Thanksgiving as a guest question

[luvsJack]

I almost always was away from my family for Thanksgiving as I lived 100s of miles away and always had to work on Friday. So I often got to be the extra person invited to a family's holiday meal which I truly appreciated. Some families were big events (like the wonderful Lebanese family that I spent many holidays with) and some were just 3 or 4 people. I always took something - but I offered and it was accepted. But one thing I learned is that especially for the smaller families if they said "sure you can bring the spinach salad" it meant I needed to make the exact spinach salad that was their tradition. But that was never a problem for me.

We had Thanksgiving with my BFF (93) yesterday. Her sons cooked the turkey and a lot of the sides, but I offered long ahead of time to make the gravy, cranberry relish, homemade rolls, a pork loin and two pies. This was in New Orleans so we did not have things like cornbread dressing, green beans or sweet potatoes. They used to never have cranberry sauce - but I've been bringing the fresh cranberry orange relish for a couple of years now and now everyone wants it.

My family never had alcohol at holiday dinners (or any other time) not because of religious conviction - but because no one could afford to buy alcohol. Cokes were even a luxury. Iced tea was cheap though so that's what we had. In recent years we now usually have a mimosa or eggnog before the meal - but that iced tea is still for the meal. My DH's extended family is just full of Baptist preachers so they are pretty much iced tea people too.

When I lived in the San Francisco area my home was 2 miles from the office and was good for entertaining. Almost everyone else lived and hour away at least so I was party central. But the deal was that all I had to do was just open the door. One time I was out of town before a big party for someone getting married. I got home from my trip and my home was beautifully staged with fresh flowers and decorations. That worked for me.

I'm not much of a wine drinker (but love my IPA beer) and everyone in Northern California brings a bottle of white wine if they so much as stop by. I must have had 40 bottles of white wine - no matter how I tried to push it off on others.

The part about NOLA and not having those certain dishes. Do you live there or were you traveling? I just find it interesting. I am sure with that size city there are different traditions or whatever but one of the turkeys we cooked yesterday and the cornbread dressing with shrimp and crawfish came from a guy born and raised in NOLA. It was so good!

 

[Allison]

Funny!!!!
Now I am seeing some examples coming thru that show what I was talking about in my post!!!

Hope everyone (who observed) had a nice Thanksgiving Holiday!

Not really since what you were talking about is so extreme.

 

[ronandannette]

I'm picturing either a 50's style ranch house, or one of those branch davidian places...



It's sad that people can't be grateful for what the host provides, and feel entitled to bring what they want, regardless. If they ask the host, and the host says everything is all set, no need to bring a dish, then just a host/hostess gift is suitable. It's not about control, it's about respecting the host/hostess.



And did you coordinate the dishes with each other, or just randomly decide to bring what you liked? There's a difference.

I'm neither the Pioneer Woman nor a cult-member but I or I and the other women in our family serve every meal - holiday or otherwise. There's not one of our men that are any good in the kitchen - they're just not. They can fend for themselves when they need to (my DH and DS do it all the time) but if a decent meal is being put on, it's me (and my lady posse ) that does it.

 

[DisneyOma]

I'm neither the Pioneer Woman nor a cult-member but I or I and the other women in our family serve every meal - holiday or otherwise. There's not one of our men that are any good in the kitchen - they're just not. They can fend for themselves when they need to (my DH and DS do it all the time) but if a decent meal is being put on, it's me (and my lady posse ) that does it.

By serve, I thought the PP meant the women also carry out all the dishes of food and prepare plates of the food for the men before they serve themselves. Like, the men just sit there on their fat behinds while the women do everything. It's one thing if you suck at cooking (like I do) so you are in charge of the stuffed celery and reheated rolls. But to not carry stuff out of the kitchen when it's time, just because you have a *****? Well, then I hope all the men clear the table and wash all the dishes and pots and pans and put away everything it the proper place.

 

[mmouse37]

We were having a party once and relatives were asking what they could bring....I was saying whatever you want (this was over the phone) so one relative said she would bring a pizza pie. I thought to myself, well OK that's kind of random and that doesn't really go with the menu but I did say anything you want.

They arrive and she hands me this beautiful peach pie for dessert......I heard pizza pie but she said peach pie. We had a good laugh when I told her what I thought I heard!

MJ

 

[design_mom]

To be fair the homemade cranberry relish versus the cranberry from the can with the can lines and jiggly mold debate has been one that has divided families for generations. Every year we buy the can, pour it onto a plate, and it sits uneaten on the table...it’s almost a centerpiece at this point. The one year my sister in law made a lovely homemade relish you would have thought she killed the family dog.

I know you're right, but... if you're asking someone to contribute cranberry sauce to the meal, I think it would be assumed that it's something other than an 89¢ can from the store UNLESS that is specifically mentioned!

I mentioned upthread that my husband's family (particularly MIL, FIL, DH, and his sister) have their ideas of what Thanksgiving dinner is and they are not appreciative of additions or subsitutions. That's why I now bring the green bean casserole, even though I can hardly stand to look at the stuff!

