Teens, parties and drinking

[Saxsoon]

That's great, if you actually believe in god.

Sorry, I meant that by those who subscribe to beliefs like that.

 

[PrincessTiff]

Sorry, I meant that by those who subscribe to beliefs like that.

Understood. I was afraid the way I worded that would come across the wrong way.

 

[Saxsoon]

Understood. I was afraid the way I worded that would come across the wrong way.

I understood where you were coming from.

 

[miss missy]

Thats why I love that my DD loves to have friends here. She did tell me of party this weekend where the kids would be "smoking and kissing in the woods" and she said why would I want to go there! YAY!

My son is now in his 20's, but in his teen years, my worst enimie was these parents. These one would KNOW their kids where partying anf they were home and didn't care. They were the party houses. I went and dragged him home from more than one of these houses! I really have problems with these houses! But you do know which ones they are if you do your homework.

 

[Andy B]

It doesn't surprise me at all that UK posters find it hard to believe that there are large numbers of US teens (older teens, that is) who have never had alcohol. In the UK, most teens who could say that would be Muslim -- maybe some Methodists, but mostly Muslims. Being a Christian and a teetotaler is a fairly unusual combination in most of Europe, especially among the college-age crowd.

Conversely, many Americans have no idea how unusual it is that we have such ironclad drinking age laws here. Except in majority-Muslim countries, most drinking age laws in other parts of the world are pretty laxly enforced, and often only apply to purchase, not consumption. In majority-Catholic countries, especially, it would pretty much be impossible to ban underage drinking in private homes.

Bt the point is it would not be underage drinking if in private homes, it would be legal

 

[Andy B]

I think it depends on the drug. I mean, most of the drug use among that crowd is marajuana. You are too lazy to do a damn thing. It isn't good for your lungs or diet for that matter (munchies) but it is not addicting. It slows your body down and although your thinking is certainly different (in some cases more philosphical, lol), it isn't enough to change your behavior (at least from what I know). Marijuana is probably the safest substance, except for the fact that it can harm your lungs.

In upper class areas you may find other, more extreme drug use. Those are cases to really worry about.

There are many who would disagree about a lot of this, Marijuana can be psycologically addictive, can cause schizophrenia, and is often mixed with tobacco to smoke and has the health impacts of tobacco also.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Oh for crying out loud it's a figure of speech. In other words, it's not common for a person to consume alcohol as a teen AND abstain from sex until marriage.



Don't get too full of yourself there.

Obviously the sarcasm was missed. I should have added this little guy --->

 

[Rock'n Robin]

DD#1 is a member of a teen board associated with an anti-drugs and alcohol group here in town. I couldn't be prouder. I teach in a HS in another town and I hear so many horrible stories. The kids there tell me how strict I am and they are right. If DD goes to a party I go up to the door and meet the folks--drives her nuts. She isn't allowed to date yet (will be 15 in 2 weeks). There are a lot of enabling parents in this town who, if little darling gets arrested, will get the lawyer and rant to the skies about the injustice of it all. I have told my kids that if I get a late night call that they are in jail for underage drinking, have a nice night in jail and maybe I'll see you in the moring.
Also, remember teen athletes (and here this includes extracurriculars like the play) sign a code of conduct agreement saying they won't drink or use alcohol. I know some violate this--but again, if DD got caught drinking, we would be calling her cheerleading coach and accepting the consequences.
BTW, I know this will earn me nothing but flames--but when I have students who brag about heavy drinking, or hear stories about kids who sleep around or are druggies--I have very little if any respect for those kids. If someone in my class had said to take it easy because she was hung over (as mentioned in a previous post)--I would have put all my blinds up to make it bright as possible and come up with an obnoxiously loud activity.
Robin M.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

DD#1 is a member of a teen board associated with an anti-drugs and alcohol group here in town. I couldn't be prouder. I teach in a HS in another town and I hear so many horrible stories. The kids there tell me how strict I am and they are right. If DD goes to a party I go up to the door and meet the folks--drives her nuts. She isn't allowed to date yet (will be 15 in 2 weeks). There are a lot of enabling parents in this town who, if little darling gets arrested, will get the lawyer and rant to the skies about the injustice of it all. I have told my kids that if I get a late night call that they are in jail for underage drinking, have a nice night in jail and maybe I'll see you in the moring.
Also, remember teen athletes (and here this includes extracurriculars like the play) sign a code of conduct agreement saying they won't drink or use alcohol. I know some violate this--but again, if DD got caught drinking, we would be calling her cheerleading coach and accepting the consequences.
BTW, I know this will earn me nothing but flames--but when I have students who brag about heavy drinking, or hear stories about kids who sleep around or are druggies--I have very little if any respect for those kids. If someone in my class had said to take it easy because she was hung over (as mentioned in a previous post)--I would have put all my blinds up to make it bright as possible and come up with an obnoxiously loud activity.
Robin M.

