Tell me about adopting a child

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

We adopted internationally, so I don't know how much help I can be.

Three things you should know:

1) It's not as expensive as it sounds (both international and domestic). There is the federal (and in many cases state) tax credit. Our tax credits alone gave us over $13,000. Many employers have adoption assistance plans if you ask. There are many grants available through non-profit pro-adoption agencies for families who meet certain income or other requirements. In our case money was due in small chunks over a spread out time, often many months ($50 to one agency for fingerprints, $200 to get this federal clearance, etc), so it's not like you are writing out one huge check one day, which makes it that much more manageable. Our international adoption cost us less than having our bio kids in a hospital w/ insurance. All that is to say... don't get discouraged by large sounding figures. Do some research and you may be surprised whats out there.

2) Yahoo groups (groups.yahoo.com) are the pre-adoptive parents friends. Most agencies have groups for them where you can talk to people using the agency and hear firsthand experiences. There are groups for choosing an agency (reviews, questions you should ask, list of requirements for different agencies and programs, etc). There is ALOT of info out there and they were so helpful to me!

3) Adoption is wonderful. I can't imagine life without my son.

 

[Octoberbride03]

I planned to post earlier, but between the weather and being dead tired it had till now. Anyway, we went to the meeting last night and it was fine. Just us and a single woman looking into. Agency was first stop for both of us. It was not very long. Pretty much an overview with emphasis on the agency's history and its mission. Main focus was on their domestic program, and some info on the Russian program since that's the main 1 they have open right now. We got an info packet with application and info about the agency, requirements for adoptive parents and list of fees and the contract. Also got a list of websites that do grants or loans for adoptive parents which i wasn't expecting. So that was good. I'll have to look into those next week as well as the references provided.

Both Dh and I are kind of underwhelmed at this point as far as Adoptions from the Heart goes. So i think we will be looking into other agencies and maybe see about looking into a private attorney . So for right now the only decision we've made is to look further.

We're looking for more agencies licensed in VA, so if anybody knows any that would be great if you could post them.

Thanx again. And apologies for typos, I can only see about half of what I'm typing. God knows why.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I planned to post earlier, but between the weather and being dead tired it had till now. Anyway, we went to the meeting last night and it was fine. Just us and a single woman looking into. Agency was first stop for both of us. It was not very long. Pretty much an overview with emphasis on the agency's history and its mission. Main focus was on their domestic program, and some info on the Russian program since that's the main 1 they have open right now. We got an info packet with application and info about the agency, requirements for adoptive parents and list of fees and the contract. Also got a list of websites that do grants or loans for adoptive parents which i wasn't expecting. So that was good. I'll have to look into those next week as well as the references provided.

Both Dh and I are kind of underwhelmed at this point as far as Adoptions from the Heart goes. So i think we will be looking into other agencies and maybe see about looking into a private attorney . So for right now the only decision we've made is to look further.

We're looking for more agencies licensed in VA, so if anybody knows any that would be great if you could post them.

Thanx again. And apologies for typos, I can only see about half of what I'm typing. God knows why.

Hi! Curious why the meeting was so overwhelming. Was it just the way "Adoptions from the Heart" presented to you?
Wondering what the negatives were...thanks

 

[linda0706]

My one piece of advice would be to tell everyone you know that you're looking to adopt. You just never know who knows somebody in a situation where they want to adopt out their baby. I know some people are more private & wouldn't be comfortable with that, but it's what worked for us a few years ago.

We had been pre-approved & were in the middle of filling out an adoption agency application when we got a phone call about the pregnant granddaughter of a co-worker of the wife of another co-worker who wanted to place her baby. That phone call was on April 1. Our daughter was born on May 1st. We brought her home directly from the hospital a few days later.

It was a private adoption and our only cost was around $5000 in attorney and court fees, which we recouped with the tax credit.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

The only thing I can offer is to check your state laws, some of them are very restrictive as to how you can adopt and the method of adoption. I live in AL and because of the laws and non-cooperation from my employer we have decided against adoption. Those weren't our only reasons for choosing to be childless, but they helped make that decision easier. I even confronted my employer and got nowhere.

We had talked to an adoption agency in California because my IL's live there and we were even sent a packet, but because of their practices (which are legal in most states) we couldn't proceed with them because of our the state laws.

Suzanne

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

My one piece of advice would be to tell everyone you know that you're looking to adopt. You just never know who knows somebody in a situation where they want to adopt out their baby. I know some people are more private & wouldn't be comfortable with that, but it's what worked for us a few years ago.

We had been pre-approved & were in the middle of filling out an adoption agency application when we got a phone call about the pregnant granddaughter of a co-worker of the wife of another co-worker who wanted to place her baby. That phone call was on April 1. Our daughter was born on May 1st. We brought her home directly from the hospital a few days later.

