Tell me about adopting a child

[ginna74]

Yeah, I'd love to go through them, but I'm almost positive that Rich has aged out of their program. I know a couple a couple who adopted a couple of yrs ago internationally and they tried Catholic Charities first and were already aged out.

I took the plunge this afternoon and found the website for the agency they used and signed up for an info meeting in July. Adoptions From the Heart was their agency. We'll see how that goes. Still would love to hear about any other agencies though.

Call them please. I don't know why I decided to go through them, I was in the navy and just found them. I looked at the couple that I eventually chose and I knew they were the ones. I really could write a story here. I chose an open adoption. This place made me feel at ease. I soooo reccomend it. I called them the day I went in labor because I wanted them to be there, But the military hospital sooo sucked and sent me home twice so the last time I went he was born like that. Catholic charities then provided some counciling after the fact. I was harmoning right as that baby M thing was going on. So here was me crying on the floor I remember as that poor baby was being stripped from the only parents he ever knew. in californina you have 6 months where you can change your mind and I was watching that and I was all crying and saying to future hubby (not bio father) I would never do that!! Gosh I am so glad I chose them , he was meant to be with them. He is where he should be and catholic charities was not just wonderful to me but I think wonderful to them. Sorry I went on here, but whenever I can brag about them I will. They just helped me out in such a hard time and were the most caring and loving people that I encountered up until then. The navy really could have cared less and they weren't in the buisiness of doing so... He should have been an abortion to them, I was told to do so.


****CATHOLIC CHARITIES that is

 

[TandT]

Glad you chimed in. I'm 36 and Dh is 50 so we're similarly aged. Though neither 1 of us has been married b4. As for where to start i started pretty right here, and Amazon. If i have a question I pretty much always start right here no matter what the topic, cause odds are somebody has the answer or can point me in a good direction. On Amazon I ordered a book "The Complete Adoption book". And it really seems pretty complete, it tries to cover everything involved and its a good reference I think for starting out.

Thanks for the reference, I'll have to check that out!
Also, nice to hear from someone who is in a similar situation

 

[TandT]

Okay, I was so excited to post that I didn't read all of the other posts!

I love talking adoption... we adopted our son a little over a year ago from Korea. We also have friends who adopted domestically about 8 months ago. It's an amazing journey no matter which route you take!

Yes, the rules and guidelines are forever changing based on the state you live in, what country you choose if go international, and of course the glories of our own federal government. I would suggest jumping on some adoptions discussion boards and read, read, read!

Here are the ones I actively read while we were in process and still check occasionally:

http://discussion.bethany.org/index.php?sid=9b69681c7518b80f09368472d2108ee0

http://www.holtintl.org/forums/

http://forums.adoption.com/

Most of my knowledge comes from Korean adoption, but here's a link to my blog if you want to look at older posts about our adoption: http://theoadoption.blogspot.com

Best wishes to everyone who is exploring adoption! Feel free to pm me if you have any questions!

WOW....thanks for posting those links!!

 

[mykidslovesdisney]

I am a Mom to 5. DH has a son that is 19. DH and I tried many many years w/o a success full pregnancy. We finally decided after our 3 round of IVF that adoption was our way to build the family we wanted. Dh is also 13 yrs older than I . I did attend an adoption seminar sponsored by RESOLVE back in 1999. (I had to work on a plan b while finishing the final IVF cycle). We were looking for a biracial child. DH is AA, I am causacian. I learned alot from that information meeting-- they even had birth parent there too that discussed open adoptions. We decided to work w/ Catholic Family Services and Charities. They were the most reasonable and the baby would be from our state. We had looked at other agencies but it would require last minute travel, birth expenses and waiting in another state to clear to leave w/ a baby. CFS had a sliding fee schedule. We meet with them in early september to start the home study process. We were certified end of October. the homestudy was a breeze-esp the home visit. the social worker stated they just wanted to make sure we had doors on our doors and windows on our windows. We were matched up w/ an 18 month old that was being placed in Nov We orginally wanted a newborn but any child needs a home. We were awaiting for birthmom to bring the toddler to a foster family- long story short by chirstmas it fell thru- she found family in Jamicia to care for the child-- which was fine with us. She was not meant to be ours. It freed us to be back in the pool. One friday in Jan 1999, I received a phone call from the SW. It was a friday and 5pm. I knew it was the SW last day at the agency. She was calling us to say that we were selected by a birthmom!! the baby boy was 18 days old. We were soo excited. Our DS came home at 24 days old. It was the best thing that ever happened to us! We were the fastest placing family in their history. 4 month wait time. Our fees were $18,000. We were at the top end of the salary bracket due to dh and I worked a ton of OT since we had no little ones home w/ us. DSS visited everyother weekend. the Fed tax credit was $5,000


