Tell me what you really think when you see an unwed mom?

[ScarlettO]

When I know of very young single moms who keep their babies, it just makes me so sad. There are SO many couples wanting a healthy newborn and they are simply unavailable. I see more and more couples( and older single women who have adopted) lately with oriental babies and toddlers.

 

[snoopy]

It depends on the circumstances. Our neighbor is a single mother. She planned it that way. She found herself in her 30's, not married, and her biological clock was ticking. She's emotionally and financially sound, and has a wonderful extended support system in her parents and other relatives. I feel a lot differently about her having a child than the "baby's mama" of the week on Jerry Springer.

Really, though, as long as a child is loved and wanted and cared for, I don't much care what its circumstances are. My boys have friends from all different scenarios - some from 2 parent households, some being raised by their Dads or Moms only, and one by neither parent but his grandparents. Whatever works best for giving the child a healthy upbringing.

 

[missypie]

Of course one can't tell enough about someone by just looking at them to know what to think (even if you're a judgmental person). I admit that when I see a very young lady with a child I think "We [society] have to do something to stop this!" and I feel sorry for her missing out on her teenage years (and often sorry for the baby for having a child for a mom. (Of course, those thoughts could be misplaced because she could be a sister or an aunt or could be babysitting.)

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

Originally posted by tc
Do you feel sorry for her? Think she sleeps around? Want to support her? Look down on her? Wonder what her parents did wrong? Have compassion, pity, love?

1. NO
2. NO
3. NO
4. NO
5. NO
6. YES/NO/YES

I applaud single mothers. As other posters have stated it is hard enough in a two parent household. I couldn't imagine raising my kids alone and living to tell about.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Having done the temporary single mom thing several times in my marriage (DH is military), I have tons of respect for single parents. Fortunately, I get to look forward to DH returning.

 

[MAC3]

I think how nice she wanted to have a baby and it is truly a blessing. Then I always smile as it reminds me of my own pregnancy.

 

[tc]

Thank you so much for all you honest opinions. It makes my situation a little easier to handle.

My daughter, Kimmi, 21 (and lives with us while going to cosmetology school), informed us last night that she's pregnant. She will not marry the dad right now. Doesn't want to compound one mistake with another possible mistake. She wants to make sure she loves him enough to marry. I know I should not worry what other people think, but I don't want her any more miserable than she is. I want people to love and support her, not judge her.

I am devastated. She had such great plans. I hope she can still achieve them. We have never liked her relationship with the Chris, and hoped that she'd break it off with him. Now she's tied to him, in one way or another, for a very long time. I am sad for her. Sad for our family, and trying to see the good, which is the little life growing in her.

She is so concerned that her dad will never look at her the same again. They have such a close relationhship. His nickname for her is Babygirl. She told me last night that she thinks he'll never call her that again. It just breaks my heart to see the shame in her face. We've tried to reassure her that this does not change how we feel about her, but she just can't see it right now.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Pop Daddy]

if they look real young, I might think there poor with a bad back ground, but I try to be real nice to them. I know that isnt a true evaulaton off young moms but thats what I think in the back of my mind.







long (self rightoues) post

 

[clutter]

I'm a single mom. My dd and I have a wonderful enriching happy life. With just the two of us in our family, the bond between us is just so strong. But since I don't wear a badge that says "single mother" I like to imagine that people look at me and my dd and think "what a great mom!", not "what a great SINGLE mom!"

As for how tough it is... if you're financially and emotionally stable, it's really not that bad. (Although you could say that about being a married parent, too.) Personally, I don't know how married moms do it, with another adult in the house, I think THAT would be tough. (But I only have one. Big difference.) Most of my married mom friends have said two contradictory things. "I don't know how you do it." and " I think you did it the easy way." They're both true.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Generally, I feel compassion for her and hope she has support from her family and friends.

 

[Kimickey]

The little life that is growing inside of her is a blessing. She will be a wonderful mother. So she hit a speed bump in her life, as long as she keeps her head up and and looking foward. Nothing can stop her from achieving her goals!

Much love!

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by snoopy
It depends on the circumstances. Our neighbor is a single mother. She planned it that way. She found herself in her 30's, not married, and her biological clock was ticking. She's emotionally and financially sound, and has a wonderful extended support system in her parents and other relatives.

Hey!! You are talking about me there LOL!! Once I hit 35 and didn't see any marraige in the future and I loved kids I figured I had better make a decision to have one as I was or I might run out of time...I have to say it was the best decision I have ever made!! I love raising her on my own, I can't even imagine raising her with anyone else.