You are awesome!!

 

[princesspumpkin]

I didn't have alcohol until I was twenty (and that was half of a beer one time). I didn't see my parents drinking so it wasn't a part of my life growing up. My friends in high school didn't partake either. When I got to college, there were frat parties with alcohol that I went to, but didn't drink. I wasn't a prude or goody-two-shoes. I was just someone who got high off of life itself. I'm 42 and have never been drunk, but I do drink socially several times a year (looove raspberry margaritas). I do believe that there are cultural difference in teenage drinking patterns (from what I saw in college).

 

[noseybuddy]

BTW, I know this will earn me nothing but flames--but when I have students who brag about heavy drinking, or hear stories about kids who sleep around or are druggies--I have very little if any respect for those kids. If someone in my class had said to take it easy because she was hung over (as mentioned in a previous post)--I would have put all my blinds up to make it bright as possible and come up with an obnoxiously loud activity.
Robin M.

No flames here. When my DD enter the 9th grade last year, she told me the girls would sit at lunch every Mon. and talk about how much they drank on the weekend and who they had sex with. These girls were 14yrs old. Don't they have any pride or respect for themselves? It just makes me sick.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I can remember my first time being tipsy, I think I was around 11 years old. I was allowed a mimosa at my Cousin's graduation. Alcohol was always present at family events. In high school my mom would let me have a drink here and there at home. I went to parties where there was drinking and drugs, but for the most part I didn't drink (and I never did drugs). The second semester of my senior year, though, I would have a couple of drinks at parties. And after Prom my mom was well aware that a bunch of us rented a couple of hotel rooms and planned on drinking. I went off to college and drank there as well pretty much from the get go. I am what I consider a successful adult. I still indulge now and then.

Do I want DD and DS to be underage drinking? No, but I realize that is reality. We subscribe to the whole call us if you or your friends have been drinking and need a ride home, blah blah blah. We do tell them that we expect them NOT to drink, but if they do, this is what they are to do. It's kind of like sex education. You don't want them having sex, but as a parent I think it is your duty to educate them on how to protect themselves.

And I do think that some parents tend to put their heads in the sand over these type of issues.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Do I want DD and DS to be underage drinking? No, but I realize that is reality. We subscribe to the whole call us if you or your friends have been drinking and need a ride home, blah blah blah. We do tell them that we expect them NOT to drink, but if they do, this is what they are to do. It's kind of like sex education. You don't want them having sex, but as a parent I think it is your duty to educate them on how to protect themselves.

I understand your point, not picking on you, just pointing out differences in parental view points.

I was raised where there wasn't any drinking in my house. My parents didn't drink. There wasn't always alcohol around. There was an occasional time that my father would have one beer like 2 times while out with friends. It wasn't in the house at all. It wasn't a normal part of our lives.

Today it is not a normal part of DH's and Mine lives. We don't drink and don't keep it in the house. If while having a get together our friends want some they know to bring their own (I wouldn't know what to buy.) The thing is most of the time they just don't, because they don't need to drink all the time.

I think my example is the most important way I can show my children in what I expect from them.

So while I know it happens out there in many home and many teens are doing it, I don't expect my kids (or my teenage niece and nephew who often live with us) to drink as a part of life.

At least this is my plan in protecting my children. Early and continuous education and open discussions about it, but most importantly, leading by example.

I am not putting down responsible adults who do drink as part of their every day social lives. Just explaining my families choices more and a different viewpoint.

Sorry I have more thoughts on this, but I have to pick my DD up from school.

 

[Andy B]

Is it just me or is anyone else getting a 'I do not ever drink therefore I am better than you' vibe on this thead.

 

[NotUrsula]

Originally posted by AndyB:
But the point is it would not be underage drinking if in private homes, it would be legal.

Actually, in most of the US, it wouldn't be; that's the cultural difference that I'm trying to highlight. I know it probably sounds incredible to your ears, but there are only a few states where "underage" drinking is still legal in private homes with parents present. (As mentioned, Louisiana is one of them. I grew up there - trust me, it's the French influence that keeps alcohol tolerance as high as it is, and it is much less tolerant the further north you go within the state, as the religion of the locals goes from majority Catholic to majority Baptist.)