Fastforward 17 months Sept 2000. We decide we wanted to add to our family. I called the agency again. Told them we wanted to start the process. I already had my profile updated. We headed to WDW. Returned from WDW on a Wed. Rec'd a call from the SW on Friday asking if we would consider an all Jamician child-- Of course w/o missing a beat. They had a birth mom in labor and only 1 family to show her- they wanted to give her an option. The SW joked that she didn't even have our paperwork finished yet. We played phone tag for a week. The following friday we found our she selected us. We met w/ the birth mom before placement. She loved us and wanted the baby to come home w/ us sooner. DS came home at 18 days old. The Birth mom chose us bc we had siblings. We broke our previous record for placement - waited less than 1 month. Cost of this adoption was $9,000. the agency made the fees a bit more reasonable for families that adopted again. We also had a $5,000 tax credit too. Birthmom had a visit at 6 months but did not follow thru with the 1 yr visit.

Fast forward to Oct 2002- we decided to adopt again after another M/C. I called the agency said we would like to start the paper work and headed to WDW (get the picture??) Before we even left town. The SW called asking for our profile - they already had something in the works. I dropped off the profile and headed to WDW. I called on our last day of the trip and found out if fell thru-- which meant the baby was not meant to be ours. We were called in Feb to say we were picked again. Birth mom was not due till end of March. Let me say I am not good at waiting. Our DD was born end of April. We were able to pick her up from the hospital-- our first time doing so. DD adoption is open, we visit w/her birth mom once a year. We waited only 6 months for placement. Agency fees were $8,000. I had employee adoption assistance of $3,000 and a $10,000 tax credit - used only $5,000 of it. As a bargain hunter I say - adopt 2 get 3rd free! DH was 48 yrs old, I was 34. Dh retired 3 weeks before dd was born ( he is a police officer)

We have also been a foster family for CFS- from birth to placement. We fostered 2 babies when ds1 was 2 and ds2 was 6 and 8 months old. We did emergency foster care in Feb while awaiting dd arrival. In 2006 we decided we wanted to foster again for CFS. We were done adopting. We went to WDW in Aug. In Sept we started fostering. We fostered 8 babies from Sept to July. In the end of July the SW called us asking if we could network to find a home for a baby that had been w/ a foster family for a month. he had been turned down by 2 other families. he was a perfectly healthy newborn. The only requirement the birth parents requested was being placed in an all AA family or mixed race family. We couldn't think of anyone off hand who was adopting. I jokingly said ' we will adopt him" About an hr later I called back and asked what the fees would be. All the DC loved fostering but wanted a forever baby. I left it up to DH whether we would continue to foster or to adopt this little boy. He made us wait a wkend. All the kids wanted to call him all wkend at work to see if he made his decision. On monday am- DD jumped on DH while he was sleeping and asked him - well dad are we having a baby?? DH replied - what do you want?? DD sprang off the bed screaming we are having a baby!!. We had a WDW trip planned less than a wk later. I didn't plan on a newborn at WDW in Aug-- the foster family said that they would keep him till we returned. So the day after we returned from WDW- we picked up our son = he was 6 wks old. Placement time-0 -- we weren't even thinking about it- it just seemed that this was meant to be. We can not imagine our life w/o ds 3. Our agency fees were less than $5,000 and we used the tax credit for full refund.

All of our children are AA
ds1 is pervian/aa
ds2 is jamacian
dd is AA/native american/causican/italian/irish (our little united nations child)
ds 3 is AA

Our placement rate was unbelievable. Cost wise reasonable. I am a SAHM. DH got another police officer job by the time DD was born! We are looking at fostering again w/in the next 6 months or so.

And for us a trip to WDW usually results in a new family member! Well aleast it did. On our trip last year to WDW-- ds 8 wanted to know if we were getting a new baby when we got home from WDW!! I told him no

If you hung on this long - thanks for reading our adoptioin journey. I would be happy to answer any ?'s you may have

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

My favorite topic!!!

