Tell me your thoughts about "The Secret"

[beckmrk04]

I just found the 7 habits pages, they are $39.95 just for the pages. I have a bid on ebay for a binder, so once I get the binder I'll order the pages.

I'm ordering them today!!!

I am SO excited about this book and the planner! I feel like it is really helping me focus on my goals, values, spiritualtity- making all of those a priority, instead of background stuff I should be working on.


Everyone: thank you so much for the congrats. This thread has been immensely helpful to my moods, my outlooks, my peace of mind. And whenever I'm having a bad day, this is one of the first places I seek out, because some little tidbit of wisdom is in here that is always exactly what I need to hear.

 

[JodyLynC]

Thanks, JodyLyn. The other thing that I've been saying to myself is something I got from a Diane Sawyer interview with Randy (Last Lecture) and his wife about his cancer and impending death. She talked to his wife, and Diane asked how she kept from falling apart. She said she had been to a counselor, and he taught her one thing to do: Whenever she focused on thoughts of his death or what would happen after, or when thoughts overwhelmed her, she was to repeat, "Not helpful". So, that's what I've been doing to stop myself...I stop and say "Not helpful right now".

It works in the short term anyways.

Keep it up! Get yourself in the habit of stopping the negative thoughts immediately. Rewire your brain to think differently. And this will happen if you keep it up. And don't say "not helpful right now" as that gives your mind permission to bring it up later. Say "No, thank you" or "not helpful (period)"

When I do this, I immediate follow with more positive thoughts to give my mind something to think about.

If the thoughts keep coming faster than you can deal with, simply say "Stop." Then try to keep your emotions out of the way and look at the situation objectively. Then ask yourself "what can I do about this right now?"

For example, if you are dealing with a breakup. Try to look at the situation as if you are a third party looking at the relationship. Be objective. Instead of "Joe wanted out. I never saw it coming." Think "Joe needed space. He wasn't happy in this relationship. He needs to find himself. I need to find myself. I spent too much time trying to make our relationship work. Now I can focus on my needs. Thank you."
Now ask "What can I do about this right now?" Can you do anything? If not, say "Nothing so I let it go." If you can do something, do it. The point is to focus on the here and now. Not "if only I did this" or "what if my next relationship is like that?" Focus on the present.

 

[starrzone]

Hi...I was directed here by another poster, so I thought I'd come check you guys out! I've read some wonderful advice, kind words, and genuine concern towards other people. It's definitely a place that I'll be hanging around! I'm going to introduce myself, but be forewarned; I tend to ramble, so a) I don't know how long this is going to end up, and b) I don't know what I'm going to say; some of it might be a bit TOO much, but I just need to let it OUT...

I've had an experience recently that has made me question both the decency of members of the opposite sex and my own judgment. I've always been my own person; not the type who had the latest XX, or hung with "the crowd"...you know the type. I was fairly comfortable in my own skin and I had a great group of friends, both guys and girls. However, I never had any sort of a relationship; no one ever asked me to a dance, out on a date, out to eat or anything. I was fine with that and didn't sit at home crying my eyes out or anything. I figured that, hey; there's someone out there for everyone and when it happens, it happens.

So I turned 18, 19, 20.......nothing. 23, 24...nothing. This year...26...ding ding ding! We have a winner! This older (33) "guy" (if I can call him that...you'll see...) who works at the university where I attend started talking to me. At first, it was just "Hey, how are you?" but it progressed into him sitting down and we'd chat about movies, interests, etc...normal stuff. I can't tell you exactly when or how things changed, but I became aware that he was interested in me in a way that no guy had ever been before. We made out a number of times (I know, I know...SO junior high!), and then in late May we became intimate (my 1st time). Oh, he had all the usual lines that, if I had been more "experienced", I would have recognized..."You have a gorgeous body", "I don't know why you picked me", "When you're with me you'll feel safe"...whatever you can think of, he probably said. I likely don't need to tell you how things went from there; I thought they were going OK, but one day in mid- July...BAM. NO contact whatsoever. I was curious as to why I wasn't hearing from him, but I figured that I would just let things go and maybe he was too busy. A couple of weeks later, I found out through FACEBOOK of all places that he had a new woman, who he was calling his girlfriend and all these cute nicknames...he NEVER called me any of that and didn't like it when I called him anything other than his name.

