Teens Visiting Family--Update Post #111

[darrose]

Has her dd been there before? For some reason I thought it was the uncles place on the base with boating and fishing?

 

[Christine]

I (I'm going with the assumption that they are in good health)

They are very healthy. My MIL works out at the YMCA 5 days a week and loves her spinning class, does the treadmill, bikes daily. She is in her late-60s but looks about 57. My FIL (DH's stepfather) manages to work on a 6 acre parcel of land daily, built his own shed, bikes, boats, etc. Very healthy people.

They have never been "big" into the grandkids. When my kids were babies and they lived close by, their youngest son was still a teen (the subject uncle) and they were both working full-time. They really never had the time to "stare" at my kids or do anything with them. It didn't bother me at all--I understood it. Now they are retired and they LIVE to spend time with my DH's younger brother (I guess you could say he is the favorite) and they are "over the moon" with the new grandchild. Again, I really am okay with it. I do notice the differences but that is life and this is where my IL's are right now in their lives. They still love my kids and treat them well and my kids are adored by their other grandparents, so we don't feel jilted. But, on the other hand, I don't like them giving me or my kids (or DH or that matter) the guilt trip about visits.

 

[Christine]

Has her dd been there before? For some reason I thought it was the uncles place on the base with boating and fishing?

No, she has not been. My DH has been there one other time, with my son. DD did not go on that trip because DH didn't want to take the both of them and it was DS's turn to go.

 

[Maleficent13]

Sorry, I was confused about the location. But, location changed; people involved did not.

BTW, to the poster who said I assumed the DD was going to be bored because I was when I was a teen: I was just counteracting all the other posters who assumed the DD was going to make precious memories just because they did when they were teens. They're both assumptions.

Anyway, I've said all I wanted to, so I'm going to let it go now. Christine, I hope your Dh gets over his "pout" and moves on.

 

[darrose]

I am easy. LOL Some of MY fondest memories of my mom and dad are us on the back porch talking about nothing in particular snapping green beans.

 

[noodleknitter]

You make it sound like they're all sitting around talking about historical events of national importance, or doing geneological research...when in reality, they're probably talking about the time Jimmy fell off the porch step and split his nose open. Woohoo, good times.

I'm not saying kids should be constantly entertained, but I am saying that a 5 day trip is a LOOOOOOOOONG time. An afternoon, sure, make her go and tell her to suck it up. 5 days, however, and there's got to be more to the gameplan than just "bring a gameboy and shut up".

I guess it is just about how you look at life. I think those silly memories are important, especially for those talking about them. Just like they will be important when you are talking about your daughter and the times of her life to your grandchildren.

I don't think anybody should be given a gameboy and told to shut up, btw. I think that any 15 year old should be able to entertain themselves when they get too bored listening to others. That is when they should learn to ask someone to go for a walk, and start making memories for themselves. Or offer to help with the daily tasks...you can learn a lot doing dishes with your grandma. You can learn to make the most of your time with people or pout and be bored. There are plenty of other wknds that can be spent at home chattering on the telephone, etc.

 

[Christine]

...you can learn a lot doing dishes with your grandma.

Just had to chuckle on this one. Grandma won't let anyone help her do the dishes!

I agree with you in theory and I know not everyone can know the dynamics but, it truly is boring. I'm not sure how BIL's house will be, having never been there. But I do clearly remember the last time I was at MIL's house. The guys were out in the yard looking at the riding lawn mower, the boys were all in front of the X-Box, the two girls were up in the attic playing some game, one SIL was in bed with a migraine, other SIL and MIL were making dinner. I got up to go in the kitchen with them, asked to help, asked for something to do, they told me to go sit down. So, I sat there for 4 hours watching the boys play some god-awful alien-oriented X-Box game. I wished I had brought a book but I thought that would have been rude on a family visit. I'll know better next time.

 

[noodleknitter]

Lots of things sound good in theory! I'm just pointing out the other side of the coin!

Whatever works out, enjoy your wknd!

 

[auntpolly]

Well, here sits a woman who as a teenager was made to go to the grandparents. The house was small, the only thing to do there was read "Guideposts" and listen to my grandparents talk about their neighbors.

LOL add 24 hours of "the Lawrence Welk Show" and that was my grandparents's house!

One set of grandparents, I could have spent every day with. The other, it was like a chore to go visit. It had nothing to do with how much time we spent together, but the grndparents themselves. The ones I loved spending time with did stuff with us -- the involved us and were interested in us. The other just expected us to hang around while they sat around the living room talking. Was that worthwhile? I don't know, I never was very close to them. Sad, I guess, but my point is, grandparents have to meet grandchildren half way.