Anyway, our traditional Thanksgiving meal is going to be today, because my nephew's marching band performed in a Thanskgiving parade and BIL chaperoned, so they weren't available on Thursday. The rest of the family got together on Thursday anyway though (at my house). My niece asked me if I'd bring deviled eggs to today's meal (which MIL is hosting). I said "I could probably do that..." but MIL pretty vehemently insisted that we don't need deviled eggs at Thanskgiving. So, uh, I guess I won't. I know everybody likes my deviled eggs. That's what I'm asked to bring to most get-togethers (but not Thanksgiving), but it wasn't "Oh, you don't need to do that. You're already bringing something." It was "We don't need deviled eggs at Thanksgiving." Then my niece asked if we were going to have peas. She likes peas. And MIL announced that we were not (we never do) becuase peas are not Thanksgiving-y. They are so weird!

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I know you're right, but... if you're asking someone to contribute cranberry sauce to the meal, I think it would be assumed that it's something other than an 89¢ can from the store UNLESS that is specifically mentioned!

I mentioned upthread that my husband's family (particularly MIL, FIL, DH, and his sister) have their ideas of what Thanksgiving dinner is and they are not appreciative of additions or subsitutions. That's why I now bring the green bean casserole, even though I can hardly stand to look at the stuff!

Anyway, our traditional Thanksgiving meal is going to be today, because my nephew's marching band performed in a Thanskgiving parade and BIL chaperoned, so they weren't available on Thursday. The rest of the family got together on Thursday anyway though (at my house). My niece asked me if I'd bring deviled eggs to today's meal (which MIL is hosting). I said "I could probably do that..." but MIL pretty vehemently insisted that we don't need deviled eggs at Thanskgiving. So, uh, I guess I won't. I know everybody likes my deviled eggs. That's what I'm asked to bring to most get-togethers (but not Thanksgiving), but it wasn't "Oh, you don't need to do that. You're already bringing something." It was "We don't need deviled eggs at Thanksgiving." Then my niece asked if we were going to have peas. She likes peas. And MIL announced that we were not (we never do) becuase peas are not Thanksgiving-y. They are so weird!

It’s not weird, it’s controlling, and it’s the exact reason I’d be bringing deviled eggs and peas to Thanksgiving in lieu of some gross green bean casserole I won’t even eat.

 

[tzolkin]

I'm neither the Pioneer Woman nor a cult-member but I or I and the other women in our family serve every meal - holiday or otherwise. There's not one of our men that are any good in the kitchen - they're just not. They can fend for themselves when they need to (my DH and DS do it all the time) but if a decent meal is being put on, it's me (and my lady posse ) that does it.

What do you mean by “serve” the meal? I’m just not getting what “not good in the kitchen” has to do with dishing food out onto your own (or someone else’s) plate, so I think we may have different ideas of what “serving a meal” means.

From the other person’s post about the women “serving” the Thanksgiving meal, I picture like a cafeteria line with a woman standing at each dish plopping a scoop onto each man’s plate as he walks through.

I just think most people would prefer to serve themselves a holiday meal (either through a buffet or via dishes passed around the dining table).

 

[ronandannette]

What do you mean by “serve” the meal? I’m just not getting what “not good in the kitchen” has to do with dishing food out onto your own (or someone else’s) plate, so I think we may have different ideas of what “serving a meal” means.

From the other person’s post about the women “serving” the Thanksgiving meal, I picture like a cafeteria line with a woman standing at each dish plopping a scoop onto each man’s plate as he walks through.

I just think most people would prefer to serve themselves a holiday meal (either through a buffet or via dishes passed around the dining table).

I did not fathom "serving" meaning what you have defined. I was talking about the ladies doing all the shopping, set-up, prep, cooking and clean-up, NOT actually putting food on the plates. Personally, I have been known to "plate" meals in the kitchen before serving but not buffet-type events like Thanksgiving.

 

[tzolkin]

I did not fathom "serving" meaning what you have defined. I was talking about the ladies doing all the shopping, set-up, prep, cooking and clean-up, NOT actually putting food on the plates. Personally, I have been known to "plate" meals in the kitchen before serving but not buffet-type events like Thanksgiving.

I would consider that “preparing” the meal, that’s why I asked you to clarify. What you describe seems perfectly normal to me, but I would think it was awkward if all the women had to serve the men before they could eat in a buffet. (A host plating a fancy meal for a dinner party would not be an issue for me. I just think it would be awkward for a holiday/ large gathering for the women to be required to serve the men.)

I’m fairly certain the previous poster meant actually dishing out the food for the men, not just doing the cooking. Quote below.

In some families, the women serve everyone, and in others, everyone serves themselves.

 

[arminnie]

How times have changed. My mother and her 6 sisters (50s housewives for the most part) did everything My father was a better cook than my mother, but my mother joined her sisters in the holiday prep not my dad. I don't remember any of the men doing anything except maybe carrying stuff in from the car. And I remember washing a lot of dishes.

This Thanksgiving my friend's two sons and 2 grandsons and my DH did all the cooking, setup and cleanup. Her granddaughter, her DILs and I all joined my friend in the LR and had wine. I did help prep some of the stuff we brought. But in our defense my friend is 93, I'm in a wheelchair and she wanted all of us to visit with her so we did.

