Teenage Driving Question

[Amy&Dan]

So for those of you have teenagers, how did you feel about them driving with other teenagers?

My son will be 16 in October but he has a few friends that are 1-2 years older than he is. He does a lot of things through church, a Marine Readiness program and a Search and Rescue organization and he has been offered rides by a couple of the boys who have their drivers liscense already to meetings and events.

When I was a kid, my mom didn't think twice about me riding with a relative (I had older siblings and cousins) who was driving or a friend who drove before I did. Of course fastforward to today, and I am a bit nervous with him doing this. Dh is fine with this and is generally way less anxious about this stuff than I am!

We both talked with our son last night about the fact that if he is with someone who is texting or driving unsafely, he is to tell us and not ride with them again. We both have met the one young man in particular who has given our son a ride once (a very short ride home from church on Sunday when they stayed late for a youth group lunch) and has offered to give him a ride one night a month when they have a meeting the same night my daughter has church stuff and dh works late and I can't be in two places at once! He seemed like a very nice kid and he did take Drivers Ed and also a drivers program through the county Sheriff's office where we live.

Just curious how some of you have handled this issue.

Thanks!

 

[Desiree]

I have no suggestions or advice but just wanted to mention that I'm in the same boat as you! My dd will be 16 in May and has alot of outside activites. Not to mention the whole driving issue with her has my hair turning a few shades of grey!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Moy boys are not there yet, but we will not allow them to ride or drive with other teens for at least a year after they get their license. They need to develop good driving habits before this type of distraction is added...

 

[Amy&Dan]

I have no suggestions or advice but just wanted to mention that I'm in the same boat as you! My dd will be 16 in May and has alot of outside activites. Not to mention the whole driving issue with her has my hair turning a few shades of grey!

Its hard to be the parent of a teen! My mom used to tell me "wait until they are teens" and she was right.

With all he has going, it would make my life easier if he could get the occasional ride. I used to think I wasn't going to let him drive alone until he was 17 but my thought process is changing on that one!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Moy boys are not there yet, but we will not allow them to ride or drive with other teens for at least a year after they get their license. They need to develop good driving habits before this type of distraction is added...

That is what I say. This boy has had his license for a bit over a year, I asked him. I explained to ds that driving is about experience and it takes time to gain that and know how to react when the unusual happens.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What we did was take each situation as it came. Some kids we trusted and some we did not.

Blanket rules can really backfire on you. We told dd it is "case by case". Worked for us.

My oldest will be 19 soon. I still hate it when she is driving to/from college 2hrs away.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Where we live a teenage driver (with a license) cannot drive other teenagers (or under 18s) in his car (unless they are siblings) without a licensed driver over the age of 25 in the car also.

 

[AnnaS]

My sons started having their friends in the car almost immediately. I used to call them car service. They were practically the only ones from their group of friends to have their own car (used of course). I was not thrilled about it.

My dd just got her license Tuesday - she is 17. She has not been behind the wheel that much (at least not as much as my sons had before getting their license). I am now telling her no friends in the car for 6 months. Let's see how long that lasts. I definitely want some experience behind her. She also does not have a car waiting for her like my sons did so she will have to share one of our cars.

More worries and more stress.

 

[JessicaR]

My son will be 17 soon and taking his road test. We don't allow him to be a passenger in any friends cars yet. There have been many accidents around here in the past few months and we've lost many teens. I'm not ready to allow it yet. I guess I'll know when I'm comfortable with it.

The latest accident involved three teens on their way home from church. No drugs or alcohol involved and all great kids. Speeding, hit a tree two died.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

My son will be 17 soon and taking his road test. We don't allow him to be a passenger in any friends cars yet. There have been many accidents around here in the past few months and we've lost many teens. I'm not ready to allow it yet. I guess I'll know when I'm comfortable with it.

The latest accident involved three teens on their way home from church. No drugs or alcohol involved and all great kids. Speeding, hit a tree two died.

Lived on LI for 15+ years. I don't know if I would ever feel safe letting my boys drive there.

 

[clh2]

My DD wil be taking her test shortly after she turns 16.

Everything related to cars, whether or not she is a passenger or a driver will be related to a number of things...weather, road conditions, do we know the driver and for how long, do we think they are mature enough to drive my snowflake, what is going on (i.e. hanging around somewhere isn't a destination).

Every situation gets evaluated based on who, what where, when and why. DH and I ask far more questions now than ever. We are sure that DD LOVES this interrogation.

We do not let DD ride with brand-spanking new drivers. NOPE - doesn't happen. Nor, will we let DD drive others when she is brand spanking new.

DD wants DH and I to "firm up the rules", but like a different poster mentioned...every situation needs to be looked at independantly.

Good Luck OP...this is one of things that is just SO, SO difficult! Trust your "gut".

 

[cheermom1]

Where we live a teenage driver (with a license) cannot drive other teenagers (or under 18s) in his car (unless they are siblings) without a licensed driver over the age of 25 in the car also.