 

[UMTerp]

I feel for you OP! My ILs sound very much like yours. Visits are spent sitting around talking about this old neighbor and this person who is related to another old neighbor. It is mindnumbing to say the least! Luckily my kids are still young enough that they can go play and not offend the ILs. If they were teens it would be much harder. I usually take a car and go shopping to escape. I can't stand to sit there all day and listen to all of that talk/gossip! Good luck! I guess I'll be facing those decisions in a few years myself!

UMTerp

 

[Christine]

I just got home from work and DD says to me: "Well, I guess I'm going. Uncle XXX just got me on the phone and guilted me into going."

I said "Awww, well, you'll probably end up having a really fun time, you may as well go since you've got no real plans."

So, all's well that ends well. I supposed I'll just enjoy 5 days to myself.

 

[Disney Doll]

honestly, my take is that your dh does resent that you don't go, but has accepted that fact, in part, and has figured at least his children went. now one of them doesn't want to go, and my guess is his fear is that eventually he will be taking these trips alone, and that his side of the family just doesn't matter to anyone but him. And that probably hurts a lot.

I would agree with this assessment.

 

[Disneyrsh]

DH took next week off to go visit his brother, his wife, and their son. His parents are also going to go visit. I have to work so I wasn't going.

, and she didn't want to do a 5-hour car ride. Not thinking much of it, I said "You really don't have to go, I will be home and we can find something to do here over the 4th."

I'm confused

I don't know if I'd leave a 15 yo home alone all day for five days, but if you don't have to work, couldn't you go?

 

[KirstenB]

I'm confused

I don't know if I'd leave a 15 yo home alone all day for five days, but if you don't have to work, couldn't you go?

I'm guessing she meant she'd be home in the evenings after work. And she's probably off on the 4th.

 

[noodleknitter]

I just got home from work and DD says to me: "Well, I guess I'm going. Uncle XXX just got me on the phone and guilted me into going."

I said "Awww, well, you'll probably end up having a really fun time, you may as well go since you've got no real plans."

So, all's well that ends well. I supposed I'll just enjoy 5 days to myself.

OMGosh...I cna't even imagine 5 whole delicious days to myself! Enjoy yourself tremendously!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

OMGosh...I cna't even imagine 5 whole delicious days to myself! Enjoy yourself tremendously!

I say she should book some Spa Treatments...PRONTO!!!

 

[Disneyrsh]

OMGosh...I cna't even imagine 5 whole delicious days to myself! Enjoy yourself tremendously!

Heh, yeah, make the 15 yo go with Dad and make it a spa week.

Although I have a *really* hard time coming home to an empty house, but several people have told me I'm weird, and not just about that

Day 1: Tearfully wave goodbye, then head to mani/pedi

Day 2: Find nearest Godiva chocolate retailer. Buy more than you should.

Day 3: Two words: Shoe Shopping

Day 4: Pint of Ben and Jerry's Super Fudge Chunk and favorite DVD

Day 5: Clean up house that you ignored for past 4 days. Wreck manicure!

 

[noodleknitter]

Heh, yeah, make the 15 yo go with Dad and make it a spa week.

Although I have a *really* hard time coming home to an empty house, but several people have told me I'm weird, and not just about that

I'd probably be the same...but I would surely like to give it a shot!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Heh, yeah, make the 15 yo go with Dad and make it a spa week.

Although I have a *really* hard time coming home to an empty house, but several people have told me I'm weird, and not just about that

Day 1: Tearfully wave goodbye, then head to mani/pedi

Day 2: Find nearest Godiva chocolate retailer. Buy more than you should.

Day 3: Two words: Shoe Shopping

Day 4: Pint of Ben and Jerry's Super Fudge Chunk and favorite DVD

Day 5: Clean up house that you ignored for past 4 days. Wreck manicure!

NONONONO....

Day 1--prior to heading to mani/pedi--book housekeeper to come speed clean on Day 5....so as not to destroy manicure.

 

[Christine]

I'm confused

I don't know if I'd leave a 15 yo home alone all day for five days, but if you don't have to work, couldn't you go?

The 5 days encompasses Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I am not working on Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday. I have to go to work for 3 hours on Monday and a full day on Wednesday. DD will will "home alone" for 5 hours on Monday (commute time plus 3 hours work--most of this time she will be asleep), and she will be home alone all day on Wednesday (although I am betting I can leave early).

I cannot get any time off because my boss is going out of town for the week and I am second in command, so to speak.