It was a private adoption and our only cost was around $5000 in attorney and court fees, which we recouped with the tax credit.

Your blessed, that is a very rare situation.

 

[TandT]

I appreciate everyone's input on here!! And THANK YOU to the person who started this thread. My husband and I want to adopt but we have no idea where to begin. It's great to hear some of your stories of adoption. We have a lot of information in front of us. We live in Ohio....which is home to the Dave Thomas Foundation for adoption. But, I think we are just scared to "jump" in and start the process.... Afraid that things will go wrong in some way....

Here's a bit of a background on me and hubby...

Me: 32 housewife , cannot give birth due to a heart defect...which is under control by my doctor and am told i am healthy enough to take care of a child. But giving birth to a child could be fatal for me let alone the meds I am on would not be good for the baby. I would also have to be on fertility drugs to even get pregnant..... I have issues ovulating.

Also... I LOVE children....the only thing in the world I want to be is a MOTHER and take care of a child who is less fortunate and give him/her a stable, loving home.

Hubby: He is 45. Accountant, has 3 children of his own from his ex-wife who lives with them in Indiana. They are shared parents. But ex-wife is VERY difficult and very controlling over when we see the children. They have their own rooms in our home and we have told them multiple times that they are welcome to live with us. ...but ex-wife brain washes them... Their ages are 11,13,15.

Anyway, just a little background on us......sorry didnt mean it to turn into an ad for birthmothers..lol

It's just nice to read other people's experiences on this subject.

 

[Wonders10]

Hi everybody,

Not to take light away from the OP, but I was just curious for those that have gone through the adoption process and/or those familiar with it...do you recall seeing requirements related to marital status? As my luck with men hasn't been so good these past few years, I've started thinking that if I want to have a baby in the future, it might not be in the traditional way and I'll have to take matters into my own hands.

So basically, do/did they require you be married, in a committed relationship, etc? Curious for both domestic and international adoptions.

Thanks! And good luck to those starting out and going through the adoption process!

 

[TandT]

I, by no means am an expert on adoption as you can see on my last post....but I have looked at some Agency's requirements regarding your situation and the ones that I looked at accepted single people to adopt..so I think you are fine just as long as you are over 25 years old.....again that is what I read....

Hi everybody,

Not to take light away from the OP, but I was just curious for those that have gone through the adoption process and/or those familiar with it...do you recall seeing requirements related to marital status? As my luck with men hasn't been so good these past few years, I've started thinking that if I want to have a baby in the future, it might not be in the traditional way and I'll have to take matters into my own hands.

So basically, do/did they require you be married, in a committed relationship, etc? Curious for both domestic and international adoptions.

Thanks! And good luck to those starting out and going through the adoption process!

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Hi everybody,

Not to take light away from the OP, but I was just curious for those that have gone through the adoption process and/or those familiar with it...do you recall seeing requirements related to marital status? As my luck with men hasn't been so good these past few years, I've started thinking that if I want to have a baby in the future, it might not be in the traditional way and I'll have to take matters into my own hands.

So basically, do/did they require you be married, in a committed relationship, etc? Curious for both domestic and international adoptions.

Thanks! And good luck to those starting out and going through the adoption process!

Depends on the country.......don't worry there are options for you!

 

[Disneycrazymom]

OP I think you said earlier that you would like to work with Catholic Charities. If that is true don't be afraid to call them. We have our beautiful DD through them and they were really wonderful to work with. They can help you. The process from our first informational meeting to bringing DD home was about 1 1/2 years. That time includes our home study and waiting for DD to be born. So it may not take as long as you think. We have an open adoption. I honestly love our birthmom, she is so special to us and I cannot imagine not having her in our lives! May god bless and protect you on this journey. It is one worth taking!

 

[rie'smom]

We adopted privately through a family practice attorney. We had 2 sons so we would have been at the bottom of the list at most agencies. Every state has different laws.

 

[ksjayhawks]

We adopted ds internationally through HOPE, out of Oregon. OUr neighbors adopted a 12 year old through the state system 2 years ago. She was from Oregon, we live in Kansas.

Good luck in whatever path you choose!

 

[Mrs.Toad]

Hi everybody,

Not to take light away from the OP, but I was just curious for those that have gone through the adoption process and/or those familiar with it...do you recall seeing requirements related to marital status? As my luck with men hasn't been so good these past few years, I've started thinking that if I want to have a baby in the future, it might not be in the traditional way and I'll have to take matters into my own hands.

So basically, do/did they require you be married, in a committed relationship, etc? Curious for both domestic and international adoptions.

Thanks! And good luck to those starting out and going through the adoption process!

