Teen doesn't want to go...but what if she changes her mind?!

[mm1971]

We're finally at a financial point where we can start planning our next Disney trip.

My oldest will be in school and my 14 y/o (who will be 15 at the time of the trip) is saying that she's going to stay home to avoid missing school. No worries there because my Mom will be here to supervise.

The issue: I think she will change her mind and want to go as the trip approaches. This happened this past summer when we took a short trip to Busch Gardens. She said she didn't want to go, but as we left on the trip, she had regrets. I can only imagine how she'll feel with us gone for 8+ days to Disney!

So...should I plan the trip as if she's going and buy airfare? Or keep her out of the trip planning? Advice greatly appreciated!

Nope. I would plan the trip without her and let her stay as she requested or plan for a time when school is out. My DS13 decided he didn't want to miss any school once he hit middle school. I do not want to vacation without him so we now go in late August instead of during the school year. I understand your dilemma, my opinion is that she made a decision and there is a financial impact of that decision. If she has regrets, that is part of growing up and making decisions. Good luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

I think it depends on your DD. For me, I could miss a week of school, but I would have to work hard in order to enjoy the trip without worrying about school. At my school if we're going on a vacation, we have to fill out an absence forum at least two weeks before we leave. All of our teachers have to sign it and that's when I usually recieve my work. So yes, it can be done, but she'd probably have to do schoolwork while at Disney, at least, that would be what I'd have to do. So give her a set deadline as to when she needs to have her mind made up, and remind of the Busch Gardens experience.

Keep in mind that not all schools give the work ahead of time. Ours do not, so all of the work has to be made up when they get back from vacation.

 

[mommyrosa2]

If it were me and my daughter, I'd sit down with her to find out why she really didn't want to go and if it really was due to missing so much school, I'd switch our family vacation to the summer months so she could go. This is exactly what we had to do once my oldest started college and my youngest started high school. We always enjoyed our fall trips but once they reached that certain age, it wasn't feasible for them to miss so much school anymore so we changed gears and started going in August. Yes, it's hot & humid but we've adapted just fine and we are now able to go longer than the 7-8 days that we used to do. If you find that she truly just doesn't want to go though, and you're ok with leaving her behind, then I'd go ahead and plan ahead without her but reminding her that should she try to change her mind at the last minute, she'll be out of luck! Tough decision OP...good luck!

 

[jiminykrikkit]

I'm torn on this.

On one hand, I don't think it is a big deal to miss that much school, but that's based on my own experience. My parents took me to WDW for a week in September when I was a HS freshman. I didn't fall behind because I brought work with me. Sounds like DD is a strong student to begin with since she's concerned about missing in the first place (just an assumption, could be wrong).

On the other hand, I don't think I could ever schedule a family vacation knowing my child could not go, for whatever reason. I kind of feel like it's your kid, they go with you. If their schedule doesn't permit, you just go at a different time. Even if it is Disney.

I'm not trying to be judgy or sound harsh at all, I promise. I just think that even if she is the one saying she doesn't want to go, going without her might still lead to lots of hurt feelings. I remember being a teenage girl, and not knowing how to (or wanting to, or having the courage to) tell my parents how I really felt about something. Sure it would be a life lesson (I'm all for life lessons) but I wouldn't want to do anything to leave my kid out of something that is so easily changeable.

I hope whatever you decide works out!

 

[LekiaHall]

OP here. Thanks for all the great feedback.

I spoke with DD and while I would like to say that she's hesitant to miss school for academic reasons, it's more that she wants to be with her friends.

She also thinks she'll be bored traveling with just her younger siblings. So, while she does well in school, that is not her primary reason for not going.

I think I will take the advice given here and give her a deadline by which to make up her mind and if she still insists she doesn't want to go, I'll let her deal with the fall-out, if any.

BTW, our school does offer make up work. We usually take our Disney trips during the school year and it has never been a problem in the past. My main motivation for going in October is to see the Halloween decorations for the first time. The idea of having her come down for the weekend only is a good one. I could even plan it so that my oldest DD (who is in college) can do the same!

 

[rachael95]

The idea of having her come down for the weekend only is a good one. I could even plan it so that my oldest DD (who is in college) can do the same!

That would be great if you could get all the kids together for a weekend.

Good luck on whatever you decide!

 

[BubblyTrip]

I spoke with DD and while I would like to say that she's hesitant to miss school for academic reasons, it's more that she wants to be with her friends.

She also thinks she'll be bored traveling with just her younger siblings. So, while she does well in school, that is not her primary reason for not going.

In this case, I'd say I think I'd tell her the whole family is going, her included. DW is probably a great connecting opportunity for most siblings, and while it's appropriate that a teen focuses on her friendships, I don't think it's a reason to skip a family vacation. It's not like your asking her to skip prom.

But take my advice for what it's worth...my kid is still in preschool.

 

[Happyjen27]

I would plan the big, long Disney trip of the year at a time school is not in session. If you want to see Halloween decorations, take a weekend trip to do that.

I can't imagine planning a long trip at a time when all of my family doesn't feel comfortable going because of obligations they SHOULD be keeping. Even if it's not strictly for scholastic reasons as to why she doesn't want to miss the trip, the fact of the matter is, school is important to her and you should feel grateful and blessed. There are far too many kids in the US who drop out or skip school. You're one of the lucky parents of a kid who makes good choices.

As a simple matter of teaching principles and values I would only schedule a long family vacation during a break.