I've gotten SO MUCH great advice from my friends and from posters on these boards...you know who you are and I am so very grateful . The thing is, though, that while I realize that I am WAY better off not being associated with this guy, I still see him every day because we are on the same campus. I actually have an on-campus job with an office literally right beside his, and the job involves communicating quite closely with his department. The first couple weeks I was back at school, I ignored him completely. I was angry, sad and afraid that I'd burst into tears if I saw him. He's the kind of person who shows NO emotion whatsoever, and I knew he could care less about the whole situation (or at least appear to, for all intents and purposes). I did start talking to him eventually, and it's like nothing at all ever happened between us. It's just weird, though...I feel really uncomfortable around him because I don't know what he's thinking. WHY did he do this to me? WHAT did I do? Did I say something wrong? Is there something I can change? Why is he pretending this never happened? It just tears me up sometimes and I feel incredibly sad and discouraged.

Ahhhhh...that felt GOOD! I don't know...maybe I need a book or something...ANYTHING to make me realize that this guy is NO GOOD and that he doesn't deserve space in my head to be occupied by thoughts of him! I am an attractive, smart person who has tons of interests and goals, none of which include him after this stunt he pulled. I see my family and friends with partners who love them and treat them with respect, and that's what I want. Is that too much to ask??? I'm really looking forward to hanging out here and getting away from the negativity that has seemed to be so much a part of my life as of late. Thanks for listening everyone...have a great day!

 

[DisTeach1]

Were you guys in a committed relationship and he just stopped talking to you? Or was it more casual than that? I've never understood how people just stop things cold. Had you guys dated, etc., gone to each other's house-all the things couples do?

 

[starrzone]

Were you guys in a committed relationship and he just stopped talking to you? Or was it more casual than that? I've never understood how people just stop things cold. Had you guys dated, etc., gone to each other's house-all the things couples do?

Well...I THOUGHT it was on its way there, but in hindsight I guess it was much more casual than I thought. He wasn't into "dating"; it was more of a "staying in" kind of thing. There were all kinds of little signs that I was blind to, but what's done is done I guess.

It's the stopping cold part that really burns me. I mean, I'm over HIM, but not over his actions. He was a jerk, and I've accepted that. Maybe I should have seen the signs, but I didn't. I've learned my lesson, though; do NOT see a guy, in any respect, who has just gotten out of an 8-year relationship.

I'm at peace now, and will talk to him when I see him, but he'd better not expect anything more than politeness. I just get this vibe from him that he thinks I've turned into a frigid (w)itch because I'm not all smiles and flirty around him like I used to be. He once told me (and this was big for him because he usually NEVER expressed ANYTHING) "Smile, because when you do then I feel like everything is OK". Well, sorry that I'm not always smiling around you because you did something that caused me to NOT smile, and by GOD, if you don't know why then I sure as heck am not going to tell you. Grrr...

My friends have been invaluable through all this. My best friend, J, who I've been friends with for 17 years now, has been so patient. He (yes, my BFF is a guy, but he came out this year so there's nothing there lol!) is the ONLY one, other than you guys, who I've told everything to. J has been totally non-judgemental and supportive and has gotten many ranting e-mails, texts and IMs. I think I mentioned the work situation...well, no one in the office knows that we hooked up. So, it's like I'm walking around with this huge secret and when people mention his name, I SO want to say something, but I can't because the you-know-what would hit the fan.

Posting here has been a HUGE help, though, and by reading everything I realize that I need to move forward. Stewing over all of this isn't going to help a thing! If anyone has any suggestions for inspirational readings or videos I'd love to have them; another poster suggested the "Sunscreen" video from a few years ago, and I've watched that one a few times already and it's been really helpful.

 

[JodyLynC]

Hi, Starzone

I don't have much advice for you, but I do have hugs.

Unfortunately as we go thru life we have lessons that we need to learn. It sounds like your guy just got out of a relationship, needed a new relationship, but didn't really know what he wanted. You ended up being there.

