teens WITHOUT cell phones, email

[Robinrs]

This reminds me of when the Harry Potter books came out and all the people that wouldn't let their kids read the books because they heard they were full of dark and evil things-never having read the books themselves. It seems like the people that are so against texting either have never texted themselves or don't have teenagers .

No, it's a choice. I know lots of teens who don't do either, Harry Potter or texting, and just because you have one in the house doesn't mean you have to do what they do.

 

[mhsjax]

In your example of the car, there is a parent present in the car who could overhear the conversation. I think most times kids text each other in the car because they are having a private conversation and don't want the parent to overhear them. Do you object to them having a private conversation and you consider it rude to you?

These kids weren't old enough to have anything to keep from the parents, If the kids need to say something that is private then wait until mom is out of the car. That is a perfect example of how addicted kids are to texting, they can't wait a few minutes until being dropped off to have their private conversation. Not to mention, actually I forgot to mention, they had another girl in the car that didn't have her phone and just completely ignored her.

My kids go into their room all the time to have private conversations, but thankfully my DD still shares pretty much everything with me as I did with my mom.

 

[Colleen27]

In your example of the car, there is a parent present in the car who could overhear the conversation. I think most times kids text each other in the car because they are having a private conversation and don't want the parent to overhear them. Do you object to them having a private conversation and you consider it rude to you?

In that context, no. In the restaurant example, yes. I think a lot of the hostility/resentment towards texting and cell phones has to do with the fact that etiquette has been slow to catch up/catch on, so we get a lot of exposure to rude usage habits, whether that is texting at the dinner table or talking loudly on the phone in public, or not hanging up to focus on real-life tasks like checking out at the store. But that, to me, is not a reason to disallow cell phones or texting for kids/teens; it is just a new/evolving parenting duty we have that our parents' generation didn't, to help our kids learn moderation and politeness with regard to these new technologies.

 

[NotUrsula]

No, rude is the right word. It is telephone etiquette 101: thou shalt not hold a phone conversation with a third party while also interacting with a live human being, unless you put the phone on speaker and include the person who is with you in the conversation. If you MUST take a private call while in a social situation, you excuse yourself and go out of earshot to do so. It is beyond rude to hold a conversation with someone else and exclude the person sitting right in front of you.

An email or text message is analogous to a telephone conversation -- you don't hold a one-sided conversation that the person with you cannot hear or see, unless you first ask the person if they mind, and if they do, you don't answer. Even if they don't mind, you keep the phone interaction as brief as possible. (We won't even address actually initiating a call/message yourself under those circumstances, unless you are doing it on behalf of yourself AND the person you are with.)

I'll never forget a situation I was in about six years ago. Our boss got laid off when the company decided to consolidate departments, and her staff took her out to lunch. She spent the entire time at the restaurant on her cell phone taking and making calls about the tragedy of getting laid off. The irony was that none of us was really sorry to see her go, but took her to lunch because it was the polite thing to do -- so much for appreciating THAT conciliatory gesture. If she did not want to share a meal with us, she should have simply refused the offer.

 

[allison443]

Didn't say it was an authoritative source, my kids watch it sometimes. Just saying that it is a statement of the world kids live in. If you don't want to believe that some kids are addicted to texting then fine, I live in the real world and I can guarantee that some are. And in my world, kids will not text in my car to avoid me hearing the conversation, it was to be used as a tool, not a whole way of life. you WILL speak to others when with them, not text them.

You were the one that cited "poor London" (a fictional character) as an example of someone who couldn't live without her phone.

I know there are kids who are addicted to texting but why does that have any bearing on me and my kids, who are not addicted?

 

[GingerJay]

My oldest- who's 9 is complaining everyday because I won't get her a phone yet...I mean, really- what does she need a phone for? She's either with her parents or at school A lot of her friends have one, though..it's crazy I think

 

[allison443]

These kids weren't old enough to have anything to keep from the parents, If the kids need to say something that is private then wait until mom is out of the car. That is a perfect example of how addicted kids are to texting, they can't wait a few minutes until being dropped off to have their private conversation. Not to mention, actually I forgot to mention, they had another girl in the car that didn't have her phone and just completely ignored her.