As someone said, it depends on the country. In the U.S., there is no legal requirement that the adoptive parent be married, but some agencies make that requirement for their own adoptions. There are plenty of agencies that do not have this requirement, though it may take some looking.

Good luck.

 

[TandT]

Is this more expensive??

We adopted privately through a family practice attorney. We had 2 sons so we would have been at the bottom of the list at most agencies. Every state has different laws.

 

[Octoberbride03]

Hi! Curious why the meeting was so overwhelming. Was it just the way "Adoptions from the Heart" presented to you?
Wondering what the negatives were...thanks

It was actually kind of underwhelming. There really wasn't much covered in the info session that I didn't see on the website for the agency. It might be because we have nothing to compare it to in this area. The girls there were very nice and helpful. We just didn't have a sense that the agency was where we belonged i think. It might be after looking at 1 or 2 more places that we decide to go forward through them.

But this week I'll follow up on their references and start looking up other agencies to visit. Rich still hasn't read over everything in the packet, but he wants to look at other places too.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

It was actually kind of underwhelming. There really wasn't much covered in the info session that I didn't see on the website for the agency. It might be because we have nothing to compare it to in this area. The girls there were very nice and helpful. We just didn't have a sense that the agency was where we belonged i think. It might be after looking at 1 or 2 more places that we decide to go forward through them.

But this week I'll follow up on their references and start looking up other agencies to visit. Rich still hasn't read over everything in the packet, but he wants to look at other places too.

Best of luck to you both..
Do you have any thoughts to domestic vs. international?

 

[Octoberbride03]

Best of luck to you both..
Do you have any thoughts to domestic vs. international?

I think we'd prefer to do domestic, though we don't know much about international programs. A lot of the current programs for the agency we went to are winding down except for Russia, and with the travel required for that and we'd have to take a physical in on 1 of those trips its not really something we're crazy about. China is open but the wait for a placement over there is insane, at least 6yrs. Other than that we really have no idea. If we do go with Adoptions from the Heart odds are that we could have a baby within a yr of placing the application. That we liked because being pregnant is 40 weeks wich is most of the year anyway.

 

[Octoberbride03]

I appreciate everyone's input on here!! And THANK YOU to the person who started this thread. My husband and I want to adopt but we have no idea where to begin. It's great to hear some of your stories of adoption. We have a lot of information in front of us. We live in Ohio....which is home to the Dave Thomas Foundation for adoption. But, I think we are just scared to "jump" in and start the process.... Afraid that things will go wrong in some way....

Here's a bit of a background on me and hubby...

Me: 32 housewife , cannot give birth due to a heart defect...which is under control by my doctor and am told i am healthy enough to take care of a child. But giving birth to a child could be fatal for me let alone the meds I am on would not be good for the baby. I would also have to be on fertility drugs to even get pregnant..... I have issues ovulating.

Also... I LOVE children....the only thing in the world I want to be is a MOTHER and take care of a child who is less fortunate and give him/her a stable, loving home.

Hubby: He is 45. Accountant, has 3 children of his own from his ex-wife who lives with them in Indiana. They are shared parents. But ex-wife is VERY difficult and very controlling over when we see the children. They have their own rooms in our home and we have told them multiple times that they are welcome to live with us. ...but ex-wife brain washes them... Their ages are 11,13,15.

Anyway, just a little background on us......sorry didnt mean it to turn into an ad for birthmothers..lol

It's just nice to read other people's experiences on this subject.

Glad you chimed in. I'm 36 and Dh is 50 so we're similarly aged. Though neither 1 of us has been married b4. As for where to start i started pretty right here, and Amazon. If i have a question I pretty much always start right here no matter what the topic, cause odds are somebody has the answer or can point me in a good direction. On Amazon I ordered a book "The Complete Adoption book". And it really seems pretty complete, it tries to cover everything involved and its a good reference I think for starting out.

 

[heimlichfan]

Okay, I was so excited to post that I didn't read all of the other posts!

I love talking adoption... we adopted our son a little over a year ago from Korea. We also have friends who adopted domestically about 8 months ago. It's an amazing journey no matter which route you take!

Yes, the rules and guidelines are forever changing based on the state you live in, what country you choose if go international, and of course the glories of our own federal government. I would suggest jumping on some adoptions discussion boards and read, read, read!

Here are the ones I actively read while we were in process and still check occasionally:

http://discussion.bethany.org/index.php?sid=9b69681c7518b80f09368472d2108ee0

http://www.holtintl.org/forums/

http://forums.adoption.com/

Most of my knowledge comes from Korean adoption, but here's a link to my blog if you want to look at older posts about our adoption: http://theoadoption.blogspot.com

Best wishes to everyone who is exploring adoption! Feel free to pm me if you have any questions!