I currently live in the midwest, and parents in my state can be charged with a felony if they knowingly let their "underage children" drink at home -- anything containing any amount of alcohol, from a 2% beer on up. To say that the law is draconian is an understatement. Enforcement commonly happens because the parents of a teenager's friend will report the family if that "friend" was served a drink while a guest in the home. Usually they will fine you if it is a first offense, but you can be jailed in certain circumstances.

Oh, and yes, nondrinkers in the US can be awfully sanctimonious about it. Not all of them will be, but it is a very common attitude.

 

[Andy B]

Actually, in most of the US, it wouldn't be; that's the cultural difference that I'm trying to highlight. I know it probably sounds incredible to your ears, but there are only a few states where "underage" drinking is still legal in private homes with parents present. (As mentioned, Louisiana is one of them. I grew up there - trust me, it's the French influence that keeps alcohol tolerance as high as it is, and it is much less tolerant the further north you go within the state, as the religion of the locals goes from majority Catholic to majority Baptist.)

I currently live in the midwest, and parents in my state can be charged with a felony if they knowingly let their "underage children" drink at home -- anything containing any amount of alcohol, from a 2% beer on up. To say that the law is draconian is an understatement. Enforcement commonly happens because the parents of a teenager's friend will report the family if that "friend" was served a drink while a guest in the home. Usually they will fine you if it is a first offense, but you can be jailed in certain circumstances.

Oh, and yes, nondrinkers in the US can be awfully sanctimonious about it. Not all of them will be, but it is a very common attitude.

Point taken, my comment was made before a link was posted to a list of states and laws but even then it was difficult to understand all the slightly different laws!

 

[freckles and boo]

I currently live in the midwest, and parents in my state can be charged with a felony if they knowingly let their "underage children" drink at home -- anything containing any amount of alcohol, from a 2% beer on up. To say that the law is draconian is an understatement. Enforcement commonly happens because the parents of a teenager's friend will report the family if that "friend" was served a drink while a guest in the home. Usually they will fine you if it is a first offense, but you can be jailed in certain circumstances.

I am curious why you put quotation marks around "underage children" and "friend"? It seems reasonable to me that if someone knowingly provides my teenaged child with alcohol against my will or without my knowledge that I would have the right to be angry and to pursue the matter. We are talking about teenagers, not adults. I don't care what adults choose to do as long as their actions don't impact me or my family.

ETA I should have written future teens - my kids are 4 and 6.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Again, I believe most parents are deceiving themselves if they think their kids will never drink until they are 21. Educate, educate, educate. Make darn sure they know how to avoid getting in a car with somebody who is drinking. That said, my decisions concerning my kids and underage drinking are mine to make. I can't stand a parent who provides alcohol to other underage kids, or allows drinking in their house, knowingly by other people's underage kids. I would most likely call the police on that parent and it is a serous offence. Just like I want to make my own decisions about this I don't want another parent making it for me by letting my kid drink. How do they know how I feel about this. How could they be so careless. What if somebody got hurt or drove. What I allow in the privacy of my home is my business.

 

[oxfordcircus]

Monks in Europe were among the first to brew beer and in some regions the profession was indeed a reserved occupation of the Holy in the past.

One of my favorite pubs in London is Blackfriars. I always took special pleasure from knowing that I was drinking on the supposed site of a monastic brewery and that my MIL would judge me for doing so.

 

[NotUrsula]

I put quotes around "underage children" because for the most part we are talking about people aged about 16-20. IMO, those are not really children, but young adults, or full-fledged legal adults in every other respect, if they are 18-20. (Though they will always be children in the sense of "offspring", of course.) I disapprove of having the legal threshold of adulthood be age 18 in all other instances, but age 21 just for alcohol consumption. I don't care if one or the other is raised or lowered, but I think that the standard should be uniform for all purposes.

FTR, If a young adult who is out of high school is eating dinner at my home and helps himself to a glass of wine, I'm not going to snatch it from his hand. In my judgement that isn't at all the same thing as throwing an open kegger for a h.s. graduation party, but some purists would think that it was.

With, "friend" I really didn't mean to put quotes around in terms of questioning whether or not they were friends or enemies, I just did it to try to make the sentence easier to read, as it was rather convoluted.