My kids go into their room all the time to have private conversations, but thankfully my DD still shares pretty much everything with me as I did with my mom.

If two of them ignored the third girl and texted each other, I agree that is very rude.

 

[mhsjax]

Again, did it occur to you that they didn't WANT to talk outloud because they didn't want YOU to hear what they were saying. Parents don't need to know EVERYTHING about their kids.

I wasn't in the car, it didn't happen to me. Please don't tell me what I do or don't need to know about my kids. We are fine thank you. My kids talk to me and they have a really good head on their shoulders. They do have their private conversations at home in their rooms and when my son had a girlfriend he texted her a lot when he didn't want me to hear, but she wasn't in the car with him, and frankly when me or my hubby take our kids somewhere with their friends, they all bring us, (yes the nosey parents) into the conversation.

I'm sorry but who died and left you the total parenting authority? Just wondering.

This started out by me explaining that I didn't like texting and why, now for some reason I am the nosey parent that doesn't need to know everything about my kids. If you read any of my posts you would see that my kids don't like texting. Oh and like so many of the parents around here say, ;when they pay the bill then they can text and have private conversations all they want. We all, around her in my neck of the woods, reserve the right at any time to read texts and we all do.

I refuse to be drug into a parenting issue with you, my kids are fine, they text some but very little, I stand by what I say I don't like texting, kids are addicted to it and yes they will have a conversation with each other using vocal words when in the presence of each other. They can and will act like human beings with a mouth and manners and actually speak with their voice.

Have a nice day.

 

[mhsjax]

You were the one that cited "poor London" (a fictional character) as an example of someone who couldn't live without her phone.

I know there are kids who are addicted to texting but why does that have any bearing on me and my kids, who are not addicted?

I never said it did, In general a lot of kids are addicted. Did I ever say "your" kids. If I did, I didn't mean to, I don't know our kids therefore I can't judge your kids.

As far as citing London, I just used it as an example of what is going on in the world, and Disney picked up on it, they didn't just pull it out of thin air.

 

[Colleen27]

I don't understand the reason why a child without a car to drive and a license to do so needs a cell phone. I didn't get a cell phone until I had a car and my license when I was 16. I was required to work for the family business during the weekend in order to keep my cell phone every week, and to earn the money to pay the bill, I had 500 minutes a month, and I was limited to 250 texts a month. I was also required to work so I could put gas in my car to get to and from school, and to and from dance class three days a week. So in retrospect kids can go without a cell phone. Until a child has other responsibilities other than doing school work, house chores, and riding in a car to and from activities I don't see a need for any child to have a cell phone.

But for a lot of kids that comes well before driving age (and I personally don't see the ned for a car & license at 16, but that's a whole different mommy war).

My son has been riding his bike to/from school and sports practices for years, since he was 10 or so. We chose our home with that in mind; it is a safe, walkable community and we live right in the center of town. That's why he has a cell phone, because he does do more than ride in cars to supervised activities. If we had a landline I'd likely just have tossed him my cell on those days and delayed getting him one of his own for a few years, but with family plan pricing adding a line to our cell phone contract cost a fraction of what a landline would cost. Getting him his own phone just made more sense.

 

[golfgal]

I wasn't in the car, it didn't happen to me. Please don't tell me what I do or don't need to know about my kids. We are fine thank you. My kids talk to me and they have a really good head on their shoulders. They do have their private conversations at home in their rooms and when my son had a girlfriend he texted her a lot when he didn't want me to hear, but she wasn't in the car with him, and frankly when me or my hubby take our kids somewhere with their friends, they all bring us, (yes the nosey parents) into the conversation.

I'm sorry but who died and left you the total parenting authority? Just wondering.

This started out by me explaining that I didn't like texting and why, now for some reason I am the nosey parent that doesn't need to know everything about my kids. If you read any of my posts you would see that my kids don't like texting. Oh and like so many of the parents around here say, ;when they pay the bill then they can text and have private conversations all they want. We all, around her in my neck of the woods, reserve the right at any time to read texts and we all do.

