Thankgiving Drama started today... Am I wrong here? Update in post #113.

[bookgirl]

I think you're wrong for bringing your mom into the situation with you and your brother.

His mom called HIM, she brought herself into the situation.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think you have done nothing wrong.

I have no desire to be the "favorite" or the "hero" in my family. I will help when it is reasonable. This request is not reasonable.

If the brother had a medical issue or somethign that prevented him from transporting your mom, that might be a little different.

All I am sensing is laziness and it should not be your burden to make up for it.


I don't see any attempts to compromise by any of the other parties, so I dont' see why you have to bend over backwards to accomodate. It's their little snafu, let them compromise with each other.

 

[rascalmom]

You did nothing wrong, nor will you be doing anything wrong it you don't cart your mom over to your brother's house on Thanksgiving Day. His mother, his house, his invite - he knows she doesn't drive, so he should be helping her with transportation. If it weren't in the opposite direction of where you are traveling, I would say you should help, but that is not the case.

Brother can either make two trips on one day or come get her the night before - they're family...sleeping accommodations can be figured out for one night. Either niece sleeps with mom & dad in their room, with grandma in her room or on a pallet on the floor with grandma in her bed. That's what families do!

You have a recovering wife, two little ones and cooking to manage on the holiday - that is enough for anyone. Don't short change your own nuclear family to accommodate someone else just because of brother's convenience preferences.

I WOULD call your mom one more time and re-extend the invitation to go along with you and your family. Reiterate that BIL offered up the idea & that the other SIL who she enjoys will be there.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I think you did nothing wrong at all. I would be a little irritated in fact that you asked her to attend Thanksgiving with you and she wouldn't but will go to your brothers and wants to use you for her taxi. Your brother can step up.

 

[Jennasis]

You did nothing wrong.

Your brother is a selfish jerk. He wants mom there (knowing that s he can't drive) but wants YOU to play chauffer?? No way no how. Your bro needs to be the big boy and go pick up mom and drop her off. He can put her up for a night in a hotel if he doesn't want to make two trips.

 

[3boymthr]

You're not wrong. Cause if You're wrong then we were majorly wrong:

We rented a cottage on the beach a 2 hour drive south of my MIL & SIL who live 400 miles south of us. We drove down a day (8 hours in the car w/3 kids) before our rental started saw them that day and part of the next then drove to our rental. We also had plans to (and did) visit the day our rental ended and half the day after before heading home.

MIL, however; was most put out that we would not drive back and forth every day to pick her up so she could visit with us (huh? she has 3 cars and can certainly drive) and would not take nephew to stay w/us for the week (the child has major emotional issues and once kicked my middle DS in the stomach repeatedly until I could get out of the house to stop him ) nor would we drive back and forth each day to pick up nephew so he could go to the beach while SIL was at work. I said to DH does she understand that we already drove 10 hours to get here, we already did visit her, this is our vacation and you'd be driving 8 hours each day when if she bothered to drive herself it would only be 4 hours?

She never did come to the rental.

 

[ChrizJen]

Aren't you already driving there and back? What's the big deal with bringing your mom with you?

ETA: Nevermind ... I get it ... You asked your Mom to go with you to your BIL and she said No. Now she wants to go to her Other Sons house for Thanksgiving and it's up to your and your brother to get her there? I get it .... Unfortunately, I'd let your mom know that your invite to go with you and your family to your BIL's house still stands if she would like to join you there. Otherwise, there isn't much more you can do. I don't think it's fair, once your plans are laid, for you to drive from your house 40 EAST, drive home and then drive over an hour WEST and back to your house. I suppose, if I could squeeze it in in the early AM I would but I wouldn't change my plans.

This is exactly what I was going to say...I even had the same misunderstanding at first... But I get it now, and if you had no plans to go there in the first place, there's absolutely no reason you should feel obligated to go so far out of your way.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Oh, if you only knew....

BTW, her backup plan was to go eat at the house of a neighbor she used to live next door to. I don't know how / why it fell through.