If you can, try to look at the situation objectively. Ask yourself "What can I learn from this?" I do believe that every person are meant to teach us something. What can you learn from this encounter? Make sure your answers are positive. Maybe you that you are a loving person. Maybe your other relationships have strengthened.

If the guy continues to approach you, be firm and frank. Say "I don't like what you did. You hurt me. I would appreciate keeping our relationship professional." Either he will apologize and give you his reason for what he did, or he will become embarassed and say something meaningless. Either way, you are in control. If he apologizes, accept it with grace. If he says something meaningless, but continues to approach you keep saying "I prefer to keep our relationshop professional."

 

[JodyLynC]

Friday, September 26, 2008
Abundance awareness
Fulfillment is not a matter of acquiring something. Fulfillment is developing the awareness that you already have access to whatever you seek.
There is no need to ask or to beg for anything from life. Instead, you can lovingly accept and express what is already available to you.

Even now, there is a connection to whatever you may dream or desire. Know that connection, feel that connection, live that connection and the dream is real and present.

Though there are challenges and obstacles, they do not separate you from your dream. On the contrary, they connect you to it and give it value.

Achievement is the expression of what you already know to be true. Achievement is a state of awareness that you can enter whenever you choose.

All that you could ever imagine is available to you at all times. Open yourself to the possibilities, and joyfully accept the limitless abundance that is.

-- Ralph Marston

 

[DreaminDisney]

Hi Starzone, I don't have any advice either but glad that posting here has been a huge help to you. You have a good attitude about it all. Keep moving forward. You'll get through this stronger and wiser then ever

 

[Imzadi]

Welcome Starrzone!

DisTeach, I'll answer your post a little later when I have more time.

 

[Imzadi]

For JodyLyn:

http://www.stservicemovie.com/


Thanks for your Thoughts of the Day.

 

[Disneynutbsv]

For JodyLyn:

http://www.stservicemovie.com/


Thanks for your Thoughts of the Day.

Wow!

 

[DreaminDisney]

Imzadi- How great to pick up dancing again!

Disneynut- we just decided on dates for our next WDW trip, but can't book til Feb., and I am already planning planning.

NEWS FLASH: I got the transfer!!! I will now have a 5 minute commute to work, work shorter hours, have more time with my DD and DH, and save $$$ on gasoline!!!! I start next Monday! I am thrilled- I really feel like this is the right move, even though I'm going to miss the ladies I work with now (I'll still see them, though- same company and all). Thank you for all of your positive energy!

AND- I am reading "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" (I was inspired by my planner! ). What a great book! I have been really thinking about my personal mission statement and a family mission statement. And they (FranklinCovey) have corresponding planner pages themed around the 7 habits (how helpful is that?) AND- FranklinCovey ALSO makes "health" planner pages, where you can keep track of your foods, water intake, make notes, etc!! I feel like I hit the jackpot I was so excited to find that out!

Somewhat OT- anyone see the computer "PC" commercial where Deepak Chopra says "I am Being" It makes me laugh and then I think of you guys!

Congrats!!

 

[JodyLynC]

For JodyLyn:

http://www.stservicemovie.com/


Thanks for your Thoughts of the Day.

What a tear-jerker. I don't think my "Thoughts for the day" are quite as exciting as the political threads but if one person gets something out of them (including me) then it is worth it.

Thanks for the sweet story and the kind words.

 

[DisTeach1]

So, I'm off to WDW on Wednesday and hoping I can put aside some of my troubles of late, and concentrate on a good trip with my family.

I'll check back when I return for Imzadi's reply to my question about using the secret to "let go" of something.

Right now, I'm trying to concentrate on a good vacation. My Mom is getting older, so this may be one of our last big trips together.

 

[beckmrk04]

PLease help me see past this, because I can feel myself being too nearsighted to see the bigger picture.

As you all know, I got the transfer I wanted. Meaning, a shorter commute, less money on gas, shorter working hours = more time with DD and DH, etc.