I refuse to be drug into a parenting issue with you, my kids are fine, they text some but very little, I stand by what I say I don't like texting, kids are addicted to it and yes they will have a conversation with each other using vocal words when in the presence of each other. They can and will act like human beings with a mouth and manners and actually speak with their voice.

Have a nice day.

Whatever . Amazingly my kids are perfectly capable of texting when they want and holding conversations when they want, they are not mutually exclusive .

 

[Robinrs]

I wasn't in the car, it didn't happen to me. Please don't tell me what I do or don't need to know about my kids. We are fine thank you. My kids talk to me and they have a really good head on their shoulders. They do have their private conversations at home in their rooms and when my son had a girlfriend he texted her a lot when he didn't want me to hear, but she wasn't in the car with him, and frankly when me or my hubby take our kids somewhere with their friends, they all bring us, (yes the nosey parents) into the conversation.

I'm sorry but who died and left you the total parenting authority? Just wondering.

It's the DIS, yall, RECOGNIZE!

 

[mhsjax]

In that context, no. In the restaurant example, yes. I think a lot of the hostility/resentment towards texting and cell phones has to do with the fact that etiquette has been slow to catch up/catch on, so we get a lot of exposure to rude usage habits, whether that is texting at the dinner table or talking loudly on the phone in public, or not hanging up to focus on real-life tasks like checking out at the store. But that, to me, is not a reason to disallow cell phones or texting for kids/teens; it is just a new/evolving parenting duty we have that our parents' generation didn't, to help our kids learn moderation and politeness with regard to these new technologies.

Well there you go, putting logic and reason into it.

Actually, this is the way I feel. Have some manners, use texting when appropriate and don't ignore others. I love cell phones, both of my kids have theirs and I love it. They don't text me, cause they know I most likely won't see it, if they need me they call. They do sometimes text friends but not very often. DD is too busy on the phone in her room, where I can't hear what is going on, to text.

 

[NotUrsula]

Again, did it occur to you that they didn't WANT to talk outloud because they didn't want YOU to hear what they were saying. Parents don't need to know EVERYTHING about their kids.

It isn't about what they WANTED at all, nor was it about what they were saying or not saying. Having a private phone conversation while inside the confines of a personal automobile and excluding ANYONE present is just plain rude. Adults who are supervising kids are supposed to call down the kids who are being rude, otherwise they won't learn proper polite behavior.

Even if they were riding a city bus and excluded a member of their party from the conversation it would have been rude, and in this case, one girl's mother was a member of the party. You don't treat a member of your family like a hired cab driver.

 

[mhsjax]

It's the DIS, yall.

So true.

 

[Colleen27]

I know there are kids who are addicted to texting but why does that have any bearing on me and my kids, who are not addicted?

Somehow in parenting discussions the extremes always come to define the debate. The same thing happens when video games are bought up - those who don't like them will talk about the kids they know who never go outside because they're always on the Wii, or who have to carry their DSi everywhere they go, etc. The kids (and the responsible parents) who allow things but also set limits/rules and encourage (and enforce if necessary) moderation go unnoticed.

 

[Scurvy]

Sorry but when they go into their room to talk on the phone the person they are talking to isn't there physically. These kids were talking to each other in the car, not some person that wasn't there physically, BIG difference. Kids will not text each other in the car, if they want to talk, simply turn you r little head, open your mouth and speak to the person sitting next to you, you don't have to text the person sitting next to you. Maybe rude was the wrong term it is STUPID. If you can't have a conversation with the person sitting right next to you, without texting, then you have a problem.

would you go to a restaurant with a friend, sit in the same booth or at the same table and have your conversation by texting?

