Tell me about adopting a child

[TandT]

Does anyone know if someone would be turned down for adoption if they had a managable heart condition??

 

[Octoberbride03]

Does anyone know if someone would be turned down for adoption if they had a managable heart condition??

I think the only way to know this is to go through the Home Study. From the meeting Dh and I went to last week I know that in VA we need to get our Dr to sign that we are healthy enough to raise a child. We know we are, but still have to get that done if we start going down the road.

Honestly, I know a bunch of ppl with heart conditions so I don't see why you would be turned down as long as you're doing what you need to to manage it.

I think if I were you when you start contacting agencies and/or attorneys i would be very upfront about it and ask point blank b4 even filing an application because some are stricter than others though they all have to follow state law.

I have a cochlear implant which I know is not the same, but I am for all intents and purposes classified as a deaf person because I use 1. According to Adoptions from the heart, I could easily pass the home study with it and it would be completely up to me whether to even disclose it in the story file we'd put together.

So none of us is perfect in the health dept. I say don't be nervous about the heart problem just put it right up front. That's really all you can do.

 

[Octoberbride03]

We are very blessed to have two beautiful girls through adoption. Both times we used adoption network located in California.(you can look them up on the net). A friend had gone to their location and visited with them, looked at their facility, etc so I felt good knowing that it was legit. The costs are comparable to other places.

We live in North Dakota and are now in our 40's.

With our first adoption (2002) we wanted the blond hair blue eyed child to "fit in" with our family. We received lots of calls and after nine months we had the perfect fit for us. We received the match in September and daughter was born in South Carolina in October. We were in the delivery room when she was born and continue to be in contact with her birthparents.

After DD1 was born we decided to go on the state list for adoption 2, but after 5 years with little action we decided to go back with Adoption Network. It took over a year but in November 2008 we welcomed DD2. We received a call that a BM was interested on a Monday, got a call on Tuesday that BM approved us and baby was born a couple weeks early so we hurried and flew out to Virginia and met our daughter on Wednesday. She is a bi-racial child, but the joy she brings us can't be taken away.

If you have any questions on Adoption Network or adoptions in general don't hesitate to PM me. I'd be glad to offer any help that I can. I know first hand the emotional ups and downs that you are going through and how overwhelmed you feel.

Is that the same 1 that has the ad over this thread? I've hit the site but haven't actually sent for info from them yet.

 

[ClassicPooh2]

Yes, it is posted in an ad above this thread.
www.adoptionnetwork.com

You can look around the website and get a fill for them. If you choose to go with them, your information is also listed with 2 or 3 other web places.

As you can see, they do lots of advertising so that is the positive as it gets Birthfamilies looking at the site often. The negative to it is that it's what will keep their costs up to operate over state agencies.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Does anyone know if someone would be turned down for adoption if they had a managable heart condition??

That's a huge question. If you are very interested in investigating adoption I would leave questions like this to the agency/home study.

 

[MarieFan]

So much has changed over the years luckily.

Thank you for your story but I will only speak to myself & say that this is a thread for support on our adoptions as parents
I know there is an adoptee thread you might want to check out. There are also great support groups to help you deal with your issues & anger.
Thanks for sharing.

Wow. Way to disregard adoptee thoughts and call it "issues and anger." I am an adoptive mom, if you need to know my qualifications. All members of the triad should be heard. And there is value, perhaps the most value, in hearing what adoptees and first moms have to say.

The advice I would give to someone exploring adoption is to explore ethics in adoption. Look at everything you can find. I began reading a forum in which the majority of posters are women who have relinquished a child. At first, I was put off. I thought that "there was a lot of anger over there". And there is. But it is justified anger, and being willing to learn has changed my thoughts on many things. Just be sure that any expectant mother you are in contact with has counseling, outside of the placing agency, and know that you don't want to be the mother to a child whose mother could have and should have and wanted to parent her baby. There is so much more I could say, but this doesn't seem the right place. I can direct someone to the site that I referred to if you would like to read more.

 

[TandT]

I think the only way to know this is to go through the Home Study. From the meeting Dh and I went to last week I know that in VA we need to get our Dr to sign that we are healthy enough to raise a child. We know we are, but still have to get that done if we start going down the road.

Honestly, I know a bunch of ppl with heart conditions so I don't see why you would be turned down as long as you're doing what you need to to manage it.

I think if I were you when you start contacting agencies and/or attorneys i would be very upfront about it and ask point blank b4 even filing an application because some are stricter than others though they all have to follow state law.

I have a cochlear implant which I know is not the same, but I am for all intents and purposes classified as a deaf person because I use 1. According to Adoptions from the heart, I could easily pass the home study with it and it would be completely up to me whether to even disclose it in the story file we'd put together.

So none of us is perfect in the health dept. I say don't be nervous about the heart problem just put it right up front. That's really all you can do.

Thank you OctoberBride03 for your insights!! It's so great to have this thread to discuss adoption with other dissers openly!!

 

[bubie2.5]

Wow. Way to disregard adoptee thoughts and call it "issues and anger." I am an adoptive mom, if you need to know my qualifications. All members of the triad should be heard. And there is value, perhaps the most value, in hearing what adoptees and first moms have to say.

Here, here sister. As far as I know when someone asks about adopting, the more thay know, the better.

To the OP: Word of mouth played a BIG role in the adoption of my son. Someone who knew someone who knew we were thinking about adopting was pregnant and looking for someone to adopt her child. All that was needed was a good lawyer. We didn't care about sex or race, and were willing to adopt a child with physical limitations. We now have a beautiful and healthy baby boy.