Maybe they wouldn't come pick her up and then bring her back home afterwards?

Almost the same thing happened to me a few years ago. Aunt 1 lives about 2 1/2 hours south of me. Aunt 2 lives about 15 minutes away from me and was out of work on dissability (nervous breakdown) and couldn't drive. Aunt 1 thought it would be a great idea for Aunt 2 to spend a weekend with her. I was told that I needed to drive Aunt 2 on down to Aunt 1 on a Friday night after I got out of work. Ummmm.... NO. They both got so ticked off at me. Too bad - their problem.

It really does sound like your brother is trying to manipulate you. Don't give in. You did nothing wrong!

 

[DancingBear]

This is why taxicabs were invented.

I'd offer to drive her over to brother's on Wednesday night, or to bring her back home on Friday morning.

 

[sbell111]

I feel really bad for your mom, OP. Put yourself in her position. Her 2 kids don't want to be bothered with her. I get that she changed her mind, you've made plans, etc. She hung the phone up on you. She must be very hurt.

That's not it, at all. PD has all but begged her to come with him for Thanksgiving dinner. He would happily pick her up, take her there, and bring her home afterwards. He merely isn't willing to take over the driving duties for his brother.

 

[RubySlippers]

I was just wondering if there has been a resolution to your Mothers problem? Is your brother going to pick her up?

Ruby

 

[RubySlippers]

 

[Papa Deuce]

I was just wondering if there has been a resolution to your Mothers problem? Is your brother going to pick her up?

Ruby

Yes, as of 30 minutes ago. My mom called my house about something unrelated. My wife answered. My wife asked her again if she wanted to go with us. She turned us down and said my brother is going to make the double trip.

But here is something I didn't even know... My wife asked my mom to come to OUR house for dinner before I ever made the invitation to her. She turned my wife down then, as well.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Yes, as of 30 minutes ago. My mom called my house about something unrelated. My wife answered. My wife asked her again if she wanted to go with us. She turned us down and said my brother is going to make the double trip.

But here is something I didn't even know... My wife asked my mom to come to OUR house for dinner before I ever made the invitation to her. She turned my wife down then, as well.

Okay. Does your mom have a problem or something with you guys? Was it her back up plans that fell through and then she still said no to your invitation, but wanted to go to your brother's instead? And you to drive her there? That's kind of strange.

But, all's well that ends well. Happy Thanksgiving, P.D.!

ETA- You probably haven't heard the last of this.

 

[hegsag]

Yes, as of 30 minutes ago. My mom called my house about something unrelated. My wife answered. My wife asked her again if she wanted to go with us. She turned us down and said my brother is going to make the double trip.

But here is something I didn't even know... My wife asked my mom to come to OUR house for dinner before I ever made the invitation to her. She turned my wife down then, as well.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving PD...

 

[Imzadi]

Yes, as of 30 minutes ago. My mom called my house about something unrelated. My wife answered. My wife asked her again if she wanted to go with us. She turned us down and said my brother is going to make the double trip.

But here is something I didn't even know... My wife asked my mom to come to OUR house for dinner before I ever made the invitation to her. She turned my wife down then, as well.

Glad you stuck to your guns. You weren't "needed" for a ride after all.

Sorry that she turned you down so many times. That sends a clear message. It must sting a little. But, not as much as it would be if you drove her, knowing you were being used only for that.

Happy Thanksgiving with the rest of your family.

 

[RubySlippers]

Thank you for the update! I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Ruby

 

[Jennasis]

Ouch PD...That must smart, knowing how many times mom turned you down to spend time with you , but yet you were expected to drop everything and give her a lift.

Good for you for sticking to your guns, and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

 

[karensi]

Glad to hear it's resolved.....have a Happy thanksgiving


Karen

 

[Papa Deuce]

Ouch PD...That must smart, knowing how many times mom turned you down to spend time with you , but yet you were expected to drop everything and give her a lift.

Good for you for sticking to your guns, and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Not really so much. We don't get along that well, and never have... I would say that we are "cordial", and not much more.