I can remember when I was in elementary school, sitting in the back seat whispering with a friend because we didn't want whichever parent was driving to hear what we were saying. And no, I'm sure we didn't have any earth shattering secrets that needed to be kept from our parents but whatever secrets we did have were still a big deal to us. Then one set of parents made the "No whispering" rule, and we started writing back and forth in a notebook while we were sitting back there. If texting were available then, we might have used that. It's not a matter of an inability to converse with the person sitting by you, it's a matter of not wanting to be overheard by the other person in the car. It might be rude, but it definitely isn't just a phone issue. It has very little to do with the phone, really - that's just the tool they're choosing to use. I don't think it's stupid. It actually makes perfect sense, if your goal is to keep the conversation from being overheard.


And yes, as a matter of fact I have had a texted conversation with my husband when we were sitting together in a booth by ourselves in a restaurant. He had previously told me about a soap-opera type situation going on at his workplace involving two married coworkers, one of whom was having an affair with another coworker. He wanted to warn me that two of the people involved were at the booth behind me without anyone else overhearing, so he texted me. I guess he was afraid I'd ask about the situation at some point over dinner, and I probably would have! If we hadn't had cell phones he probably would have written me a note instead.

 

[mhsjax]

As an adult, I like texting because it is a to-the-point method to get out one-way messages/reminders like "Practice is cancelled tonight because of the weather" or "Scout meeting will be at the park instead of the meeting hall this week". Getting that information via text is much less intrusive into whatever I happen to be doing at the time than taking calls from coaches/scout leaders/other parents.

From a kid/teen's perspective, it is no different than going into the bedroom to make phone calls. When I was a kid we still had a corded phone, so I'd stretch that thing to it's limit and hog the half-bath to have some privacy. Our first a cordless phone was the Best. Thing. Ever. because I could go in my room to talk without wondering if my mom or brother were listing to my side of the conversation (not that the conversation was even very personal, but you know how teens are ).

Texting is that same basic thing, taken to the nth degree - no one can overhear, no matter where the conversation takes place, and for teens who think who they crush on and the latest hot gossip should be as carefully guarded as state secrets, there's bound to be immense appeal in that aspect of texting.

I remember stretching that phone cord. My mom finally got tired of it and just got me one for my room.

 

[allison443]

Somehow in parenting discussions the extremes always come to define the debate. The same thing happens when video games are bought up - those who don't like them will talk about the kids they know who never go outside because they're always on the Wii, or who have to carry their DSi everywhere they go, etc. The kids (and the responsible parents) who allow things but also set limits/rules and encourage (and enforce if necessary) moderation go unnoticed.

 

[NHdisneylover]

This reminds me of a very sad story. We had cells phone call from an older gentleman who thought I was his daughter.
He called up up twelve times a day and night. After a while I stopped telling him he got the wrong number and just talked to him. I found out where his daughter worked and her name. He also told me his profession. I Googled his name and surprisingly he was a very famous Jewish diamond jeweler.
I contacted his daughter and she really had no idea her father was trying to contact her and after a few weeks she called back with the very sad story that her father was suffering from dementia and the family had no idea this was happening.
Thank God for cell phones.

Wow. How sweet that you took the time to talk to him and to find his daughter and apprise her of the situation.

I only use my phone for emergencies too. And I also don't know ANY 10 year olds with a cell phone. My daughter is almost 9 and non of her friends or kids she knows a year or two older have a cell phone.

Well both of mine had cells long before age 10 (we also had no landline) and nearly every one of my son's classmates had them at least by last year (5th grade).

That's how they keep in contact with their drug dealers, obviously.

I agree-it isn't any different then a kid going into their bedroom while talking on the phone so the parents can't hear them. I don't understand why it bothers you so much that the kids text each other in the car, to whom are they being rude?

Now that more has been posted--I can agree it was rude to leave the third girl out. Otherwise--I am in the camp (as above) that it is no big deal that the kids texted each other in the car. Actually, when traffic is bad I have been known to ask the kids to not talk so I can concentrate better on the road. If they texted while driving they could enjoy a conversation and I could drive more safely Sadly, my DD13 hates texting--thinks text speak is "the most annoying thing EVER" so I am not likely to find that peace any time soon