My story is reallllly long - I will try to give the short version.

We used Adoption Associates, located in Michigan, but works with other states. We chose domestic adoption because I desperatly wanted a newborn. From first meeting to being chosen by a birthmom was 7 months(2003). Our first match fell through after the baby was home with us for 2 days. We had to give her back and although it was crushing at the time, I thank god every day that it happened because otherwise we would not have our son. He was born 6 weeks after we lost the first baby. The cost for this one was $18K - mostly legal expenses. We recieved about 13K back from state and fed taxes.

10 months later we got a phone call from our neighbor that her best friends husband worked for a lawyer who had a client who was preg. She was having a c-section in 3 days and was looking for a family for the baby. Were we interested? We got the call Sun, met birthmom Mon, baby was born Wed and came home Friday. This adoption was $17K, mostly cost of living expenses to birthmom.

Fast forward a few years and I wanted just one more! Hubby gave me one year. If we didn't have a baby in that time we were done. 6 months into the year we recieved a call while we were at Disney that we had been chosen by a birthmom. That was in Nov, she was born in March. This adoption cost $28K - way more than expected, but they did alot of counseling with her and spent alot of time with the birthfather.

2 of our kids are white, 1 hispanic, all very healthy. We were at the hospital when they were born and the first people to hold them. We have met and spent time with all 3 birthmothers and keep in contact by sending letters and pictures once a year on their birthdays. Although I will be paying off adoption costs for quite a few years - it was worth every penny. We used home equity loans, some savings and have a bank loan.

Sorry for the book - but when I was starting out I liked to hear all the different scenarios. Good luck

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

Just one more thing - go with your gut on the agency issue. You need to really trust these people and feel good about how they will treat you and the birthparents. My adoptions are completed and have been for awhile, but I still call our agency occasionally when questions come up. I like knowing that I can do that even though I am no longer a "paying customer". Referrals, referralls, referrals!!!!!

 

[TandT]

Can anyone please post a break down of their adoption costs for me?

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Can anyone please post a break down of their adoption costs for me?

That's probably best done through a PM.

 

[TandT]

Can someone PM the breakdown of their adoption costs for me or a rough estimate? Hubby and I are just wondering if this is financially possilbe for us.....any feedback would be great!

 

[zumbergc]

I think someone was looking for an agency in ohio. We are starting the process of adopting. Right now we are working on the home study paperwork.

In columbus, the children's hospital has an adoption academy in the march -april time frame every year. here is a link to the one we went to this year.

http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption/Adopt_academy.htm

They bring in attorneys, agencies, and talk about the adoption process, gave us tons of info. They have a general info 4 weeks (it was every mon night 7-9pm), 4 weeks domestirc track and 4 weeks international. We did the first 8 weeks, and skipped the international part.
We got a ton of info from these meetings, overall more than we thought we would. We realized that when we had our meetings with the adoption agency. I guess we got a small dose each time, 2 topics each meeting, where when you did the large group, it was all tossed at you in one day.. a lot more to digest.

http://www.tanefflaw.com/Adoption.shtml
tom tanneff was one of the speakers, and a great speaker about adoption. He does do adoptions.

We are using adoption circle. There web address is adoptioncircle.org They have a fair amount of info on their website. I think they have new adoptive parents meeting 3-4 times a year. You have to fill out the forms, send in a check, then once approved, you have to send more money and get the large group meeting… then small group meeting, etc.. then more forms and home study, once approved you get put on the list.
We picked them because 2 families friends we know, both recieved their babies on the same day. It was strange, at first they thought they were talking about the same child, but nope... so that was proof was in the pudding, plus the one grandma was giving me tons of info of all the stuff they had to do.

The wait can vary depending on what race of child you are willing to take, or what exposure to alcohol and drugs you are willing to accept. I guess there are more african american babies right now. They did 2 classes at once for the large group meetings.. when usually they only do one at a time. Usually its a group of 8 couples or 16 people, you can be single, there was a single lady there.

Be aware some agencies have lost their license for placing a child. A few agencies had that happen to them in ohio. Some of the people from our group meetings were with the other adoption agencies that had closed. So be aware of that fact.