Same here ..they can only have 1 unrelated teen in the car with them and related teens can only be sibs...and if they do they have to have a licensed driver over 25 with them...

 

[klacey1]

When I was around that age, my parents let me decide who to drive with. They let anyone I want drive me/ I could drive as many friends fit in the car (which happened very infrequently-- I was always the happy passenger!). I guess they figured I wouldn't drive with someone I felt unsafe with-- case in point, a boy I dated for a little while got pulled over for doing some crazy speed on a back road. I was very embarassed and never drove with him again, even though we stayed friends after we split.
I did have friends whose parents wouldn't let them drive with anyone else who had their license for less than a year. We were all "good kids," but I guess their reasoning was that even good kids get careless.
It's really a personal decision-- truthfully, I probably won't be as carefree with my own children as my parents were. I'd want to know the driver fairly well-- but if you get good vibes from him, and it makes your life easier, I'd let it happen.

 

[JessicaR]

Lived on LI for 15+ years. I don't know if I would ever feel safe letting my boys drive there.

I know, it's so disheartening.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks so much everyone. Since I posted last, I decided to call two friends who have teens and they both said it depends on the kid who is driving.

The law in our state is "no passengers under 21 with a teen driver unless the driver has had their license for at least six months. Again, this boy has been driving for a bit over a year. But honestly to me, six months is really not a huge amount of experience.

I also have to say, there are two adults I wont' let drive my kids. My stepdad who is 85 and imho should not be driving (I can't make that call because he's not my dad but I did have to tell him not long ago that I no longer feel comfortable having him drive my kids, it was hard but I had to do it) and my sister who frankly is just an awful driver and talks on her cell and dials her cell while she drives. I have had to say no to adult family members and saying no to other teens driving my son is my right and if that makes me a worry wart, so be it! For sure there have been accidents that have claimed teen lives and its usually centered around texting or drinking. I felt very good about this young man but then again this is hard for me. I am a mom and I worry very well! And I know from my own teen years, you can be a very good kid, and make a horrible decision that can have lasting, dreadful consequences.

My friend tonight said its a huge leap of faith and that each time her sons have driven with other kids (as a driver or passenger) she has told them no phones, no radio and if at any time you feel uneasy, have them stop the car get out and call me. I like that but to me its still too many variables and in the end, this kid is probably a great kid, but I simply don't think this is right for my son at this time.

Honestly, I wish the law in our state was tougher, than I wouldn't even be in this position.

And btw, ds just got home safe and sound, time for a long talk I think!

Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it.

 

[golfgal]

We solved this problem by giving our son pretty much free access to one of our cars so HE can drive. We also have a GREAT program available to us through our insurance company called Teen Safe Driver--they install a camera in your car for a year and monitor teen driving habits. It was FANTASTIC mainly because you knew if your teen was not driving safely. We were also able to tell anyone else that asked that DS IS a good driver-we have video proof .

It is scary but DS also figured out pretty quickly which friends he was ok riding with and which ones he will never ride with again .

Our state also has a rule that they can only have one non-related driver in the car for the first 6 months and then only up to 3 non-related drivers for the next 6 months. It stinks for carpooling for various school activities but it is a good law.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I have a 16 yr old DD who got her license last November. We just bought her a car. I just can't for the life of me feel comfortable with another teen driving her around.

Chalk it up to my experience as a teen. I didn't have a car and would "hitch" a ride with whatever friend was available. Gosh I think back to the driving fast, smoking you name it. I DON'T want my DD's to be put in the position. I remember being in the back seat of this guys car, must have been 17 years old, he was driving fast and I remember praying to God to keep me safe.

Not to mention all the years I worked in auto claims! I will never forget the day I was opening mail and there was a package from a lawyers office of 8X10 photos of an accident scene. It is procedure that I have to date stamp every piece of correspondence received - the very last photo was a close up of a 16 year old girl who died at the scene. She wasn't wearing a seat belt and was ejected through the back window. The photo was a close up of her head. I had to take a break because it hit me so. The claims adjuster immediately called the attorney and told him to NEVER send something like that again without posting some sort of warning.

 

[Amy&Dan]

My son is only 15 so buying him a car at this point is not an option.

Trish, that is a horrible story and completely depressed and freaked me out. Frankly, after what you saw on those photos, I'm surprised you even let your daughter drive herself, with that image still in your mind.

And to think I used to complain about Pinewood Derby and how many of his classmates to let him invite to his birthday parties. I long for those days!

Dh and I talked about this A LOT in the past 24 hours and due to the fact getting him to this one thing (that the friend drove him to last night) is very difficult and makes us reliant on this young man to take him, and some other issues, we are not going to let him do this particular activity for now. A year from now when they do their sign up process, he'll be a solid 16, his friend will be 18 and our daughter won't be doing her current activity on that night anymore so we can take him ourselves if we dont' want him to drive himself or take a ride with another teen. So he can sign up then.

I really appreciate the comments.