 

[ginna74]

I haven't heard anyone talking about open adopting (that is what I did) , that is where everything is well open and everyone knows everyone (at least I knew the parents and picked them out myself) and closed adoption where the agency does everything and the adoptive and birth (if known) know nothing.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Does anyone know if someone would be turned down for adoption if they had a managable heart condition??

I wanted to give you some real hope. My mom's BF from High School adopted a baby at the age of about 38, she had a fatal heart disease and was awaiting a heart/lung transplant, and the baby had spina bifida and only lived for 10 months. Mom's BF turned around and adopted another little boy and passed away before he was 2. So it can be done, there may be some tighter restrictions now, but it has been done.

Suzanne

 

[TandT]

I wanted to give you some real hope. My mom's BF from High School adopted a baby at the age of about 38, she had a fatal heart disease and was awaiting a heart/lung transplant, and the baby had spina bifida and only lived for 10 months. Mom's BF turned around and adopted another little boy and passed away before he was 2. So it can be done, there may be some tighter restrictions now, but it has been done.

Suzanne

Thank you for your story about your BF!! That gives me some hope....I actually was told by my cardiologist that it is better for me to adopt than to give birth to a child, so I guess that is positive too. I am pretty stable as my heart condition goes. Heck, I take care of my 3 step-children every year for half of the Summer

 

[Octoberbride03]

I haven't heard anyone talking about open adopting (that is what I did) , that is where everything is well open and everyone knows everyone (at least I knew the parents and picked them out myself) and closed adoption where the agency does everything and the adoptive and birth (if known) know nothing.

Actually that's pretty much what I am talking about, because unless i go international or the Birthmom decides for closed then it'll be open. According to my meeting last week that's the way things are going all across the country now. Unless we adopted a foster child odds are we'll meet the mom and then she's the 1 who decides, we don't really have much say there, and that's fine with me. That's why i really want to find a place where we feel good about, so we can navigate that part.

 

[rie'smom]

Actually that's pretty much what I am talking about, because unless i go international or the Birthmom decides for closed then it'll be open. According to my meeting last week that's the way things are going all across the country now. Unless we adopted a foster child odds are we'll meet the mom and then she's the 1 who decides, we don't really have much say there, and that's fine with me. That's why i really want to find a place where we feel good about, so we can navigate that part.

Our attorney and some others who do adoptions insist on closed adoptions.

Ours did because the re was an incident with one of his clients. The birth mother started hanging out around the child's nursery school. They were afraid she might try to take the child. After that he said no more open adoptions. There was a form that we filled out with family info. Then he sent that form on to the prospective birth mother. We fit the profile she wanted and it was set to go.

 

[ZachnElli]

Actually that's pretty much what I am talking about, because unless i go international or the Birthmom decides for closed then it'll be open. According to my meeting last week that's the way things are going all across the country now. Unless we adopted a foster child odds are we'll meet the mom and then she's the 1 who decides, we don't really have much say there, and that's fine with me. That's why i really want to find a place where we feel good about, so we can navigate that part.

Actually, there are semi-open adoptions too and it's what we have. I send letters and pictures to the agency every 6 months and they send them to the birthparents. They don't know our last names or address, we aren't suppose to know theirs, but the birthmom's name (first and last) were all over my son's medical records from the hospital and the birthfather we had a dna test and I have the results, so I have his full name too. I have told them I'm ok with them doing the same, sending letters, presents (they asked if she could send presents) and I've never received anything. I even offered to set up an email address just for her to contact me and I could send pictures and updates more often, but no response on that either.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

I haven't heard anyone talking about open adopting (that is what I did) , that is where everything is well open and everyone knows everyone (at least I knew the parents and picked them out myself) and closed adoption where the agency does everything and the adoptive and birth (if known) know nothing.

I actually did mention this in my previous post a few pages back. But here is some more info. We had a "semi-open" adoption all 3 times. We met the birthmothers and in some cases had dinner and went to doctors appt with her. We were at the hospital with them and truly bonded during that time. After leaving the hospital we only remain in contact through pics and letters that are sent through the adoption agency. The birthfamilies do not know our last name or what city we live in but we know theirs because we were in the hospital with them. Although birthmom #3 was trying to hide from her family and she was listed as Barbara Mandrell in the hospital, so Abby's hospital bracelet says "Baby Mandrell".

 

[TandT]

Does anyone know if you should get an attorney before going through the adoption agency or should we just pick an agency first ??? We just didn't want to spend extra money on getting our own attorney if we didn't need to.

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

You either use an attorney or an agency - not both. The agency will have their own in house legal counsel.

 

[TandT]

BUMP

 

[TandT]

Anyone on here know anything about Building Blocks Adoption Agency in Medina, OH?? I know it's probably a long shot, but it IS a small world after all....

 

[Octoberbride03]

Small update here.

i have sent emails to a few ppl on the reference sheet for the adoption agency and have decided its very much like a blind date. Have heard back from 1 couple who have actually invited us to dinner. Quite nice and unexpected. Just have to get a date that works for everyone as they leave on vacation shortly. Also got an info packet from the adoption Law center with a phone conference set up for monday night. So we'll see how that goes.

And I've asked a friend about about local attorneys doing adoption here. So we'll see where that goes. I'm not crazy about doing it that way, but I don't think we should entirely discount that avenue until we've learned more about it.

The past couple of months have been so entirely crazy in the house with a lot of traveling, but now things are calming down and I'm getting out the standstill mode. If this month goes the way I hope, then with luck we can have an actual decision on adopting in Sept. if not earlier.