There is another agency Adoption Link is in Yellow Springs. From the adoption acadamy meetings. Someone mentioned the fees are back loaded, so your not putting up a ton of money, cause you don't know when someone will get picked. Someone else we know has 2 children and they are using that agency because with 2 kids they don't want to put up the money, and not get picked. You know, we could use the money for our current kids... kind of thinking.

You have to have a infant cpr course, baby care basics class, fire inspection, along with the other home study stuff.

With columbus city services, the columbus fire dept requires your house be baby proofed, so locks on cabinet, paints in a locked cabinet or a high shelf... a ton of work...

 

[Denine]

Hi Maureen.

As you know we adopted our DD. We went the domestic route looking for the healthy, white infant. It took us 4 years, but we were waiting for DD. We brought her home at 1 month. We saw her for the first time at 9 days.

We went through Catholic Charities, but you can also go through a state agency. Good luck. If you have any questions, just PM me.

 

[Pixiedust34]

Good morning

Dh and I are talking about adopting a child. We're married nearly 6yrs and have no babies of our own. I'm not sure I'm ready to this but as Dh is 13yrs older than me, I don't want to suddenly be ready 2-3yrs from now and find that he's maxed out agewise. For the record he'll be 50 on July 7th. I'm 36.

I'm looking for anything you want to tell me. We would likely be going the domestic route. I'm not sure we have enough money for the international route.

So anything at all you can tell would be great, cause I'm at square 1 seriously. So info, adoption agencies, any stories, whatever you want to share is more than welcome.

TIA

I didn't read all of the replies so this might be a repeat of what you've already read, but make sure you work with a reputable agency. Ask about the agency's rules, qualifications, and experience. Agencies who offer post-adoption support are a plus. Ask to talk to families who have used the agency you are considering using.

Age is a concern, especially with international adoptions because many countries have age limits. I'm not sure if it'll make a difference with a domestic adoption unless there are rules about age with your local agency.

Both of our kids were adopted and we are so blessed to be their parents! I wish you all the best!

 

[zumbergc]

with what ever agency or attorney you decide to go with. You can always request what there fee schedules are. Plus, you might want to ask what the average costs are. THey are unique for every case, but to get a general idea, ask what the high and low are.

 

[joyah]

deleting post
As everyone seems not to understand what I was saying.

I have absolutely no anger my parent are my parents, I am for adoption in everyway what i was trying to get across was the fact that being an adoptee and not having a medical history is extremely difficult.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Hi I didn't read through all the resposes to see if anyone adopted had written but felt compelled to answer.

I was adopted in '72 so I'm sure that alot of the rules have changed (or at least hope so). 90% of the info given to my Mom and Dad from Catholic Charities was wrong! When I became an adult and wanted some history before DH and I had children is when I found out. Kind of felt like I was living a lie all my life (not that we knew any different). Mom blames herself on it for just being so happy that she never repeated ?'s to see if she got the same answer. The biggest thing is medical history I HAVE NONE. birth father was allergic to cats woopie. It's so hard going to the DR and reapeating 15 times per visit. I now tell them read the dang chart. my advise would be check and recheck and get everything you can in writing.

So much has changed over the years luckily.

Thank you for your story but I will only speak to myself & say that this is a thread for support on our adoptions as parents
I know there is an adoptee thread you might want to check out. There are also great support groups to help you deal with your issues & anger.
Thanks for sharing.

 

[ginna74]

plus you can only go on what the birth mom gives you, IF there is a birth mom at all to talk to. you can't blame the agency at all. I am sure every agency deals with children who have no medical records. I love Catholic charities They are abolutly wonderful!!

 

[TandT]

I think someone was looking for an agency in ohio. We are starting the process of adopting. Right now we are working on the home study paperwork.

In columbus, the children's hospital has an adoption academy in the march -april time frame every year. here is a link to the one we went to this year.

http://www.law.capital.edu/adoption/Adopt_academy.htm

They bring in attorneys, agencies, and talk about the adoption process, gave us tons of info. They have a general info 4 weeks (it was every mon night 7-9pm), 4 weeks domestirc track and 4 weeks international. We did the first 8 weeks, and skipped the international part.
We got a ton of info from these meetings, overall more than we thought we would. We realized that when we had our meetings with the adoption agency. I guess we got a small dose each time, 2 topics each meeting, where when you did the large group, it was all tossed at you in one day.. a lot more to digest.

http://www.tanefflaw.com/Adoption.shtml
tom tanneff was one of the speakers, and a great speaker about adoption. He does do adoptions.