 

[jkovick]

tc-
When I read your last post I thought of a commercial I hear on Family Life Radio's show "Parent Talk" that addresses this very issue. The host said "God doesn't make mistakes." This baby is going to be a wonderful gift to all of you and your daughter is so lucky to have such a caring concerned mother! Hang in there!

 

[Serena]

Tc,
Kimmi,

It sounds like she's had some time to think about this. She sounds like she's being smart about it too.
You all probably need to have some time to grieve for the temporarily lost dreams and plans. But I wouldn't take too long. There is a new baby on the way and that is a blessing, however it decided to join your family.
Then comes the new decisions and plans, what needs to be done, what the options are, and I think all of you need to be in on it.
What are you going to do now?

 

[Rajah]

You asked for honest opinions, so...

Honestly, depends on the age.

If it's a teenage unwed mom, I tend to look down on them (though I know it's wrong for me to judge) for having gotten pregnant in the first place. It's so easy to prevent that: JUST DON'T HAVE SEX! So at that age, I tend to look down. Or if the kids are old enough compared to the mom that it was "obviously" a "high school" pregnancy, same thing.

At older ages, it's more a sense of "what happened". Did the dad walk out? Did the dad die? Did the mom leave and take the kids? Was it a case of not being married and having sex?

If it's a case of being unmarried and having sex, I look down on that because *to me* having sex without being married is morally wrong. I know that opinion in the minority now (or seems to be), but that's my opinion.

If it's a case of a divorce, widowing, or abandonment, I tend to feel sorry for the mom rather than look down on them. And if it's a case of the husband walking out or the mom leaving an abusive situation or similar, and the mom obviously raising wonderful kids on her own, I'm proud of the mom.

So it can really vary.

Note, though, that looking down on them isn't the same thing as *condemning* them. Unwed moms and some teenage moms can sometimes be better than married moms. I just think the unwed ones who got pregnant before getting married made a bad decision.

 

[believe]

Kimmi is very fortunate to have you and your DH supporting her. It is great that she is not writing the father totally off and wants to see if it is going to work before she marries him. I hope that you and your DH will accept whatever decision she makes and support her in that decision. She will need your support in all aspects of this in order to get through it and be strong for the baby.

 

[Pooh67_68]

tc & kimmi

 

[Toby'sFriend]

aaah TC - you're gonna be a Grandma!

The only thing I ever find shameful is when any adult chooses to have a baby and then doesn't do everything in their power to take care of and nuture the baby.

Celebrate the birth as every baby deserves to be celebrated.

 

[christinadei]

I don't judge them. I myself was an unwed mom. I got pregnant by a man I loved and planned on being with for the rest of my life. Unfortunately he didn't see it that way and didn't want a baby. So I broke up with him and decided to have the baby myself. He denied that my son was his and until he was 3 years old never had anything to do with him. Now the judge gave him joint custody which is terribly hard on me. My son is having a hard time adjusting to it, but luckily he has a good time there. I was fortunate to find a wonderful man just after my son was born, so I haven't had to go through all that most single mom's have. My biggest problem is dealing with the fact that it's hard on my son to have to adjust his life and spend so much time at his fathers. I feel like he is being punished by my behavior.

My sister was in a similar situation, her boyfriend got on drugs and went to jail, so she's raised her son alone for most of his life. She's a wonderful mother and is better off without him. Same with a coworker of mine, she's a great mother and her son is lucky to have her.

On the other hand, I know several young people who just aren't ready for the responsibility and choose to live off the state or pawn their children off on their parents, etc. Those situations, I think that it's not fair to the children. If they arent' ready to take care of them, i think that they should give them up for adoption to people who would love to have children and are able to take care of them.

Sorry so long, but I'm very passionate about this. I just hate to see children not loved or taken care of like they should be and I know that if me (I got pregnant at 19) and my sister (got pregnant at about the same age) can do it, then there is no reason other people can't, other than they choose themselves over thier children, which is jsut WRONG.

 

[esmerelda51]

Good thoughts for you all. May I be the 1st to say Congratulations
You will be such a good grandmother and grandfather. I went through this many years ago and believe me when I say the hardest thing your daughter has done is to tell you. I know how very very hard this was for her. When ever you need some inspiration re-read some of Kirk's posts and know that the joy he is feeling this week will be yours soon.