But, today was my first day there, and I couldn't help feeling the little twinges of regret and as the day went on and I missed my former co-workers more and more, I started to feel the stinging of tears and the lump in my throat, which tonight I have let out.

I know in my heart that this was the right move for my family- it makes good financial sense and I am glad to work shorter hours to be able to spend more time at home and less time commuting. But, I guess I am mourning the loss of the camraderie I had at my previous branch. And it's too soon to know if I'll have anything like that at the new place.

I am usually a person who sees change as a positive step for growth, an opportunity to learn. I adapt easily to new situations, and have no trouble making friends and I get along well with most people. But all day I could feel this inner resistance. And then the dread knowing that there's no turning back- the deal is done.

I guess the whole thing is just going to take some getting used to. Missing my coworkers is harder than I thought (and it's not even like they are so far away I can't go see them...). But, we worked together for a long time and I spent more time with them over the course of the last year and a half than I did my own DH! I don't get to spend 40 hours solid with him each week, unless you count sleeping hours.

Anyway- thanks for letting me get this off my chest. It's weighing heavily on me tonight.

 

[TimeforMe]

beck: I just wanted to say that it really does take time. I was in a similar position several years ago to the point that I actually called my former employer and asked for my job back. Being the wise man that he is (we're still friends) he gently put me off knowing I was just sort of "homesick". It will pass. It's natural to miss your co-workers; like you said you spent soooo much time with them. Give it time, think positive.

 

[beckmrk04]

Thanks I am homesick- I feel like I moved away from home. Everything feels awkward and unfamiliar, kwim?

Plus- it's a small town, where everybody knows everybody (and it's kind of funny because lots of people know who I am because they know DH and DH's family- he grew up here), and I feel a little "out of the loop" because I don't really know many people here. And it never really bothered me until now.

But, I guess this is the perfect time to meet new people. No time like the present!

 

[JodyLynC]

Thanks I am homesick- I feel like I moved away from home. Everything feels awkward and unfamiliar, kwim?

Plus- it's a small town, where everybody knows everybody (and it's kind of funny because lots of people know who I am because they know DH and DH's family- he grew up here), and I feel a little "out of the loop" because I don't really know many people here. And it never really bothered me until now.

But, I guess this is the perfect time to meet new people. No time like the present!

It will take time and you will do great! Stay in touch with old friends, but work on getting new ones. Here is a great quote:

"All changes even the most longed for have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us in a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." Anatole France

Good Luck and be patient!

 

[JodyLynC]

Inspired by Imzadi:

"Your purpose in life isn't to arrive at a destination where you find inspiration, just as the purpose of dancing isn't to end up at a particular spot on the floor. The purpsoe of dancing - and of life - is to enjoy every moment and every step, regardless of where you are when the music ends." Wayne Dyer

 

[DreaminDisney]

PLease help me see past this, because I can feel myself being too nearsighted to see the bigger picture.

As you all know, I got the transfer I wanted. Meaning, a shorter commute, less money on gas, shorter working hours = more time with DD and DH, etc.

But, today was my first day there, and I couldn't help feeling the little twinges of regret and as the day went on and I missed my former co-workers more and more, I started to feel the stinging of tears and the lump in my throat, which tonight I have let out.

I know in my heart that this was the right move for my family- it makes good financial sense and I am glad to work shorter hours to be able to spend more time at home and less time commuting. But, I guess I am mourning the loss of the camraderie I had at my previous branch. And it's too soon to know if I'll have anything like that at the new place.

I am usually a person who sees change as a positive step for growth, an opportunity to learn. I adapt easily to new situations, and have no trouble making friends and I get along well with most people. But all day I could feel this inner resistance. And then the dread knowing that there's no turning back- the deal is done.

I guess the whole thing is just going to take some getting used to. Missing my coworkers is harder than I thought (and it's not even like they are so far away I can't go see them...). But, we worked together for a long time and I spent more time with them over the course of the last year and a half than I did my own DH! I don't get to spend 40 hours solid with him each week, unless you count sleeping hours.

Anyway- thanks for letting me get this off my chest. It's weighing heavily on me tonight.

I does take time & will get better. Just hang in there