Works for me.

 

[LSUmiss]

The part about NOLA and not having those certain dishes. Do you live there or were you traveling? I just find it interesting. I am sure with that size city there are different traditions or whatever but one of the turkeys we cooked yesterday and the cornbread dressing with shrimp and crawfish came from a guy born and raised in NOLA. It was so good!

I have never had a thanksgiving NOT in NOLA or with other NOLA ppl in other parts of the state like in Baton Rouge or Lafayette & always have cornbread dressing, sweet potatoes, green beans & cranberry sauce. We just also add oyster dressing, mirlaron dressing, dirty rice, etc.

 

[luvsJack]

I have never had a thanksgiving NOT in NOLA or with other NOLA ppl in other parts of the state like in Baton Rouge or Lafayette & always have cornbread dressing, sweet potatoes, green beans & cranberry sauce. We just also add oyster dressing, mirlaron dressing, dirty rice, etc.

Oh ok. I thought maybe we just got the recipes from someone who had different traditions than the rest of NOLA. I was a little confused by the pp’s statement lol.

The recipe we had for the turkey, btw, was boiled in crawfish boil with onions and garlic. It only took 45 minutes to boil and 20 minutes to soak. It was really good. The meat closest to the skin was a bit spicy but the rest of it was flavored perfect. If you like crawfish, try it sometime!

 

[ronandannette]

Oh ok. I thought maybe we just got the recipes from someone who had different traditions than the rest of NOLA. I was a little confused by the pp’s statement lol.

The recipe we had for the turkey, btw, was boiled in crawfish boil with onions and garlic. It only took 45 minutes to boil and 20 minutes to soak. It was really good. The meat closest to the skin was a bit spicy but the rest of it was flavored perfect. If you like crawfish, try it sometime!

Did you just say BOIL a turkey and have it come out tasting like shellfish?!? I'll bet that one doesn't make it's way to a Rockwellian-looking platter...

 

[luvsJack]

Did you just say BOIL a turkey and have it come out tasting like shellfish?!? I'll bet that one doesn't make it's way to a Rockwellian-looking platter...

Lol no but it was sure gobbled up.

It doesn’t really taste like crawfish, just use the same seasoning. It seasons the turkey meat really well and there isn’t a dry piece to be had. Have to take the skin off though when you slice it. I was afraid it would fall apart when we took it out but it sliced great.

We almost always fry our turkeys so don’t have the Rockwell platter anyway.

 

[rlk]

By serve, I thought the PP meant the women also carry out all the dishes of food and prepare plates of the food for the men before they serve themselves. Like, the men just sit there on their fat behinds while the women do everything. It's one thing if you suck at cooking (like I do) so you are in charge of the stuffed celery and reheated rolls. But to not carry stuff out of the kitchen when it's time, just because you have a *****? Well, then I hope all the men clear the table and wash all the dishes and pots and pans and put away everything it the proper place.

When I was growing up, if you were woman, you did all the prep, cooking and cleanup. When I was about 10, I tried to point out how unfair I thought it was that I had to do all this work while my brother sat there like a king. I believe I was sent to my room, only after I finished cleaning up. A few years later, I started taking a picture of the "Men not working" every family get-together. Today, I make sure everyone helps, including my two teen boys.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

For the hosts that don't want additional dishes - there are things I MISS from my Thanksgivings. If I'm coming to your house and having to miss my family, should I not bring the few things that feel like home to me? Not trying to argue, but I don't see the issue in something random on the table. Duplicates, yeah, I get that, but if you're making roasted butternut squash I'm not missing it. If you aren't, is it SO tacky to let me enjoy it or should I just digest whatever? That may be the best manners, so legit asking.

For me it is about being able to eat, anything, at Thanksgiving. Or any major holiday.

Now, if we invited you, I would ask you what makes Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving to you. If it is roasted squash, I would either make it myself or ask you how you make it and I would make sure that it would be gluten free.

If it is something that can't be made gluten free, I would ask you to please bring it, but to also please keep it away from the other food.

For me, it isn't about something random on the table. But about me putting anything on my plate.

 

[LSUmiss]

Oh ok. I thought maybe we just got the recipes from someone who had different traditions than the rest of NOLA. I was a little confused by the pp’s statement lol.

The recipe we had for the turkey, btw, was boiled in crawfish boil with onions and garlic. It only took 45 minutes to boil and 20 minutes to soak. It was really good. The meat closest to the skin was a bit spicy but the rest of it was flavored perfect. If you like crawfish, try it sometime!

We usually fry ours, but that’s an idea! Was the meat rubbery? That would be my concern.

 

[Southernmiss]

We usually fry ours, but that’s an idea! Was the meat rubbery? That would be my concern.

My bil boiled his turkey this year in seafood boil. He loved it. Said he's bringing one for Christmas. Picture of his showed the meat fell apart, but said it tasted great.

 

[luvsJack]

We usually fry ours, but that’s an idea! Was the meat rubbery? That would be my concern.

Not at all. The texture of the meat was just like the fried turkeys.