Thank you notes after a funeral...

[zakatak]

I'm just wondering what the consensus is regarding Thank You notes after a funeral. My FIL passed away last week and we have received many cards, flowers, cookies, etc...

We have written a couple Thank You notes to people who went above and beyond for us, but otherwise, do you send them for flowers? for Cards? We didn't personally receive any money (my MIL did).

Any ideas? Thoughts?

Thanks.

 

[dhcoffey]

When my mom passed away in Aug '04, we sent thank you cards for food people brought in, paper products, etc. and also flowers and memorial tributes such as building fund for church and hospice donations in her name. There were many, many to write, took four of us to get them all done timely.

Heather

 

[luvwinnie]

I really don't know what the "norm" is, but when my mom passed away in July, we sent them to everyone who signed the guest book, sent flowers and sent Mass cards. We sent out about 150.

 

[Bob Slydell]

When FIL passed away, we sent thank you notes to anyone who sent anything (flowers, food, etc.)

 

[CookieGVB]

Anyone who sent anything beyond a card got a thank you.

 

[snoopy]

I really don't know what the "norm" is, but when my mom passed away in July, we sent them to everyone who signed the guest book, sent flowers and sent Mass cards. We sent out about 150.

We did the same thing.

You really find out who your real friends are when someone close to you dies. I wanted to let people know how much they meant to me in my time of need, whether it was people who brought food, sent flowers, or just showed up. If they came to the viewing or funeral, they got a thank you card from me. And I've never forgotten their kindness.

 

[powellrj]

we have never sent a thank-you card for people that attended or people that sent a card (nor do we ever recieve a card when we just attend the viewing or send a card) but for anything else, we always send a card.

 

[totalia]

When my mom died, it didn't even occur to any of us to send Thank You notes. We thanked them all personally. Cards are just pieces of paper.

 

[dcgrumpy]

When my mother died I sent them to everyone who attended the wake or funeral, sent flowers, or sent mass cards

 

[TLinden16]

When my mom passed away, we sent cards to anyone who sent a mass card, brought food, donated to our church, or sent flowers. We used basic cards we got through the funeral home. We hand signed all of them "The family of my mom." We wrote notes in the ones to folks who brought food, sent flowers, or donated. My siblings and I each personally wrote a note to the people we had a personal relationship, or whoever was the closest too.

Karen

 

[Nancy]

With my FIl we sent cards to those that gave flowers, cards, gifts, mass cards etc. I don't believe we sent them to all that came. The cards were made out from the whole family, my MIL, us, Sil and her husband and BIL. Even if the monetary gift came to us (me and my DH) the thank you card came from the whole family, not just us. Yes, it is just a piece of paper but it let's people know how much you appreciate their kindness and thoughts at a time like that.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Anyone who attends the wake and/or funeral should be sent a thank you. People took time out of their lives to pay their respects to your relative - they should be acknowledged for being there in your time of need.

I have received many of these and have kept a lot - to know that you may have helped ease someone's grief - is moving.

 

[nativetxn]

One thing that I have offered to family members is to send the thank you notes to everyone who signed the guest book, sent flowers or brought food.

It makes me feel better and they appreciate not having to do this.

Katholyn

 

[Gupsmom]

I guess that I don't look at something like this as taking time out of my schedule and I have no expectation of being acknowledged. There are things you do in life and times you step up to do them. If the occassion arrises and I can help, I'm glad to do it.

If someone really touched you or sent something and you didn't get a chance to thank them in person, then write a note. If you feel moved to thank a particular person, then you should. I wouldn't stress over sending thank you notes to everyone in the guest book. My guess, and my personal opinion, is that they came to be with you or respect your relative...and they wouldn't want you to spend your recovery time writing notes. You were appreciative and thanked them while they were there.

Jess

 

[aprilgail2]

We always send them for everyone who attened the wake and funeral, send a mass card, flowers, money or food. And for my godsons funeral what a job that was! Luckily there were about 10 of us there writing them all out since there was like 500+ of them to do!!

 

[disneyfanatic60]

We also sent them to everyone who signed the guest book when my Mom passed away as well as those that did the "special" things like sending flowers, fruit baskets, food, etc. It took some time but I was glad I did it.

 

[imsayin]

I just went through this with my MIL and my dad. In doing my internet research on funeral etiquette, I found that thank-yous are suppose to be sent for all people that attended the wake or funeral, all people that sent cards, donations, food, flowers, etc.

My family decided not to send thank-yous for cards that people sent, but sent thank-yous for any items received and for funeral/wake attendees. We felt the thank-you for the card was a bit much, deciding to ignore Emily Post.

For my MIL, they had pre-printed cards that we could sign & personalize if we wanted.

 

[WDWLVR]

We've sent them for anyone who came to the wake, funeral, sent a mass card, flowers or anything else special.

When my mom died I found a beautiful poem that I put on the front of the cards and then added thank you notes inside.

When DH's grandmother died I did smaller cards with her picture on the front and a short thank you inside. We gave sets of these to each of her children to send out.

 

[HagalasAett]

When My Nana Died we sent Thank You cards some we added the little card from the funeral palor if they weren't able to attend...

 

[nativetxn]

Welcome to the DIS, HagalasAett . I hope you can visit often!

Katholyn