We are using adoption circle. There web address is adoptioncircle.org They have a fair amount of info on their website. I think they have new adoptive parents meeting 3-4 times a year. You have to fill out the forms, send in a check, then once approved, you have to send more money and get the large group meeting… then small group meeting, etc.. then more forms and home study, once approved you get put on the list.
We picked them because 2 families friends we know, both recieved their babies on the same day. It was strange, at first they thought they were talking about the same child, but nope... so that was proof was in the pudding, plus the one grandma was giving me tons of info of all the stuff they had to do.

The wait can vary depending on what race of child you are willing to take, or what exposure to alcohol and drugs you are willing to accept. I guess there are more african american babies right now. They did 2 classes at once for the large group meetings.. when usually they only do one at a time. Usually its a group of 8 couples or 16 people, you can be single, there was a single lady there.

Be aware some agencies have lost their license for placing a child. A few agencies had that happen to them in ohio. Some of the people from our group meetings were with the other adoption agencies that had closed. So be aware of that fact.

There is another agency Adoption Link is in Yellow Springs. From the adoption acadamy meetings. Someone mentioned the fees are back loaded, so your not putting up a ton of money, cause you don't know when someone will get picked. Someone else we know has 2 children and they are using that agency because with 2 kids they don't want to put up the money, and not get picked. You know, we could use the money for our current kids... kind of thinking.

You have to have a infant cpr course, baby care basics class, fire inspection, along with the other home study stuff.

With columbus city services, the columbus fire dept requires your house be baby proofed, so locks on cabinet, paints in a locked cabinet or a high shelf... a ton of work...

Thank you for posting this!!!

 

[Louiepipbgeeco]

My sister adopted Internationally(Russia) and through local agency (CAS)
BOTH experiences were different but both VERY POSITIVE!!!! She has 2 great kids. Then, she got pregnant last year (she thought was impossible) and now she has a third.
Best of luck to you!!

 

[Mrs.Toad]

deleting post
As everyone seems not to understand what I was saying.

I have absolutely no anger my parent are my parents, I am for adoption in everyway what i was trying to get across was the fact that being an adoptee and not having a medical history is extremely difficult.

I understand what you're saying. I think it's very important for adoptive parents to understand the adoptee's point of view. Otherwise, how can we parent our children with understanding and empathy?

I think, in general, adoptive parents get better information now than we did in the 60s and 70s, but it's not always so great. My dd's birthmom filled out a pretty complete medical history for her side, but it's from that point in time and it doesn't get updated, plus we have nothing from her birthdad's side.

Also, we know part of her bdad's ethnicity, but bmom filled in that part of the form "American", which bothers me, as we tend to mention our background in our family, and we don't really know what dd's background is. (Well, she's only 6, so we sort of include her. "Grandpa Guiseppe would be proud of how well you twirl spaghetti on your fork", etc , but that may not be good enough for her someday!)

Anyway, from my point of view, the adoption triad is intertwined, and I find the input of adoptees and birthparents very valuable as an adoptive parent, so please don't think you need to leave this thread.

 

[ClassicPooh2]

We are very blessed to have two beautiful girls through adoption. Both times we used adoption network located in California.(you can look them up on the net). A friend had gone to their location and visited with them, looked at their facility, etc so I felt good knowing that it was legit. The costs are comparable to other places.

We live in North Dakota and are now in our 40's.

With our first adoption (2002) we wanted the blond hair blue eyed child to "fit in" with our family. We received lots of calls and after nine months we had the perfect fit for us. We received the match in September and daughter was born in South Carolina in October. We were in the delivery room when she was born and continue to be in contact with her birthparents.

After DD1 was born we decided to go on the state list for adoption 2, but after 5 years with little action we decided to go back with Adoption Network. It took over a year but in November 2008 we welcomed DD2. We received a call that a BM was interested on a Monday, got a call on Tuesday that BM approved us and baby was born a couple weeks early so we hurried and flew out to Virginia and met our daughter on Wednesday. She is a bi-racial child, but the joy she brings us can't be taken away.

If you have any questions on Adoption Network or adoptions in general don't hesitate to PM me. I'd be glad to offer any help that I can. I know first hand the emotional ups and downs that you are going through and how overwhelmed you feel.