmother talking about italian food and she'll set you straight the proper way to do this or that (as in perhaps the only way this sauce will taste good in their eyes is with celery) and insists her recipes are the best..yeah they are good..but like I guess I'm not an expert. Anyways it may be that perhaps this person has solidified recipes they been making for too long to switch it up and could almost be offended (for lack of a better description) at the insistence to change her recipe.

I agree inflexible although I will say perhaps it was a touch passive aggressive to make the meal you knew the person would be making just without the problem ingredients. Yes the person could find new recipes but for as much as you find that rude that they did not I would find it equally rude to make the same meal without it when you know there's tension already there. It's not the same as both parties agreeing to make two different types of things one with one without as I think people often can come to an agreement to do. My sister-in-law doesn't like taco seasoning (dunno why lol) but whenever there's beef made that would call for that like tacos one pan is with seasoning one without. That's a kind agreement made not one out of spite.

 

[disykat]

Well we have small get togethers so my kids represent 20% of the attendees. We have been dealing with their autistic food issues for 16 years. We are used to it. I never want to be a burden on anyone else. We come prepared.

I understand your viewpoint as a GUEST and I think most of us do the same as you and come prepared for the needs of our own kids. Certainly no one here has said differently. That doesn't mean HOSTS shouldn't want the food they serve to be edible and enjoyable for their guests. It's just two totally different topics, IMO.

Someday your kids will grow up and come to your home as guests at your Thanksgiving table and my guess is you will WANT to make food they can eat. That won't mean your kids are somehow selfish and insisting you do so.

 

[_19disnA]

So, yeah. I think it is pretty rude to not accommodate in the slightest way.

I agree it seems excessively controlling (and tone deaf) for the host to knowingly add ingredients easily left out when she knows one of the guests has some sort of food allergy. She could simply leave the nuts off to the side and let others add them.

I would find somewhere else to celebrate the holiday.

To me that is different from someone who just doesn't care for something (i.e. sweet potatoes). Most of the time the menu will include various items and you can just choose the ones you like.

 

[Meriweather]

If cooking for those with special needs or allergies, I try to be accommodating.
Not just for Thanksgiving but all the time.
DD is allergic to wheat. I make things for her (rolls, gravy, etc.). Often make things for her to take other places. I make her cookies, etc.
DIL is allergic to mustard. That one isn't too hard. Just takes ready labels.
DD's BF is allergic to cheese.
DH and myself are diabetic.
I can deal with it all. Just takes time and making special things.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I understand your viewpoint as a GUEST and I think most of us do the same as you and come prepared for the needs of our own kids. Certainly no one here has said differently. That doesn't mean HOSTS shouldn't want the food they serve to be edible and enjoyable for their guests. It's just two totally different topics, IMO.

Keto is probably one of the more easier ones to work with in terms of variety of recipes, one of my friends from school days is on keto and the food pics she post all generally look quite yummy. Makes me want to try some of them.

The person we know who has Celiac would much rather make the meal herself or go out to places she knows has a specific menu for it that she can order off of.

Low salt is probably easy-ish depending on just how low salt it is. We go for things that have lower salt content (purchase items like chicken broth, chopped chicken and a variety of other things with reduced sodium) to begin with and hardly ever add additional salt but if someone had a set amount of mg per day they could intake that could make it harder to find enough to make since foods naturally contain sodium and portion sizes also apply.

The more issues that people who will be present have the harder it could become to accommodate everyone so I do get what the other poster is talking about in terms of hosting. Have you guys ever done a pot luck get together where everyone brings a good amount (meant to feed more than just themselves) of foods that accommodate each of their things? That might be a fun way to find new and exciting recipes to add to the rest of the year for get togethers.